This is the first time I have admitted I am an addict...

[whatnow_]

I do not know where to begin...I am ashamed that I have become an addict...I thought I would never be in this situation...but here I am...addicted...I have been on hydrocodone for on and off 5 years...It started off because I was having severe low back pain that would come and go...later I was diagnosised with a tumor on my lower spine (non-cancerous)...but it causes pressure on the nerves which causes severe pain at time...however what started out as medical need as now become an addiction...I am in a unhappy marriage, but like most I am staying for my children...and I have a career that would highly frown on my addiction...not to mention that I live in a small town where I am well thought of and do not want that to change because I do find some comfort in that and that I am "believe it or not" a good mom despite that I am addicted to hydrocodone...I had been clean for 7 days until tonight when I broke down and took another pill...I had suffered the worse of the withdraws physically that is...but the cravings won in the end...now I feel guilt...because I was over the hump...I thought...and was no longer hurting physically but emotionally I needed a break from my life so I gave in...is there anyway that I can get help without revealing my identity?

[sway1]

great for you admitting you have a problem. i understand about the small town thing. i hope whatever way you choose works for you and this is a great place to come for comfort and suggestions. please remember that your life is more important than your reputation." she was so well thought of" is not what you want on your headstone. peace, sway

[laurel453]

hi, whatnow... if you don't feel like going to na right now, you can always start with some good addiction therapist, this is totally private and nobody but you will know about it. I wouldn't be here without what i'm learning from mine :)

good luck :)

[happypill]

I sent you a private message...I could have written your exact post.

[enufisenuf]

You can do this. For me it was/is a process that leads to the realization that taking opiates is unsustainable...one does not lead to one more...one leads to ten more and so on. I had to reach the point that I knew deep down I could not continue taking hydro...old saying is "short time solution to a long term problem". I finally stopped for 6 months, then went back taking for 4 months, and now am at eight months. The lure of this drug in strong and understandable at least by us who know the feeling that masks the pains of life for a short period. The further removed I become from this feeling, the less my brain remembers it...I can think about it, but cannot "feel" it anymore. I think after you get clean it is all about getting healthy and that leads to more natural endorphins flowing.  I needed to stop all caffeine as it lead to headaches and general tiredness...sure that is not true for all or even many, but helped me. Now I am going to gym and getting back into jogging.  Get some time behind you, set some small goals, if there are habits you know you should stop or start, start picking them off one at a time slowly...enjoy even the smallest improvements. You will start feeling better naturally, take control of your life again, and put this drug period behind you.  Again, you can do this...a successful mom and good career, you are strong, you just need to get started.  Remember, take small steps, do not push too hard or try to do too much, but just get started.

[whatnow_]

Thank you for your support...I know the advice you are giving is correct...and aftercare would be the answer...but I am stuck in fear and shame at the moment...I pray that I will be able to over-come this and my addiction...that is why I have come to this web-site...this is my first step in admitting I have a problem and need help...thank you again...God bless you too!...

[gnarly_1]

HI and welcome to the forum ...you have came to a great place for help and support
many people fall back to the pills after quiting because of the physiological addiction
we run to the pills to comfort us when our emotions are off base thats why so many say its eazy to get clean but hard to stay that way....the only solution that works is some sort of aftercare weather it be N/A or A/A if your not comfortable with that a substance abuse conslor or an addiction specialist can help also....remember there is no shame in going for help...N/A has a great program it works if you work it and its free...chance are your not going to run into anyone you know there and if you do there there for the same reason to get help and you will share something in common what has happened to you is not uncommon aftercare will teach you the skills and give you the tools to lead a clean and sober lifestyle...keep reading the posts and keep posting for support we all want to see you succeed good luck and God bless.....Gnarly