Tried to get into a local rehab today...but No No No

HI,
  I have posted her a few times. i am an oxy abuser. And am cheating the system. I had a real rough night last night and woke up about 3 am with w/d and had a dose of vicodin at bedtime. I took a few more vicodin and got through the night. I have  doses of the fast acting oxy 5mg in daily issue pill containers to wean off and 5 ea 20mg in a bottle marked w/d. So I take a rainbow of pain killers.
  I work this morning at 6 am and decided I had enough. After spending time here on this board and reading the success stories posted, i decided, i wanted to be one and stop living this hell from trying to delicately balance my doses from splitting and chewing oxy. I'm in a personal hell.
  I surfed the web and found a local rehab center ten miles from me. They took medicare and state medical. I called them at 8:30 and no answer. So, I drove there. its connected to a hospital but when i arrived I was told, it no longer existed.
  Man, I was ready to dump my pills, call all my doctors to stop prescribing and check in for a month of rehab. I was finally ready. I know usually people dont check in till their out of pills and are suffering. I still had a weeks worth if I tapered off accordingly.
  Now I cant find another rehab near me except the ones if you want to fly to Malibu or somewhere fancy. My last resort is the V.A. which is 70 miles away. I wanted to stay close as I am a Daddy and active husband. i just have a problem that I think can be beat with the right treatments.
  I did contact NA so i know there is a meeting in my area come Monday. I dont think i want to learn how to manage my meds. I am in pain from amputating all my toes and half my left foot in 2001. But alot of people here say that we can discover our pain isnt as bad as we think it is once were off the pain meds. And I am willing to try that.
Heres the dilemma, if i come clean that I abuse to my doctors and i get clean, what if there is true continued pain? Then Im screwed to the wall. i couldn't get pain relief. I mean, no one would issue me pain meds again and I would suffer. BUT whats worse, suffering w/ds off and on on a consistent basis, or chronic pain, if their is some? Ho do you approach this in an intelligent manner?
  Sure, i want to promise, i wont split and chew oxy anymore, but once that train gets rolling, i will be right back here again whining.
  Anybody who has been through my delima, feel free to chime in. I have great respect for this board , even though were a bunch of dopers, this place has an aura about it. A good feeling.
all the best;
-Dez

[lady67]

Dezdon,

I have often wondered what would happen if I later have a legitimate need for pain meds.  If you look at my journal you will see a copy of the letter that I handed out to all the doctors in my area.  In this letter I asked that I not be prescribed any narcotics.  I was so ready to get clean that I didn't think about what would happen down the road.  A few weeks ago when I thought I was dying (I thought it was my gallbladder), I went to my family doctor and told her about it.  She said she knew I was in pain, but by writing that letter, it tied her hands.  She said that once you put something like that in your file, it is very hard to get it taken out.  The gallbladder problem went away and I made it through without any drugs, and I thank God that she didn't cave in and give them to me.  That made me start thinking about what would happen if I were in an accident or something and I truly needed something for pain.  I guess I will just have to cross that bridge when I come to it.


I don't know if this helped your situation any, but atleast you know you aren't alone in this.  Oh and I have been 71 days clean of hydros.  GO    ME!!

[GoingToMakeIt]

That is the reason I never told my Dr. With a bad back history, I didn't want to be in the position of no relief. But I am very proud of your resolve.

[marcatj]

i would suggest a pain management/addiction specialist.

that's what i did.  i had chronic pain AND an addiction.

many specialize in both.  because they know pain is very real.  so is addiction.

at the end of the day, if you are really ready to quit, you'll find a way.  and if that means coming clean with your doctors right now, if you do end up in the position of needing meds later, you'll find another doctor.

that all said - again, the pain/addiction specialist has helped me tremendously, on both fronts.  and yes, my pain was not as bad as i thought, once i got off the pills.

you'll do it - some way - if you are really ready to quit.

i wish you the best of luck.  it feels SO much better being clear minded, and present.... and if you find your pain is manageable without the pills, you'll be so much happier, and your kids will be happy to have their daddy more "present" for them....

be well,
mj

[4afriend]

My ex's girl has a hx of opiate abuse, she went thru detox in aug of 07.  This past April she was having numbness down and arm and leg and a reverse curve in the spine was found she was prescribed vic's.  He said that she was taking four a day for a few months and was tired of taking them, but when she went to stop she started to go thru the withdrawls.  He told me that since her pain is without resolve I guess for the time being and with the hx of opiate abuse, she was subscribed subutex.  This to prevent the opiate abuse as well as offer her pain relief.  He said shes doing well with it, is better from no longer being on the pills and can take the subutex forever.  He said it's difficult because she doesn't have insurance at the moment, but he's just glad to see her off the pills.  I don't know first hand, but that was one story I've been told, when it comes to an addiction vs. pain relief

[marcatj]

i'm currently using Sub for the same reason.

to stay off the vic's, and for chronic pain relief.

it has helped me tremendously on both fronts. Sub has been used for years in Europe as a form of pain management.  alot of people don't know that here...

[road2recovery]

What a powerfull post you wrote...I can tell you want help..It saddens me though that you went there and it was no longer there..
I have heard good and bad, about admitting abuse..Some had real pain and never could get pain meds, some went to treatment and had no problem..SO i can't answer that..

Can u tell us what you are exactly taking, mgs , and time , etc...
I will tell u that when i stopped, my pain was not as bad as i thought...Maybe outpatient may be best...This is a tough one..
possibly like MJ said is sub.
r2r

[Dezdon]

Thanks for the quick, great repsonces. Alot of good ideas here. R2r. I am prescribed 20mg oxycotin x 2 a day.Plus 5 mg oxcodone 3 x a day. I also have acess to another 20 mg oxy at bedtime and 7.5 mg hydrocodone x 8 a day.
  Now what i am prescribed, and what i take are two different things. i tend to save the hydrocodine for when i run out of oxy. And will take twice the dose. I even wake up in the midel of the night and have to take the hydrocodone most of the time when Ima out of the oxy.
  The oxy I tend to cut in half and chew two halfs within an hour, about every 3-4 hours. So you can see, Its not that i dont think i have enough meds, my feet never hurt cause I am always flying. but I am abusing, looking for that special feeling. Thats why I want to quit. But I havent felt the pain in my feet except when i run out and go through the w/d's and yes, they hurt, but i typicly get a refill within days so i cant say if after a week or two, how much pain my feet would be giving me.Ive heard it said, there not much worse pain the foot pain, because all the walking and wieght put on them. Im thinking back pain would be damn tramatic also. And not to discount anybody eles aliments.
   I guess I want the best of things, no pills in my life anymore, no foot pain and acess to pain meds if there is foot pain. But if you go into rehab, Im guessing you have to disclose your prescriptions sources and i would loose acess if needed. Sticky situation eh?
peace,
-Dez

[road2recovery]

Yes very sticky situation.....But first i want to tell you that being honest about this is the best ....I am sure you felt better, by just typing it...
That is alot of meds...And this has been since 01 right??  Do u have support at home?
There is alot of help out there, but what is right for you?? In one sentence you said you work at 6 am?  Can you take time off of work?I have never taken oxycontin, only lortab (vic, oxycodone,)..My Doc was norco lortab 10's..I took at most 15+ a day....This was after all pain was gone..For you, you don't know if pain will be gone..Also i agree , foot pain is tough, and so is back pain...
Maybe think of this, can yu give them to your wife and try to take as directed, then start tapering??  now this means no HIGH, at all.....It will suck..But honestly if you keep this up,  it will take more and more just to stop the w/d's...And you will never know how the pain really feels...
we are all here for you
r2r

[HenryS354]

Wow,

I am truly sorry for the pain your feeling right now emotionally and physically.  It is very true that most addicts feel less pain once off their DOC.

I am currently working as a flight attendant taking some time off from school.  I just finished my 2nd year of medical school in January, and am an Addict currently tapering off suboxone.  I had a 8 year run with IV morphine, fentanyl, dilaudid, and demerol.

This post just motivates me even more to finish my medical degree.  I am planning on specializing in Anesthesiology, and Pain management for persons with addiction.  I truly believe I will have a lot to offer people having been down this road myself.

I wish you the best of luck man!
Henry

[worried878]

There is a meeting close to u before monday  [phone]

A rehab is not the only answer/but an option...if u cant get in then use the support here and ur closest AA or NA group..same principle and interchangeable..

60 mg oxycodone/long acting, 15 oxycodone/short acting oxycodone/ and 60 mg of hydro daily...add it up it is135 mg of narcotics per day....oxy is a bit stronger than hydro but not a whole awful lot...not a terribly high dose from what i have seen here but substantial to say the least.....DO-ABLE>>>>DO-ABLE....have done this amount of narcotics in one day but never on a regular basis..80-100 was my norm...woulda gone there tho in time and many superceed that amount/not that that helps anything!

So what do u want to do?...many here have quit from that dose and much higher...if u have not tried to quit on ur own at least once or many times i would not turn to sub...if u r scared of the week or so of physical wds and they scare u so bad u cant do it...then sub is a short term option....but the mental part is the humdinger and sub can' t help u there if used short term...if feeling like u have a crappola case of the flu scares the living daylights out of u then it is an expensive option,,,up to 600 bux for the initial visit....frugal as i am i suffered thru it and went on....long term sub can keep u clean/only if u want to stay clean REAL BAD as many can not stay clean even on suboxone if they are not committed....long term sub can help u get ur life in order while u can think clearly then taper off the sub and quit...there are people here like "lifesaride" who is on sub and seems to be doing well with his goals and i think he will make it off the sub and stay clean when he decides to do it...feel it in my bones...see so many start on it and never to be heard from again so i dont know the success rate with use long term...i do know short term it can help with wds but not relapse..aftercare is the key...call that number...sorry for the long post

[marcatj]

statistically, my doctor told me it was either an 80 or 90% success rate for people staying clean after being on Sub for a year.

(i'm not saying this is the route for everyone.  i'm just stating the facts, as far as i know them.)