Aa
Tracker says TWO years clean today
WOW! It has been two years free from oxycodone slavery. So how has my perspective changed? When I committed to total abstinence, I desperately wanted to be free from the negative stuff: cravings, obsession, dependence for pain-treatment and total worship of the tiny white pills.
What is different today? I still desperately want to stay free from the negative stuff: cravings, obsession, dependence for pain-treatment and total worship of the tiny white pills. I am very serious about my daily program of recovery, although that amounts to something that is a hodge-podge of self-improvement type things. Once I got clean, I realized that my health had been neglected for a long time. So had my spiritual side.
When I began jotting down thoughts about my B-day, I wondered, “What would be of use to someone just beginning this path? The advice, “Be patient, it takes time,” is true, but how does that help when all someone can feel is how much they hurt. “Things get better!” yeah, some of them.
So when I was alone in the dark hanging on for dear life, or when I am facing issues today, I only believe in one true daily absolute regarding my addiction: No matter how I approach sobriety today, via meetings, chat group, therapy, or talking with family—staying clean for that day is the total measure of success. Even if that is all that went right for the day. Sometimes my other goals go “South.” Weightloss becomes weightgain. Or my chronic pain is bumming me out and I don’t feel cheerful and loving to people. Sometimes money issues create a rift between myself and my wife. So staying clean is simple on the one hand, but is complex on the other, since it includes improving on many different levels—physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
Along the way I have encountered two things that really surprised me. First, dealing with chronic pain really does not require narcotics. When I was newly clean, all of the discussions about “sensitized pain receptors,” and “opiod-induced hyperalgesia,” rang in my ears. So I waited it out and sure enough, my pain levels decreased dramatically. But not “all gone.” Among other serious issues with my back, I have a severe lumbar spinal stenosis that is 2-3 inches in length. My back has a “warm burning glow” that alternates with steady pain that is always with me 24/7 and that I feel most acutely when I awaken. If I overdo it swimming at the gym, I am in for a night of pain.
I have dedicated myself to building up my core strength for the last few years and have decided against a 3-4 level spinal fusion and laminectomy. So What??
Well, I can testify that the human mind is stronger than any pain. My mind can tune it out and sometimes I am granted peace. For me, it was a spiritual journey finding that out.
But the biggest surprise for me is the ongoing process of my mind reorganizing on the smallest levels. I personally believe that narcotics embed themselves on the almost quantum molecular level in our collection of brain cells. Over the addictive years, every thought, every nerve transmission was narcotic enabled in my addled mind. And reversing this process is an ongoing activity, even for long time clean people. Here and there, I get surprised by old memories not revisited for years. Routinely now I make logical and intuitive connections that I did not think possible any more. I am still healing and it is beautiful! (The oldtimer chuckles, “Yep, at two years still cleaning out ‘brain fog.’”)
To sum it all up, I am grateful for the opportunity to live again, after being trapped in the slow death of active addiction. And thanks go to Medhelp for being here.
Dan
What is different today? I still desperately want to stay free from the negative stuff: cravings, obsession, dependence for pain-treatment and total worship of the tiny white pills. I am very serious about my daily program of recovery, although that amounts to something that is a hodge-podge of self-improvement type things. Once I got clean, I realized that my health had been neglected for a long time. So had my spiritual side.
When I began jotting down thoughts about my B-day, I wondered, “What would be of use to someone just beginning this path? The advice, “Be patient, it takes time,” is true, but how does that help when all someone can feel is how much they hurt. “Things get better!” yeah, some of them.
So when I was alone in the dark hanging on for dear life, or when I am facing issues today, I only believe in one true daily absolute regarding my addiction: No matter how I approach sobriety today, via meetings, chat group, therapy, or talking with family—staying clean for that day is the total measure of success. Even if that is all that went right for the day. Sometimes my other goals go “South.” Weightloss becomes weightgain. Or my chronic pain is bumming me out and I don’t feel cheerful and loving to people. Sometimes money issues create a rift between myself and my wife. So staying clean is simple on the one hand, but is complex on the other, since it includes improving on many different levels—physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
Along the way I have encountered two things that really surprised me. First, dealing with chronic pain really does not require narcotics. When I was newly clean, all of the discussions about “sensitized pain receptors,” and “opiod-induced hyperalgesia,” rang in my ears. So I waited it out and sure enough, my pain levels decreased dramatically. But not “all gone.” Among other serious issues with my back, I have a severe lumbar spinal stenosis that is 2-3 inches in length. My back has a “warm burning glow” that alternates with steady pain that is always with me 24/7 and that I feel most acutely when I awaken. If I overdo it swimming at the gym, I am in for a night of pain.
I have dedicated myself to building up my core strength for the last few years and have decided against a 3-4 level spinal fusion and laminectomy. So What??
Well, I can testify that the human mind is stronger than any pain. My mind can tune it out and sometimes I am granted peace. For me, it was a spiritual journey finding that out.
But the biggest surprise for me is the ongoing process of my mind reorganizing on the smallest levels. I personally believe that narcotics embed themselves on the almost quantum molecular level in our collection of brain cells. Over the addictive years, every thought, every nerve transmission was narcotic enabled in my addled mind. And reversing this process is an ongoing activity, even for long time clean people. Here and there, I get surprised by old memories not revisited for years. Routinely now I make logical and intuitive connections that I did not think possible any more. I am still healing and it is beautiful! (The oldtimer chuckles, “Yep, at two years still cleaning out ‘brain fog.’”)
To sum it all up, I am grateful for the opportunity to live again, after being trapped in the slow death of active addiction. And thanks go to Medhelp for being here.
Dan
This is awesome to see, never tire of old friends moving forward in progress. Keep the faith and never stop growing, the real you is limitless.
Well, I'll be run over....what a fan-tab-ulous post. You hit upon everything. But mostly what's ultimately the most vital: being good to yourself by working your recovery.
I hope you stick around. I'm sure many peeps can benefit from your perspective. And mucho congrats!!!!
I hope you stick around. I'm sure many peeps can benefit from your perspective. And mucho congrats!!!!
Hey dude it has been a wile thanks for checking in with us and a big congrats on 2 yrs.....people need to read a post like yours it takes work to stay clean although im a firm believer it takes less work to stay clean then it did trying to stay high 24/7 the thing is you got a progam that is working for you thats all that maters time to celebrate treat yourself to something nice you have fought a long hard journey back to the living not a exzistances .......Gnarly
COMMUNITY LEADER
Congragulations to you and all your hard work. 2 years is a fantastic milestone and i wish you all the best on your continued journey. Always pushing....pushing ourselves to do the next right thing.....and what i've been using daily recently is "Dont Use......No Matter What!"
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
