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Ugh....I feel like addict all over again!!

So my psychiatrist prescribed me Ritalin a few months ago for adult ADHD and ironically, I fell asleep within an hour and was out for a good 4 hours (in the middle of the day).  I continued taking it as prescribed but by the end of the first week I was SUPER cranky and bitching at everyone.  I got so full of rage one night that I flushed them all down the toilet and call my doc the next day to let him know that I wouldn't be taking those anymore ;) I'm quite the control freak....

As expected, I continued suffering from my ADHD symptoms being a full-time student and single parent to a 1 year-old with NO child care. A month later (last week) my doc put me on Adderall. I was nervous because I remember getting some off of friends over the years and I always felt high and LOVED it!! I didn't strongly present with ADHD symptoms until I was well into my 20s (rare but true). Anyways, I've felt great for the past week (of course!).  But thankfully, I don't feel "high", just focused, organized, and energized.  I don't have trouble sleeping and I don't feel "speedy" which is what I was really concerned about.

I'm concerned though because I already need to take more that prescribed which my doctor said might happen and to feel free to try out.  I was prescribed 10mg 2xday and he said if I noticed it working for me but it didn't feel strong enough, to break up a pill and try 15mg 2xday. I've actually ended up taking 10mg 4xday because it's instant and wears off after 3-4 hours. He wanted to put me on XR but I don't have insurance and that would have cost me $300! I don't feel like I'm "enjoying myself", just living life and feeling "normal." But for some reason I feel guilty taking it, perhaps because it's a controlled substance?? It's prescribe to me for a legit reason and I'm not "abusing" it. I called my doc this morning and he said that he was planning to move me up to 40mg/day (10mg 4xday) anyways and that it was fine with him as long as I felt comfortable on that dosage.

Anyone have any thoughts?? Should I feel guilty?? Is it bad that I feel so much better on a controlled substance even though I don't technically feel high??

THOUGHTS PLEASE :)
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Avatar universal
Does your psychiatrist know of your addiction history?  I'd be careful there...if you find yourself going beyond the 40mg that should be a red flag!

Good luck with this...
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