To Everyone

I am still here.  I had a BIG problem 2 hours ago.  My friend who has seen me attempt detox before came over and brought 3 5mg hydros.  He thought I "might" need them if it got to bad.  As soon as I saw them I started to CRAVE.  I knew that a week ago I would have handed them back to you and laughed.  They are very weak pills to me but I havent had anything since 8pm last night so they looked better than thannnnn well I wanted to sell my children for them.  JUST KIDDING!!! I just was making a point.  I hurt.  My head is the worst right now.
This is what I took through my addiction
Year 1- hydro5 vic5- perc 5-10 , started as 1 at work...ended in OXY 30's 10-20/day
Year 2- Methadone 3/day 40mgs, Xanax 4 2mg oh when I wanted to get hi I would supplement the Methadone with 30mg roxis, 40's , oxy80's,
Year 2 - 240 prescribed Roxi's /month...I finished them in 1-2 weeks.
Year 3- PERC 10/325...NO METHADONE, NO XANAX, I have already kicked those. I have been trying to detox since Nov. Each time I fail I go back to the 30mg Roxi's they ARE my drug of choice.
Since May 1 07- Perc 10/325 10-15/day. Morphine Sulphate 30mgs when I run out of percs.  
I usually finish the percs in 12 days...yup 120 12 days, then morphine...4-6 /day at least...
2 weeks ago I ran out of percs, started Morphine but I cut it back from 6-5-4-3-2-1.  I knew I wouldnt be able to detox off of that so I went and got 20 5mg hydros, finshed in 3 days.  Then started the Tramadol 50mg 5-6 /day
I took 4 Tramadols yesterday 2 morning 2 night
I am in full blown detox right now. I want to stop hurting so bad...Maybe I could continue on the percs 4 /day for another month?  Try to cut these down to 3-2-1-1/2?  Instead of going through this for the 100th time.  I will say this...IT IS EASIER THAN LAST MONTH WHEN I TRIED TO DETOX...Last month I know I would have been in the ER for dehydration.  This time its not as bad but bad.  Thanks to all of you so far...Would I be letting you all down if I took something...?  I really havent yet but the urge of knowing and feeling I dont know.  What IF I just keep weaning?  The Methadone kick in Nov kicked my butt.  Its why I have been such a baby.  I really do have a migraine...
Thanks to ALL OF YOU!!!!  I Know what some of you are going to say.  I am not even into this 24 hours and well I just dont know
Heather

[lonote]

Heather you sound like me only i had a different mix.  You have a smorgasborg
going on there. But theres alot of nice ppl with knoldege that can help you thru it.

[rooftrash]

I know where you are coming from.I am going to start to taper tomorrow.I have been playing this game for years too.I used to only believe in c/t and i was successful every time too.[hurt like @#$%^)&]@ he11] but i did it.
  Is it just me?but the older you get and the more times you detox it gets harder to get through it?You would think you would get kinda used to it and know what to expect and how to cope.and now i don't have to do large quanitys or for long periods of time to become addicted again.I can use for 1 week and go into full blown w/d's again.If it wasn't for this last knee surgery i wouldn't be here.I was clean for something like 90 days and BAM!here comes the detox myself thing again.I even told my doc i have a problem and he said if i take as the bottle says i'll be ok.Bullshi11!20mg/q4to6 hours for 2 or 3 months and i'm f-kked up again.Know what i mean?sorry! just venting.I hope you make it as comfortably as possible.God Bless Bruce

[lucyred68]

I've done the norco, xanax and methadone wd's.  it's really hard, but you can do it.  there is nothing wrong with tapering.  it's easier to taper if you have someone who loves you hold the pills so you don't raid them.  i know i didn't have the strength myself.  i needed my hubby's help, and like a true addict, i snuck some while he was asleep.  didn't help me, just set me back about a week or so.  you can do it, just keep coming in here, and there are lots of people to help.  also know that the methadone wd's are the worst.  you have already kicked the worst of all, so this one will be much shorter.  we qre all rooting for you.

Lucy

[stub01]

Heather -3/5s is a temporary stay.  I understand the headache.  On day three days of my rapid taper, I had a monster headache that wouldn't go away and thought i don't ever need to feel that again.  When I stopped 5-days ago, day 1 and 2 forced me to lie in a closet -no light, no noise, no people, no head movement.  As I said in an earlier post -you can do this, dig your heels in the sand and know with each passing day you will feel better.  You will also be stronger.

Keep the faith and don't discount prayer.  I'm a bit better than a holiday catholic, but I did reconnect with the BM on the 3rd day.  I have learned that  her intercession is real.