The power or right to choose

[aux54]

I usually post over on the Pain management forum but monitor the substance abuse forum closely as the two seem to intertwine to a certain respect. I am a 60 year old male who has been in pain management for 9 years. I have problems with my back, shoulder and knee. I have underwent two surgeries over the past four years. I was in perfect health until I turned 51 years old and everything just started falling apart very quickly. I take norco 4x day, gabapenten 2x day and another drug that I cannot even spell. I hurt every day of my life from the time I get up in the morning until I go to bed at night. I have accepted my plight long ago, it is what it is, nothing else. I have been married to a beautiful woman for over 30 years now and she does not take any medication even though she suffers from back pain, she does get the occasional RDF injection which helps. I have been taking drugs for pain management for 9 years, at times to excess. I have convinced myself that I must get sick before I can get better. I have decided to take a med break and am in day 4 without any meds. My worst symptoms are sneezing, watery eyes and yawning. The bathroom issues are not really a problem. With over 82 hours "clean time" I don't feel all that bad. The cravings are intense at times but so far I have been able to deal with them. I went to work yesterday and today, helps me get my mind off of what I am going through. From what I have read some of you have had it pretty bad during your withdrawal period, I get that, it can be really intense. We try all kinds of home remedies hoping they will get us through the "bad times" some work, some don't. Everybody's withdrawals are different because everybody is different, we are each individuals with different charcteristics, personalities. I have two excellent Doctors who take very good care of me. I have never blamed them for any of the medication they have given me, at any point I could have said no I don't want that but I continued to take what they prescribed. I put myself in the situation I am currently in and whether I am successful in getting out is entirely up to me. Will I be able to remain clean and sober will be my choice, no one elses. I have read alot of good advice in this forum regarding ways to get through withdrawals, "the bad times", it is good that people really care about others, we need that. I am no different than anyone else here, no better than anyone else here just another person going through a rough patch so to speak. I guess what I am trying to say is my addiction is my fault, It was my choice, no one elses and it is my responsibility to either get better or die in the end. Anyway, I hope everyone is successful and gets to where they want to be. Thanks for your time and God Bless.          

[JayFive]

It was a bit tough to decipher if you were asking any question throughout that. However I would like to congratulate you on the ability to stay clean for Four days. That is no easy task. 40mg of hydrocodone is right on the cusp of being a lot of opoids in your system. After just a few more days you will significantly feel better. If you are able to work without the medication I would try and do so. As you know, these pain meds are in a sense short term. After a period of time your body will just need more to relieve any more  pain. I would suggest taking naproxen. It's found in Aleeve, which is over the counter and non-habit forming. Also, you will not have any withdrawal after coming off of it. I had severe back pain in which I was prescribed 10mg hydrocodone. It helped for a little while but now I just deal with back pain as I am prone to addiction. It seems like you are not. Just be open and honest with your doctor and hopefully they are patient enough to listen and come up with a plan for you. There are many different prescription options but I would hate to suggest something that would put you right back in the grip of opiate dependency. God Bless

[ActingBrandNew]

Thanks for sharing your story!

[weaver71]

I love this thread, but wanted to share something about the progression of addiction. We start of with the power and right to choose, though our brains adapt to the chemicals and it is proven that we actually lose that ability to chose and our will is no longer helpful. That is why we talk aftercare so much, we can't do anything with our will being sacrificed to drugs. When the cerebral cortex feels the threat of detox, it reads it as life threatening. In a life or death situation, the brain shuts down the frontal lobe and morals, the future, responsibility, willpower, are all gone. Life becomes, "Fight or Flight."

Physically dependent people may maintain the right to chose, but in full addiction, I believe the only way out is to use the little will one has left, or a window of clarity, to ask for help. The ability chose is always there, but for many addicts, the choice to just stop and bear it is not always physically possible. The brain chemistry that has evolved with years of drugs has replaced all willpower for many.

On the other hand, I find many have less pain after a few months of detox. Then pain gets worse, but opiate induced hyperalgesia is very real and causing more pain than one might have had they never taken a pain pill. That is the case for me, though I have had to come up with other ways to reduce and deal with pain. I hope you can get off the pills and stay off, yet I understand some folks simply need them.

Thanks for sharing, it's nice to hear from the pain management forum.