Thinking about addiction and behavior

Just read a post and got me to thinking about my past and how I have behaved in my life,,,i have never been an angel sad to say...adventurous from the get go and always willing to try anything!  I would bungee jump, sneak out of my house when i was a teen, drink, smoke pot..whatever i could get away with and my parents were devout catholics..best parents in the whole world!  I remember my dad said  "Laura, am i going to have to chain u to the bed at night?"  not funny now that i think back on the pain i caused them...alway excelled at school....made 1 B in college...but never was a conformer and still am not

I often wonder why some people are like that when we are growing up?  and being intelligent it seee,s strange that i would do something so stupid like get addicted to drugs when i am in the health care field..on top of that my son worked at a methadone clinic!  It is like..."did u just have to push everything u ever did"?

With age i am chilling and am definitely more laid back...i see lots close to or older than me..i am 48..with this kinda problem with drugs etc   we know better,,,,just thinking out loud i guess...what made us go off the edge with it?  chronic pain aside...as i do have that,,,,but i do not feel that is what got me where i am at...it is something inside of me that i dont think everyone has....the devil made me do it!   my g-mother was the same way/my mother was an angel/is an angel/my g-mother was an alcoholic who did kick the disease..but she always pushed everything to the limit...and i thought she was loads of fun compared to mom..I was like 12 and she sat me dow and said drink these beers til u feel funny and tell me....mom does not drink and she woulda died!  i drank 6/said "K  FEEL FUNNY" and she said "NEVER drink more than 6 beers on a date"  LOL..looking back it porobably was not funny...reflecting tonight for some reason and was wondering if u guys had any feelings/thoughts like this?  Why me?

[cathy5841]

oh my goodness..yes...i was raised by a baptist preacher who started preaching at 16 and never did anything wrong in his whole life....lived what he preached and preached what he lived..never saw drugs, alcohol or cigs for that matter growing up.  never went ina bar til i was 23 and got divorced.  then boom, i was out of control.  i wonder all the time..why me?  and how did this happen?  

worried you aleays have the most thought provoking post.

[sister1258]

thank you for your post...yep..why do we do the things we do?? i have in the last 14 days, been found out about my addiction to pain med ultram, suspended without pay from my NURSING job, investigated and then terminated! i have always been a nurse..i have no idea what i will do now, because board of nsg was notified and am sure will be suspended license for at least a year. no one knew in my family about my pill popping, have had to tell them all, my sig other is angry and is quite concerned about money, i have just gone thru the most awful, wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy detox/withdrawal week and i'm still going thru alot of uncomfortable stuff getting off the med. i knew better, i knew the med was working way to good. it actually really took pain away, but then also improved my mood, stamina at work, my last 4 years of job review's have been outstanding, and now look at where i'm at in my life!!!!

[JENZ_N_RECOVERY]

absoulty....thaught about it 100x r more a day! like my mom said i was raised up wit my g/paw bein a preacher all my life...in church everytime the doors were open....but for sum reason..i had to try evrything (that was bad) and i have a very addcitive personality so that was not good for me! i was givin every opportunity in this world over and over and over again....but still choose to screw it up severly! i mean i thank god that i did what i did and went thro what i did b/c if i didnt i would have the most precious son that walks this earth today! :) thanks for remindin me just how stupid i was back in the day!! JENZ

[novics]

Ordering the pills online was my downfall: By the way, the government passed a law this past week basically making ordering pills online illegal without a f2f with a doctor, so there will soon be hundreds of thousand of people going into major withdrawals that used to order their pills this way!  

[sister1258]

what do you know..it's 'bout time the government got involved with internet..that's where i too, got much of my drug..cost me big time too..jeez..again, what was i thinking, well that's obvious, i wasn't, it was my addictive personality and i do believe in the heredity theory too...come from a long line of recovering people....and by the way all..i am so glad i happened upon this site..it has helped me alot to know i'm not the only one out there suffering.....sure wish the system would hurry up and find me a place to do some inpatient....

[novics]

Some of the ocs's are telling people they have to fly to Florida etc. in 1/09 for a f2f with their doctor to continue to get their pills this way but you can bet that le will really go after the doctors that do this and then there will be no way to order online anymore. And le will really start to go after the iop's and the people who order this way also.

[worried878]

I see trams online but i did not know the others like hydros or oxies were still online?  It makes it way easy to be addicted to trams as doctors here will give u bu11 loads of em and they dont seem too expensive online compared to lots of drugs..should not be on there....it is just crazy how i let myself get to where i got!.....and the money I spent!..and the battle that goes on for a long long time...not that i am not glad i got to know people here..but woulda liked to get to know u guys under different circumstances...I was in church this morning...my sister is so "holy"...probably never has done anything illegal in her life

sister1258...i am so sorry bout what hapened..I am a nurse as well..maybe the stress of our jobs doesnt help any of this either...i am in a pain crisis and i know it is directly related to stuff going on at work....have a meeting with the vice president of the hospital/and my boss tomorrow at 11...may mean my job...not over drugs tho than goodness...just refusing to swallow dirt..nurses are often not treated fairly and if i ever had this to do over it would not be the profession i would choose...love my job..will not swallow dirt tho!...i do hope all is well..the board may make u attend classes and work with a limited capacity such as no narcotic handling.....there are other jobs tho..better jobs...keep ur chin up as i may be in the same boat tomorrow after I say my piece

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

I would imagine we already touched on this a time or two........ jeez -- National Honor Society - National Merit - Whos Who in Colleges and University's -- How exactly did I end up as an addicted adrenaline junkie? Too long to go into here ....... but it sure as heck happened ------------ Last online order I got - over a year ago - was postmarked Islamambad, Pakistan. I already know how concerned about my health those folks are - who really knows what is in the product.............much better off without them.......