Ultram ER - snorting and possible addiction to other pills

[concernedEMT]

I've been sitting here at work (great use of time) and just looking around the forum and made the decision to look for some help.  I think that my boyfriend's becoming addicted to Ultram ER 100.  I found a pouch of his in a suitcase that contained an old credit card, a straw to snort, as well as a lighter.  I know he was taking percs a while ago but swore to me that he stopped taking them, and now I honestly don't believe him, especially after the way he looked last night.  He came to visit and I believe he snorted the Ultram when he went into the bathroom.  He came  out sniffing and itching his nose and then his eyes got really weird and glassy.  It really looked like he was high.  He knows that I'm not going to tolerate anything like this, and I already voiced my opinion when he was taking the percs, but now I think he's resorted to snorting.  I'm not stupid and wasn't born yesterday.  He keeps talking about getting married in the near future and works as a CO and I'm in school to become an attorney.  

I guess my question is how do I go about approaching him about this and tell him that I know what he's doing?  He gets angry when I mention him taking any medications.  He got the Ultram ER and Lyrica, as well as a large prescription of flexiril from his doctor, he just found out he has 3 degenerating vertebrae possibly caused by a motorcycle accident a few years ago.  It's frustrating because I know that if I say something he'll deny it just like he did last night when I found a pill casing in the sink or get really angry.  He's not abusive at all but I love him and I only want the best for him.  Does anyone have any sort of approach to a situation like this?  He's told me before when the doctor gave him percs and he said he was getting off them that he's probably end up going through withdrawal.  I'm sorry but someone who hasn't been constantly taking them and takes them consistently numerous times a day and takes more than prescribed shouldn't necessarily have to go through withdrawal symptoms.  And he's told me that this guy that he's hanging out with is a recent grad from detox - which I think is a lie - because I know that the guy is a known dealer.  I'm stuck in a rut and with the medical trainig I have as an EMT and the things I've seen, I don't think he sees how scared he's making me.

[concernedEMT]

Also as a followup, he was hallucinating a lot and thinking things were happening and carrying on these random conversations.  This morning, he swore I was on the phone when I was in the shower and the phone was on the night stand near the bed.   ugh!  I don't know what to do anymore......

[Ella789]

  Hi and welcome to the forum.  I do hate to tell you this but,  if he does NOT WANT to quit then he will not quit. It is something he has to do for himself and no one else or lt just won't work.   He must be totally commited to being free from his drug of choice.  Please read the posts here and see what it really takes to quit.  and please do post if we can help you, I know this is scarey for you.

Ella

[concernedEMT]

I'm scared to death right now.  He denies that he has any problems and I'm pretty sure that when I say something to him tonight about it he might get completely offended.  I'm ready to just tell him look, I saw the pill casing and I know that the cases aren't left over when you break pills in half....i'm so frustrated and really don't know where to go or how else to approach this with him.  And I think what hurts most is that he lied right to me when I asked him about the pill case last night and he said he broke it in half.

I could use any and all help right now.  I'm wondering if it's too late for me to help him, and I'm pretty sure if I left him it would make him spiral completely downhill.

[Ella789]

I'm sorry.  If he is addicted which you seem to think he is, then if you confront him he very well may get mad and upset with you. Noone likes to admit to something until they are ready.  Please read up on addiction.  He will not quit until he has hit bottom and realizes he needs to live a different life.  Drugs are so powerful and for some, so easy to get.  Hang in there and do what your heart tells you to do.

Ella

[ghlint]

I just read your last sentence of one of your posts "I'm pretty sure if I left him it would make him spiral completely downhill."  Guess what??? He is already doing that and You are with him.  I divorced a crack addict 16 years ago and I thought the exact same thing that you said.  It is NOT your problem and you won't be able to solve it.  I had my (ex) husband committed to a drug rehab hospital 3 times in as many years before I had enough and divorced him.  For 16 years he has been in and out of jail and is still doing crack cocaine.  You didn't cause his problem and you are not going to be able to cure it.  I would suggest that you go to Al Anon or the Narcotics Anonymous (the one for spouses etc. ) and talk about this to others who know what you are going through.  It helped me tremendously to have support.  

And - you telling him it is you or the drugs might get his attention but I wouldn't count on it lasting very long.

[concernedEMT]

How does someone necessarily go about approaching someone about it, other than just put it right out there.  I'm supposed to go visit him this weekend, we're doing a long distance relationship since we're in different states, and he just left here earlier.  Sometimes he sounds great and he looked "normal" when he arrived Wednesday, then of course, the "suspicion" of last night.  Mind you, he slept until 5:30 which is usually typical since he works 3rd shift but he also slept through the night before.  And after I thought that he snorted the pill, he ended up falling back to sleep on the couch - most likely about 3 or 4 hours after he woke up.

BTW I read a little through your profile, congrats on your progress... how did you start that process?

[ghlint]

Are you asking me about the process?

[concernedEMT]

ghlint:  Sorry, I actualy didn't see your response until I had responded to Ella's response, so I went a little out of sequence.  You did mention something about Al Anon or Narcotics Anonymous...I'm new to all of this and finding the support and things like that.  I'm just kind of confused mainly because I'm getting all kinds of mixed signals from him, he seems fine most of the time but last night was the first time that I saw it with my own eyes.

Ella:  Did you make the first move yourself or did someone keep mentioning to you that something was wrong?

[Ella789]

I made the decision to do this on my own and I am sure that my family could see how running out before time for refills was effecting me.  I was angry with myself but I knew that I had taken them for so long that I had built tolerance to them.  I needed more to manage or so I thought.  but yeah, I did need more.  They just didn't help like before for my pain.  It did effect my family, they know about me and my addiction but have never blamed me for needing it, and they were prescribed also.  Addiction is still addiction tho.  I manage now and am happier, and there are times when I know I need more pain relief than what otc I take but I won't go back to living the way it was, ya know?  So sad to see the very young so addicted,  I'm not old mind you but you guys are too young to do this.  I pray that he will see to do the right thing so you both can be happy,

Ella

[theeagle]

I have been thinking about your post since i first read it this morning. People are correct in their advice ...... he is the one that needs to realize something.  But thinking of my own situation i realized how lucky I am.  My wife stuck around with me for at least three years that were no picnic for her. She has no problem with dope. I thought that my problem was that i always ran out of pills, and with the proper supply there would be no problem!  The problem with a never ending supply for me was that i kept overdosing..... cant tell you how close to death i came - but it took life support and extreme measures to keep me alive.  And my wife never gave up on me - - she never enabled me or contributed to my idiocy at all - - and she always told me that she loved me and would always support me - - -  it took awhile for me to get with the program ..... but I finally did get with it.  Express your fears to him - they are justified.  Dont nag or give ultimatums that you arent ready to enforce. Expect him to lie about it - its one thing that we do well....   And carry on with your own life - dont cater to any complications that his use may bring up.  Maybe see if he will read some of the posts here on medhelp - he isnt as bad as many ...... but he could get that way if he keeps it up.  It starts with a pill to relieve pain ....... and maybe turns into a pill for energy or to get in the right mood for something. Then it takes two pills and the reasons get flimsier ..... then nothing else matters but getting the pills to stay right and avoid being sick.  Let him know that you dont wish to see him crash and burn totally .... and that or jail id where he is headed - - the timeline just isnt crystal clear right now.  But he has control over how that time line plays out ......  hopefully he will make the proper choice - - Best of luck to you ...

[mtgoat911]

i am sorry you are going through this, watching a loved one become sick is no fun and can have a huge affect on your life as well
i sugest that you find a narconon meeting, and set some boundaries, i stopped opiates in 04 but my husband refused to stop matience drugs so i told him to leave, he later contacted me and ask for help getting into tx, then after detox i told him he could not come home until he lived in sober living for a couple of months
we are both doing well now, but we have had to talk about what will happen if one of us relaspes, we are not going to divorce if this happens, but if one of us continues to use after a relaspe we have decided to split up or go back into tx
i also wanted to comment, and ofcoarse this is an assumption, i do not think he is snorting the drugs you mentioned, from the information you have provided i do believe there are other substances involved
you can buy a drug test at cvs, but he must want help, and may not even take the test, in that case the power of letting go will probably work in your favor

[concernedEMT]

I've always told him that I love him, and have always supported him.  Even after I left his house on Easter after an argument because I had traveled 100 miles to see him and he didn't want to get out of bed, I still left saying "I love you" - even if it was on tears.   He told me later that he wants me to help him get over this hurdle that we got to, but at the time I still don't think he wants to admit that it's the pills an snorting.  I've offered to help him find help if he wants it for anything that he feels is wrong.  He had a long bout with depression and still does but said he doesnt' need the Prozac.  He's already gone through some tough times and has already been in jail, but that was for DUIs....and I stuck around for that one too...mind you he got the DUIs before we were together but it was very hard on me.  Everyone makes mistakes in their lives and I wasn't going to hurt him over something that happened before "us" and he dealt with the consequences of his actions.

With everything that's been happening, I've been through quite a bit with him and now this on top of it.  He actually just left to go to work a little while ago and I noticed that he grabbed the bag that has the lighter and straw once again along with a pill crusher that I stepped on in his room (already had 4 flexiril pills in it),  I'm not condoning his behavior at all, I can't because it's not something I believe in, and I give everyone props that has overcome their addiction, I could only imagine what they are going through currently or what they have gone through.  He was having some more hallucinations tonight and completely passed out with the tv on (he NEVER does that) and has been really itchy - itching his chest, face, and head.

Thank you for all the posts so far, I am finding this a little more consoling, even though I'm still extremely worried.  And because he knows he's having these reactions I did tell him tonight that I'm worried about him and the stuff that he's on - didn't seem to keep him from taking the crusher with him - but he said it's scary that he was having them and it really freaks me out.  

mtgoat911:  I don't think he'd be too kind about the otc drug test idea.  I do have another casing I found that he left in my room, so I'm almost waiting to see him do something and I'll bring it up, plus there was a bloody tissue next to it.  

I just never thought something like this would be be happening to someone that I love, and honstly want to spend my life with - but that is one aspect of a future I don't want in life.  I don't want to give him an ultimatum at all, at least not right now, I want him to see that he's affecting not only myself but the rest of his family, especially his parents - they have to see him all the time since he's currently living at the house

[concernedEMT]

I guess one of the biggest things that scares me is that like you, with the medical background, there is sooo much that we've seen regarding emergency calls on drug overdoses and deaths caused by overdose that honestly, that's the part of me that is portrayed anytime I go anywhere.  I've got this whole concept that I need to watch out for my friends and those that I love to make sure that nothing bad happens, particularly when I know something is going on.  I ended up stayed awake half the night last night because 1. he was snoring, but more 2. I wanted to make sure he was still breathing.  With the info that I found regarding the meds that he's on some of the severe side effects if misused is dangerous decrease in breathing, the whole mental and mood changes.  I've told him that the medication the doctore gave him IS addictive and a narcotic.  I'm trying to get it in his head that I read up on the meds because he wanted to know the side effects himself, but for the Ultram ER and Lyrica he was given samples (part of me believes that he got them from the doc and the other part of me believes he got them from somewhere off the street)

[mtgoat911]

yeah, working ems i have pumped out stomachs and given narcaan injections, but i think the worst part of watching the disease of addiction manifest in someones life is watching them slowly kill themselves and drive away all their loved one, our addiction wants us to be scared and alone! thats whats happening with you guys i think, i can only give suggestions because addiction is so unpredictable, i can tell you to read "courage to change" and find a narcanon meeting asap, i hate to say this because it sounds really mean, you are sick too
" I don't want to give him an ultimatum at all" i wanted to live with my husband too, but i loved myself enough to say its me or the drugs, i was loosing my marriage anyways because of his addiction, he had nothing to offer me but a life time of chaos and heart ache, do what you need to do for yourself..........get out a pen and a piece of paper and figure out why you cannot leave an unhealthy relationship, go over it with someone here or at narcanon, i love you! from what i know about already you have alot to offer a person.

[concernedEMT]

I did confront him this morning about the snorting, and he confirmed.  I told him I needed to ask him a serious question and told him that I was not stupid and wanted to know, that I had put a number of different things together.  I asked if he had and was snorting his meds, and he told me yes.  Said he didn't want to tell me anything different, but I told him I asked him about it the other day and wanted to give him the option to tell me when I found the casings then instead of me having to ask directly.  I told him I didn't like it and wanted him to stop.  I'm hoping things will turn out well - so we will see.  I'm not giving up on him right now, but I guess if it does come down to it I will have to tell him it's me or the drugs, I don't want it to be part of either of our futures.

P.S. thanks

[mtgoat911]

i could also never give up on my husband and i hope he would never give up on me, but with our situation it was important that i say no to his addiction, as soon as i gave him an ultimatum he went into tx, so it was a good things for us
btw do you know what color the caps/casings were?

[concernedEMT]

They were white casings that said Ultram ER on the other side of them.  I'm glad I confronted him though.  I took his pill crusher from him and put a note in its spot, hopefully he'll turn his life around.  He wasn't feeling good yesterday when I tried to get him up to eat and this morning said he still wasn't feeling good, said his stomach was bothering him and he was sweating profusely yesterday when I tried waking him.  So we'll see I guess.  I'm still keeping my eye on him

[nursegirl6572]

Hello!  It sounds as though you're off to a good start.  At least your BF admitted he has a problem and didn't deny it....that is one hurdle you've overcome.

I just wanted to make you aware of a few things as you start off down the road of (hopefully) recovery with your BF.  ALL of the meds he is on...the Lyrica, the Flexeril, and the Ultram...are ALL meds that people tend to abuse.  You need to get him to be honest with you about just what he is doing...especially with the snorting...he could be in real physical danger if he is mixing these and snorting them.  I would suggest that you ask him to seek some medical help....and if he is unwilling...just be very vigilant that if you notice something that isn't "right" (you've been there as an EMT...you will know)...get him to an ER STAT.

The very best of luck to you...I hope things go well and he starts turning his life around, because there isn't anywhere good to go if he continues down this path.

[Shelwoy]

You have witnessed enough to see if a pattern of behavior has developed, and it sounds like you have a serious situation on your hands.Let me tell you that right now, your guy is very emotionally desensitized from the drugs. He will not see anything other than the fact that he needs the pills to avoid getting sick from withdrawals.
Snorting Ultram, let alone any "pill" is dangerous. Extended release medication could coagulate in his sinuses.There are a number of reasons to be concerned other than the addiction itself.
It really is awful how many people are hooked on opiates. Everyday, I hear more and more about this problem, and it seems to be becoming an epidemic.I am in school to become an addictions counselor, so if you would like more personal help, you could send me a PM. Best Wishes.