Ultram Withdrawals

[Buffalo]

Hello, I am 3 days into a life without pain meds and looking for some words of wisdom from those who have traveled this road. I have, for the past two years, been on heavy doses of Ultram (20-30 pills a day). I obtained the meds through my Dr. and through the internet. What an irony, that medicine that is supposed to releive pain has actually caused so much more. I finally got a little sleep last night, and the other symptoms are a bit better.I would like to know how long the detox period should last on average? Any wisdom out there? I have made my problem known to three very trusted friends who are willing to help me be healed. I believe this is a good first step. I'm just needing some help on the next steps. thanks for listening.

[IThinkICan]

Hello Buffalo. I have no experience with Ultram however there is a post further down about it. However I do understand the way you are feeling. I am on Day 3 of "Life W/O Lortab". You are lucky to have people you trust to help you through this.

All I can tell you is HANG IN THERE! I am sure you will get responses from people who know much more than I about the Ultram. Since we are both on the same day, lets stick together and get through this! I know that we can do it!!

Hugs to you,
K

[grappler]

I am a world class athlete (wresler/ultimate fighter) frighteningly similar to "The Smashing Machine on "HBO."  I was in a serious accident I ruptured some discs and had some fractures in my spine and had some nerve damage that extended into my stomach and made my stomach very sensitive to the touch and that almost took my life and was forced into retirement and my olympic and fighting career was put on hold or held off indefinetley. Well, anyway I was given many medicines including opiates for back and nerve damage and pain that was incurred from my accident. I must admit that I had withdrawl symptoms from Morphine when I was discharged from the hospital but overcame them in a few days. Later I went to see a doctor and he perscribed me some Ultram or as generic is known Tramadol it took some time to get used to but once I did it did ease the pain and ease the symptoms especially the ones I have the most trouble with which are the damage to a nerve that extends to my stomach. I started to run out of the perscription before it was time for a refill and this happend time and time again I felt extremely dependent I never felt like this even with the vicodine or whatever else I took. I have a tremendous amount of will and I told myself I am getting off of this **** no matter what. It was so tough but I did it and the withdrawls continued for two-weeks and I have never encountered anything so mentally challenging and I'll tell you I have fasted for a couple of days no food no water while still training like a madman to get down to weight for competitions and I thought that was mentally challenging for the normal human. Over the course of my two-week withdrawl I developed sores in my mouth like blisters probably because of the fever and chills I got, but man, I thought,"this is heavy duty" I can't believe how rough this was.  Also the ants crawling all over me and not to mention I did'nt have anyone there for me my since I ran everyone off including my girlfriend because I was so embarrassed to be seen in the state I was in at the time. I would not advise the use of this medicine to anyone and the doctor said "don't worry about it it's not a narcotic medine" Well it might not be narcotic but it sure has some allout more than narcotic effects. I have since stopped taking it and am now taking some other medicine (over the counter) that does'nt totally take my pain away but I don't care I will probably have to live with it for the rest of my life it's nagging but tolerable. I can still workout and strengthen my muscle tissue and hopefully training hard but not enough to hurt myself will take away my pain. I invite anyone or any other person with a similar story to post back on my or any body else's story about this drug. But to recap please Say No To ULTRAM!

Grappler

[Buffalo]

Thanks for the note and the words of encouragement. I will say a prayer for you as we are on similar paths. This is a difficult journey, but I know the benefit will far out weigh the pain.
Keep the faith!
Buff

[Buffalo]

Thanks for the testimony and info. Sounds like your life has been "extreme" on many fronts. Ultram is serious stuff for something that is presented as "Non-narcotic", huh?
Keep up the good work,
Buff

[lisa1466]

Scared, scared, scared. That's all I can see to think everytime I take another Ultram. I am 37 years old and have been on Ultram for over 2 years now. I'm very scared, but I am trying so hard to get off this drug. I love it and I absolutely hate it! I have tried several times to go a couple of days without it and I get such anxiety, worry, the chills, paranoia, forgetfulness, insomnia something horrible, etc., that I just think well, if I just take 1 or two a day, I can beat this thing. I CAN'T DO IT. I've been addicted to xanax before and I remember the awful way I felt. My body hurt so bad and yet I let nobody know what was going on. I just said it was a bad flu. Sure it was! It was a month after I kicked xanax that I started taking Ultram. I have three children: ages, 16, 7 and 5. My husband will have a huge fit if he finds out that I am addicted to the Ultram. He does not take pills and "preaches" to me about taking anything, even over the counter meds! He has no toleration and no compassion and I know he will not listen if I go to him and say I need help. I know it. He also drinks more than a 12 pack a day, which exacerbates the situation and makes me take more pills to escape my misery. I work full time, I take care of my mother and grandmother (Power of Attorney for both!) and raise three kids. How can I get out of this cycle? It seems that everytime I get upset, I just take another one. Sometimes, I forget if I took one or two or what, and then take another one on top of that! I get confused and very forgetful and fear I could lose my job. I was thinking of detox, but how do you go about that with a full time job, a husband that will only preach the words I told you so?, on top of screaming at me, because that's all he does to me, take care of three children and my mother and grandmother? I've got to get off of this drug. I cannot function normally. I am like a robot. If I take the Ultram, I feel fine. I can conquer anything (euphoria). If I don't, then I'm miserable, depressed and can't seem to function normally. I just want to be my old self. Why was I fine before it and now I can't function without it? I can see the aging process too. I don't want to look old and worn out by the time I'm 40. I really need some suggestions and fast. I can't stop crying and who do you turn to for help, if not your own spouse? I know there are self help groups, but I'm so ashamed of myself for letting myself get this far gone, I need some suggestions from people that have been in this situation.

[grappler]

Hey Lisa I feel very bad for you because of your situation.  But maybe what you need to do is just get off of this stuff and to avoid your husband or anyone else telling you something when the withdrawls kick in just act like you're legitimately sick and tell your family that you're sick and leave it at that.  I wish I could or someone else could motivate you to just do it but I know when those W/D's kick in you'll tell yourself "Well I'll just take a couple more and start to quit tommorrow", but tommorrow never comes.  Hang in there Lisa if you want someone to talk to while you're going through this just post and I will be more than happy to give you encouragement.  Believe me I know how hard it is I come here often so don't worry.

Grappler

[lisa1466]

Thank you for the kind words.  I really appreciate any input I can get.  I am thinking seriously of trying to just ride out the storm and go through the detox on my own.  I just don't know if I will be strong enough to get away from the ****, without having some positive support in my life at that time.  It makes me sick to think of the deceit that I feel, but there is no courage to "spill the beans" when it comes to the hubby.  None at all.  I'm basically on my own in that situation. I'd just assume stay on the **** for the rest of my life than tell him something that he can use against me. (Very strained marriage!) So I guess if I can just sum up the courage to spill the pills down the toilet and go cold turkey, it's probably the only way.  If I go somewhere, obviously, he's gonna find out and I'll be royally screwed if he ever tried to take the kids from me.  I think that's what scares me the most. Him using my addiction so that he can take our kids.

Anyway, thanks so much.  Hope to hear from you again. Sincerely, Lisa

[vettezr1]

Many helpfull people here just post away and someone will answear.
Some will even say a prayer or two, but I have to ask , whats up with the hubby???? 12 pack a day?? who really has a the problem here?

[Jerri2]

Welcome sweetie!!I dont know to much about ultram but can relate to no support!!Theres know way he could take the kids if hes an alcoholic.And that is what he is if he drinks that much.I have a different drug but were all in the same boat!If theres anything I can do to help you through this please let me know!Im always checking in so just post away.There are tons of wonderful people here in all diferent stages.Take care my friend and keep posting..   Jerri

[lisa1466]

Oh believe me, I know about the drinking and his problem with it. He makes me sick with it.  I hate it. He used to say when I was on Prozac, that I just mask my depression by taking pills so I would counter back by asking why he drinks so much everyday.  Same reason, just a different way.  I am not trying to lay the blame on him for the reason I feel so out of control with the Ultram, but he makes it worse by not giving me any support and the friggin yelling at me all the time.  His treatment of the kids is dfferent. He's absolutely wonderful to them, but to me, I'm ****, always have been, always will be.  Not good for the ego, you know?  My thinking is, get clean and then get out with the kids. I think about it everyday.  I sleep alone, so I have lots of time to think, especially when the insomnia, which is often.  He's very controlling over me and I hate it. I'm a very independent person, or used to be.  He seems to bring out the worst in me.  It just so happens that when he yells, I take more pills to dull the other kind of pain I feel.  I get a stronger urge each day to just stop, so I must be close to admit my problem. The only other person that knows is my friend that sits next to me at work. She's the only person I feel comfortable talking to, besides a stranger. Hey, thanks for listening.

[grappler]

Hey Lisa you sound like you're going on the right track just do this on your own.  Your husbands drinking, maybe he's setting a double standard but I would'nt worry about it just take care of Lisa first.  And if old hubby tries anything give me a call I'll take care of him "J/K."  

Lisa go allout and you'll be surprised at what the human body is really capable of.



Your friend,

Grappler    "W/B"

[Buffalo]

I can tell you, Lisa, that it will not be easy to get off of ultram on your own. I'm three days into life without it and it has been very difficult. I am sure that I would not have made it this far if I had not been able to get honest with my spouse and a couple of close friends. I know not everybody has such precious gifts. I strongly encourage you to find someone with whom you can be completely transparent. Sounds like the husband has his own addiction to deal with so I'll pray there is someone else you can go to for help. Whatever it takes, your freedom is worth it. Don't give up. Your kids need a healthy mom, and you deserve to be free! Praying for ya! Buff

[Buffalo]

By the way, I'm still listening for some words of wisdom on how long it takes to return to some kind of normalcy in regards to withdrawls. I'm three days into life without ultram after a 20-30 pill a day habit. Any advise?

[NEW ORLEANS LADY]

I can really relate to your situation-I too have a hubby that doesn't have a clue when it comes to the disease of addiction--I can also relate to the Ultram situation--I had gotten off my drug of choice several years ago (hydrocodone) only to get hooked on ultram--The drug reps would give my doc samples and I had access to bucketfuls!  I was taking 15 a day when I developed a circulatory problem in my hands (very Painful) and I started back on hydrocodone--Now I'm facing another withdrawal--
All I can say is this forum has been a lifeline for me--You can do it!--There are so many wonderful people here to offer support!
Peace & Prayers We can come out the other side!!

[Esmith28]

OH girl I hear your pain, fear, frustration and call for help. We are here!! Have a stressed marriage is hard enough, then add three kids, then add addiction( yours) then alcohol addcition (hubbys) then your mom and grandmother...GOOD LORD GIRL!!! Well, you have to take things one thin at a time. Hubby...not much you cqan do to make that better until you feel better. You have to just lean on us ad do it..I heard that WD from ultram can cause horrible depression...so be careful and think about going on prozac or something. Also...just do what you needto do to take care of yourself first then everyone else second...hang in there...PRAY PRAY PRAY...and keep us posted....
Elizabeth

[ldjohn]

Hey, Buffalo, you make me feel like I can do it.  You are one of the few people I read about who have taken that many ultrams.  I only took that many because my tolerance was so bad that I wasn't even feeling it.  I started to take for headaches and my problem is I can go through withdrawal but I still get headaches.  There is nothing wrong with taking them in moderation.  There in lies the problem at least for me.

Praying and keep it on a conscious level.  Read books about it, I learned alot about myself with a therapist who has been helping me.  This forum is another help.  I am getting myself ready mentally to quit.  Your posting gives me hope.

To conquer your psychological withdrawal, you might want to take Zoloft or Prozac (like the other women said).  Zoloft helped me the last time I quit.  One day at a time, like they say.  I wish and hope I have the willpower to do it like you.

Hang in there, and keep posting.  I'd like to hear more.  I need all the incentive I can get.
Thanks.
ldjohn

[lisa1466]

I know about the depression.  I have it everyday.  There are days I feel "ok", but most of the time I am either crying or worrying my ass off about the situation I got myself into.  My psychiatrist told me that I can't take Ultram and Prozac together because it could cause seizures, so what did I do? Stop taking the prozac and took more Ultram! Totally stupid to say the least, huh?  I usually take between 10/15 a day of the Ultram, which is pretty bad. I wasn't that bad until my life started crumbling into little pieces.  Now, I can't stop at all!  Everytime I think I can do it, I fall right back into my old ways.  I wonder why there are so many drugs out there (prescription anyway) that are so damn addicting?  My body has such a huge tolerance level that I don't even feel the great euphoria I used to feel.  It's just like I take them to take them or really because I can't stop myself from taking them.  It is such a vicious cycle.  I'm filled with desperation to get off of it, but I am so scared as to what will happen when I do it.  How do you live after it?  I mean, does your life totally change? Do you go back to being who you were before becoming addicted to the drug? It's been over two years, so I'm very scared about the future without it.  It seems to be such a big part of my life, so it's going to be so damn hard to just say No, although I really want to.  I know there's a huge problem there! I'm sure there are others who can feel this agony and pain and the "what if's."  I just wish I could go to my husband and say, "hey, I have this huge problem, I really need your help," but I can't.  He will not understand. My mother is mentally uncapable of understanding too.  I don't want my children (especially my 16 year old) to know about this addiction. I have a fear that he, more than my other two, will fall into the same trap, as his father (my first husband) is an alcoholic and sometime coke user (besides being very physically abusive toward women) and then my husband drinks all the time and then there's me with the friggin Ultram! I could just scream with the frustration I feel.  I'm always telling my son, don't turn out like him or don't do what I do, but when you tell teenagers that, you might as well give them the stuff. So far I've been pretty fortunate with him.  It feels better to just vent on here and get feedback from others.  All words of encouragement from others has been very comforting to me and I really appreciate the support I feel from some of you. Lisa1466

[kilo]

Hi - I post here from time to time, and your situation, needless to say, is tough.
I don't mean to sound contrite, but both you and your husband promised to love each other through sickness and health. Sounds to me like that promise doesn't apply anymore...why? It has been said thousands of times on this forum...you must want to stop this addiction, because of you and only you.
What are your choices? Continue with the Ultram...15 today could be 25 or 30 a year from now and so on. Your addiction will only get more difficult, not easier, over time. You mentioned that this has been going on for about 2 years. Not to downplay the seriousness of all this, but 2 years isn't that long. Considering that you have a whole lifetime ahead of you, that could be drug free. Think about it!
You cannot make choices for others. Should your husband decide not to support you, his choice not yours.
Do not allow his bitterness and mis-guided understanding stand in YOUR way of YOUR recovery.
Your children will love you, although they may not understand at first, their love is a hell of a lot stronger than 50mg of Ultram. Children are amazing, their love is quite deep and when faced with honesty and your imperfections, they will be there for you. Your children are not pre-destined to fall into addiction, because of your honesty. Quite the contrary, by opening up to them you have laid the foundation for them to approach you about this subject.
You said that your addiction became worse when your life started to crumble to pieces. Will your life and your addiction continue to go hand in hand?
Maybe you can't fix your home life right now, but by fixing your addiction, you may very well fix the rest of it.
You and I and all the others here are not failures! We undertook a choice, we undertook it, nobody else. We did not consult our significant others about this choice, and quite frankly you chose this path irregardless of your husband's behavior.
The same holds true for your recovery...it's your choice.
Some great long dead prophet once said "that all great journeys begin with a single step"

I guess my point is...that all of us are empowered to change. Everyone of us can continue to find reasons not to change.
You have quite a lot on your plate, but if you're sincere about finishing every course on that plate, it starts with the first bite.

You asked "How do you live after it? I mean, does your life totally change? Do you go back to being who you were before becoming addicted to the drug?"

My question is how did you live this long without the drugs? The old you isn't gone, it's simply chemically restrained.

Yes, your life totally changes, believe it or not it gets better. A little at first, a little bit more, a lot more...

No you don't go back to the old you, you work forward to the new you. You must be on guard when it comes to making choices about narcotic prescription medication. Your cravings go away, they take time, but arm yourself to fight them and defeat them.

I've been quite long-winded, but I truly believe that the power of choice and the direction of your life can be found inside of you...and only you.
The chips may fall where they may, but the choice of recovery is never a bad decision.   Peace to you.

Kilo

[Esmith28]

Someone PLASE explain to me how anyone could get addicted to ultram when it doesnt give ANY high//I took it a while back for a matter of maybe four days and I threw them away and never filled the refills...they sucked..no high even taking fur or five...whatup? Why take sooo many of something thst doersnt have any effect?

[kilo]

I heard that! I took Ultram for a couple of weeks (while still opiate dependent) and I never once felt "high" per se. Ultram does attach to mu opiate receptor. The fact that it does have affinty for the mu receptor, this could lead to dependence.
I have to admit though, while taking Ultram and not taking hydrocodone I had very little if no withdrawal.
Some centers are utilizing Ultram as a tool for detoxing off of opiates. Once I stopped the Ultram, I begin to experience withdrawal symptoms.
So I guess it mimicks an opiate.   Peace

Kilo

[lisa1466]

Oh yes, Ultram is very, very addictive! It does give you an euphoric feeling. You feel better and it actually gives you a lift. There are people that do not like it. I hated it at first, but thought I'd give it a little time before going back to the doctor. Then I started liking it and that was pretty much it for me. I didn't think it was addictive either, especially since the doctor said it wasn't, but one time I took too many and ran out before it was time to fill my prescription again and it was awful. I started getting the flu-like symptoms, the cold sweats, depression, nauseau, crying, couldn't function normally and I couldn't go to work. It is addictive, just read what others have to say about it.

[momdotcom]

Yep, Lisa, my husband has said the same thing.  (he's the pill head and I'm the drinker in our family!)  Actually, I drink a couple of beers every now and then but my psychiatrist freaked out on me adn told me not to because I take Wellbutrin.  She told me all kinds of freaky things, so I haven't had a drink in over a week...no desire either.  But I also canned that psychiatrist! LOL she was too condescending and too harsh.

Hubby started on Norco, a high dose hydrocodone, then supplemented with Ultram, which his doc gave him for free (samples).  Hubby went back to his first doc and told him he didn't want to take the hydro anymore (he was up to about 15  a day) so doc put him on oxycontin.  Well, darling hubby figured out that he could go to two docs and get norco at one and oxy at the other, meanwhile STILL finishing a month's worth in 10 days of both! And supplementing with the Ultram!!  He won't admit he has a problem, even while he's lying on the couch sick as a dog and diarreah and all kinds of lovely side effects (which happens EVERY single month because he runs out).  It's the elephant in the room that nobody will talk about - althought I do try, he tells me I'm blowing it, that I have no idea what I'm talking about and he claims his dr. knows everything but when I ask him if I can talk to the doc about it to ease my mind, he flips out and says I'm disloyal and if I betrayed him like that he'd never forgive me.  He's lately been raging on me (first time in 9 years of marriage) and yet he claims it's MY problems that set him off (if I forgot to write an ATM down in the checkbook for instance).  He's totally turned his back on his faith, and even when he does go to church with me he is zoned out, mentally somewhere else.  He actually even mumbles to himself and sometimes it takes a minute for him to realize he's spaced out and that I'm talking to him!  It's really sad because he is too bright of a person and fun to be with when he's normal.  In the 80's he was a coke addict but quit that CT on his own, so he thinks he can conquer anything. What he doesn't realize is that he's just shifted his addiction one to another, he never cured himself.

[theGolden1]

Buffalo .... it will take you 3 weeks to get ultram out of your system. That would be CT. The withdrawal symptoms are varied and are different than a regular opiate. After the drug is completely out of your system .... it will take from one month to a year for you to feel "normal" again, depending on your age and physical condition. Good luck friend .... I cut my dose 1/4 of a pill every 2 weeks .... I will be starting on 2 pills once a day (morning) this monday ... ***@****

[theGolden1]

Sorry ... I meant to post in my first one ..... but pressed the button. Lisa .... you can do it! Get a grip! One challenge at a time. I hope you will forgive me for saying .... it is not good for your teenager to be raised in "war zone" .... make peace at home. It dosen't matter where you sleep, you still wake up with yourself. Treat your husband with kindness and respect. "A soft answer turneth away wrath" (that's from provebs) don't fight back ... let it go and make peace. Ask him (in private) kindly not to raise his voice. No screaming matches. This is hurting the kids so much .... you know this already. Eliminate the need for ultram and you will slowly taper down to a normal dose. Take the time to be good to yourself and think things through .... you are doing so many good things. If you want to stop ultram, it will happen. Claim yourself. Compose yourself, and make a concrete plan. You are the heart and soul of the family and God is with you .... after all,  He brought you here ... Goldie

[lisa1466]

Hi there.  I just read your post.  Pretty on the head when it comes to the hubby! I usually get yelled at over the slightest thing.  It could be that I asked him a question that he doesn't feel like answering, to not paying a bill on time or just anything.  Just recently, I quit selling on ebay because of the screaming I received because I wasn't making people pay enough for clothes! I said it was my little business and if I wanted to give the **** away for free, then I could.  I just became so upset over the screaming at me in front of the kids because of that, that I closed down my store and closed out all of my ebay items that I had listed just so I don't hear anymore screaming.  It really fucks up my stomach something awful and then I just take more pills to just get away from it (in my head).  I really want to be strong and get off this **** so that I can also get out of this abusive relationship and move on.  I don't think it's wise to do it without getting off the addiction first.  Do you?  It scares the hell out of me.  I can't stand the friction at home.  I hate it so much.  I'm sick of crying and I'm always, always, taking more pills to make the pain go away.  Screw the fact that my back hurts anymore. It's not even about that anymore.  It's all about the other kind of pain, which some people may say I seem like a crybaby, but I don't think of it that way.  It's psychologically (misspelled?) and mentally making me sick.  Burning in my stomach, throwing up, more pills, etc. I've lost almost 30 lbs. from throwing up. Not good. I wish I could be stronger like these other people on the panel.  I guess my only way is to wean myself and hope to God that I can do it.  I want off of this drug and I want out of my crappy unhappy marriage.  Momdotcom, I really appreciated your story.  I'm usually the one zoning out and not listening to the husband, but I can't help it.  He really makes me quite sick, therefore more pills.  I don't think that's why your husband takes them though.  It just seems like he got hooked and when he runs out, he seems to take it out on you.  I hope to hear from you again. Your friend, Lisa

[lisa1466]

I have read about this "patch" for withdrawal symptoms for other opiates.  Does this patch also work for withdrawal from Ultram overkill? Anyone with insight, please let me know.  It sounds interesting.  Lots of postings that I do not understand, so maybe someone can tell me also about the Subutex/Suboxene? Thanks all. Lisa1466

[Esmith28]

What is CT?

[rodewc]

ESmith: CT= cold turkey (evil acro, aint it?)

Happy St. Patty's Day; Good Leprechaun luck in the Battles for Sobriety today.

~~

[nicety911]

My heart and prayers go out to you, Lisa, but i know you can be strong for your children!! Focus on them because truly, as Kilo says, their love is a lot stronger than the drug and will never run out!! I'm going thru my own **** right now, but I feel for you and want to give you some of the strength that i've received here on these posts! Take things one day at a time and perhaps try to wean yourself off by taking one less pill per day if possible. If you need encouragement, peek into your kid's bedroom when they are asleep at night and take a good look at their perfect, beautiful faces and you will find all the determination you need!  I did that last night and started crying like a baby!! I must admit tho', it's a little easier for me to say these things, as I still have 2 little pills left, but once they are done, i'll be posting a helluva lot more to find the support i need from the fabulous people here. They truly are rooting for each other and it will make a difference!
p.s. I also sell things on eBay, but haven't for the last week because i have no ENERGY!! As soon as I get thru these W/Ds, i'm going to get my butt moving and list my heart out to keep me busy!!Don't give that up, Lisa, you need to focus on something for YOU and it might help to keep you occupied and not thinking of the Ultram.

[kilo]

I love your attitude! The part about sneaking into your children's room after they are asleep, and reminding yourself about what is truly important is so very true. You have revealed such inner strength, now focus it and believe in yourself and your sobiety.
You have already armed yourself with the tools which can defeat this mistake we all have made.
Give yourself a hug...your mindset and determination is invaluable.
Peace to you.

Kilo

[nicety911]

i have read your posts throughout this forum and want you to know you are an inspiration to me!! It means so much to have gotten a response directly from you and has really warmed my heart!! Today is such a different day than yesterday when I wrote that to Lisa, because as i mentioned, I still had 2 pills left, therefore, the "strength" to be positive. But that was yesterday.... this morning i took my last 1/2 of a pill at about 6:30a after tossing and turning since 3a. I've taken 2 hot, hot showers to ease the sweating & clamminess that has taken over my body and my mind is just spinning, thinking "if i can just get one more script, i'll be okay".... BUT I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT!! Your post actually brought tears to my eyes... am i REALLY the person that you described above?? My heart wants to say "YES", but my mind is trying desparately to take control! So I will take your advice and FOCUS... not just for my husband and my children, but FOR ME!! Everything else will fall into place once I get myself together, right? Okay... here I go... i'm taking my first step on a long hard journey ahead... at least I know I will not be alone....

[kilo]

One thing is true...you are not alone. This forum has helped me and thousands of others with this battle. Take what you can, apply it to your situation, and learn. Then share your experiences in the hope that others can learn from you. Your struggles today...will be your success tomorrow.
As to your question..."Am I really that person"
All I can say is that you helped me and reminded me what is truly important in my life. After reading what you wrote, I walked down the hall and kissed my darling sleeping daughter and said "Thank You".
I hope you heard me last night.
Peace

Kilo

[nicety911]

Kilo: Yes, i DID hear you... as I was doing the same thing! It was especially bittersweet last night... let me explain why:

In my original question which i posted to the forum "Lorcet gave me energy, then took my life away..." i mentioned that my drs office had finally caught on to me and asked me to come in. I was deathly afraid of what to expect, originally thinking I had done something illegal and would be arrested on the spot (for filling my scripts way ahead of schedule at different pharmacies and paying cash). And although that part of my fear had been calmed by many people here on the forum telling me i hadnt done anything wrong legally, i stil had to face the wrong i had been doing to myself and my body. So.... i faced the music and kept my appt yesterday. I was greatly relieved to find that no, he was not angry with me or disappointed, but deeply concerned and wanting to help!! I was completely honest with him in what had been happening, how much i had actually been taking and upfront about the wd's, which were in full swing by that time.

I have a 10:30a appt Monday to go into a detox facility, tho i won't know the actual details as to whether it would be an in or out-patient thing. He would need to make a few calls to see what was available/appropriate for me.  He told me to take the weekend to get my affairs in order & plan on going straight into the facility for a few days. He did give me a few more Lorcets since he wouldn't be able to place me anywhere until monday & didnt want me to have to suffer so badly w/ WDs... i immediately turned them over to my husband so i dont go thru them like i know i would, but knowing that they are there is consuming my thoughts!!

Can anyone tell me what to expect when i go into this facility? My husband seems to think i'll be gone for weeks, but my doc said it would be 3-5 days, depending on their assessment of me. I asked him "is it going to be like they will lock me in a padded room for 3 days and watch me writhe & crawl around and scream while i'm withdrawing??" He laughed (which was actually nice because it made me laugh too) and said "that's only in the movies!!" Can someone please tell me, tho... what will actually happen?

[kilo]

Don't know much about in/out-patient detox, but I know it can be more humane than cold turkey at home.
Hey things happen for a reason! Good for you on being upfront to your doctor and for letting your husband dish out your last vikes. Hope all goes well. Keep in touch and BELIEVE in YOUR recovery. Nothing worth having is ever easy.
Peace to you.

Kilo

[mystere]

I went to inpatient detox several years ago--They gave me a whole bunch of drugs to make me comfortable and then they gave me Naltrexone which totally detoxed me and made me opiate free after approx 12 hours. I actually slept through the withdrawals! After that part is over you feel like a wet dishrag for about a week but then you slowly get your stength back!  I was inpatient for appox 1 week--Went to therapy and they will hopefully give you the tools you need to begin your recovery--Good Luck!  You are doing the right thing by getting help!  Peace and My prayers are with you--mystere AKA New Orleans Lady

[mystere]

I forgot to tell you--the detox worked! I remained opiate free for over 6 months--Then I developed raynauds disease (a circulatory problem that usually manifests itself in the extremities) EXTREMELY PAINFUL and I began taking the "non-addicting" ULTRAM YEA RIGHT! Well anyway the ultram led me right back to my ultimate drug of choice--Hydrocodone-All I am trying to say is that if you have the opportunity to be detoxed inpatient--Go for IT!--And use all of the tools that they give you to start your healing and recovery--Think of it as a New Beginning for you and your family!  My thoughts and prayers are with you! Good Luck!  Keep us posted There are many people here that really care what happens to you--After all we're all in the same boat just trying to stay afloat!  Peace and Prayers

[nicety911]

Thanks so much for your advice!! I'm getting a bit nervous today, wandering around my house in a fog! i still don't know if my doc will have me treated inpatient, but after reading all your comments and other posts i've found, i'm hoping he does!! It will be better to just get it all over and done and be able to focus on my recovery, not having to worry about all the everyday things/stresses for just a little while. I made a list of what to pack tonite and am trying to look at this like a nice little vacation... It will be especially hard for my little one to be away from me as he is constantly stuck to me like glue but it is much better for him to be without me for a few days than FOREVER, as i know this can KILL ME!

There was another article in the newspaper yesterday about a dr from a pain clinic being investigated for 3 more patients that had died from meds he prescribed them... i've been cutting all those articles out (seems like every week there is another one!!) & saving them as a reminder... majority of them are dying from ODing on oxy or hydro!! Makes me want to get OFF this ride NOW!!! Well... i'm taking that first step tomorrow and want to thank you ALL for your prayers and thoughts and support!! I will definitely check back in and keep you guys posted on my progress!

Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you all also!