Tramadol/Ultram 2012

[myDRmyDEALER]

Thank God I came across this place...I've read through 100s of comments and stories of stuggle with the Tramadol addiction, but latest threads are from around 2009, I wanted to know if there are people who are  (a) battling Tramadol currently and (b)who have actually managed to GET off and STAY off...?

My story is relatively long(ish),- I'll keep it short as much as I can - from 1st back injury 1999 to Tramadol (400mg daily) to Methadone/Physeptone (40mg daily) to detox, then to car accident 2004 and multiple injuries (lumbar-3 places, thorasic -1 pl, L. knee almost crushed, L. foot Morton's Neuroma, L. shoulder bursitis) SO... > back to Methadone (150-200mg DAILY) again. After 6yrs I was a wreck, suicidal, self harming, depressed I knew if I don't get up I'll die.. So I went to detox AND 4 months rehab this time, despite of my ex actively trying to sabotage it - I learnt a lot about a person I loved TOO much and who loved me back - while times were good..

After two years into recovery (still on Tramadol 150-200mg, antinflamatories like Mobic) and regular exercise I was feeling stronger and better...

And then, overestimating my wellness and underestimating my addiction - I had a fall and sustained another injury on top of others, soon increasing tramadol to 800-1000mg, sometimes even 10X200mg-2000mg DAILY again PLUS Buprenorphine patch 20micrograms per hour through the skin...Shocking.

I had little support from my ex (even when detoxing and 4months rehab for Methadone), so, when he saw I am getting better - he opted out.. Now with 8yo daughter and 5yo son I'm a single mum who can't afford another rehab stint (have NO family at all in Australia, so kids have no extended family from either side) and kid's dad wouldnt take them for few weeks so I can deal with this properly at home...
So just when I got physically fitter (after intense therapy in Bosnia) I had that fall and injured my R shoulder (separated CV joint and torn bursa) and while waiting for it to subside and to start moving and using my arm - my fitness levels dropped. It's been 6 months now, my R shoulder is very sore but I do have restricted movement so I'm trying to do stretching and strengthening light exercise but without painkillers I can't function (take basic care of my kids) let alone exercise...

TRAMADOL? dangerous thing - it started with IT - I went back to IT (I'm even considering some form of METH  (I have no energy, pain 24/7), as I read it could counteract DOWNERS and help me get into some routine)... I know it sounds DUMB, but I've researched heaps - I don't know what next...

Apart from chronic PHYSICAL injuries I suffered PTSD and severe depresion... It's not just Tramal that I obsess about - it's trying to GET OUT of the vicious cycle, guilt feelings for not taking better care of my kids, feeling useless, inadequate... whole heap of issues...

I'm trying to work out WHERE to break the cycle?... Whatever I do, sitting, standing, walking, lying, however I move - the pain from one or another injuriy is in my way..
I hope I can get some support here - doctor's are puppets of pharmaceutical industry (trillion dollar industry).

THANKS everyone sharing (I read all the posts from 2003 onward) - many heads are certainly better than one (minus half/brained DRs who talk theory but rarely true experience)...

If there are people who can help and are willing to offer support - I could use any bit of it right now.

I am hoping to FINALLY accept that I will have to live with some degree of pain, how to motivate myself to do things IN SPITE of pain as well as how to pull out from this hole of depression and negative feelings which are overwhelming (I will start my antidepressants again once I tamper Tramadol). As anyone who experienced it knows, depression is not a state of mind - no amount of "positive thinking" etc can help, it's a chemical imbalance which I hope to re-balance with meds and exercise (endorphines).

What I am embarking on is a big thing and a long, complicated process (dealing with so many issues), but I'm TIRED of slaving to painkillers, tired of being TIRED every day, tired of not even remembering how to play let alone how to ENOJY playing ANYTHING with my kids... I'm tired of having NO FEELINGS... If anyone can relate (as I mentioned initially) IS there or HAD BEEN there, please help.

God Bless

[myDRmyDEALER]

I could rough it out on my own, it's not end of the world but, mate, when you have two nagging/arguing/wrangling (NORMAL) kiddies around you at a time when you can't stand even yourself - it's much easier said than done.

I suppose you have been though WDs (so have I from Methadone) so imagine on top of how you felt (even if you were not alone) to have kids calling you to give them this and that, to take them here or there (beside daily school trips, shcl luches etc.) - how much patience would you be able to have?...

God bless them, I am grateful for my children - I am only trying to give you a picture how MUCH MORE difficult it CAN be.

Then DRs brought me down to "non-narcotic" Tramadol only to find my tolerance rise within days.

I was too moved by the cases on this site, and wanted to get off these a.s.a.p - nice to hope.

[myDRmyDEALER]

it IS over-simplified. but it's OK. it's a long story (almost 9years), and many things are not in our hands as much as we think they are... once you've been put on strong painkillers, your decision-making is even more altered. there starts a string of wrong choices until it's a mess you can't unravel easily.  thanks for the post in any case.

[myDRmyDEALER]

Of course there are support groups, but it is mostly moral support - as we can find here and it is essential - but I am in a pickle for practical support...

I don't trash drugs as medications - God knows I wouldn't be able to function at all, let alone do my work without them - but they do take over in many areas..
I read here many life stories - nurses, doctors, all sorts of professions on Tramadol or Suboxone etc - addiction makes no distinction...
I am not happy with where I am now - but I am pretty punched about being off Methadone (Physeptone) which was an awful time, worse than this (but so was the pain).

The hardest to overcome is DEPRESSION. Or times when you move just a tad wrongly - and end up bent over, for 10+ days, holding onto furniture just to get to the loo... Still when the pain is worse I know in couple of weeks it will ease off - with depression it's a whole different ball game, no end in sight.

That's why I want to take issues ONE-AT-A-TIME because I KNOW how complex my problem is and how many issues are to be dealt with.

Ce'st la vie.

[myDRmyDEALER]

I agree, absolutely, that is the first thing I thought of i.e. exchanging one addiction for another and I did try to see if it had any merit - how desperate one can be?... So I ASKED if anyone knows about that BECAUSE I don't think it's a good idea at all... That DRs are "puppets of pharmas"is obviously not implying ALL medical professionals, I'm referring to an unfortunate majority - and it is not easy finding a "good" doc, they are laready overbooked. Never mind my ramblings - you guys have all had all kinds of ideas trying to help your situations - I'm no different. I TRIED I BEGGED my psychiatrist to help me get to the ROOT (despite of it being triggered by agonising pain), I asked him to test me for ADHD for any syndrome which may result in such inclinations - only to have a cynical and sceptical answer "I don't think that will help" or something like that. I make no excuses for myself, I am trying to accept life with pain - I know I can live it - but GETTING TO THAT POINT is a huge problem when I have noone to offer support - yes moral support is essential and you guys are it - but PRACTICAL support... I don't want to snap at my kids, how do I explian I can't take care of myself let alone them?... They're too small still. Maybe this wasn't a good time to start, I got worked up by these stories and experiences and I want, oh, how I want to be free!... Perhaps I just have to go on for few more years, rot my brain few more years before I can actually DO something - by then it won't even matter. I'm 45 now, I'm physically, psychologically and emotionally weakened... I am not stupid, I said the first time I mentouned meth that it is DUMB idea, but I did read about it (it is being used in some rehabs in Europe I think) and it seems that for someone who does have Adult ADHD it actually had helped. I truly don't want to waste anyone's time, it can be easy to judge when we haven't walked in someone's shoes - and I've had a LOT happen in my life.

Only those who 1. live away from their homeland, 2. have small children, 3. have no family (i.e. kids have no extended family from EITHER side) and 4. who haven't taken even a paracetamol prior to their accident/illness - they can actually truly relate...

I didn't smoke, drink or take any drugs, I had a work related injury (23yrs ago) but I refused drugs (although I was shivering in terrible constant pain) which was used AGAINST me i.e. if I was in so much pain I would have taken drugs/drink (because I didn't want to lie and have them prescribed like some people w/o taking them) - but I was YOUNG then and when you're young you can top anything... I'm not a "wuss" I can take pain (gave birth three times - males, you don't know pain) but I couldn't walk after my injuries, sciatica in both legs etc etc. I definately don't blame others (I never have, that is not me - but trying to keep it brief not enough info is provided)... I blame MYSELF for allowing this to happen to me, for trusting people who are supposed to help (when I knew nothing about painkillers and addictions) as well as believeing some others who talk LOVE but don't know the meaning of it...

But, we live and we learn, I lernt plenty and still am. I'm not going into my interests and studies of sciences (from psychology to quantum physics from theology to spirituality and anything in between - it all helps little when one is stuck with bodily chemistry being altered).

I am happy and proud for anyone who managed to get off and stay off painkillers - but now that I am realising what is waiting for me (as I said when my ex was here I could have afforded more time) unfortunately, he's not a sypmathetic person to addicts in general, he thinks they are doing it because they WANT to - so not much hope there. If and when I can actually take at least just couple of weeks to focus on myself - I'll try then - and at least I know about this site now.

Thanks for being there, thanks for honesty (even misplaced sometimes but it's only because it is difficult to have a whole picture and I can't expect someone to read a whole book about my suffering - people have enough of their own), but thanks anyway.

God bless you all, may you be strong and firm in all your positive resolutions.

[kyle505]

Wow...I don't know where to start. Your life/situation is complicated, or rather, what you've done with it has made it complicated. I tend to over-simplify things; keeping in mind that all I know about you is what you've posted.
First, there are good doctors out there. I have one. To make a blanket statement that they are "puppets of pharmaceutical industry" is foolish and part of the excuse to continue what you've been doing. Finding a good doc is the first step in getting help, and right now your head is steering you away from that. If you have legit pain, then you need to find someone who can truly help you manage it. You also need to stop doctor shopping (kind of hypocritical considering your puppet statement).
And please, recognize the lies your mind is telling you, i.e., using uppers to help detox. That's nuts. Substituting one med for another is just setting yourself up to fair later on. You need to face the fact that if you really want to stop, you will have to go through the withdrawal process. Since you've been abusing for a while, getting professional advice, and maybe even supervision, might be wise.
Bottom line, stop making excuses - stop trying to find the easy fix. It's not there. And stop blaming others for where you are. Take responsibility for your own actions, then buckle up and do something about it. Hundreds have before you. It is hard, but it can be done.  

[ImDONENoMore]

Really?  You think smoking meth is going to get you out of this mess?  Oh boy, well that's a first for me.

You need to get to the ROOT of why you are abusing the meds in the first place.  Trying another addicitve drug (and an extremely DANGEROUS one to get you through withdrawal from your current DOC is a recipe for disaster.  You will end up trading addictions and be left with nothing more but a whole NEW set of problems.

There have to be meetings - or Dr.'s - or support groups - ANYTHING that will get you thinking about why you abused in the first place.  I know I might sound harsh but when I see you talking about smoking meth, well, I can't help but sound harsh.

Keep talking to us - you aren't thinking clearly right now at all and I get it - no one of us think clearly when we're addicted.  But please FIND a Dr. or another form of aftercare to get the information you need to quit safely and successfully.

[myDRmyDEALER]

Another thing.. Someone told me (and I looked it up online too) that apparently a way to reduce OPIOD TOLERANCE is by using the opposite i.e. some form of METHAMPHETAMINE (as in downers vs uppers). Does anyone knws anything about that? I actually tried diong it and the person was expecting me to get a "high"out of a particularly pure batch - and I felt NOTHING!... My body was so permeated with "downers"over many years so that it took around 10 days of (smoking) meth before I actally felt my energy levels rise (but no "high" at all, I wasn't after it anyway). The clash of those two opposing substances was amazing - but after couple of weeks I did notice that when I took Tramdl again I needed only 400mg to ease the pain, however, it took only three days to build up tolerance again. I tried talking to my doc to prescribe me Ritalin or something to HELP me reduce tolerance and eventually get off (when a simple pracetamol should be enough) bu he didn't want to because ït is not done in Australia for that purpose". I was very upset, angry, sad - I'm trying to help myself (since they sure don't care) and he won't even assist me in helping myself!... I told him that these days doctors can take their Hippocratic Oath and flush it down the toilet. Even if it didn't work - we could have tried for a month and if it doesnt make a difference it's easy enough to discontinue... But no. I'm considering ordering online and giving it a go, does anyone knows about it? It makes kind of sense to pull the system out of downer- immersion by temporarily using the stimulant substance. I went without ANYTHING for 5 months after detoxing from methadone, I waited, suffered, haven't slept all that time, depressed, walking dead.. waited  some more - my body/mind just couldn't revive itself (by itself). I want to try this when Istop using patches and get dosage down on Tramadol. I have tried everything else - and I will try any hopeful suggestion just to get out of this hole and be myself again (obviously won't be the same but wiser for the experience)...

[myDRmyDEALER]

I didn't get to Tramadol yet, I am starting with ditching the transdermal Buprenorphine pathc - this one had expired 3 days ago (they last 7 days releasing every hour) but I kept it more as a psychological deterrent kind of thing...  I have tried many times to taper - it just doesn't work for me, as long as there's any amount there I'm gonna take it... So, most likely, just like Emily it will be my running out of meds that will have to be the start... My prescription isa month supply of 400mgTram per day plus patch (DR can't prescribe more than 400mg legally) so I usually run out after two weeks - end up going to another Dr where I get one pack of 200mg and 3 repeats of 50's... I have too see how it goes when I hit 0 level of Bup, hope Tramadl will carry me over, than focus on Tram itself (with help of symptomatic meds like antinflamatories, diazepam, vitamins etc) but I'll deal with that once I get to crossing that bridge.. God willing. Huh. Major changes at inconvenient times but I see no more convenient time in near future so I'll try and get as much benefit from those couple of days kids are at school then with dad.

[myDRmyDEALER]

I'm reading though her journals, it is very helpful - the one difference being that I am, actually will be, doing it with two small kids and daily grind regardless of how I'm struggling through... No family or support except you guys - I do have friends here but most don't know my problem or how deep in s... I really am. I will keep reading the journal - I am especially looking forward to finding ways to MAINTAIN drug-free life. Thanks again for the link and for the wrds of encouragement.

[myDRmyDEALER]

Wise decision not to start Tramadol... If there is ANY other way to cope with pain and depression - seek it, I am impressed with your ability to (obviously) find alternatives... Thing is, when people go though "hard core painkillers" they build up such tolerance that no amount of natural/herbal medicine has any effect. That's why I said that it seems the only way is to ACCEPT the fact that I will have to live with the pain (of various degrees depending on circumstances, aggravation etc) - and accept my limitations, accept that even though I can't be most playful mom I am still there for my children which is better than notheing (and I was pretty darn close to doing something immensely stupid while at the depths of severe depression)... Not easy to deal with these feelings of guilt and inadequacy - but step by step I'll get there. I can't solve everything at once, I can take problems one at a time - or else it gets so overwhelming that I end up solving none. Thanks for the support, mate. God bless you all...

[myDRmyDEALER]

Thank you mary577, I'm currently on 800mg-1200mg a day PLUS Buprenorphine patch 20microg. per hour release (Suboxone is pill form of it).... awful how quickly tolerance is built up - and this over last TWO years - before was Methadone (I was in agony though) - I dream of a time when I will be MYSELF again... It's been EIGHT years that I couldn't recognise myself ny more, it happened so gradually though so when I realised it - I was too far gone addiction-wise and pshychologically-wise... I admire you for not falling into the painkiller trap, sometimes, as many pople here know very well, it's just impossible to avoid... I will keep trying - I got off Methadone and Suboxone before (though my ex was here to at least help with kids) now it's harder even if the substance is milder (which I am starting to seriously DOUBT after reading all these stories)... Will keep in touch.

[mary577]

When I read your post, all I could think was "Bless her heart....she is as accident prone as I am."   (Bless her heart is an old time southern saying.)   Anyway, I am as healthy as a horse but so accident prone, I have almost killed myself numerous times

I have only taken a couple of tramadol in my life.   The first two days I quit hydrocodone, I took two a day, but then I found this site and read that it is worse than hydrocodone, and an opiate as well.   Funny....my husband had knee surgery and the doctor prescribed tramadol because he said hydrocodone was addictive!!  Like tramadol isn't!   Fortunately he never took more than 4 or 5.

Anyway, I just want to offer you support, but also want to say that while I don't know much about tramadol....or drugs in general, I have read here that it is a difficult drug to detox from and can be very dangerous to quit cold turkey.   How many are you taking now?

Also please keep posting...no matter what, and someone will help you.   Today is Saturday so may be a little slow, and due to the time difference, don't lose track of us.

Hang in there and I hope you beat this monster.   All the best.

[Fireby29]

I am so sorry to hear about your struggles.  One of the things I feel lucky for, is while I was addicted to the hydro, I had chances (if you could call it that) to also get on tramadol.  I had gotten some advice about tramadol that was totally negative.  I tried one, hated it, and flushed the lot of them.  This was in 2010 or so, and I was on hydro, so while not my DOC it was big to flush them.  Just way too many absolute horror stories about tramadol/traumadol.  This drug is scary stuff and ought to be pulled like Darvocet, in my humble opinion.  Hang in there, you can get to the other side.

Bryan

[myDRmyDEALER]

Thank you, I will check it out, maybe get some idea wherree to start unrevelling this mess...I will have to be patient also because of the time difference - when here is day the rest of the world has nigh LOL - but I am hoping that I won't go through this alone... I was hoping to start tommorow although it might be better to wait until Friday (kids are being picked up by dad after school and returned Sunday morning) so if I start on Thursday I would have until Sunday to get though the worst of it (hopefully)... I need to have a "plan" because I tried many times "out of the blue" only to chicken out after couple of days... God help me.