Uggggh............cravings!

[SCtranspose]

I need help right now! I just found 5 oxycontin 80s behind my tv around 11:00! It is now 5:00 am and I haven't had any sleep because of them. I am soooooooo tempted to take just 1. I've even peeled the coating off of 1. I can't stand it anymore! I was doing so well. I am almost 16 days totally clean and I haven't had this type of craving or temptation yet. I've been to the bathroom at least 20 or so times already to flush them, but everytime I do, I just can't do it. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?!?!,!? I've done so great so far. I've been sleeping great and in positive mood, no depression, and then this! I don't want to go through the WDs again and that is what is keeping me from crushing a line right now but I don't know how long I can keep from this demon pill. I mean who just "finds" 5 OC 80s behind their tv?!?! I always kept a good count on everything I had on hand and don't ever remember being short 5 of them. It's like I won the jackpot..... From hell. I'm seriously about to do this right now. I mean if I do just 1, I think I can flush the rest immediately and still not suffer any or very little wd. I'm in counseling and NA 4 times a week, but am so unprepared for this! HHHHHHEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPP!

[Jaybay]

It wasn't "only a couple pills" - you DID conquer the world!  Give yourself a gold star and a hug in addition to what we're all sending your way.  You done good!  :-)

[SCtranspose]

Wow, I just slept like a baby till 3:00! The longest I've slept since sober! Somehow I feel so much better and refreshed, like I can conquor anything in the world now (LOL it was only a couple pills)! I think in a way I needed this, like it was put there to test me and I somehow, and I mean SOMEHOW, passed it. I was so close to giving in, it's not even funny. For anyone going through similar temptations, don't do it, you will have a self-pride high that beats a pill high any day! I know it won't seem like it at the time, but now I can look back at this and remember how great I felt after flushing these pills. I know I can overcome any temptaion now. And if you are having thoughts about relapsing, get on here and get it off your chest, it helped me so much. Then get to a NA meeting asap! Good luck.

[Back_2_life]

You just proved to yourself that you are stronger then the pills. That took a lot of courage and you ought to be very proud of yourself. That one pill would have set in motion the active addiction that you worked so hard to get out of. Ones too many and a thousand isn't enough..so true with these pills. Congrats on doing what you did but bear in mind addicts don't do well with tests so make sure you have no pills left laying around. Get rid of them all and all remaining sources. I am going into detox later this month and finally after 2 yrs told my pain doctor I no longer required his services. Toughest call I had to make but feel relieved. I have to cut all the ties to pills because when I'm detoxing it'll be too hard mentally if I know I can get pills. Cutting the sources is the only way to really break free. As long as there's a supply available I can't be sure I can turn them down when I'm weak and detoxing so by cutting the supply off now when the time comes I'll know it will be less temptation because there's no more pills to get. You should make sure you have no remaining sources so that you have less temptation. Hats off to you and give yourself a HUGE pat on the back. Are you going to meetings?

[sky_is_the_limit]

Temptation and being an addict has almost ruined my life. Going back to take just one more set me back for two years before I even knew what was going on. This cycle we fall into only takes one PILL> ONE EVIL PILL> Been clean for days now and starting to realize how much of my life I have wasted. GOOD JOB FOR FLUSSHING THEM EVIL BAS**RDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Proud of anyone with this courage.

[dominosarah]

Way to go on getting rid of those pills!!  Takes alot of strength to do that.  Be proud of yourself!!   sara

[DayToTry]

Oh wow.  Wonderful!  Good job.  See now don't you feel better.  And just think how awful you would have felt tomorrow if you'd have given in.  I'm so proud of you!!!!!

[paying_it_forward]

Good on ya for flushing them! BEST thing you could have done for yourself.

Keep on truckin'

[laurel453]

ooh it is not the devil, it is just a symptom of addiction ... , imo

[Iwant2Bclean]

Thank God! I was so worried when I saw this post! I thought to myself I was awake why didn't I check to see if anything was going on. Way to go that is awesome! You did a very hard thing and for that you should be very proud of yourself! The Devil will always try to make us fall but if we have the faith of Christ we can do anything!
Take care and Congrats
Krissy

[laurel453]

it is not an easy thing to do, SC but you did it :) congrats .... we have to face a lot of mental challenges, just take each one at a time, now you know you can do it.... what's the point of being resolved to jump the obstacles if we don't want to jump them ? we can do it  and you just did jumped your first big obstacle, feel proud of yourself SC :).

[iwannabefree]

Oh wow thats great news. Im so glad I could help. Im only a few days behind you (12 days clean) and know how hard this battle is. I fought this battle many years ago and thought because a lot of years had gone by that I could take opiates again when I got a back injury. No such luck! I landed right back where I started within a very short space of time. I wish I had known about the extra recepters that my brain had made back then and that they were sleeping, just waiting for the day for me to wake them up. Well as far as Im concerned now, they can sit in a coma for the length of the rest of my life. Congratulations on reaching 16 days. Thats a great achievment. ...........Christine

[SCtranspose]

Wow! I can't believe that I let that keep me up for the most part of the night! It should have been easier for me to just flush them in the first place! I mean, they are just lil'ol' pills. I surely hope that I can make it through these mental games and maybe someday be able to see one and it not affect me at all... Yeah, that'll be a great day! Thanks again everyone for your support in getting me through this. I would have probably relapsed if I hadn'nt had this forum to get my crazy thoughts out there.

[SCtranspose]

Thanks , Iwannabefree, I just read through part of the posts and it frightened me enough  to get rid of this last one, just now I flushed it too, thanks again for all the advise! I feel like a big load has been taken off me! I hope that I never find myself in a situation like that ever, never, ever again! I'm over it now thanks to you guys. Yes I Plan on getting to my NA meeting immediately.

[laurel453]

the main reason not to take them is of the difference you are doing to your life now... you don't want to destroy your life with active addiction this means overcoming these moments of cravings  by not taking a pill, by doing the opposite you have been doing until some days ago .... Next time you have cravings what are you gonna do ? this is the time , now not next time .... you will feel empowered after flushing this pill whereas if you cave in you will feel the opposite ... you don't depend on them , you don't need the pill , flush it now and there will be a big difference on your mind next time you have cravings, you will know you can overcome them, you will know you can do it !!!!!

[iwannabefree]

the way she explains it, you would be waking sleeping dragons...the new recepters that your brain made just for your addiction. Scary stuff !!

[iwannabefree]

Ok you need to go to the top of this page and click on "back to forum". Once you are back on the forum page read down until you come to "whats worse in your opinion' by struggling_college_student. Click on that and read the answer that "worried" gives. She explains in detail exactly what will happen if you take even the smallest part of a pill that was the pill of your choice and addiction.

[SCtranspose]

Ok, I just flushed 4 of the 5 & only have the 1 that I peeled the coating off of. So my question is this, I have never bought my ocs off the street, only got them from a close family member who I have since told not to give me any more. Therefore, I have no way of getting any more. So then, would it do any damage to take this 1 pill to ease the cravings? Would I have to go through withdraws again? What about just a half of it, or a quarter of it. Its just so hard for me knowing that had 5 and didn't even take anything out of it! I know i must sound crazy, but it is almost as if I NEED to take at least a portion of it!

[iwannabefree]

God I know how you feel. Ive been through this, but please just STOP and slowly breathe in and out and count to 20 everytime you get close to taking them. Is there someone in NA that you can ring immediately? If not try and force yourself out of th ehouse and take a walk around the block to try and calm your mind. Take your cell phone with you and try and ring until you find someone that can come over and be with you. Good luck. I am praying for you !

[DayToTry]

Just flush them ... Living on pills is not a life you want.  

You've done so good!  Don't mess it up now.  Just think about how good you will feel and how proud you will be of yourself when you do it.  If you take them on the other hand ... you will be disgusted with yourself.

I'll be proud of you too if you flush them.

[SCtranspose]

Sorry for the delay, after I posted I was tired all of a sudden like I got it off my chest and wasn't constantly in my mind anymore. So somehow I just passed out! I still have them and the craving is still there but I think I'm gonna flush them. It is still a hard decision though

[laurel453]

Hey, i am here ... SC, how are you ? did you flush the pills ? please, don't think, act .... don't let your mind play with you and come back here asap, ok ? stay posting ...

[Iwant2Bclean]

I really hope that you didn't do anything to mess up being sober! I wish I had seen this earlier cause I have been up all night. If you haven't done them please message me!

[SCtranspose]

What's worse is that there is no one on here this time of the night to help me through this! By the time anyone has read this,......... I will have relapsed. Thank you everyone on here that has helped me so far... I mean it, you guys have been great and I am sorry to have let so many of you down like this. You warned me that this would be the hardest part, and you were right. I'm just not strong enough. Maybe I'll be back here soon to try to get sober again, I hope......