Triggers

[lostparent]

My daughter is in a private facility, and close to a month clean from Oxy.  Her Suboxone treatment was completed, so now she is pretty raw, but feeling good.   We suspect a 60 day stay.  Needless to say this is a financial impact for us.  I would not have it any other way... We are blessed to be in a position to do this... this is our gift to her.

One of the counselors initially told us that she can't go back home... it is a trigger.  She has been renting the same apartment for  3 years and has been on her own for 8.  We are struggling with the financial side of this.  If we move her while in treatment, there are many costs associated with it... movers, storage, time, etc.  Please do not take this wrong... it is not all about the costs...    

So what do people do???  I understand the concept of triggers... faces and places, but do people sell their homes??? do they actually move out of their current places???  and if we chose to not do this, will it really sabotage her ability to have a successful recovery???

Another issue is that she has a large dog, who is really her life... he is 7 years old.  it took a long time to find a place that would allow dogs over 80 pounds.  Just trying to sort out the logistics

as always, your support and feedback are greatly appreciated

[bubbaganoosh]

I am still torn weather or not rehabs are buisnesses like any other they need clients etc, I tried NA/AA 8yrs so ago didnt seem to click to it, anyone else find that? there are some great sites around like ( www.smartrecovery.org). I think its like 1in 3 people make it i remember seeing on Dr Drew Celeb rehab , I think whatever works for them do it i guess the common goal is to be healthy  

[corey411]

The 60 days is a real good thing. When my son finished rehab he went to a halfway house for addiction cause he knew that he needed more time. By the time he was finished...4 months....he decided that coming home was not an option. He has lived 1 1/2 hrs away from home near where his NA group and halfway house  was. He didn't feel that coming home was a good idea bc of all of the history. He does come in every other weekend and stays with us and spends time with his 2 kids. He's never tempted but says he would never want to move back here. I would let her work that out in time with the councelors.

[lostparent]

All... thanks so much for the reply... I can't tell you all how much your feedback means to us...

So we are NOT moving out of state...

She is 30 and has been on her own for 8 years... and like so many on this board, living life as an accomplished professional...  She has been in the apartment for 3 yrs and her close (good friends) are nearby...  most married with kids or on the way and not into the party scene... with the exception of a few... but all good normal people that we have known for 20 years.  She distanced these friends and replaced with drug friends fro the past 2 months....

We are meeting with the counselors to discuss this week.  

Lots of dynamics on the 'business and financial' side... and yes this is a financial disaster for us... I was a few years away from retirement.  

One thing that I did not like is that many are lumped into the same category...  Enablers and Co-dependants...  I can honestly say, that perhaps when she was in her teens we were, but we have not helped her financially in 8 years.  Pretty normal family... normal is subjective :)

What I did see in group were some scary things... one mother drove her son to the worst place in Tampa to buy crack, based on a promise that this would be 'the last time'.  The other gave her son $100 to not steal form her...  Heart breaking but they do not know what to do

So I will post the results...  She is very type A and very strong... this is our gift and I think she gets it now...

[road2recovery]

I agree with Lizzie,  we are finding so many things out about our daugter that we had no idea.....and she has 2 months to go, so i am sure more will come out..
I also think they may want her to go to a half way house after.....And we would have to agree as they know best!!!
r2r

[LIZZIE LOU]

my point exactly...they have a way of finding out "everything".

i think what you find with "most" addicts...not all...is that they have been abusing one drug or another for quite some time.  i read it here on the forum frequently...as time goes on...ppl will open up and admit that they used to abuse cocaine...they used to abuse alcohol...they used to abuse heroin...etc.  substituting one drug for another is quite normal in the world of addiction.  someone will say..."i'm addicted to pain pills"...when the fact of the matter is they have been an addict for most of their life.

sooooooooo...do you just work on the pain pill addiction or do you work on the addict?  i wouldn't think that a therapist would tell someone to up and move "just" because they had an addiction to pills for awhile.  there is usually more to the story...and for most addicts...they have to "learn" to live sober...or relapse...trading one addiction for another...is almost inevitable.

[worried878]

I also thought you meant that you and your husband were going to move...and that she would live with yall....either case...i would be close by and be there for her...does she live near you/like in the same city?  Unless i moved really far away from this city i would be able to get drugs...it would have nothing to do with my house as i find my home as my haven and not a trigger....and if i moved somewhere else i would be able to find them once again if i chose to do so...now if i had a drug dealer next door, it may be a good idea for me to move..or like mentioned above...if i lived in a drug ghetto...barring that i think familiarity is a comfort for many...of course I have lived in this house for 27 years!

[GoingToMakeIt]

Lizzie Lou makes a good point. I am sure you will talk with the counselors and ask what the long term plan is and why. Also see what they meant by her needing to move. Could be they know something you don't. This is tough, good luck.

[road2recovery]

I am in the same postition as you...My daughter is in rehab for 90 days...The costs was unreal, but like u , that is ok, we do what we have to do..

I dont think she needs to move , unless her roomate, neighbor is her supplier..They will give her all the tools she needs to watch for triggers..
I am also in the same place, and i have to change things...Everywhere you go will be drugs, doctors , etc...SO really we need to change, and that is what she will learn in there....
good luck and i pray your daughter will make it through!!
r2r

[LIZZIE LOU]

well...since i have alot of experience with having kids in rehab...lol...i'll give you my take on what the counselor may be referring to.

did the counselor mention "aftercare" or something like a halfway house?  usually when someone is in rehab...they are in a controlled environment.  it is kind of easy to get off drugs and work on your recovery in this situation.  it's when REAL LIFE steps in that the problems start.  your daughter needs to learn to live sober...before she is thrown to the wolves...so to speak.  while in some kind of aftercare program...ppl are back in the mix with society...but they still have the support of the program...and alot of times they are afraid to go back into the real world...scared they cant handle the pressures and triggers.

i have a friend who has a son that just got out of a 90 day rehab stay.  instead of going home...he went to the aftercare program the place offered.  he has to work to pay for his stay...and the price is not alot since it is shared by many.  while there...he relapsed after about a month.  this IS part of addiction...but instead of trying to deal with this on his own...he was surrounded by others that were in he same situation.  he "chose" to go back to the rehab for a week and then back to the halfway house.  he has committed to a year long stay there to work on his recovery.

i would definitely consider some kind of aftercare program :)

[lostparent]

Thanks... All good points and will take all in consideration.

Her connections have been around for a while, so if she were to chose to contact any of them, that could be done from any location.

Her 'good' long time professional friends and support group are close by... so that is positive.  She distanced herself from them over the past 6 months and picked us some less desirable friends.

We will play this all out day by day.  We have not even discussed with her counselor and have not discussed with my daughter.

Thanks for the feedback!!!

[dove3053]

I have lived in the same place for 15 years and never thought of moving. I believe that people she may know could be the triggers and I guess maybe some are in her building. I also know how hard it is to find a place when you have a dog that big. I would go back and ask them why they think her place is a trigger. If it was me I would want to go back to my home because it's familiar. I would also think maybe moving her could be a trigger in itself. I don't think I was much help but I tried.

Your daughter is lucky if have a parent (s) that are loving and so concerned for her. I'm sure she knows it already.

God Bless,

Laura

[cathy5841]

i agree with the fact that you have to change you friends and the places you go and all of those things.  that to me is a part of successful recovery.  however i think a person wanting to stay clean can live in the same house and do so.  i am still in the house i used and have been clean 4 months.  i cut all ties to anyone who supplied my habit and all drs. know i cant take narcotics.  i have a great support group here and at home.  i think you have to take responsibility for some things and just suck it up.  if she cooses to go back tousing she will anywhere.  

[bubbaganoosh]

couldn't have said god where is that edit button lol..  its late here im tired,

[bubbaganoosh]

GTMI i agree re playmates for sure if theyre negative but if not using no , but unless your in the middle of a huge drug ghetto i dont think its right, could have said it better Triggers are everywhere and you need to learn to cope with them , its bascially what i have done too just learnt to deal with triggers , reason i felt so strongly ive moved myself thinking it helps but never does as you take yourself with you :)

[troubleinohio]

i agree with the others... a home makeover should probably do the trick as long as she doesnt have druggies that live next door to her that she is "friends" with ?  Part of recovery is learning to deal and cope with things that previously triggered us to use. I am still doing this everday and just wrote a post this morning  about an odd thing that happened yesterday after seeing 4 people i used to get pills from. I got sicker than a dog last evening.. but i didnt use. I have cravings still but havent given in. The fact that i got sick yesterday just from seeing these people just reaffirms the fact for me that my addiction is still in there somewhere, lurking about, waiting for a chance to be set free again and I must fight it tooth and nail every day. Some days are fine for me and i have no cravings and do pretty well. Others are a battle. SHe must learn to deal with life like this as well too, no matter where she is living...good luck to you. She is lucky to have such a loving parent on her side. Keep us posted please.

[GoingToMakeIt]

If her place is surrounded by druggies it may well be a trigger. If not, I wonder if a makeover would set a different mood in her place? Just a thought. It may not be all about money, but you do need to prioritize expenses. Good luck with that part. Triggers are every where, but you do need to get new 'friends' and sometimes environment.

[bubbaganoosh]

I've heard this alot in rehabbing, places playmates playthings etc.. But i have to say  dont agree with it, its not the building how can it be its just bricks mortar, this is just one persons opinion and perhaps more in rehabs councillors, she may feel different now on sub and see things differently too, change the paint change the furniture etc... may be just as good,  I think its what we do with our lives too, I remember a scenario friend who was told once to even sell  a car to fund something hmmmmmm, myself most of my addiction treatment medication RX  i have gotten next to free , i dont think paying 30,000k would ensure you any better outcome for a private rehab than a public one. I really belive there is no need for this, adds stress that doesnt need to be just MO. goodluck

[sickcookie]

I believe going home would cause triggers ,old so call friends and connections calling and stopping by also past memories of using.It was a hard journey for her and this would be part of her fresh start.Your great parents for providing this great opportunity for her to turn her life around and I think this would be a little extra insurance,part of moving forward.Good Luck ,glad your here

[worried878]

I am not sure about moving and all...you mean like to another city?  Most people do not do that i dont think although some have...if you are there with her and she gets lots of support with follow up care..she may do fine.....no matter where u go...drugs are there...tho i am sure there are places where it is worse than others..i live way down south and it is not a big ciry....pill poppers etc can spot one another a mile away...i am not sure if moving would ensure that she would never relapse...keep posting