That was Irritating

[loveandlight05]

I just tried to enter an online meeting at smartrecovery. I really needed it, and before I could log in, it was already "full". It made me not want to try that. I am going back to my NA websites, That seems like it would deter quite a few people. Fighting for a spot in an online meeting.

[loveandlight05]

I would totally take them, but I am pretty sure it is a no kids environment. It is non smoking, and I am blessed with well behaved children, but I would feel awkward bringing them somewhere to which they are not invited. But I certainly will ask others what they do for childcare. That is a good idea.

I suppose it is a bit triggering to not be able to participate in online meetings. I am still learning what triggers are and how to avoid them. One thing I am for sure that triggers me is my mom taking pills in front of me. She needs them, so it is not the same, but watching her swallow them makes me very anxious. I am on a very low dose of suboxone, but to be honest, I do not feel like it is helping me at all at this point, and I want to start tapering. I called the doctor the other day to tell him, but he said wait until I see him next. I think I would be more successful with an antidepressant.

[dominosarah]

Talk with some of the other people at your meeting about what they do for babysitters.  Usually there are a few who have older kids that will babysit while you attend a meeting.

[jifmoc]

Ms. Delight. That post was perfect. Wow, girl.

Loveandlight: I was gonna suggest this but Delight beat me to it: bring your lil offspring to the meetings. I bring my adorable lil pup Holly (she is really friendly and well behaved.) She is so cute, and people love it. Everyone wants to pet her, and I can see how much it relaxes a lot of people. Of course, ya can't pet kids but like Delight said, it is a great icebreaker. As long as they're mostly quiet of course:)

Personally, real life meetings are vital to me. New friends, talk on the phone, and of course, listening and sharing. Glad you are going to AA...yay!

[atthebeach]

I am so proud of you. You are making awesome progress.
Keep up the good work.
So happy for you.
Keep on keepin on.

[clean_in_ks]

Your "hunger" for ALL things recovery is wonderful!!

Go where you can be fed easily....you're doing GREAT~

[Ejm7263]

So proud of you. Keep up the good work.

[loveandlight05]

Also, the in person meetings for SMART are very far away and not at times I could make it. My mom is letting me go to AA on Thursday at 5:30. Then I will do Saturday at 6:30 and Sunday at 7:30, so I will get my face to face time in, too. But I like to have something, online meetings, every night. I need that right now.

[loveandlight05]

I will try again another time. i caught an online NA meeting instead. I just get so little time to do these things, and I had put the babies down early, which is some feat in and of itself, and was waiting excitedly for the meeting. Then I couldn't find a password, and before I knew it, they said I couldn't do the meeting. *****. I know we shouldn't expect instant gratification, but if it is for something healthy like this, so be it. I need it, and I want something that I can have reasonably easy access to right now. I think God wants me to stick with NA/AA.

[lulu747]

Don't give up.  I think it's kinda good that they do that because they want to ensure the quality of experience.  You can always go on the message boards and talk with some peeps.  They usually have more than one online meeting a day so perhaps they have a later one?

I love SMART because it is science based and about empowerment.  I really feel like I didn't understand how little I loved and accepted myself until I joined.  I realized that I had one set of rules and expectations for other people, and another way harder and less accepting view of myself.  It helped me to totally rewire my brain and recognize unhealthy patterns of self talk, before it became unhealthy thoughts, before it lead to unhealthy reactions.  Obviously, I'm still a work in progress and I actually am going to return to in person meetings once I have recovered from this surgery.
I have a student who has been battling with his addictions for years and basically white knuckling it.  I recommended SMART to him and he's been going for 3 weeks now and is a TOTALLY different person.  He's so full of life and light now.
So don't give up because of one setback.  That's the addict thinking immediate gratification (:
Lu

[msdelight]

Hey love, that is so frustrating when that happens. Our new freshly clean brains cannot deal with the stress. If it's triggering negative thoughts about you not having an easy time getting to meetings then stop right there.  Perhaps there is a reason for this. You just never know. Let it be. Think good thoughts. I will get a babysitter. I will get to the meeting.  Is there anyway you could bring those cherubs with you! Talk about an icebreaker!  Kids are like puppies and twins to boot! Well hope that's not too out there lol. Try celebrate recovery too. My point is, look for the positive in all things. Follow the path and don't get pissed off. Everything happens for a reason.

[loveandlight05]

There were only 36 people in the meeting. Why is that full? It's online. Not everyone needs to talk. I just wanted to listen. *****. I was really excited to try it.

[lulu747]

Really?  I've never had that happen before.  I love SMART recovery, it totally saved my a$$ and taught me so much about rewiring my thinking.  But I only did a couple online meetings, I found going in person was what was needed.  I am just so happy that you are making meetings a priority, whether in person or online.  You've come a long way baby, and I hope you are feeling more peaceful and at ease with yourself.
Anyways, don't write off SMART yet.  Okay?  It's really good for those of us with perfectionist A+ type personalities (:
xo
Lu