Thinking

I was just thinking which in these last couple of weeks I have been doing alot and reflecting on the situation as it is right now and it kind of saddens to think of all these people here in the same boat as I am. I usually say to not be alone in this is a big help which it is but it sure is a large group of us that are trying I speak for myself when I say I know what I want and what I want is to be like I used to be to an extent. Here's the problem I am an addict and I know that is not an excuse but it sure they sure are strong lil devil chasing me. I am honestly trying to get clean obviosly I am not doing something right because the last few tries have been seemingly in vain which is a half truth the other half is everything is a means to an end and it sure is alot of experience and self awareness that I am gaing through this hopefully to put to good use once I have actually gotten completely free of these chemicals I am poising myself with slowly but surely. I am hoping that the problem whatever that may be that keeps popping up to kick me in the face will eventually become obvious so I can fix it to get on with my life. I wonder if the doctors even think of any of this after we leave their office script in hand or when they put a stigma in your mind of how it is going to be for you. I trusted them openely and they don't seem to think that words hurt such as I am giving this to you to make a better quality of life for you. That sure is a serious statement to me and I cannot for the life of me imagine they are talking bout me but guess what she was and that royally *****.. It is not like I have cancer or the like I broke my back for crying out loud fix it and help me get on with my life don't just stabalize it and leave me here with my own devices because my devices are not good for me. Ok now there is my self pity for the month. Thanks you guys for everything I have gained so many new friends here I honestly feel very blessed by having you guys here with me....... Just a mouse click away...............

[Mikeinthesouth]

Sorry you guys if the grammar is jumbled up I am just writing and feel certain I am not being graded on my grammar. LOL

[dominosarah]

Getting off pills does require alot of soul searching and facing things head on.  Not always an easy task.  One of my biggest issues i have had to deal with is the death of my father.  He was my world and after he passed i took a header into hell.   Right now at this very moment I can honestly say it has gotten better.  Things have been put in perspective, not all of it but alot of it.  I remember the good things and the things he taught me.  I have a TON of work yet as there are other issues but things are more clear to me now that i am not using. As i said b4, not an easy task.  Just hang in there and stay strong.  POST and READ and TALK.  We are here for you.                  sara

[dominosarah]

Grammer is not a requirement on here........BEING HERE IS!!!!!  I just bossed you there!!!!

[dominosarah]

oops!!!  see i cant even spell grammar!!!!

[bobby139]

I think when we loose our loved ones we take the pills or whatever our DOC is not to feel the pain and we dont morn the right way...i tried to quit many many times before it stuck, 2 mo but still that is longest i have ever gone...now its like iam finally mornin the right way about my mom and my triplets, still have bad days and want pills but this forum keeps me strong..so hang in there mike whats important is you dont stop trying and keep talking to us.
love ya
bobby

[gg222]

It is quite bitterweet to know that there are so many other people out there that are exactly like you in the same exact situations. It makes me stronger yet it makes me weaker knowing that it is so easy to get pulled into such a nightmare....I just want to wake up from it all...I want someone to pull me out and away for good. I wish we could all get together, all of us who are in the same situation and just quit for good together. Every single one of us at the same time...wouldn't that be the easiest way? I think it could work if only it were possible....

[dominosarah]

Gather the strength from this forum.  Yes it would be the easiest way but this is reality of life.  We feel the suffering and we feel the accomplishments.  You too will be there.

[Mikeinthesouth]

Thx u guys and yes that losing a loved one is a very large issue with me and something I know I should come to terms with and hopefully will come in time as long as i continue to face these feelings head on which is something honestly I am not used to doing much. I have to get to the point of actually believing it and forgetting she is gone. I wish I had a magik pill for this. LOL I am sure you do as well.... I am present and posting and don't plan on going anywhere for the time being. Today I gave it another try to get out and abot and I forcrd myself grittng my teeth every second honestly took my baby to the park went shopping which always ***** and out to lunch with my wife and baby girlie. It was nice I enjoyed it and could not have asked for better considering I am still withdrawing. Am I the only one that while detoxing I can take 4 showers aday literally and I still just feel icky wanna shower again now.

[JDRMinSD]

I feel the same way....I only lost a dog and a relationship but it was hard and made easier by the lil devils.  After a couple of tries, I now feel better and now just have to manage the stress of daily life (a lot easier to type out than to do) w/o the lil bastards.

It is nice to not be alone but what does it say about society and life that all of us are struggling with the same issue?  When does it become larger than just a personal problem and grow to be a societal problem?

[Mikeinthesouth]

A long time ago but in consideration to the world population we are opnly a spec on the president's reading glasses which he does not wear all the time. LOL Glad I shared that with you all I thinmk these few responses are so much more to heart than so many others I have gotten. Just share a bit and I get you all in return. Good Deal... Mike