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The most evil drug! VICODIN!

I am clean for 5 days now at it has to be one of the hardest things I have done.  I have been taking Vicodin for 8 years now.  It started I was having some dental work done they gave me the pain meds.  Then within in that month my father died suddenly at the age of 57.  I wasnt taking them for my mouth, I found them to ease the pain of the my fathers death.  At first it was just 2 a day for the longest time.  Then I got off them for a month.  But then I had real pain in my back n took one.  Then it just started all over again.  Within the last 6 months I have been taking about 120 750s every week.  I new this would eventually kill me if I kept this up. I wasnt even getting a high from them any more but still took them to feel normal so I thought.  I have wanted off of these for so long to really now how I feel.  I want to feel again.  Im scared!  I dont know who I am anymore.  Its been a long time since I have seen the real me.  I am taking it one day at a time.  I have felt pretty ****** the last couple of days but by the grace of god I have made it thru.  The part I find hard is fighting the urge in my head.  But I have pushed thru so far.  Dont give up on yourself we are alot stronger the we think.  Never in a million years did I ever think I would stop cold turkey.  But I have done it so far.    Good Luck to All!!!!
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Avatar universal
ps- DON'T FORGET- stock up on Saltines, or pretzels, or SOMETHING, and what I DO, i leave them next to my bed so FIRST THING in the morning, they are there, when I am MOST nauseated. And gatorade is awesome, BUT, most likely having been constipated a good portion of your addiction, well, lets just say gatorade really also helps clear ya out, (the sugar)! I couldn't drink too large of a portion (more than 2 gulps) of liquid at a time, without it making me wanna puke. But i got SO SICK OF WATER, I kept crystal light around too! But DEFINITELY get some good lightly salted carbs to help with the nausea. -Meghan
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Avatar universal
Hey! I am new to this all as well,  Getting back to earlier in the forum, I am almost 25 (on thrusday) and battled a 10 year long affair with opaites, I have migraines and TMJ. And anyways, about being afriad of who you are.... I don't even KNOW who i am. I have always been, Meghan, the drug addict, Meghan, the loopy minded girl, always smiling, talkative, funny, in a good mood. But that all started to change a few years ago. It wasn't fun anymore. I started to lie, cheat, steal, deceive. It wasn't me. Or was it? Christ, I hadn't been off of opiates since I was 14! We ALL know how much a person changes from 14 to 25! I even have a CHILD now! I started Methadone to get off the pills in December 07, and will be completely off the methadone on February 12th, the DAY before my son's first birthday party... because that's the way the world works, lol! But for the longest time, I CONVINCED myself that ONLY being high, could I be happy. I didn't realize how much pain, going all the back to the angsty teen in me, that i was masking! My new doctor started me on Prozac, and I would LOVE to say its working, but, I don't know, I'm starting to really doubt that I can ever BE HAPPY, and not on drugs. My son should be ENOUGH to MAKE ME HAPPY, and it KILLS me (i'm crying) to say, that... (this is REALLY REALLY hard to even TYPE) that... being a mother doesn't make me as happy as I always thought it would. But it CAN, and THAT IS WHAT KEEPS ME SOBER, AND KEEPS ME GOING. I AM GOING TO BE HAPPY GOD DAMN IT! Even if it kills me. i WILL be happy, we can and WILL, ALL of us, BE HAPPY. It just doesn't happen as quickly as we want. And that is why we fail. Thats what I say to myself EVERY SINGLE DAY- MOTHERHOOD WILL MAKE ME HAPPY- I CAN BE HAPPY- I CAN BE NORMAL- I WILL BE. And that's all we can really strive for, what we CAN be and BELIEVE that we WILL be. It's all we have to hold on for, when we don't know who we are because of drugs. -Meghan
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890982 tn?1259091185
My dad died just after his 50th birthday, from the combination of alcohol and barbiturates.  That was in 1963, before most people knew that was a lethal mixture.

My son died last April, at 27, from the combination of methadone and Xanax.  I don't think he knew that was lethal, either.  They both had one thing in common: the need to have "one last time."

Both these deaths tore me up very badly, but luckily they didn't lead me to opiates.  I have dealt with addictions of my own, to alcohol and cigarettes, but they hardly seem as difficult as opiate addictions.  With booze, I've been sober since my first AA meeting 24 years ago.  With cigarettes, as Mark Twain said, "it is very easy to quit smoking: I've done it hundreds of times."  The last time I quit, 36 years ago,  my doctor gave me some codeine for my bronchitis and told me to quit smoking, and I never had another one.  

What I learned from these experiences was: those meetings can be very useful; and never give up trying to quit, because the next time might do the trick.
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Avatar universal
Wow!  What r the odds.  They say your never alone.  Im sorry you only had your dad for 18 years.  I was lucky enough to have my dad for 36 years and felt jipped.  How long has it been since you stopped taking the vicodin?  I'm just wondering how long it will take till these demons in my head let me start thinking of life without the vicodin.  Its only been 5 days almost 6 for me.  I havent gone one day without vicodin for 8 years except for one month.  I feel I have climbed the mountain to get there with the meds, standing on the top now just trying to get to the other side clean.  I dont expect this to happen over night.  8 years of abuse is a long time.  I'm very happy for that you have made it to the other side.  I'm glad I found this forum here also!
Helpful - 0
230262 tn?1316645934
gosh we all have so much in common... im an "oldie" here on the forum, but my story is much like yours...long time vicodin addict for many years- going through tons and tons of ES's.  I also lost my dad when he was in his 50's.   I was 18 at the time he died though (my parents had me late in life).  ANyhow, from an Oldie like me to you newbies, Im so glad you found the forum here and congrats to all of you for quitting/ starting to quit !
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Avatar universal
Wow, that IS weird! What are the odds? Small, strange world isn't it?
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Avatar universal
The funniest part of the whole thing this is to you as well KELLEYMACK, my father died  Easter Morning.  I was then told what a wonderful day to be called to heaven.  He was born on Halloween and died Easter Morning.  
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Avatar universal
Also, I'm so sorry for both of you losing your dads-Kelley, Christmas.....I'm soooo sorry darlin. I lost mine the day after I got engaged-----thats some odd silmilarities too, isnt it?
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Avatar universal
And good luck to both of you as well! Thats what I'm doing now--preparing for the um, well, "nightmare" of withdrawl and trying to make it slightly less of a nightmare to begin with.
   I wanna clean and stock my house first, with juice, gatorade, vitamans...all that, as well as get to my psych and tell them what I'm about to do(detoxing for the second and last time)..I wanna be ready, as much as possible.
   And yes its all hell---I've been trying to taper,it's NOT easy, I've slipped up twice. I'm going for it again.
   It's been 3 years this month since I lost my pops...people think we should be over it by now, but it's very personal--just like kicking an addiction is. I think you've both done a wonderful job, and thanks for the prayers-I'll take all I can get!!

Lotsa Love, Lori
Helpful - 0
1182411 tn?1265321044
Wow, so much in common with both of you! (Cheesburger and Bigsexy). I too lost my Dad when he was 55, (about 4 years ago on Christmas Day). I discovered vicodin from a doc that prescribed it to me for my tendonitus. It helped with the heartache as well. (I had a 20-25 pill a day habit for about 7 months.) After being off of them for 11 days, I'm feeling so many emotions that I havn't felt in a long time. Having such a traumatizing death like the three of us have had, the best advice I can give you is, before stopping the opiates, please please please consult with a Phsyciatrist before you stop. I didn't know that I had such crippiling depression that the vicodin was masking, and I really hit the ground HARD when I quit... It almost resulted in me relapsing by day 5. (Very very very hard.) Good luck to the both of you. God Bless... :)
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Avatar universal
There is really only thing I can say is take it minute by minute, day by day.  Now I see how recovering addicts who r working a program say they take it one day at a time.  You have to make your mind up this is what you want for you not for anyone else.  I have tried many times to slowly cut back, because I was so afraid of the withdrawl.  So I take less n less. But the problem is your still watching the clock that way waiting till you can take the next pill.  That way has never worked for me because I would either get my hands a new scripts or other people who had them so then I had nothing to worry about.  Because of not only the physcial addiction mine is mental addiction which is the hardest part.  The funny part about this whole mess for me is I have had many surgeries in my life and was sent home with vicodin, and in the end always had some left over.  They never affected me like that before.  They say we hide behind the drug so we dont have to feel, just like I have done with my fathers death.  He is gone 8 years now, time to face it.  This has taken control of my whole life for so long. I want control again not the drug controlling me.  I pray for you.  We each have out own ways of handling it, you will find yours.
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Avatar universal
  I just wanna say hi. I'm brand new and losing my own Dad to a heart attack at 55 had alot to do with my first opiate problem "round" as well.
   I think your doing great! Got any tips?
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