The more I think about it.....

How the hell am I still alive after 20 plus years of party my a** off ?  I'm on 5 days sober and I'm starting to think about it I got away with alot and Im still alive ....someone is looking out for me....Im just rambling but I have to talk or type 2 someone .....Some of the things Im looking foward 2 sober is walking by the water near sunset ( im in socal) , trying to find who I am...hell Im 36 and dont know who I am...1 big thing I want to do is fly home to NY and visit my moms grave...I lost her to cancer 2 years ago and thanks to pills I never let myself grief like I should have...It may sound silly but I wanna see her...I miss the only woman who never judged me and never Fu**ed me over...I wanna go out sober and enjoy life again like I used to...Anyone with me her? lets fight this Bulls**t called addiction..whether your in day 1 of recovery or 300 days I wish you luck ....I wish there was more I could do for you all until were all clean we are'nt ALIVE we're just living

[TimH2]

I lost my mother to cancer also. It is still a sensitive area to talk about. I know the pain you feel first hand. I know my addiction comes from her death and not being able to cope with it. There is not one day that I don't think about her and talk to her in my mind. We were very blessed to have a mother that loved us to the ends of earth.

Congrats on 5 days!!! It is a start, but please look into after care. You mother wants the very best for you and I believe she is beside you. Death can't break that bond and you will meet again. I feel my mother's presense all the

During your clean time, I would suggest going over old pictures of you mom and the great times that you had. Keep busy and you will make it. My heart goes out to you bud.Cry and let out the pain of losing her. Try to think of the good times and not the end. The day my mother died, I found out that you can cry in your sleep. I never knew that.

Tim

Tim

[sk2000]

Thanks Tim Im with ya there about the crying...and on a lighter note I did'nt know I could destroy a hospital bathroom until I heard my mom had only about an hour to live I went a little nuts. My Addictions went skyhigh after my moms death...you name it I would've taken it anything to numb me...but Im ready to face my demons ...Ive tried b4 but Im sick of living this way...and no my mother would'nt want this life for me

[beachtowel]

I also lost my dad to Pancreas and Liver cancer but the day he died was the day I felt a gorilla get off my back........my sister wrote me a letter two weeks earlier to his death and said to me "Soon will all be free"........
I am happy that my mother has had some years to live her life without that ***** around.......
I loved my dad because he was my dad but I hated the mother ****** too..........

[sk2000]

yeah i hate cancer more than anything out there

[beachtowel]

My whole family has died from cancer two grandparents, uncles, great uncles, aunts, they say it skips a gerneration not in my family....I have had dreams before where a doctor has walked up to my
bed and said I'm sorry you have cancer.......

[Beargizmo]

Not a lot in my family...  my mother died of breast cancer when  i was 8..my grandmother several years later.  My wife was diagnosed with DCIS nearly 3 years ago and after a couple of surgeries was pronounced "cancer free".


Jim