Thanks again....I really hope that I have the energy tomorrow to go to a meeting. I actually got some house hold chores done, went to the grocery store, and was able to actually work out on my bowflex for a couple of minutes. Trust me I had to put all of my will into it but I hope that all of the water and suppliments I have been getting down along with protien shakes will really shorten detox time. So far so good. If tomorrow is a smidgin better then I know I am on my way out....If tomorrow is horrible then I know I will have a little while before I start healing.....I truly honestly think that tomorrow will be a smidgin better....Well, have to go get dinner started, wife will be home soon. Nice thing is that everything is done except to cook dinner, daughter is bathed and ready for bed, and all animals are fed....Little accomplishments but I definitely got more done today than I did yesterday......Pray for me and hope that tomorrow will be a smidgin better!
Your welcome! AA members will accept you, alot of the old timers I have learned get mad when you talk about your addiction from there addiction. But I always say when I am in a meeting that I am an addicholic... Because the way I look at things an addict is an addict... Whether its food, drugs, sex, if your addicted to something your an addict! I would love to say my name is Jessica and I am addicted to life, but right now I am still working on that! Thank you for allowing us to help and follow you through this journey of life! Best of Luck <3 Jess
Thank you all for the great advice and support. IBKleen I cannot thank you enough for your last post. I completely agree with the completely honest thing all at once. I think it would be too much at one time. Once I can prove sobriety I can slowly tell her and bring her up to speed. Should I tell her that I am currently detoxing and just leave it at that? She currently thinks I am two months sober....bad, i know....but to tell her would take away a lot of anxiety about her not knowing and she could understand why I am acting the way that I am.....I am pretty good at hiding my detox for the few hours at night when she gets home but she can definitely tell I am not my energetic self. Let me know what you think and get back to me because I really need to do this the right way....No more short cuts.....No more copout pill taking to hide from real life.....Thanks!
Jess31585....Thanks for the post....I too am going to go to AA I just hope they accept me as a current pill junkie! I do not want to have to go to NA....Due to the same concerns....thanks again for the support and hopefully this is the beginning of a new life!
Hey... I understand what your feeling! I have been a addicted to something since I was 16, the latest being pills! You can do anything you put your mind too, it sounds like you know what you want, you just got to do the foot work! I really hope that you make it, this time! AA meetings really helped me, I actually prefer AA over NA, just because I feel that people in NA talk more about using than recovery! One thing that I find has really helped me is meditation! I like to take my morning cup of coffee, a cig, and go outside and say 10 positive thoughts or actions that will help get through the day... I know it sounds silly but it has truly helped! Also going for a walk in the morning and at night as helped too! Good luck, stay connected and remember your not alone! <3 Jess
I understand what you are feeling. I think you need to sit and think this all through before you speak with your wife. Sometimes getting truthful is selfish. We want to unload everything to clean OUR conscience and in the process we hurt others. I know it is confusing between when you should be honest and when you shouldn't. Check your motives. And again, think before you speak. And remember the 9th step: "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others".
Let us know how you are doing.
Your fears are normal as we all feel like that. Just relax a bit, you will be even better once you get going in your recovery~~~~~~sara
Thanks.....I needed that! I am 2.5 days clean! I am definitely done this time....I have to be....this is killing me! Not only the drugs but the alter life I have to live to procure, maintain, and afford these pills. The constant stress of not getting caught by anyone when getting them and then keeping them a secret while on them. My wife is a RN as I mentioned before I thought for sure she would notice the pin size pupils all the time but she never really caught on I guess. I have told her of my addiction but she thinks I have been sober for the past 2 months which I was acually 5 days sober when I came clean but I need to come clean again and get everything onto the table....The money, the purchases of things I never told her about, the pills, everything. I am actually a really nice guy I just have had to lie and decieve to keep my drug habit alive. Now that I am done I need to come clean no matter what she has to say or could possibly do. I need to tell her the severity of my addiction. I owe it to myself no matter how she takes the truth to come clean....completely clean from day one. I owe it to myself to clear my consious and get rid of that stress. It was always there and I hated it. I think a lot of that kept me sick and using drugs. I was comfortably numb! That is a perfect example of how I lived my life for the past 5 years. I am really nervous to see what life is really like out there. Will I love my wife more? Will I live up to the potential and make something of this here life? I am capable of so many things but these pills and the alcohol have kept me sick for a long time.....I am excited yet nervous about the future! Again, sorry for rambling and thank you kindly for the positive feedback.....Thank you!
Hi,
No need to be ashamed hun, pick yourself up--dust yourself off and get the job done. You know the old saying, if you fall down 7 times---pick yourself up 8.
I am sorry you had to find out the hard way how important aftercare is. It's essential.
I am also glad to see that you came back and posted. Hang around and talk--you know you will get support here.
And congrats on 2.5 days! BTW, is it 2.5 days clean, or 2.5 days since you last used? I ask because it may make a difference in your symptoms.
I hope this will be it for you as you are running on borrowed time if you continue down this path. I hope you come clean with your wife about your financial issues also. Our secrets keep us sick. Surround yourself with clean people now. Let us know how your meeting went. Stay positive as you can do this!! sara