They destroyed who I am

I was born September 21st 1982.  I want to say Opiates have taken everything from me....there is no more high, no more fun, just feeling normal..well I am not normal..needless to say I have been reading My space emails from early 2005...before I knew what Hydro was, seven fifty, tens, fives, fet patches, difference between MG and MCG, oxy, perc, vic, morph, "those perc tens really get ya".

I am so angry inside...but the pills have even killed that....I get mad for a moment and want to break the walls down and get out of this hell...then the WDs start and it time for another dose....as much as I have taken from others....these pills have stolen everything from me.

in those emails to all of those girls...I was this confident young man, had no idea how awesome I was....I was having the time of my life and had no idea, I went to school, worked hard, played hard......in mid 2004 I quit pot cold turkery to have a better life, to play sports, and date....a year later I was on booze, two years later traded it for pills...at least with booze..I still had feelings...now its all manufactured..its ********.

I am fat, lazy, unmotivated, and all I think about is pills...do I have enough, where will I get my next fix...I can't do this anymore....I keep trying to taper over and over and fail...I want to live and love again...and have a chance at life....

I am sorry for ranting..I just have no-where else to go with this..thank you.

[MilkandHoney]

It's perfectly normal to rant an its a healthy thing to do in your case. I mean, everyone needs to release that sort of thing, its bad to keep it inside. I hope someday you will feel better, because you definitely deserve it!

[scoenen]

pick a day and do it.  It will not be easy and it sounds like you have been down this road before so you have an idea of what to expect from the withdrawals.  It does get easier.  You have to decide to do this and be positive.  No one can manufacture the resolve to quit for you but know all of us here are going to be routing for you.  You can do this and most of us are a testiment to that.  If I can, so can you.  Pick a day and we will be here when you need us.

[dominosarah]

You dont have to be a prisoner to these pills anymore.  You can have your life back and it will be even better.  You can feel again, love again, live again.  There will be rocky roads ahead but you can get thru them.  Have you thought about getting into some sort of recovery care?  That will help you a ton.  Using is just a symptom of what is going on inside you.  We are here to help support you as we know what you are going thru.  Keep talking to us......sara

[cathy5841]

I agree with the above poster...pick a date and stick to it, even when you are feeling like you are dieing...this is d@mn hard, but you can do it...and will feel so good when you do...i know tapering for a addict is hard...i could not taper, if i had pills i took them...ALL..I had to go c/t and it lasted a week and then I slowly felt better...there are some things to help in the health pages, but mostly you just gotta hunker down and get er done...what a week or 10 days out of the rest of your life???especially if that life consists of hunting a high???

[gumby40]

I'm a 45 yo guy who has done more drugs than you can imagine, I just got finished with vic's 10/325 after 4 years (chronic Pain) Let me tell you this, First it starts in your mind. You have to decide and be ready, Absolutely have to be in the right frame of mind. Most important because when the withdrawls start you have to say to yourself that it's only a short time for the rest of my life and I can do this, If I take another pill I'll have to start all over again and I can't stay on these things forever. Make sure you have someone to talk to, support is important. That's a start, people have suggested other things but if you don't start with your mind in the right place then you'll fall back.
Good luck and contact me if you want to talk.

[want2bme]

If you read on here you will see that many people start right where you are when they decide they want to live life different!  It is a corner worth turning!!  I will tell you that YOU HAVE TO REALLY WANT THIS   It sounds like you do.  You see the things that have changed and want them better.  
You have some possitve things on your side..you are young and see what this is "costing" you.  Look at this an an opportunity to make a change and live life to its fullest:)    
I agree with everybody above on picking a date and do this.  Tappering isnt possible for alot of people.  Me included.  My addiction has too much control over me to try to limit it.  I had to do this cold turkey.  Get your ducks in order so you can have about a week to let your body begin to heal.  I would suggest the thomas rec. this is what I did to help my body be as comfortable as possible during the wds.
This web site is also a GREAT tool to help support you through this..  
Keep posting ....you will get there.

[why_me_85]

im having wd's from vicodin/pecocet,and it hurts sooo bad.i have no way to get anything to help me with these wd's..i work on a boat and im here for the next 14days.and in my free time im stuck in a 10'x10' room,looking at the wall..i just wanna drop to my knee's and cry.i keep finding my eyes watering (missing family & friends dont help)..i went from taking over 15 pills aday (hp/10's) to nothing..im soooo scared to see what its going to be like to be my old self again..for now i cant eat/sleep or think.i hope it gets better soon or im not going to make it.iv been reading alot of these post and it helps a lil..i hope the best for all of you going thur this.if you need someone to talk to please email me marty_mart216***@****,,goodluck pray for me ill pray for you

[co872]

To anyone going through this pain I am on day 12 from 600mg oxy and 4-10mg of xanax a day. I felt great on day 8, it's so doable. Just hang in there everything you feel is normal and it goes away I promise. I just posted my story so read it and please get some comfort and try to calm down, we think too much and make it way worse than it is. It's 99% mental just say F'ing bring it on thats what I did and also finally submitted all my actions into God's hands it's hard to do but I finally figured it out, peace will come to you soon if you show god you are being strong to become his servant. I'm not a bible thumper but I begged on my knees for God to take away my sins and only give me strength for what I need to help others, and my severe W/D only lasted a few days. God always answers he just doesn't always say yes to us, and until we are brutally honest with ourselves and him we will suffer. God bless!

[GoingToMakeIt]

Look in the Health Pages here: http://www.medhelp.org/health_pages/list?cid=66
Look up the Thomas Recipe and the Amino Acid protocol. They will help you get through this. I realize now that you may not have access to any of these things. I would think that they would have Imodium (immodium)? I hope so. We will be praying for you.

Next time start a post of your own. (green button, 'Post a Question')

[jayeye]

98% of the people on this board know exactly how you feel......im about the same age as you born in 81.....i joined this board and posted....i knew i was ready to stop i knew i had to stop.....i just couldnt stand looking at myself anymore couldnt stand the secret i was living.......i hated myself....i hated what i became....i robbed not only myself of life but i robbed the people i love of me.....i was tired of living the life i was....i was doing anywhere from 10-20 30mg pills day.

i am on day 12 right now i havent felt this good in i cant even remember when......i wake up in the morning and i dont have to get high as soon as i open my eyes..but there is a catch

you need to really want to do this.....i went cold turkey....and it is one of the hardest things i have ever done in my life....but hey you wanna play you gotta pay right.....but right now after making it this far i know i can do anything i want.....the inner power i found was something i never knew i had....now i can take on the world..

its gonna be hard...but it is worth every second of the pain

how much are you taking?