Time to end this crap....

[Ihatenarcs]

OK..  so here is my deal...   I started about 5 years ago taking darvocet for back pain.  OPf course I got hooked on them and over the years I have gone up to Lortabs, Oxycontin, Methodone, and anything else I could get my hands on.  At the end I was taking 90MG of Methadone a day with was appx 2 1/2 months ago...  I quit taking them and switched over to Lortab 7.5MG and I was withdrawaling from methadone like you wouldnt believe.  I had to take 15 7.5 Lortabs a day just to not get REAL sick.  After about 3 weeks of that I decided to just quit cold turkey.  As you have read here, it is MOST certainly NOT pleasant to say the absolute least.  Today is day 14 absolutely clean from opiods.  But I still drink beer to help and smoke some pot as well to help me sleep.  Even at 14 days I still feel like hell and have no energy at all.

My thoughts on quiting cold turkey (I hope) will serve as a damn good reminder to not relapse as this has been the hardest thing i have ever gone through EVER!!!  I see people asking how long it will take to feel normal again and I can say I dont think I will ever feel normal again as I was only taking them for recreation after the back pain subsided (4 years or so of pure abuse).  Talk about shame...  depression...  feeling like a loser...

I really wish i could get at least a ballpark figure of HOW LONG htis will continue on my particular case so I could possibly see some light at the end of this horrid tunnel.  I hava commited myself to either dying or quiting so taking another pill is NOT an option for me.  Please help.  God bless.

[pax]

Hang in there! I don't know if you read my ugly story but I was taking (chewing) 4 1/2 and once chewed 5 80mg oxycontin and chased that with 18 norco 10/325's. I also drank about 1/2 a fifth a night to top it all off like a big sundae!! Reason I am telling you all I took is I too went cold turkey and you are absolutely right! It really sucks. I am about 2 1/2 weeks clean other than a slip I had a week or so ago with norco. ( which I was lucky it did not set me back withdrawal wise)All I can say is hang in there. If you have access to a jacuzzi it does wonders. I have made it to the gym 3 times now and dragged hard to do that but I can honestly say I am starting to see that light you will soon see at the end of the tunnel. If you are having anxiety you may talk to your doc about something like ativan ( I am weining down off that right now) Good luck ... You Will Feel Better Soon!!!

[Ihatenarcs]

hey pax..  yes i did read your story..  that is a big achievemnent you have made friend.  I am verry happy for you.  Jes knowing that there is a means to an end is enough to keep me strong....  I would rather die than take another ******* (sorry) pill!   I couldnt possibly work out yet, but i hope to soon.  Thanks for your post pax.  God bless.

[Ihatenarcs]

what kinds of things am i to expect in this flash back episode you are speaking of?  What does it do to a person?  What do i do to fight it?

[pax]

Hey friend..just had to say I agree with the other post on the alcohol and buds. That could very well be why you are still struggling.I too used to smoke a little greenery as well as I stated my 1/2 a fifth of stoli's per night. I quit it all and even since my post yesterday morning just talking to others has been theraputic in a way. Yesterday I barely had the anxiety(compared to a week or so ago) it was the best day I had had and I am hopeful today will be a little better. All I can say is hang in there cause I knoe there will be a day soon in your life when you will be able to say "**** I feel normal again!!!!" lol It will happen. Best of luck to you and god bless

[squirrel1970]

I hate to sound "preachy" or like a broken record, but I seriously urge anyone and EVERYONE who is addicted to prescription drugs etc. to go and talk to your doctor about it! There really is NO need nowdays to quit cold turkey. Maybe I am just saying this because it is what I finally did (as you all are well aware of from my multiple posts lol). But he was great and very understanding, and I am now trying to quit with HIS help, and NOT having to go it alone OR cold turkey. I can't say that every doctor will do the same thing or react the same way, but isn't it worth a shot? Cold turkey REALLY sucks as 99.9% of you here know I'm sure. What's the worst that could happen if you DID go to your doctor and confess and ask for help?
Thanks

[mrmichael67]

That's what I say.  Go and tell your doc.  You have nothing to lose.  If he says no, you are no worse off.  But, you might be surprised.  There are many docs who will work with someone who is honest with them.  There are also many who won't.  But, you really have nothing to lose so you might as well see what happens.

[AmberHunter]

i remember back in the day when i didn't want to let my family doctor know about my abusing prescribed drugs (or any drugs for that matter) i told myself a bunch of lies about why i didn't want to get honest but the bottom line was i didn't want to close that door of getting more drugs from that doc... it was really that simple...

when i finally did get honest i was helping to insure that in the event i decided to try to get more pills i would not have that doctor to go to. now, i know that i could go to another doc and start over but there is nothing like the already broken in doctor you have used for years!! lol!!

amber

[mystere]

I really need some advice--I just got off the phone with an addiction specialist who after talking with me is recommending an inpatient program!  Has anyone heard of Joli Mar Recovery in Mississippi?--I am freaking out over this!--Don't get me wrong I would love a little R & R for a while but i can tellyou right now my husband will freak out?--I also feel like the success of these places are nothing to write home about! Anyone have any suggestions?  I really don't know what to do except finish Jack Trimpey's book and see how that works! I am home from work today because I'm still feeling a litttle shakey!  Please someone give me some advice-You would think in a town like Neew Orleans there would be pages of addiction specialists but believe me its slim pickins unless you go totally 12 step!--Please Help! Peace and Prayers-Mystere AKA New Orleans Lady

[AmberHunter]

i have been in in-patient more times than i can count. and i have spent more time doing the 12-step dance than i can count...  

yes, it is nice if you have the time to totally concentrate on your recovery and all but you can recover just as nicely by other means... in-patient is but one route to the same place...

i had read a book called "beyond the twelve steps" and i loved it... as i have posted before, i have a LONG history in NA and my NA friends still think NA is the ONLY way...

this time i am taking a little bit from everything i have tried in the past and making my own program... and MY program (lol) is not patriarchal, does not have 12-steps, offers up no judgement and embarrassment on relapse, is spiritual and not religious but i really mean it when i say it SPIRITUAL not RELIGIOUS!!! *clearing my throat* my program also offers me free use of my sense of humor and anyone elses sense of humor that i find...

and a big part of MY program is that it includes this forum... and to that doc that spoke about cognitive therapy, if you are reading this post please tell me more about it!!! i am interested in using whatever there is out there that works, for ME!! and you know what guys? what works for me might not work for you and vice versa, i am clear on that... nice to know what my options are though!!

peace,

amber

[peaz]

AMEN, SISTAH!!!!!!

[Forum-M.D.-rcb]

You inquire about cognitive therapy. It is better characterized as cognitive-behavioral therapy which is based on the principle that your behavior is the consequence of thought processes. Many folks, particularly those who are plagued with substance abuse, function on the principle that their emotions are uncontrollable and they  operate at a level that they are born to be addicts and are powerless in the face of substances of abuse. Cognitive behavioral therapy would suggest that individuals do have predispositions to succumb to drugs of abuse in their biological makeup but this does not mean that they are powerless. They do have a choice and they choose to use without doing cost-benefit analyses of the pluses and minuses of drug use and abstinence. c

One of the successful programs is based on Albert Ellis' Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy which avers that individuals who succumb to drug abuse fall into general categories of catastrophizing and globalizing anything that is negative in their life, that they have low self-esteem (rating being  instead of performance), are procrastinators, and allow themselves to be bored, or combinations of these traits. Substance abusers adopt unattainable goals and being  unwilling to compromise deal with the falling short with a resort to drugs of abuse to cover guilt, shame, depression, etc. The individual learns to use drugs to to obtain a quick fix These states lead to learned behavior of drug use to obtain a quick fix instead of working for longer-term and productive fixes. The drug user, assuming pain is not present, is using drugs to solve problems rather than accepting the challenge and expanding horizons and growing in the process. Herbert Fingarette in "Heavy Drinking" described the process as "the drug occupies the central focus of existence" for the individual.

Check the website for smartrecovery.org. There are other cognitive behavioral programs such as Women For Sobriety, Secular Organization for Sobriety amongst others. The twelve step programs such as AA and NA are effective, but they are so for only a fraction of the afflicted population. Unfortunately, we do not have yet any indicators as to which programs are best for whom and one should try them all whenever possible. The National Institute of Drug Abuse has iterated that there is no single path to recovery.

[rodewc]

Read a new hardback: "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey (2003), cost between $20-30 dollars, 390 pgs. (biography)

It uses a rational approach to recovery and is a book you will be unable to put down, guaranteed (regardless of your current approaches to recovery, drug(s) of choice, or usage levels).

I bought it this morning and finished it tonight.

Author and addict James Frey speaks for all addicts, yet gives hope too.

I can't find enough good things to say about this book. A GREAT BIOGRAPHY, weaving words with wonderful, wondrous truths. Your money and time will Not be wasted with this read.

Let me know what you think after you absorb this accurate account.

rwc~

[peaz]

I will buy it this weekend. It seems like I recall hearing about it earlier and I never got around to getting it.  We'll have Book Club on Monday--prepare to discuss!! LOL  Thanks--=peaz

[rodewc]

Goodie!!  I Am absolutely infatuated w/ that book. Pleassssse do tell me yr feelings @ it upon completion. Best to u and yrs today.

rw/C~

[AmberHunter]

wow, a whole new world has opened up for me... i have been surfing around checking everything out! my god/dess, there is life after NA/AA! lol!!

i agree with you doc and am going to look into this rational behavioral stuff! and as soon as possible will get that book "a million little pieces"

today i am feeling that "discontent" feeling i get that screams at me "if you just did this drug or that drug you would feel so much better" AND "you know you are going to sooner or later anyhow" blah, blah, blah, blah...

so i am thankful to have new avenues of thought to look into. i am glad i found this forum, i really am.

[dienikad]

I am 18 yrs old,
Fentinol, Heroin, Morphine, Hydromorphone HCl, OxyContin
4 yrs using - i need someone my age to talk to..

[gamzz]

hi   this is my first time  so bare with me  i just found the website today and sat down and started to read this forum and others with narc abuse and i have to say that i do feel better knowning that i am not the only one going through this ****.  i have tried serveral time to stop take pills but the withdrawl is so bad that i just cant handle it so i go and get more pills so i wont feel the  pain anymore.  i have a good job and three kids that i need to take care of and i dont know what to do. i really do want to stop taking them all of them  i just dont know how i can do it cold turkey . i cant ... but i have found out some info abt the new drug buprenorphine and from what i read it is some miracle drug that stops the withdrawl and there is a dr in my area that prescribes it im calling tomorrow to set up some appt or to find out some info about this  all i know is that  i cant do this anymore  today i have taking the last of what i had which was tramadol  i thought i can take those to try to cut down but it doesnt work   currently im taking 10 to 12  pills a day  of vicoden or loracets or what ever i can get. the tramadol was a last resort.  i will awake tomorrow with nothing and i know i will feel like **** and the withdrawl will start again and the worst for me is the not sleeping i will be so tired at night and i just cant sleep .. many many sleepless nights.. i cant take it  so after two or three days  i crack and i go and find whatever i can get just to stop the pain i dont want to  but i cant live my life and go to work and come home and take care of three kids when im going through the withdrawl sooo.. needless to say the cycle starts all over again ... im hoping that this dr. can help me with this new drug (bup)  right now it is my only hope . thanks for listening and goodluck to everyone going throught this i hope we can all over come this horrific battle ...
             gammzz

[vicoaddict]

I wanted to know if anyone has an opnion on methadone being addictive.  I want to stop my vicodine, davocet oxycoton addictions but I don't want to take something that is just going to get me addicted to something new.  I have never taken methadone.  Can someone who has taken it let me know what you think?  Does it make you high just like the pain killers.

[gamzz]

hi this is my second comment i have made to this forum and i have to say that nothing gets easier i slipped today and took 4 ultram which basically just took the edge off the withdrawl. talked to a dr. today about the new drup (bup) and he basically said that it is like a lower dose of methadone so i dont know what do to?  i want to stop this **** but i cant have another sleepless night and all the other horrific feelings that go along with it.  im also taking the duragisic patch but i abuse it and eat them instead of wearing them like im suppose to. i never thought in a million years that i would get so additiced to these drugs, my dr, never warned me that this could happen which  upsets me i think there should be more awareness of this huge problem.  i dont want to have to go into a rehab i just cant do it  i want to go to the outpatient dr that prescibes that drug ( bup) if anyone has every been on this or knows any info about  it and how it works i would appericate any info on it thanks bye for now    gamzz

[vicoaddict]

I was wondering does methadone you give you the same kind of high as Vicodine or oxycoton? I want to try it to avoid the withdrawals from this relapse, but I don't want to trade one addiction for another.  I get so tired and shocky and iritable when I come off of vicodine.  I get really short tempered and nervous.  No one knows I relapsed. I am afraid that if I tell my family or husband they will give up on me this time.  I have really pushed them to far.  I know they don't trust me any more.  You see my father has a serios illness and he takes 3 vicodine and 80 milligrams of morphine a day.  Over the years that I was always using 24/7 when I ran out I would still my fathers.  I carry so much guilt now for doing that to him.  It would be in pain just so I could feed my addiction and I was craving so bad I didn't care who I hurt.  Last April I attempted suicide by taken 40 vicodine and 30 valium.  I swallowed it with vodka and then got in my car and got in 2 accidents.  It's only by the grace of god I lived.  I don't remeber a whole lot about it becaus eof all the drugs.  But the mext day I woke up in a mental hospital. I know that God saved my life for a purpose I owe to him to stay clean and find out what tnat purpose is.  Thank you all for your support and thoughts.  It really helps to read what others are going through and to know I am not alone:)

[gamzz]

hey everyone, today is friday may 2nd at about 830 am and jst thought that i would drop a line.  this is for vicoaddict i know what you mean about the guilt and about your family, im no married  but i have beenwith the same guy for 13 yrs and have three children together, he doesn know everything that i do or have done to get the pills and im afraid to tell him, he also likes to take pills buthe is nothing like me.  last night i got three oxy's and i feel bad about it but i just cant go through the withdrawl(alone)anymore, when i bring the problem upto him he says " well just stop taking them" and as all of you know it is not that easy, if it was we would not all be here  writting to each other, still waiting to hear from the dr. about (bup)  but noone seems to know much about it and if it is just as addicting as all the rest...  again  if anyone here knows ANYTHING about it please write back to me so i can get the info that i need.. good luck to everyone staying clean i hope someday soon i will be one of you all... thanks  gamzz

[bluesteel]

I have been taking 4-8 vics a day for over a year and a half now.This past week I decided I had had enough of this **** and decided to quit CT on Sat.I stocked up on ingredients for the Thomas Recipe and began this morning.I spent the morning playing games on my Palm while my body adjusted.
Aside from some blurred vision,tingling all over,and a general uncomfortable feeling,I've suffered no other WD's at all.
I ate lunch and mowed my yard!If I can sleep tonight I will be on my way.Had I known it would be this easy I would have quit a long time ago.Tapering did'nt work for me.I know it will take 7-10 days to complete but I'm glad I went CT.

[bluesteel]

I'm now on day 4 and I'm amazed at how well it's going.I've had some minor diarrhea,headaches,a backache,restless legs last night,but that's about it.The last week I was on the vic's I was trying to taper and it was pure Hell.I couldn't keep enough in my system to feel good or sleep.I found this site on 4/30 and I wouldn't have liked anything more than to have started CT the next day,but I had to work and had to suffer through 2 more days.I took my last of 6 ES at 5PM on Fri. and took the weekend to quietly quit CT at home.
The vitamins and L-Tyrosine have helped tremendously.I returned to work on Monday more clear headed and focused than I had been in months.I feel better with each passing day.
I have about 12 vics left in my bottle that I think I'll put away as a reminder of what I went through for almost 2 years.
Just curious-Has anyone else quit CT this painlessly?

[gamzz]

god i can only wish that i could feel as good as you do on day  4 ( i think you said) the longest that i have gone is 5 days and it was 5 days of pure hell !! i just couldnt take it anymore and started to use again. i think that withdrawl is different for every person plus of course it depends on what you take and how many.  i have to say that im just simply not strong enough to do it on my own. i have heard good things about (bup) and  im still trying to get in with a dr but cant til mid june. i hope and pray every night that, that drug is the answers to my prayers. i have read many comments from everyone here and i know that alot of you have done it cold turkey but im just not one of you (wish i was)  keep up the good work and good luck to all of you  that are clean, unfortantly im not yet.

[bluesteel]

I feel for you,man.If you can make it 5 days,you've already been through the worst part and have to keep telling yourself IT WILL GET BETTER.
I have been a "recreational" drug user since I was 15 and now at age 47 this is the first time I have ever been addicted to anything.Over the last few months it was the same old song and dance,"Will I have enough to make till my next refill? What excuse will I use to take off work to go see the Dr. this time?"
I found a Dr. that will give me about as many as I want and that is what got me into this mess to begin with.Contrary to what you may believe at first,everyone,a Dr. that will write you a script for anything you want in almost any quantity you want IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!!
I have a wonderful wife,a beautiful home,a great job,and I finally had to hit rock bottom and realize I could lose it all before I found the strength to quit.When you are finally faced with the choice of that stupid little bottle of pills or everything you have worked your whole life for YOU WILL FIND THE WILLPOWER.

[gamzz]

I just read what you posted, and i can really relate to what you mean about calling the dr. and making excuses for work, family, and trying to explain to your dr why you ran out of pills before your next refill. I have my dr that started me off with ultram then went to vics, the he was worried about my liver and other damage to my body so that is when he put me on the patch, but then there is my other dr. which is my drug dealer i go to him with cash and walk out with my scripts. ( i guess they are everywhere)  i have a really good job and make good money and i have a nice home and three greats kids (11,7,3) my head is just so ****** up right now, i want to quit i just cant go through that pain of withdrawl when i do (or did ) i just cant do anything (work, kids )  i just cant deal with it  so i crack and i go and get more, sometimes i feel that im better at everything when i have my drugs better at my job and better at being a mom, eventhough i know in my head that it is not true, but when im going through the withdrawl i dont even want to be around mykids or at my job cause im SO sick, then the sleep thing!!! i dont know about the rest of you but when you have to get up at 6am  get the (2) kids to school then go to work then come home and deal with a 3 year old plus all of he everydaythings that normal people do it just plains sucks!!  im being honest im not clean now but i hope to be soon. i have to not only for me but for my kids thanks again for listening to me i feel so pathetic   peace and love to all

[bluesteel]

Day 7 and I feel great!My old sleeping patterns have returned,eating like a horse,energy to spare.I read somewhere in this forum a comment by the Dr. that your determination to quit will have a direct effect on the severity of your withdrawal symptoms.
On day 1 I was ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY DETERMINED that I would not take another pill.On days 1 and 2 my WD's could only be described as "mild discomfort".After that it was hardly nothing at all!Perhaps the Dr. is right,it is "mind over matter".
After seeing the news special on Vicoden addiction,and seeing some of the posts on here,I was scared to death I would spend 2 weeks curled up in a ball shaking and vomiting.But after the Hell of trying to taper I finally told myself "withdrawal can't be any worse than this".
Hell,I've had hangovers that were worse than this!
For all of you that want to quit but are afraid of WD's,all I can say is DON'T KNOCK IT TILL YOU'VE TRIED IT!It may not be as bad as you think.
If tapering is worse than the addiction for you as it was for me,forget about tapering and make up your mind to JUST DO IT!!

[peaz]

You have a LOT of determination and motivation, and I think you will make it!!  There are those who, like you, once they have gotten past the worst few days of W/D, have reported that their preconceived fears were much worse than the actual event.  And as Martha would say," That's a GOOD thang...."  Congratulations and keep up the good work.  Best wishes----Peazy

[MethMan]

This "Martha Stewart" of which you speak:  Is she not the result, save culmination of all addiction? Her life's work proves to the world she is 'the monkey' with highly honed skills of setting tables and baking cherry pies.  I fart in her general direction.

[peaz]

Mike,are you in the medicine cabinet again???  LOL  I need you to re-phrase that post, guy.......I'm a little slow this morning. (as opposed to any other morning??) Peazy

[MethMan]

Yes, I am in the medicine cabinet.  Sorry.... did I wake you?

[peaz]

Doll, would you bring me a glass of water when you come back to bed?? XXX

[MethMan]

Sure I'll bring you a glass of water.  But the tub has been flowing over for an hour now and I don't think that glass of water is gonna put a dent in the mess I made.  Sorry.

[peaz]

Well, you'd better get outta that leather and put down the cattle prod before your electrocute yourself and we have a REAL mess on our hands....Damn, man. What's WRONG w/ fricken missionary???!!!!!

[Ineedtostop]

I don't know where to begin, I was a healthy woman until I went in for a routine surgery and woke up 2 weeks later in Intensive Care would I would stay for almost 6 months.
I have been to various specialists and have informed them of my desire to stop taking the medications I am now so dependant on, and it always falls upon deaf ear, I am told there's addiction or affliction, take your pick, and when I do stop, I get so violently ill ( I have Crohns and Rheumatoid Arthritis) that I can barely get out of bed.
I am taking Percocet 10/325 6 times a day and Norco 10/325 3 to 4 times a day and all in all about 10 Pills a Day, which is such **** because I never had to even take an asprin before.
I want help, I need help and I am so embarrassed to say anything to my husband and family as I am everyone's "rock" and this rock is starting to sink, or atleast I feel that way.
Is there anyone out there who can help me, I feel so alone with this, and keep up a brave front, I still Work, 12 Hours a Day, six Days a week, but I am exhausetd mentally and physically, not to mention I have 3 children, and still have to do the Mommie thing.
Please help me.

[sandstorm]

I read your post this morning and you sound a lot like what I went though years ago.  I'm not going to go into it now,  but I wanted to made a auggestion to you.  I'm pretty new to the board and I don't exactly know how all of this works.  Try posting to the Doctor Forum and they will get you on the right track and then everyone here will help you including me.  I just want to make sure your post is seen.  Hang in there, you will get a lot of help and support here. These are some neat people.
Take care,
Sandra

[babyboomer]

I am an addicted chronic pain patient.(I won't go into all details) But I have a quedtion. How do you know what is PAIN from withdrawl or PAIN fom your chronic pain? I always cave trying to get off pain meds because the pain gets so bad. I suffer from Fibromyalgia and nerve damage and osteoarthritis.I have been on pain meds for about 12 years.  I haven't gone long enough without drugs in that time to know how bad my pain  really is anymore. LOVE  YOU ALL!!! Babyboomer

[PorkC]

I just found this site and it's just what I was looking for -anonymous help.  I have been taking morphine sulfate pills for the last 2 years and vicodin for 1 year before that.  When I took Vicodin there were times I couldn't get my hands on it and would go days without it.  The withdrawals were very mild.  I had some anxiety, minor pain, & was tired.  

I have been taking 15 to 20 pills a day of 30mg Morphine sulfate for the past 2 years now.  I have tried to quit the morphine now and I just can't do it.  The first time I stopped for 10 full days cold turkey.  It was unbeleivably horrible.  I didn't know a person could suffer that much.  No exaggeration.  The withdrawals seem like they were much much worse than what I have been reading from others on this site.  I had unbearable PAIN.  Every day I just kept saying to myself maybe tommorrow it will get better but it didn't.  I would lay in bed squirming in terrible PAIN and very bad anxiety.  After about 4 or 5 days I started to go insane.  I was just suffering so bad every second of the day with not a bit of releif.  I cant find words powerful enough to describe how horrible I felt.  I cant imagine the worst torture coming close to the way I felt.  Anyway, After that time I have gone 2 days at a time and can't go any loner.  First day is just anxiety.  The 2nd day is when the PAIN & full withdrawal starts.  I dont know how I made it 10 days the first time.  I think it was because it was the first time I had experinced it and I had hope the next day would be better.  Now when I stop I know I have at least 10 days of the withdrawals without it getting even minutly better.  I have no strength to quit now.  1 day of W/D takes every ounce of strength I can muster.  I am trying to taper down with poor results.  I have been trying for 2 months.  I got down to taking 2 a day and was really happy how close I was even though I had a lot of anxiety and some pain.  Then I messed up and now I am back to taking 5 a day.  Anyone have any advise on staying with the Taper down technique?