To commit or not

I've read the responses from the questioner re/how to commit someone whose addiction is life threatening.  The consensus from responders is that the individual has to want help or treatment will not be successful. I agree, having had 3 children who've been addicted to drugs and/or alcohol. My youngest 2 went through treatment multiple times and finally successfully recovered, leading responsible, productive lives. My oldest, however, is still addicted. There are hardly any drugs he hasn't been addicted to and recently, he has taken on alcohol with a vengeance, in addition to cocaine. Just over a month ago, he was hospitalized with pancreatitis, and the doctor told him he could never drink again or it would kill him. He is still drinking. His sister wants me to sign commitment papers with her (it takes 2 in SC). Otherwise, if he keeps drinking, he will surely die. He is 39 years old. What do you suggest in this situation?

[IBKleen]

Hi & Welcome,

The word "commit" suggests a psychiatric hospital? Or are you talking treatment center? I didn't know you could commit someone who is of legal age.

Honestly, there is a 50/50 shot at it. If he is not ready then a typical 28 or 30 day center may not help. However, a long-term center may, meaning at least six months. That is long enough for him to get through the physical withdrawal and clear his mind enough to perhaps start listening. If he hears the right thing it may trigger something within him that he identifies with.

If the money is there and the opportunity is there, I don't see the harm in trying. If it is between this and death, what other choices are there?

Best of luck to you and your family.

Stay around and get other suggestions from the members here.

[vicki595]

Hi~  I don't think there's a choice here.  He's committing suicide. You have to try to help until ALL avenues have been blocked.  I'd sign the papers in a second if that's what is allowable in SC.

Good luck~
V.

[Dav125]

Need to discuss the matter with your local probate judge. He/she is the person you have to go thru to get involuntary commitment orders. Or, if by chance something happens and he lands up in an ER, the attending physicians have the power to do it as well..Had "hands on" experience with this awhile back..Hope this helps some..

[dominosarah]

I would do whatever it takes to get your son some help.  Please keep us posted          sara

[Addict63]

God bless you. I know it's hard. My son is a recovering crack addict and we all went through hell. He's clean now 7 years. He didn't get clean until he was done using, and not one minute sooner. He went to several treatment centers. I thought about committing him somehow. And I thought thoughts like: When you commit someone, kicking and screaming, what do you end up with then? You build a wall between them and their drug and drink. And they sit behind that wall waiting to get out. Do I visit them there until I die of old age? And then what? Will they be fixed or still broken?

As parents it's our natural instinct to save our children. We love them more than anything. But the only fact I can present is: He didn't get clean until he was done using, and not one minute sooner. Be a mother. Do what ever you can for him. I wish you well.

[mellie4]

Even if he's not ready to quit and it makes him angry, sign the commitment papers.  You never know what he will hear while in treatment that MAY hit him the right way.  When he gets out, if he starts using again, commit him again.

It may be that when he realizes you and his sister are committing him that he'll go voluntarily.  My mother-in-law and I were going to commit my ex husband.  On the courthouse steps he agreed to go voluntarily.  The first three weeks he was miserable.  But he got it somehow.  He even agreed to stay an extra four months.  He wound up with nearly 5 years of sobriety and we had a wonderful life during that time.

Don't really know what started him off again, but unfortunately he lost his sobriety and he's been back at it for nearly 11 years.  But maybe your son will get and get sober and stay sober.  If he's not committed, you know where it's all headed.  You really don't have much of a choice.

Best of luck.  It's an awful road for you.

[gnarly_1]

HI I know how powerless it can be with a child locked in drug addiction my youngest daughter took to living on the streets at the age of 13 as a crack/methamphetamine addict
we went thew several rehabs trying to get her straitened out had a few times in juvi/detention with intervention there... it wasn't till she hit her rock bottom witch was getting into an auto accident and having to be cut out of the car ant then dealing with a crushed vertabra in her back b/4 she woke up and decided to stop...she is 21 now a mother and is clean and sober now 4 yrs I wish you luck if I was in your shoes I would do the same but the outcome will be based on the person wanting to give it up not b/4
good luck and God bless......Gnarly  

[writelady49]

First, let me clarify "commitment."  In the case where addiction is making the addict a "threat to themselves or others," commitment is to a rehabilitation facility. It would be a mental health facility if the individual had an emotional/mental issue threatening the well-being of themselves or others. Having said that, what we have decided to do, after discussion with family members, is to all confront him with our concern that he is killing himself, expressing our love and fear of losing him. We will tell him that we want him to admit himself willingly to a detox and long-term rehabilitation center (6 months?). If he chooses not to do so, then we will advise him that we will be forced to take the legal route of commitment. As most of you have commented, it is ultimately up to him, and that's not something anyone has any control over. But we feel that if we don't force him to make this choice, we will all live with knowing that maybe we didn't do the one thing that could have saved his life. And that I couldn't live with.
God bless you all for your very thoughtful and compassionate responses. I will update you as things progress.