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Avatar universal

Tired of being a addict!!!

Im new to this but i have a few questions. Currently i am a user of vicodin and oxycodone. Mostly the 10/325mg and using roughly 40 to 60mg a day now. Ive tapered some because getting them has been hard lately. It started when i was pregnant in 2011. A doctor prescribed them to me for chronic pain. Then after i had my baby i started buying them on the street. Now 3 years later im addicted. My mind tells me everyday i dont want to take them. But physically my body says no. I suffer from mostly physical withdrawls.... But when in w/d i rob peter to pay paul to get the vicodin or oxys...then feel bad afterwards. I have had this weird taste in my nose and mouth and in my sweat for sum time now since ive cut back. That also comes to from when i cant get vics or oxys. I substitute tramadol nomore than 150mg 2 to 3 times a day. I dont have insurance and cannot afford to go to the dr. I tried detoxing at home but with 5 kids that didnt work cuz i felt myself being mean to them so i relapsed. Made it 4 days. Please if anybody can give me any advice or help me with anything would be greatly appreciated....thank you.....sickntired
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Avatar universal
Hey  good to see you taking your life back  first off flush any pills you have  no safety stash....pick up a case of gatoraid and start forcing the fluids you dont want to get dehydrated wile doing this the best thing I know of for withdrawals is a nice hot soak it will calm the nerves it will help the restless legs and achy mussels this is 1/3 phyical and 2/3 mental be ready to fight it out on both fronts..I have said this a millon times but you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile. this to shale pass I know your looking for help  try the rooms of N/A it is free and if your honest with yourself the progam works google N/A meetings in your aera keep posting for support where here for you.......Gnarly
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Avatar universal
Hello everybody. Sorry havent posted in awhile. Let me give everybody a update. Today i had no pills. I dont feel to bad yet. I know its coming. I woke up and said today was the day i start. I was goin to tomorrow but since i cant get any why not try now. Ive been jus a little tired. My legs are a little jumpy. I keeping stretching and yawning and my nose and eyes are watering. I did wat everybody said n deleted my dealers. Here we go day 1 with no pills. Im trying to keep my mind off of them and doin other things. When my mind starts wanting them i tell myself NO....i will keep everybody posted on how this goes. Thank you
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11318065 tn?1462984479
Morning sickntired!  Hope today finds you feeling better!  DId you get rid of the oxys yet?  If you are not using them to taper then just flush them and be done with it!!!  The hardest part is making the decision and then jumping!  The detox S***S but its just a week out of your life!  And then you will start to feel better!!!  And what jifmoc says is so true....you have to find some kind of aftercare!!!  Especially without your husband being supportive you will need people who can understand and help guide you through!  Yes, we are always here but you need people in real life too!!!  ANd the meetings are free!  You can even do them online to start if you need to!  Just google AA/NA meetings online and you will find the link!  Keep hanging in and let us know how you are doing!!!!  XO Karen
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Avatar universal
Ahhhhhh 10/325s, were my faves too, loved the yellow ones! I'm somewhat new to this forum, Was taking 10-12 norcos a day. I tried to quit cold turkey starting almost 2 weeks ago ,caved at 3 days, didn't take any the next 2 days, caved again. So finally I decided to have my husband hold the pills, I bought just enough from a friend for my taper plan. I've been taking 2 a day for the last 5 days. Plan to drop down to one on Tuesday (I don't work tues-Friday) then hopefully down to half by the following Monday/Tuesday so I can take none by my next 3 days off.. I'm a mom too, I felt like **** when I went C/T and for a couple days at 2 a day. I wish I could be strong like the others moms on here and do it cold turkey, (go check out the amount that scaredmama quit C/T from! It's amazing!!) would be nice to just be done with this ****, but I will be done in a little over a week. Anyways, I wanted to say to slneedsleep, No shame in not going cold turkey, we are still trying, but I think it helps if you tell yourself that you will no longer be getting high from these pills.. When you say you take 3-6 a day, it made me wonder if you take 3 one day, then reward yourself with those extra the next day?? I think (I don't know, this is my first attempt tapering) to successfully taper, you have to stick to a certain amount and not take more than that daily. I take my 2 a day, not to get high, but to work on lowering my dose. I wait as long as I can from the time I wake up to take my first dose, then I make sure I wait again as long as I can before I take my second so I don't get a buzz.. So what I'm trying to tell you, is you need a plan, and to stick with taking no more than 3 daily so your taper will work :) not trying to offend, don't want to hurt your feelings, I'm no better than you, just an addict myself! TS777, I saw your earlier post, feeling awful about not paying the attention to your kids that you should be, STOP beating yourself up. Your kids will be fine, they are babies, and will not remember this time. Just make sure they are safe (my 10 month old puts everything in his mouth, so constantly worry about choking!), snuggle them, love them, change their diaper, and feed them. I don't know if you can do this, but I barricaded my 10 month old in just a small section of the living room with me, and watched him play all day, while I just sat around feeling miserable. Luckily my other 2 kids are 10 and 6, in school all day, and I have a very supportive husband that had no problem taking over the House for the last 2 weeks, and will continue to do so until I'm better.. Sure you might not be super mom right now, but even bring a tired, sick, not very motivated mom, is better than being super high mom. Best of luck to everyone!
xoxo  ~Sophie
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Avatar universal
Hey sick, let's simplify this: NO adderall. Get rid of the last few oxys. (if you haven't taken em.) And have access to zero. Did you cut off your contacts? Do it now. Just delete ph#s, you don't need to tell them a thing.

This next part is the difference between you choosing yet another substance to get addicted to or a clean life: aftercare. That means meetings: they are FREE. You didn't get clean from coke, then booze, you substituted w/ pills. That's what we all would do if we didn't get help w/ our addict brains. The real issue is getting help once you put down the drugs/coke/booze. It's our brains that are the problem, not the substance.
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Avatar universal
Yeah I have also done other drugs in the past and never had a problem putting them down. But these opiates are no joke. I believe it would be easier to put them down if the withdrawls weren't so bad, but when we are dope sick and in the back of our mind we know all we need is just that pill to feel better we will do almost anything to get it. You have got to truly cut off ALL your suppliers. It probably wasn't a real smart thing for me to do but I contacted all of mine and told them if they come by or call me I will be calling the cops. Probably a stupid thing to say to a dope dealer but a definite way to keep them away. My husband does support me but we have been fighting through my withdrawal period because he wants to be next to me and I don't want him or my kids touching me. We also have been married for 5 years. He is not an addict so I am thankful for that. He said he would never leave me and the kids but the truth is if I continue on the path I was without a shadow of a doubt I would lose him and the kiddos. So feeling like **** for a week And coming up with a plan to stay clean is definitely worth my family. My husband asked me the other day what I loved more, my pills or my family. Do you know I had to say pills for the simple fact I was choosing them over my family. That's a hard blow to face but the truth is the truth. I truly pray for you to get the strength to do this. I am on day 3 and refuse to give in. I even got money today and yes I thought about getting something to make me feel better but it's just not worth going through all this again. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!
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Avatar universal
Thanks for ur advice. Thats the thing i dont have a dr and cant afford to go. The one time i did try and speak with a dr here they were very judgmental. I dont think they are supportive of addicts here. And no when i went to the er i didnt tell em. I should have. I think they kinda knew tho. Can u maybe give me some advice on a plan to help me. My stashes are pretty much depleted. And i have no money so i cant get any. Wow this is hard but im strong minded so i think i can get thru. I used to be a alcoholic and cocaine addict. I havent touched either in 5 years..... but now this.....ugggh devil get up off me
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Avatar universal
No somebody gave me the adderall said it would help. But it didnt it made me sick. I feel horrible. Yes i still have the other 4 oxys and jus looking at em is tempting but i dont wanna take em. Im starting to get the constant yawning, eyes watering and im severely constipated. Headaches and my stomach hurts so bad. No energy and severely fatigued. Yes i wish he would be more supportive but he has a addiction to marijuana so him trying to help me aint really gonna work. Hes in denial im not. Ive accepted it and now tryna to fight it. I jus want this over
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11318065 tn?1462984479
I agree with IBKleen about using other medications to help you get through this!  What did you have the adderall for?  Was it prescribed to you for something?  And next time you are ready to jump you really HAVE to get rid of all the stashes!!!!  If they are there we will 99% of the time take them!!!  Are you planning on using the other 4 oxys to help you detox?  Its so important that you get clean since your relationship is on the line now!  It would be nice if he was more supportive though.  He obviously knows about your addiction but does he understand it?  Maybe let him read some of the posts on here to help him understand!  Its just going to get worse from now on as far as using is concerned!  And I want to see you make the right decision!!!  You can do it!!!!  Im sure that going to the hospital was scary for you!!  Did you tell them you were detoxing?  Did they give you anything?  Hopefully you will have an easier time of it this time around!!  Keep posting and let us know how you are getting on!!!  XO Karen
Helpful - 0
271792 tn?1334979657
Hi and welcome to the community!

As active addicts we make some pretty bad decisions. It sounds like you have made some yourself. The bf ,ay become an issue. You need 100% support and if he can't give you that you will have a hard time getting through this. I assume mom knows about your addiction and it is great that she is willing to help you. Now that is support!

The other bad choice I think you have made is to taper with other medications.All you are doing i self medicating just as you did in your active addiction. And your taper schedule is not a proper one.  I would be surprised if you got through this plan. And I don't mean that to be negative. Tapering is tricky and there aren't many addicts who actually complete the schedule and get clean. I am concerned about the medications you choose to do this taper. Did you write down a schedule? Is anyone holding them for you and giving them to you according to the schedule? Holding your own pills while tapering is way TOO MUCH temptation. Is there any way to let your doctor know and ask for help?

You can't do this alone honey. I strongly suggest an aftercare plan. Whatever you choose to do, i.e. church groups or the rooms of NA you will need help to STAY clean. And especially if you are in an abusive relationship.

I am glad you are here and hope you stick around. there is great support here. The weekends are slow so be patient for answers. Best of luck hun and keep posting letting us know how yyou are doing.
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Avatar universal
Thank u for ur advice. I think im goin to ask my mom if she will take my kids this time mainly my 3 year old. He was the hardest to deal with during my detox. But this time im gonna go all the way. Now that i see i can get on here and get help and advice that i didnt have before im gonna do it. When i tried before i was taking abt 150 mgs a day and went cold turkey. It sucked. I couldnt sleep. Nothing worked to help ease the pain. It was jus horrible. But since ive been tapering the pain is still bad but not as extreme as before. I even went to the hospital because i had a high fever and i kept feeling like i was dying and having a heart attack. My vitals were outrageously high. It scared me. That was one of the reason i didnt try again because i was scared i was gonna die. But ive did research and there arent really any people thats died from detoxing from opiates. So now thats pretty clear im gonna do it.  
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Avatar universal
I jus read everybodys post. First off let me say thank u to each and everyone of u for your kind words of advice. I really appreciate it. Im glad to kno i am not alone in this journey through hell. Im happy that i have people that share my story. So let me jus start by saying wat ive did in the last 24 hours. Yesterday i didnt have any money to buy pills. Ive been had 4 20mg adderall for weeks that ive been holding onto. I took my last tramadal about 3 days ago. I woke up feeling jittery, sweating jus miserable. So i had to go run a bunch of errands so i took 40 mg of adderall. Bad thing to do. I got everything done of course. But later on i came across 6 10mg oxycodone that i got on loan. I wanted that high so i took 2 of them. Which i never exceed 20mg in 1 dose. Bad thing to do. I finally went to bed at 6am this morning but had the most horrific headache and stomach ache. I wont never do that again. I woke up jus a few minutes ago and i feel the same way. Not cool..... so im getting ready to start on monday my journey to recovery. Im ready im tired of feeling like this. Im actually crying posting this because my babies and man mean everything to me. Me and my bf is on the verge of breaking up because hes tired of me spending all my money but i kinda feel as if its his fault im addicted to because i would also take the pills too when we fight abt pratically everything. Im starting to 2nd guess my relationship because hes not as supportive as i would love for him to be and we been together for almost 5 years. I jus wanna be normal and happy again. Its bad to say. But i would sell my soul to have a normal life and this demon of vics and oxycodone is gone.......somebody said something about the thomas recipe. Ive read on this and some say it helps some say it doesnt. Feed back would be greatly appreciated.....
Helpful - 0
10996785 tn?1432812977
The above posters are right. The basic theme is that your story is repeated on here daily. Yo do have to make a plan that makes it possible for you to help yourself. You have made it to 4 days. I would say you almost made it. I don't think you can succeed while you still have options. Either in your head or physical means. (suppliers) It does hurt for awhile but you're not the first to go thru it. You have to get yourself mentally strong and go for it. Now you have Med-Help on your side. Let's do it!
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Avatar universal
The thing I remember about being in active insanity, oops, I mean, active addiction, is I couldn't see how important quitting was and how unimportant everything else was in comparison. I felt horrible about not being there for my kids. I was on a much higher dose of much stronger opiates and am bipolar 1, so it took me 2 years to really get it together after detox. I missed a lot of my kids lives during that recovery time, but I share this for one reason. If you were to ask my kids today, which I have asked them, "Was it all worth it? Me being at meetings, not making it to events, all that we missed out on as a family, and being broke, because I was getting well?" The last time I asked if it was still worth it, without hesitation or a single thought, they both said, "Yes, you are more fun and present now. It was kind of like you were only half here before, if at all. We would rather you be off drugs than have other comforts. They were 8 and 10 when I quit.

So, no matter what it takes, it is worth it. I will go on to say, I lost my business, farm, truck, equipment, I started over with $500, I lost it all to detox. The drugs never ruined my material life, they only destroyed me and my heart/mind/spirit. The kids got one Christmas present this year, it was from a friend, as we had no money to buy them anything. That used to would have driven me crazy. Fact is, this was one of the best Christmas ever. We had each other and I was totally present. It's been 2 1/2 years since I took an opiate and I am still recovering financially from detox, but now the progress I see in my life is real. I know I am not sabotaging or faking my life or energy to be with family anymore. The progress I make off opiates is mine to keep, so things got worse before they got better, but they are better than I could even imagine, before I quit opiates.

Do whatever it takes, sacrifice whatever you have to, it will be worth it. Don't let the insanity convince you otherwise, your kids want YOU, not some medicated version that ACTS like everything is going good, but secretly knows that it should be better or could be anyway. I deceived my kids for many years, but now they understand what all those dope sick days were and have forgiven all. No drugs, my kids love me, we don't have a lot, but we have each other and for real, not some drug induced delusion that everything is good enough.

So, your last attempt didn't work, so what are you going to do different this time?
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Avatar universal
Hello, wow I know exactly where you Are at physically and mentally. Well I don't have 5 kids but I do have a one year old and a two year old. I am on day 3 of detoxing off of whatever I could get my hands on, but 10/325 was my demon. You can so this it all starts in the mind, I know easier said than done. But I know you want a better life for you and your children. Trust me if you continue down the path you are on it could all lead to bad things, death, jail, your kids taken from you by the state. I only say that because all of those things have happened to me. Yes I overdosed and died but God said it wasn't time yet. This was like 10 years ago. And here I am going through withdrawls again. But this time it's by choice. I don't want to repeat any of the things I went through in my past. The reason I started again was because I was in an accident and low and behold here comes the snowball effect. YOU CAN DO THIS YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Please do it for you first and foremost and then for your kiddos. They only have one mommy. But it all starts with you you have got to want to do it for you first. Please keep us posted. I am on day 3 clean ***** *** but I have no other choice. I made I in my mind this is it. We are all here for eachother. I actually just joined a day or two ago and people have been helpful
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11318065 tn?1462984479
Hi and welcome!  I too LOVED the 10/325!  Was my best friend for many years until they turned on me and became a monster!!!  All of us can relate to your struggle and really wanting to quit and not knowing how!  I knew I was at my bottom when they really started to effect my physically in really bad ways and knew I would probably lode my job of 23 years if I kept on going...  So I had my Doc switch me to codeine and started to wean off of that.  I had withdrawals with the codeine so I just flushed them and jumped!  Yes, detox S***S!  But it wasnt nearly as bad as I had it made up in my head to be and I got through it!  You CAN do this!!!  You just have to be ready to be uncomfortable for awhile!  Sounds like going in to a rehab just isnt working out for you right now but you can detox at home!  Look at the Thomas Recipe on here...it will give you a good idea about some supplements that will help you through!  Buy some epsom salts for hot baths that will really help!  When you decide to jump we will all be here for you routing you on!!!  Believe me it is so much better on the other side!!  Keep on posting and let us know how you are getting on!!!!
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Avatar universal
Yes i will.....i see alot of posts where people say they been to rehab.. i havent period. I have a lil support system. If i could find the resources and have the money to do it. Id be there n a heartbeat...
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Avatar universal
Thats the thing i wanna quit. But i dont have the resources here in my town for help. Its bad when u call the rehab here for help and they get smart. Ive never been but am more than willing to go. I WANNA GO!!! IM a single mom, low income, no insurance because my job doesnt have insurance. I would do anything to get help and stop this devil from working on me.
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Avatar universal
Hi, sickntired! Lemme just say if I had a dollar for every post like yours, I could take a nice vacation! All your fears are identical to the rest of ours. 10/325 were my demons of choice also. Doesn't matter, we all have the same feelings: shame, disgust, financial fears, convenience fears, withdrawl fears...you name it.

It is totally doable to detox at home especially w/ the amount you are on. This is when you gotta make a plan: have someone help you w/ your babies for a few days. And expect to feel like crap for a while. None of us would get thru detox if we could "cave." We can't have access to pills, that's mandatory for getting clean. Will you delete your contacts?

So great that you are deciding to stop the madness. You couldn't pay me enough to go back there and I never thought I'd say that. The obsession and compulsion can be relieved if you are willing to do what others who came before you suggest.

Stay close and keep posting!:)
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Avatar universal
I was thinking about going to rehab and I'm going to try a na  meeting. We have to start somewhere.I been doing this for to many years I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired you know what I mean.
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Avatar universal
Its so hard. N the pain is horrible. I jus want my life back. N thank u so much. That helps knowing im not alone. I cant even get into a rehab here. My town is small. Its always full
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Avatar universal
Hi,I know exactly how you feel , your story the same as mine . I get them from the doctor and the streets . I was taking fifteen a day tried cold turkey caved twice . I've tapered down to three to six a day. My mind tells me no not to take any but my body tells me otherwise. I'm not much help on getting off them but I'm trying .just wanted to let you know your not alone.
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