I just wanted your opinion on something, just out curiosity lol. I know that as a couple and if both are active addicts i think it can be tougher to quit, not in all cases but a lot of times. What do you think of two addicts hooking up with significant clean time? Do you think it is dangerous or it could be a good thing? Anyone here have a spouse that is an addict also? Do you help each other or does it make it tougher? Any input here would be good.
They say buy a plant the first year and if you don't kill it buy a pet the second year. If you still have both after the second year your ready to handle a relationship.Wish I woulda done that with my first husband LOL
.My mother and father in law were alcoholics for years and years. My ex had really sad stories about growing up with them. They got up and drank vodka...ate the good food and gave their kids soup. My father in law even tried to hang himself. When I met them they were clean for years....over 25 and only had help from their MD. They really supported each other but I think that's not the norm. There were 2 couples at NA who found each other at NA after having a few years clean. It seems that with some cleantime it would help. I don't really have anyone in my family to talk to who really understands. I think it would really help to have someone around all the time to get you through those rough bumps.The folks from NA won't have anything to do with you if your not active in their program.
I tend to agree with corey if there is enouph clean time i think two togather could be a good thing, they would no how the other felt and u wouldnt feel so alone in ur addiction and could support eachother, but for sure would have to have quite awhile of clean time first. hope this helps giz hehe
I guess there are positives and negatives to both. I remember a couple in N/A when i had went and they had quite a bit of clean time, like a couple years i think and they met in N/A also and and got married and still clean. The weirdest thing is she works as a bartender and is an alcoholic, i don't know how she can do that.
We all have our ups and down. I can see where it could be very beneficial to have someone who understands you......but.....If you both are on a 'down' cycle, I can see where it could be very easy to 'push' each other to use.
here's my problem! I have a boyfriend whom I love very much and have for the last 12 years. He was to my suprise very supportive of helping me clean! I had a drinking ( binge) problem about 2 years ago where I would go out and party and wake up to drink so I wouldn't feel hungover! Lime a weekend warrior! Well that got out of hand so I stopped drinking in excess. Around that time I started taking pills! Now that I'm clean from my doc it bothers me that be smokes pot and drinks! I know you were wondering where I was going with this:)! So he has smoked pot for as long as I can remember! I've never been a fan if pot because I have gas mulitple lung operations! So I don't do it! So to get to a point... This past weekend he said he was taking some cokeon a hunting trip and I freaked when he got home! I told him that I needed to be with someone who supportive if my recovery! He blew up at me and said that he's not the one with an addictive perdonality and that I was over reacting and I needed to take my " happy" pill ana lexapro! I was so angry I was ready to call it quits with him! He saw how mad this mad me that he finally came clean about the coke story! He said it was for a hunting buddy to do while he cheated on his wife! My boyfriend said That no drug is worth coming between him and I! I honestly don't have a prob with him smoking pot but I have a prob with him holding my old lifestyle over my head! Do I take it to another level and ask him to stop smoking! Sorry bit of a nonsense rambling story but I thought I should get my thoughts out there:)
I think in a 'perfect world' an addict in recovery should definitely be ALONE and spend time working on themselves and their own issues.. this, I believe is so important to staying clean. A relationship, even a healthy one (which is so rare these days), can be a definate distraction from yourself and your recovery. And an unhealthy relationship in any sense can be a huge trigger. However we don't live in a perfect world and sometimes being 'alone' is just not an option. I can say if I was with someone who was an active addict, I would ultimately have to make the choice to leave no matter what. But if I am with someone who is a recovering addict and trying to stay that way, I would stay. Its probably more difficult but that's life. BUT If I were single I would probably stay that way for a while, and deal with my issues.
My only experience with this is from observing my sister who is very active in AA after many years spent "out there". It seems to be a regular Peyton Place at those meetings she attends. She has had a few relationships, some long term, but they have all ended due to the other half going "back out". She has 16 years sober now but for some reason still chooses to date only fellow addicts she meets at the meetings/dances/socials. I think it's like most have said on here...there is an upside because you both know how the other feels and can be supportive. On the other hand, I would think you might be on your guard a lot...sort of watching the other person like a hawk to make sure they don't relapse?? Maybe that's dumb but I just think it would be easier to be with a non addict. Then on the other hand (if you have three hands LOL) if there is significant clean time on both sides, I think it could be a plus. Well, I've just given every different opinion so I should just say I dont know.
I am with an addict and he went out and I followed, then he went out again and I followed, the third time I left him and stayed clean,but that is not all he used for 3 months and cleaned up and I came back and he used again this time I did not follow.Now I have 7 months clean on Thursday and he has 24 days clean and I tell it it affected me spiritually. i noticed that i kinda gave up my recovery the fun left out of everything and on and on.So from my personal experience it doesn't seem to be that fun!!. Especially when you are wondering if the person u love is dead or alive.
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