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Ultram and hydrocodone

by jule1, Jun 14, 2001 12:00AM
Hi everyone I posted a question about two weeks ago but I had to put it in the answer section.  I really need help I have been abusing Ultram and hydros for quite a while I think th e Ultram is the hardest  I ran out the other day and felt horrible and did not sleep at all I had a seizure from taking too much about a month ago.  You would think that would make me stop but so far it has not.  I am feeling so guilty I know I am not the person I could be and the mother and wife I should be.  I have been reading this forum every day for about 2 weeks and I really like what I read you all seem to care and be so honest about everything!  I had called NA and they gave me two names to call one didn't live there and the other linw was disconnected.  Thenk I called a rehab that did not know about Ultram.  Then I called a counselor who also did not know so I really got frustrated.  However sometimes I am so afraid to quit I do have a lot of back pain.  Any help would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks again Cindi and Thomas
Member Comments (84)

by cindi, Jun 14, 2001 12:00AM
To: Jbear
Hi again   you say you had a seizure from taking too many ultram and I think I have told you before that they will cause seizures when the drug is discontinued abruptly   do not cold turkey from ultram..you say you also abuse hydros...ok   no one in your area seems to be knowledgable re: ultram and detox..I don't know what else to tell you except this....and this is advice that I really don't like to give out since you will be substituting one drug for another but sometimes we need to do what we need to do for our own good,  I call them survial skills.....ok    if yo have access to any other kind of opiate,,,,vicodin, lorcet, etc, or even darvocet (which is what i used to get off the ultram)you should get a good week's supply and use the other med to get off the ultram...these other drugs will curb the ultram withdrawal...just stop the ultram all together and use whatever else you have....you do need to be careful with the other drug so you don't end up addicted to them....stay off the ultram for 4 days to a week,,,and then gradually start decreasing your dose of the other "detox" drug...this way your body will be able to adjust to havein less and less of a substance in it...after all is said and done and you have been off the ultram when you finally come off of everything you may still experience a certain degree of discomfort (albeit minimal) what we do to ourselves when we abuse is not without consequence....we may not get into trouble with the law or we may not die etc. but we do suffer in other ways...my sister and i both used darvocet and maybe even vicodin to get off the ultram....and it worked....even though ultram is not an opiate per se,,,,it still acts on the opiate receptors of the brain.....so other opiates will counter attack the ultram withdrawals....it may even help if you had access to ativan, xanax, valium etc..once again though you have to be careful as these are benzodiazepenes..and they are another class of drugs that should not be stopped abruptly...Maybe Thomas, JB, Wiz or anyone else has something they would like to add.....I'm sorry I have no other suggestions but this is the same thing I have suggested to you in the other posts....please if anybody knows of anything else  let us know,,,,good luck  take care     love to all    cindi

by jule1, Jun 14, 2001 12:00AM
To: Cindi and everyone !!!
You are a blessing!  I am so comforted for some reason just knowing that someone else had a problem with Ultram!  And for some wraped reason it makes me feel like I have a little narcotic abuse family in the people in this forum so to all you who have ever written a post or question thank you!  I do think it is time to try I would like to live a life without this abuse I have the most wonderful husband anyone could ever want, a beautiful home and a beautiful baby!   I need to remember all that is good.  Does anyone know why addictions run in families?  Is it psychological or some sort of physical need.  So many people in my family have problems with this and I come from a family with 7 kids so it's a lot.  Well thanks again I am a helper at heart and it is always very hard for me to ask for help.  Cindi you seem like a natural caregiver I feel close to you already Are you going to Fla soon?  If so have a great time. I am going to Santa Barbara next week and whenever I go away I always worry about my stash!  I think I need to withdraw now so I can have a good vacation.  Bless you all and if I can help anyone I would be happy to!

by cindi, Jun 14, 2001 12:00AM
To: Jbear
Thank you for your warm words...I don't know if I wold say I am a care giver by nature  LOL   taking care of people has been my profession since I was 17 years old....I started working as a nurse aide, then 20 years ago I went to nursing school,  because of my addiction I felt too vulnerable to work in nursing anymore so I went into the pre-school business....LOL  now I am the director of a the toddler program in a pre-school/daycare center....I love people,  I have a genuine concern for people and I can't stand to see anything be it human or animal hurt..last night I got chased by a baby squirrel,,he was acting funny and he kept chasing me....and a few other people,,,,,everyone thought we was rabid but I knew he was just a baby and afraid..but playful..so,,,,I called the police to come and get the squirrel.....LOL  I didn't want anyone on my street hurting the poor thing..LOL  do you know I could not sleep all night thinking about this poor baby....I swear I can be such a dork  LOL   anyway,,,hang in there,   I am heading to NC and Florida next wednesday  :)      can't wait.......God bless you     love to all   cin

by Thomas, Jun 14, 2001 12:00AM
To: JBear
cin's right. For one thing, if you've got Vicodin, what do you need the Ultram for anyway? And yes, other narcotics like vics and darvocet will make coming down from Ultram a lot easier. Good luck.

by wildcat, Jun 14, 2001 12:00AM
To: jbear § Cindi

jbear, I have been taking Ultram for over one year now and it has been fairly good in relieving pain but many days the pain breaks through and I could take any amount of Ultram and it won't work. I was taking 10 50 mg tabs per day but now that I take 8-10 30 mg of plain codiene everyday I automatically have hardly taken any Ultram. I was taking them both at the same time but there was no need for the Ultram. Sometimes if the pain is bad I take 2-3 codiene tabs and 1-2 Ultrams. That seems to help. 3 Ibuprophen tabs with it works good too.

Yes, I had some withdrawal from the Ultram when I cut down before the codiene but not now. My pharmycist told me that 10 Ultram tabs 50 mg is over the daily toxic limit so I had cut it down to eight but that was not enough, but now I don't have to worry about it. No wonder you had seizures at 40 tabs!!!!!

Ultram lowers the seizure threshold anyway, so that was one problem I had to worry about. I have not had a seizure in over a week so the codiene must not do that.

Cindi, how is Florida doing? Here it is has been thunderstorming every afternoon, tyipcal of the rainy season. I love rain. My land youn asked about is in Tropical Gulf Acres on one of their man made lakes. It is in Charlotte County fairly close to Sarasota. Take care, I am tired and don't feel too good, I just took my meds I hope they work soon. Bye for now, I almost started on my Temporal Lobe Babbling Trend again.

by cindi, Jun 15, 2001 12:00AM
To: Milo
I will have access to a computer while I am gone.....I'm sure I'll be busy for the most part in the daytime, but never too busy for my forum family......I'll be thinking of each and everyone of you in my dreams...ahhhhhhhh  as I'm flotaing around in the pool on my little sleepy raft....just drifting and floating,,,,maybe waking occasionally to take a sip of some sun tea....and to notice the palm trees and the sea breeze.....and maybe take notice of george Clooney lounging next to me...OOPPSS  sorry,, got lost in the moment..LOL       seriously  I'll be able to keep in touch      talk to ya loater tater    love cin

by Wizard, Jun 15, 2001 12:00AM
To: Cin
George Clooney????? and all this time I thought you were the "Tin Man" type. LOL Dorothy, I guess I have to get a grip that we ain't in Kansas anymore!!!! ROFLMAO! Geeeeze, what a mood I'm in today. I crack myself up! Nobody else, just myself..What hoot! heee heee. Cin, I hope your having a fine time counting down the hours to the beaches! Well here's some Wiz dust to you:::::::::> *#* LOL Watch out for those gators!
luv atch,
Power & Magick 2 U,
Wiz

by Milo, Jun 15, 2001 12:00AM
To: Cindi § Wizard
Cindi, do stay in touch & most of all have a *great time*!!! I really miss Florida. The salt air, the sound of the waves. I used to go in November when not many people were there, and I'd walk forever along the beach, just where the water lapped at my feet, and marvel at the wonder of the endless gulf meeting the endless sky. I had long talks with God on those walks -- I wish I were going with you!
Wizard -- you are one cool dude. I'm still on the lookout for those flying monkeys! I wonder if they would make good pets? :)
Blessings to my forum pals, Milo
PS If You're into "Planet of the Apes" at all, you'll know where I got my handle!

by Wizard, Jun 15, 2001 12:00AM
To: Milo
Way cool handle! That was the first thing I thought of......I've been reading a lot of your posts Milo and I must say you are a very compassionant welcomed addition to our forum in my book! I seem to remember when you came on board. How are YOU doing my friend? If I may ask where do you hail from? I'm from California and LOVE !!!!!!!!! the beaches...You sound like a very spiritual being and I'm feeling fairly cosmic today for some reason so let me share another quote from Connie Hunt with you:

SOLITUDE

IN SOLITUDE
MY SOUL ATTUNES
TO AN INFINITE HARMONY.

WHERE GOD'S PRESENCE
FLUTES THE SILENCE
CREATING A SYMPHONY.....................

WE ARE ALL MADE OF STAR STUFF
WE AND OUR HEIRS.

WEARE ALL MADE OF STAR STUFF
SHAPED BY OUR PRAYERS....................

by Wizard, Jun 15, 2001 12:00AM
To: Milo
Way cool handle! That was the first thing I thought of......I've been reading a lot of your posts Milo and I must say you are a very compassionant welcomed addition to our forum in my book! I seem to remember when you came on board. How are YOU doing my friend? If I may ask where do you hail from? I'm from California and LOVE !!!!!!!!! the beaches...You sound like a very spiritual being and I'm feeling fairly cosmic today for some reason so let me share another quote from Connie Hunt with you:

SOLITUDE

IN SOLITUDE
MY SOUL ATTUNES
TO AN INFINITE HARMONY.

WHERE GOD'S PRESENCE
FLUTES THE SILENCE
CREATING A SYMPHONY.....................

WE ARE ALL MADE OF STAR STUFF
WE AND OUR HEIRS.

WEARE ALL MADE OF STAR STUFF
SHAPED BY OUR PRAYERS....................

by Wizard, Jun 15, 2001 12:00AM
To: Milo
Way cool handle! That was the first thing I thought of......I've been reading a lot of your posts Milo and I must say you are a very compassionant welcomed addition to our forum in my book! I seem to remember when you came on board. How are YOU doing my friend? If I may ask where do you hail from? I'm from California and LOVE !!!!!!!!! the beaches...You sound like a very spiritual being and I'm feeling fairly cosmic today for some reason so let me share another quote from Connie Hunt with you:

SOLITUDE

IN SOLITUDE
MY SOUL ATTUNES
TO AN INFINITE HARMONY.

WHERE GOD'S PRESENCE
FLUTES THE SILENCE
CREATING A SYMPHONY.....................

WE ARE ALL MADE OF STAR STUFF
WE AND OUR HEIRS.

WEARE ALL MADE OF STAR STUFF
SHAPED BY OUR PRAYERS....................

by Wizard, Jun 15, 2001 12:00AM
To: Milo
Way cool handle! That was the first thing I thought of......I've been reading a lot of your posts Milo and I must say you are a very compassionant welcomed addition to our forum in my book! I seem to remember when you came on board. How are YOU doing my friend? If I may ask where do you hail from? I'm from California and LOVE !!!!!!!!! the beaches...You sound like a very spiritual being and I'm feeling fairly cosmic today for some reason so let me share another quote from Connie Hunt with you:

SOLITUDE

IN SOLITUDE
MY SOUL ATTUNES
TO AN INFINITE HARMONY.

WHERE GOD'S PRESENCE
FLUTES THE SILENCE
CREATING A SYMPHONY.....................

WE ARE ALL MADE OF STAR STUFF
WE AND OUR HEIRS.

WEARE ALL MADE OF STAR STUFF
SHAPED BY OUR PRAYERS....................

God bless you Milo, I hope you have magical week end for sure.
Power & Magick 2 U,
Wizard

by Wizard, Jun 15, 2001 12:00AM
To: Milo P.S. WOW!!!
Milo, I don't know what happened but the last post was the finished product. LOL I must have put too much Wizard dust on my keyboard! LOL sorry about that everyone.
Wiz

by Milo, Jun 15, 2001 12:00AM
To: Wizard
It's a shame we live on pretty much opposite sides of the country, because I just know we'd be great pals. Reading about your withdrawal  was a true inspiration, and I thank you for sharing it with us. Your posts since then have had a (dare I say?) magic, spiritual, positive, supportive quality to them, and I know people here appreciate that. I promise to lean on you when times get tough, if you'll do the same.
I'm actualy feeling better now than I have in a long, long time. Celexa has pretty much taken care of my OCD, and Wellbutrin, well, it's been a miracle drug in terms of restoring my energy, motivation, interest in life...Some day I'll have to tell you the whole story...is there an e-mail address you feel comfortable sharing?
And how are *you* doing these days? Caught sight of those flying monkeys yet? Let me say you make a great contribution to this forum, and I know people appreciate it.
Blessings to you & yours, Milo

by Wizard, Jun 15, 2001 12:00AM
To: Milo
Thank you Milo, it means a lot to me to feel that I can give back something to the forum. It was the caring and compassion that I recieved here that kept me glued to my screen during the 1st few days which were by far the hardest of my last attempts to kick. This time it worked and the light got brighter each minute. Now as most of us who have come this far know, the real fight begins and that is the STAYING off. I really think having the forum as a constant reminder of where I've been is a very strong driving force to say no to the "Dragon's" whisper. If you or anyone wants to e-mail me feel free to write to ***@****   remember to leave out the "a" in "wizrd"
from there I'll give you another address you can use.  I'll be looking forward to your mail.
Power & Magick 2 U,
Wizard

by cindi, Jun 15, 2001 12:00AM
To: Wizard and Milo
Hey surfer dude and Milo dude....LOL   I just got home from my daughter's dance recital...she was awesome....I wish I had her innocense...she told me she heard gramma Nancy clapping and yelling for her..she knew my mom looked forward to her recitals every year.....ever since I was little and was dancing...Ok  here's the scoop....I looooooooooveeeeeeeeee  George Clooney  However:   I may settle for the Tin man, or the Scarecrow who is definately more my type..the tin man has this tendency to rust  LOL  the scarecrow just kinda comes unstuffed.. (hmmm) .LOL..the wizard is pretty cool....but the cowardly lion....irks the hell out of me...LOL  really he does..so does that damn Glinda   she is such a priss..LOL   and I HAVE one of those flying monkeys   His name is Alexander  and he is 3 1/2  extremely cute but....wears me out...and makes these odd monkey sounds....and yes  he can FLY....and at times he even puts on those ugly little hats..I love florida, I love the ocean, and everything that goes with it,,,that Connie hunt thingy was absolutely beautiful....WOW<  cool   that old time pro wrestler Jake the Snake Roberts came here to our Rib burn off to sign autographs,,,,he got drunk and was charged with a dUI and hit and run   just saw him on the news...anyway,  back to Florida...Milo I will take you with me  in my thoughts....if the heat don't fry my brains....I don't like it that hot but I want to be with my dad, so....I'll deal with it....I am counting down the days....and I am back to the beach....me and George (and not boy george) are gonna play some serious Beach Blanket Bingo...OOpppss there I go again.......LOL   Ok,, guess I'll have to settle for Michael Douglas..you see my taste has changed since I turned 40  LOL  used to be Eddie Van Halen but he got old too...  LOL and well,  Jim Morrison is really old and really dead..but, I saw him at dunkin donuts   or was that elvis?  .LOL   wiz  I feel like you   I am such a hoot  to  myself....My husband doesn't find me to amusing right now....He offered me some of his caramello, I said yes,,he got pissed..LOL    I told him he should not offer if he didn't mean it...the big tease... ok,   I am going to get my back message now....LOL  ahhhhhhhhh what a life...love to all of you      cin

by Milo, Jun 15, 2001 12:00AM
To: Cindi
Yes, think of me while you're on the beach, please -- I'll feel the vibes, landlocked though I am. How old is your daughter? I know you were proud of her. Also re Florida, I hope you like seafood. Think of me while you're eating that great fresh Gulf seafood also! You're going to have a great trip.
Blessings for a safe & happy journey, Milo

by cindi, Jun 15, 2001 12:00AM
To: wildcat
Where are you at now  you never said where you were as far as al the rain, typhoons etc..and you are a storm chaser?  I'm not in florida yet.....I leave for the NC on wednesday and then florida on friday but I'll tell you what...the heat here in Ohio 92 with tons of humidity...lots of unstable air..today..we have severe weather coming in...:(  here, where I live the heat and humidity always gives way to some really nasty weather...usally preceeded by a cold front   the temps tomorrow are only going to be in the 70's so hello storms............better run,,off to work by 7 today..coming home to take a nap....my 7 year old had a dance recital last night and one tonight....2 hour show....but she is so good............love to all   cin

by Milo, Jun 15, 2001 12:00AM
I must be the oddball here, but I've never had any problem with addiction to/withdrawal from Ultram -- though it does create a slightly more relaxed feeling when combined w/ Valium. Also, I've never had that problem with hydro. I should count these as blessings, I guess. It sounds like everybody reacts differently to Ultram & needs to be aware of how their body/mind will handle it.
Cindi, I'm so jealous of you! I'd love to go to Florida right about now. Have a *great & safe* trip & tell us all about it when you return.
Bon voyage, Milo

by niccee, Jun 15, 2001 12:00AM
I have never been addicted to ultram either. When I was using and getting meds from different doctors I use to get mad when they gave me ultram. My addiction counselor tells me that some people can become addicted to it.

by cindi, Jun 16, 2001 12:00AM
To: Milo
I will think of you I don't know if wizard ever told you I have given everybody here faces,, I have one for you now too,  LOL  and I love sea food...My daughter is on the "see food" kick,,,,showing me her already chewed up food.....by the way   she is 7....go figure....same age as my husband  LOL   (kidding)he's 10  LOL  I am hitting the beach first thing with my babies....jenna wants to find sand dollars and sea shells and my son wants to catch a shark,,,,,or an alligator..LOL what a difference in boys and girls.....catcha all later   love to all   cin

by Milo, Jun 16, 2001 12:00AM
To: Cindi
Just out of curiosity,what face have you given me?
Enjoy the seafood! -- MIlo

by cindi, Jun 16, 2001 12:00AM
To: MILO
The George Clooney face  LOL   no   ok   you have short dark hair..green eyes, no mustache, no beard....glasses....(I'm trying to think of what a MILO looks like)LOL   I'll save you a sand dollar and a shark  LOL    love to all   cin

by Milo, Jun 16, 2001 12:00AM
To: Cindi
Close, Cindi, very close -- all except the eyes, which are brown.  One word of "brotherly advice" -- beware of jellyfish!
Brown-eyed Milo

by cindi, Jun 16, 2001 12:00AM
To: brown-eyed Milo
I have brown eyes also...one thing you'll learn about me,,I always have a story about something...one year I went to Miami Beach...I was walking along and I saw this really pretty thing laying on the beach  it looked like a big bubble...blue and purple  really pretty,,,hmmmmmmmm   thought I could bring it home for a souviner.....went to pick it up and some guy started yelling at me..it was a jelly fish....had I have known that i would have ran the other way.....i don't like anything gross....and i don't even kill spiders  if i go near them I get all sweaty and start breathing real fast...real arachnophobia the next day my little sister got stung by a sting ray...i know florida is famous for bugs....spiders, and those little critters   lizards...ewww  they are kinda cute I guess..dated a guy once that looked like a lizard...kissed like one too  LOLI just hope the pain in my back does not hold me back,,, ilove to swim and walk on the beaches...I love Sanibel Island....we are about 20 minutes from sanibel...love to all   cin

by Wizard, Jun 16, 2001 12:00AM
To: Cindi,Milo,Anglica,Thomas,All
Hey all, well I just set up a new address at ***@**** if anybodies interested. Milo got your mail thanks. Cin, you sound all charged up for this vaca! Very cool indeed. About those jellyfish, I remember surfing out of Santa Cruz one year and came out of the water with one still hanging on my leg. The water had been so cold I hadn't felt the sting because my leg was numb. That's an understatement for sure. After I got out it was burning and swelling like crazy...not nice to the Wiz's way of looking at things. I stir away from them now don't ya know. LOL I hope all is well for all of you. Thomas , how's the benzo thing going? I've been thinking about you....Well back to work for a bit. :-( atcha later.
Power & Magick 2 U,
Wiz

by Thomas, Jun 16, 2001 12:00AM
To: Wizard
Greetings Wizard. Thanks for the new e-mail address. It's safely in my address book under the "cool people" category.

Thanks for asking ... I've been stabilized on three 10 mgs Valiums a day (sometimes I'm bad and I take four, but what the hell). My doc expects it t take the whole summer to get completely off the benzos. He and I both do not want to risk another seizure. I haven't started reducing my dosage yet, but I think come refill time around July 4th, he'll probably have me take a 10 mg in the morning, a 5 mg in the afternoon and another 10 mg in the evening for starters, then "titrate" things further down, slowly but surely..

It really is a lot more stable using Valium over Xanax, I never have even an inkling of pre-seizure feelings anymore.
For those trying to get off of benzos or who just ran out early, I can tell you that the main, serious symptoms of an impending benzo-withdrawal seizure are:
1. Numbness in your hands, in particular thumbs and forefingers
2. Tightness in your chest, and shallow breathing - that and waves of plain old anxiety.
3. My experience was that these symptoms went on for between two and three days before the seizure actually occurred.
4. I had some Soma, a muscle relaxant, and was hoping that it would at least relax me enough to avoid a seizure, but it did no good at all. I don't think there's any substitute when you're truly addicted to a benzo and have been cut off from your supply.
5. Whatever you do, if you find yourself in this position, don't ignore it. If you can't get your benzo of choice from your doctor, RUN, DON'T WALK to the nearest ER or urgent care walk-in. I seriously doubt if any doctor thus consulted would risk his or her career by denying you the benzos you need. Also, I'm pretty sure the pharmacy by itsel can legally give you a day's worth til your doc can be contacted. But don't wait till you're getting all the symptoms I just listed. I came within 15 minutes from having my last seizure behind the wheel of my car going down the Pacific Coast Highway at 65 MPH (!). My guardian angel was watching over me that day … of that I have no doubt, causing me to have the seizure at my desk in front of all my fellow writers. Nice huh?

I do have to watch the calendar and make sure I'm not running out just as the doc is taking off for the 4th of July. But his staff is great and have already been instructed by my doc to never let me run out of benzos, so I just have to keep track of dates and pill quantities, etc.

To anyone trying to taper down off of short acting benzos like Xanax or Ativan, I recommend you asking your doctor to switch you to good old long-acting Valium. I'm so much more stable on the stuff and it's gone a long way toward taking the fear of seizures from me. I'd had three in as many months, and I think I've had my limit. I'll tell you though, from talking to a few docs in person and on-line, very few of them really seem to understand how serious it is getting off this family of drugs. Too bad, too, because they help my back and relieve the tension I'm under like nothing else does.


NOT TO WORRY ...

With friends like you, milo, cin, rachel, Françoise, Karen, lea, angelica, J.B., Bright Light and (a thousand apologies) to all the rest of my good friends looking out after me, I know I'll make it through the summer and, miracles of miracles, perhaps celebrate my September 4th wedding anniversary (16 years!) completely off of everything. I won't kill myself if I can't get it all done by that date, and won't punish myself if I relapse with the pain meds (back pain is still a daily part of my life and gets pretty bad some days -- to the point where I'm not sure if I can make it to work [so far, no sick days taken] but it would be nice and a real miracle if I do pull it off. One thing you can't just shrug off is the basic need for the drugs in the first place. I won't live in constant, debilitating pain or fear of seizures just to able to claim absolute sobriety.

I just want to stop fearing seizures every morning of my life and do my work and help my forum friends -- words alone just aren't enough to tell you all how much your friendship has meant me.

Speaking for myself, you'll always get all I know how to give, whether you need hard info or just someone to listen and relate. My "door" is always open to all of you. Again, whomever I neglected to thank by name, it doesn't mean you're not in a special place I reserve in my heart for "the special ones ..."

P.S. There's still a lot more room in there for more guys (or gals) like you, my good friend, Wizard of the mystic. Live Way long and prosper BIG time, as the Surfer Vulcans would say ….

Your friend,

Thomas

by cindi, Jun 16, 2001 12:00AM
To: Thomas and Wizard
Thomas,  You have no clue as to how much love and luck I wish upon you and your wife....I am only going on my 8th year...****, I'm still a newly wed..LOL   you make sure you take care of yourself,,,you, wiz, Kerrie and all the great people I have met here on this board...you are the forum,,that is why you all have faces...LOL  all of you have sooooo  much to give,,,and I can feel it in my heart that you are all real genuine people...I have been to other forums before i found this one and there is no comparison...I have been scolded before for saying the word love when referring to all my forum family....tough *******...I do love each and every one of you and you all have found a place in my heart..we are here for each other.....and Wiz....ouch   so now you are the magical surfer dude......got your new address..  is the other one still good or is it null and void....hey, I am psyched about this trip  you ain't gettin rid of me I have access to sandy's computer (my sister) and my dad's....i do have a question....I love to bass fish...but I think I want to try fishing the gulf of Mexico  what can I fish for and do I need special rods and reels etc?...can I use my artificial lures or do I need the live stuff...ewwwwwwwwww  if so i think I'll stick to the bass..I don't like worms either....all though I did kiss huge largemouth when it was a trophy..LOL   i was sooo excited....I think I told you guys once I am meeting Brighty for lunch  I am taking pics and sending them out to everyone...Later    love to all       cin

by Wizard, Jun 16, 2001 12:00AM
To: Thomas, Cin
Thomas , I'm so happy to hear that it seems to be getting brighter for you. You KNOW though that there is no need to be in constant chronic pain JUST to say you are off the "Dragon". We need what we need to have the quality of life that is an inherent right of the living. You do what you have to do my brother. Wow, I'm flatter with the new handles of "surfer dude" and "mystic surfer dude" LOL What a hoot! :-) Thomas, I do want to ask about the pre seizure symptoms. You know I take Ativan daily as prescribed 1 mg in the morning and 1 mg at night. When you get the tingling and numbness is it in both hands or sometimes one? I often get numbness in my left fingers for no reason that goes away after a few minutes or so. I used to really get it bad with trembling in my left hand when I was taking the massive amount so Soma with my hydro/oxy mix. Now that I'm off the opiates and Soma that has stopped. I just get numbness sometimes for the short periods. I had attributed it to pinched nerves....Now I wonder...If i'm gonna taper off the Ativanmaybe I will ask for the Valium, I just get so sleepy on that though. I feel so blessed good right now I don't want to mess with the rainbow if you know what I mean... God be with you brother as always you know you are in my heart and prayers....
Cin, What's this about kissing a largemouth? If your gonna fish the gulf if you can get a charter they usually provide all the right stuff AND take care of the dirty work (worms aren't gonna cut it) LOL Some very big fish there...you'll need something in the line of heavy tackle and rod.....You really have to be getting all jazzed up now :-) Oh yea, My other e-mail is still active and will be use what you like, I just thought the hot mail program looked cool to keep all my "Angel" friends in one place and since I'm personal friends with my internet provider(ISP) I thought the hotmail way would be more private in case they got a little too curious since I'm sure they have access if they wanted to snoop. But Hell I don't care, the hotmail makes it easier to get anywhere I am and it is not loaded to my hard drive. Feel Free to buzz my tower any way you all like. LOL You all have a fine "Cosmic wizard surfer dude evening" LOL
And congrats to you both on your anniversaries! I'm coming up on 28 years in mine. I think I got a keeper! Not throwing this one back for sure. LOL I love her so much it hurts...We met when I was 16 and she was 15 Can you believe it? We truly are like one  now that I'm clean Praise the Lord.
Power & Magick 2 U All,
Peace & Light on us little addicts,
Wiz

by bigringking, Jun 17, 2001 12:00AM
Ive been in the Ultram addiction. Ive had bad back problems and raced bicycles under the olympic committee, and got hooked on ultram .I had the exact same side effects as comming of of ms contin ,which im now currenetly tapering down from under the care of my Primary doc. Th ank God he understands addiction .Ultram is a drug that I feel effects different people in different ways. I had to go to oxy;s do to pain and that got me past ultram. heck ive went to a rehab to get of ultram ,I got off but was flat on my back.Now ,Ive had surgery L-4L-5 S-1 laminectomy and fuion on all but the l-5 s-1 was interbody fusion and disk removal .Yhe surgery went great it worked and Ill race again given I get of the oc's .I was on 60mg mscontin bid and now I went down to oc's @20mg bid(Twice a day =BID)..Next step is 10 mgs bid then off completly ,I pray this work and I feel fda or who ever shcedules drugs should make ultram a narcotic GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF YOU OUT THERE PEACE  Eric K>

by Milo, Jun 17, 2001 12:00AM
To: Bigringking
You're right, everyone seems to react differently to Ultram. Since it doesn't cause me problems, I hope they don't make it a controlled substance, thus making it more difficult to get. But I'm sorry you had such a terrible experience with it, not to mention all the pain. Best of luck in tapering & pain management -- there are plenty of people here who can give you great advice on making it as easy as possible. -- Milo

by jule1, Jun 17, 2001 12:00AM
Hi everyone!  I am still dreading the withdrawls but I think I am ready to do it I am so grateful to have this forum to help.  I am going to try to do what cindi and Thomas recommended.  Cindi if I don't hear from you have a great vacation.  I am going to Santa Barbara next week and really looking forward to that.  Well wish me luck and bless you all!

by cindi, Jun 17, 2001 12:00AM
To: JBear
good luck and God bless you,,,you aren't going to try this withdrawal thing while you are on vacation are you?   I will write and keep in touch on my vaca.....countin down the days......love to all  cin

by Thomas, Jun 18, 2001 12:00AM
To: bigringking
Even though ultram is in structure unrelated to opiates or, I suppose, opiods, it clearly acts on the same brain receptors as good ole narcotics, consequently most docs I've spoken to about it say they simply regard Ultram as a synthetic narcotic and prescribe it with the same caution as they would Vicodin. Ultram was a big let down for me. First, my doc gives me this "non-narcotic" for my back. I wait almost a week to even try it because I assume it's just another anti-inflamatory. So, I get bored and drop two. Sweet Jesus did those first few doses feel great! I thought I'd found the promised land: a non-narcotic that made me feel like I was on the best Schedule II narcotics on the books. Apparently Ultram tickles some receptors not usually reached by the traditional narcotics. But then a strange thing happened. After using and enjoying the absolute hell out of them, it suddenly stopped working. It didn't stop killing pain, but, suddenly, NO HIGH! Massive BUM-OUT!I've tried it a few more times since -- same lack of effect. Anyone else have this experience with Ultram?

by jennyfla, Jun 18, 2001 12:00AM
To: Thomas
I loved your post up a few above, and i wish you the best of luck, i really do.
I hope you make your deadline, and i think you have the right attitude!  We're here for you!
I tried Ultram once, and it really made me feel very strange, kind of like floating, not for me!  But then again, none of it is for me anyway, because my back pain just doesn't justify taking anything.
Good luck!!!!
lv Jenny

by cindi, Jun 19, 2001 12:00AM
To: Thomas
Yes,  I have had that experience with ultram..after a few years of nothing at all...after my son was born i took 2 ultram for my back,,,,and yes  i did get a buzz,,,like you I was shocked that a non narcotic do this and pissed at mself for not using the script my doc gave to me a year and half before that....but soon the buzz was gone and the pain was there,,they never did help the pain....soon I upped them to 3 and 4 at a time    so of course this is how we get addicted to those little bastards...trying to get the same buzz that 2 gave us some people have gone up to 12 at at time......now,  listen,,i ma leaving in the morning for my famous NC Florida vacation  you behave ok?   he he    love to all  cin

by jule1, Jun 19, 2001 12:00AM
To: Thomas, Erik § Everyone
Thomas, when I started taking Ultram it helped my back pain and gave me a little high I could not believe that a non-narcotic could do that!  Well I don't think Dr's really knew too much about it they just thought non-narcotic great.  It no longer gives me a high but it's like I can't do without taking it, it seems to get me going for the day and I hate being dependent on it.  I really want to quit but like I said I am scared any words of advice would be great!  Erik what kind of cycling do you do?  My husband is in training to do the Ironman.  His addiction is definetely excerise.  I think he is going to have a hard time understanding what I am going through so does anyone have any spouse advice?  Years ago when my husband smoked and did a little bit of drugs in college he was able to say he was going to stop and did just that with no problem.  I wish it was that easy for me. Again thank you all!

by Thomas, Jun 20, 2001 12:00AM
To: Cindi
Have a nice vacation, my most excellent friend! Try to behave just a little. Of course, not being around the usual cues to using may just help you keep your consumption down or at least to something reasonable. Just stay away from the booze. It's a "dis-inhibitor" and usually leads to a loss of any sort of reasonable control. Just put ice in the glass with some 7-up and no one will be offended. Cin, keep yourself safe, dear one, you are important to me and I'd hate to see anything happen to you. You're one of "those" I can't do wihout. So, take care just a little if you can.

Your good friend as always,

Thomas

by Thomas, Jun 20, 2001 12:00AM
To: Jbear
Jbear, I think your husband's "secret" is all the aerobic exercise he's geting though cycling. It certainly stimulates the endorphins, focus the mind on something besides using and cleanses the system like nothing else can. I wish I had the discipline to follow his example. Maybe someday ...

Thomas

by Thomas, Jun 20, 2001 12:00AM
To: Jennyfla
Thanks, my good friend, I'm touched that you would care so much for someone you've never met. You're a compasionate person and I count myself among the blessed to deserve your atention. Above all, take care of jennyfla because you mean so much to so many on this forum. When you need some answers or just someone to listen, don't forget I'm here for you in anyway I can be.
All my best to you and your family,

Thomas

by skipper, Jun 20, 2001 12:00AM
about ultram:
several years ago my primary care doc wrote me an rx for lorcet 10s. He also gave 3 or 4 cartons of ultram samples with these cute,
small cards of these long but small pills. the doc said that these
were non addictive and really worked. non addictive pain pills are
quit ellusive (sort of like the alchemist looking for the magick
stone that would turn common metal to gold). several weeks later i
tried it out. i took 4 of these long but small tabs. i didn't get
a buzz or any relief from my pain.i dismissed ultram as just more
bull-**** from pharm. industry. several weeks ago i saw a good friend really coming unglued and very definately going thru drug
withdrawals. this friend claimed to get plesently loaded on this
ultram suff, and then went a week or so of hurting real bad. Can't
explain why they affeced him so differently than me. i remember
about 25 years ago or so when talwin hit the market. seems i remember a doctor telling me they were addictive free, and good replacements for percodan. i took a 3 50 mgs and throwing them into
the old cooker & then shooting up. GOD it was awfull. some of my
friends at the time really got strung out on them. addiction is a
very strange thing.
this forum meas a lot to me. i want to thank all of you for helpping me get through a very rough period of my life. please
forgive my misspellings and incoherence. i'm all "trussed up"
in this horid cervical brace. i can't complain to much about my
brace after having a chat with a young lady in halo brace. met
her in my neuro surgeons office. tends to kill off the poor me's.

                                      thanks to all of you
                                            skipper

by jennyfla, Jun 20, 2001 12:00AM
To: Skipper
Just wanted to let you know that I'm here to listen when things get bad.
I'm so sorry that you are in such a state of uncomfortableness, we're all here for you it you just need to get it all out and scream out loud!!!!
I'm not up on your story, but know that i'm here to support and listen whenever you need it!
Your friend, Jenny

by Thomas, Jun 21, 2001 12:00AM
To: Skipper
I second jennyfla's motion .... welcome, Skipper, to our little corner of the addiction world. I'm always interested in peoples' stories -- how they first used, when they realized they were hooked, etc. Sometimes it reads like "can you top this," but there really are some very cool people ready to listen and offer feedback. Some medical pro's are on here, as well. First advice to "the new guy" -- forget Dr Steve. He only answers the actual questions (how you get one in is beyond me), but the real wealth of this site resides in a cadre of "been there done thats" that will rock your world. Rules? Just speak your mind, my friend, ask and answer some posts. Between all of us (that means you now, too) we have good info on just about anything related to using and not-using and everything in between. And the best part? No judgements(!) You can speak your mind on drugs here and no spankings or lectures. If it happens, watch the reaction! That's half the fun. Anyway, welcome Skipper. You're among friends here ...


Thomas

by skipper, Jun 22, 2001 12:00AM
To: Thomas,Jenny,§ everyone
Thomas:
if i tell you i'm an addict, that sums it up (every thing else
is just the details). also: i have "fragile ******* feelings"
(please remember this when i, without a shred of remorse stomp
all over your feelings).
i've spent the majority of my life feeling like an outsider-sort of like that song by the Hollies, Look thru any window.
my first sponser from a 12 step program told me "i'm going to love
you & there isn't a dam thing you can do about it". this is the way
i feel about everyone on this forum.
i would love to hear everyone's story & tell my own. i'll try not to turn it into a "pissing contest" but can't promise i won't as i can be a bit of a windbag & ******* too.
my keeshound has just made it clear it's time for him to take me on a walk.
Cindi:
a vacation- wow! i hope your expectations are realized. i'm using all my vacation leave from work for this awful surgery (poor me}.i actually feel real guilty about it because my wife has stood by me thru all this-no vacation for her either.

everyone please be careful
skipper

by cindi, Jun 22, 2001 12:00AM
To: Thomas
Thank you for all of your warmth, kindness and love...You are a good man my friend..my car is being fixed as I type this...something about some coils I burnt and the module? all I know is it's costing me $540.00 smackaroos....since I had such a dificult time in the mountains my husband is going to fly down and bring us home....he is very hestitant about me coming home by myself with those 2 kids...especially since he is now really aware of the trouble I had in the mountains...I do sound like a wuss LOL  it seems the older I get the more things bother me....Had I been alone in the car I may have been better but I had these 2 kids with me which scared me even more  the thought of anything happening to them paralyzes me at times..my stay in NC is just about over  dad is coming to get us and taking us down to florida...tomorrow we leave...actually, the pain in my back is not as bad as I thought..maybe the weather? I do have to admit I am homesick...for my husband and 2 cats.I miss my gramma also...listen to me, I am this big blubbering fool and I am 40 years old..LOL  It is so nice to be able to get on this computer and jump to this board and see your name....I can feel the caring,,,,I can feel the warmth on this forum...you my friend are dear to me as well,,,, and no matter where I am at,  home or away from home my forum family is still here for me.....Thank you....Love you all    cin.........    PS>>I am doing lunch probably this week with Brighty,  I am so excited,I am taking pics and sending them to you guys...

by cindi, Jun 22, 2001 12:00AM
To: SKipper
I am glad you decided to stick around and give us a try,,,,,you will find here the most loving,caring, warm, people ever,,,they genuinely care,  we speak the truth, some say things in no uncertain terms, and some of us tend to sugarcoat things sometimes  (guilty LOL) you will also find that alot of us have our own little cliches or "spills"  i.e. thomas has a great detox recipe he is famous for, Wiz has awesome doses of wizard dust amd magik, I get upset when someone starts bashing my forum friends and become quite protective of them...but no matter what you can look to these people for their love, encouragemnt, support and advice..who knows better about addiction than an addict...we are here for the recovering addict, the ones who want to be recovering, the suffering addict,,,the families etc...and a little bit of experience, strength and hope really does go a long way...I always tell people that I started coming here 6 months ago, my mom had passed away on christmas morning and I was devastated...they listened to me blubber and spill my guts over and over again  and they were here for me...and they as I always say "loved me back to life" and we/they will be here for you as well my friend    keep posting and God Bless    love to all   cin

by jennyfla, Jun 23, 2001 12:00AM
To: Cindi
Hey girly!
I have you're having fun despite all your troubles.  You do what you must to make the trip comfortable for you, don't feel like a whimp, you have such wonderful strengths in so many other areas, we all have weaknesses; we're human.  You have a very loving family, and remember their support for you is out of love, and they would do anything for you; you're a beautiful person.
So sorry about the darn car, isn't it always the way.
When you get to Florida, you just enjoy yourself, and make the best out of it all!  You sit on that beach and gaze out onto the horizon (something I love), and you find some peace and enjoyment and try to relax and know that you a very loved!
Have a wonderful lunch with Brighty, and don't get sunburned!
I know your kiddies are going to have a blast, and that's what it's all about, having fun, forget the bad parts!!!!
Love your Florida Buddy, Jenny

by jennyfla, Jun 23, 2001 12:00AM
To: skipper
we're here for you through thick and thin, we addicts must stick together.
I was incredibly shy during my younger years, and it was very painful dealing with life and other kids while growing up.  I felt like an outsider too.
That's why i think i was drawn to alcohol, i could open up and i wasn't so shy anymore.
I think i can speak for us all, and we all have sensitive feelings; that's part of addiction.  I don't think you can be a hardcore, nothing gets to you sort of person and be an addict.  We just 'feel' more than others, and it gets us into trouble sometimes.  But think of the benefits, us addicts get alittle more out of life then the rest i think.  Sometimes more than be want, but try to focus on the positive.
Take things one step at a time, and try not to overload yourself with too many worries at once.  The things we worry about tend not to even happen, and try to enjoy life for what it is; not easy.
Good luck to you and know that we're all here to listen anytime!!!
Lv Jenny

by Milo, Jun 23, 2001 12:00AM
To: Skipper § jennyfla
Skipper -- Just want to say I'm here for you too, man. Come here whenever & for whatever reason you need to -- there are some truly great souls here & I'm just privileged to wander among 'em.
jennyfla -- I know I keep praising your writing, but once again you've said exactly what I was thinking! I grew up as an "outsider" too, am a bit of one now, actually, and sensitive, oh yes! Your statement that what we fear usually doesn't happen is so true -- I've observed it myself over & over -- one day I hope to learn the lesson!
Bless you both, Milo

by Thomas, Jun 23, 2001 12:00AM
To: Cin
I'm sending you a full-body hug that I expect you to pass along to Brighty for me. I can't tell you what you all mean to me ...

just plain old Thomas, still hang'n in there

peace and healing to all

by Thomas, Jun 23, 2001 12:00AM
To: skipper
don't worry 'bout my feelings. Believe me, they've been stomped on, torn up and set on fire by pros! Most of us have some kind of 12 step background one way or another and know how pain and addiction and especially the fear of more pain can play havoc with the emotions. Focus on your healing and lean on us when you feel like it. We're never very far away ...

May you be at peace with yourself and heal, my new friend

Thomas

by Milo, Jun 24, 2001 12:00AM
To: jennyfla
Hello! I want you to know that I admire the fact that you haven't given up on your husband. I'm not saying there aren't times a person must get out of a bad situation, but you sound like you want to give your marriage & family every possible chance to improve & to heal. As long as your judgment is sound, then to me you're displaying loyalty in a very difficult situation. I also think it's great that you haven't gone completely overboard w/the meds yourself. Keep focused on your kids & exploring options for both you & your husband. You have a big heart!
"The 5 Days of Milo" are now over -- the terror has gone, and each day will be better. Thank you again for thinking of me during this time, with all you are dealing with yourself. Like Wiz says, when we help each other, we loosen the "dragon's" claws from both our backs. -- Milo

by cindi, Jun 24, 2001 12:00AM
To: Jenny, Thomas, kerrie and everyone else
Thomas, I got the hug and I am calling Brighty tomorrow,,,i will probably see her in the middle of the week,,,the hug will definately be passed on  do you know how excited I am to meet her face to face?  jenny,  why don't you try and come also?  since you are in florida....and by the way  thank you for your nice words...i still fell like a whimp though LOL   but kerrie told me she won;t drive through the mountains either  LOL   anyway...i want you all to know that I am still here for all of you if you need me....I may not be online mcuh cuz of everything going on here in florida   dad is keeping me busy  he is totally in his glory..he has been beaming ear to ear all his kids are here with hime and he is thrilled.....anyway...please all of you,,remember how much I care about you and how much I truly love each and every one of you....may God be with you....love cin

by J.B. to Brian and Vicky, Jun 24, 2001 12:00AM
To: Thomas
My dear friend,....enough said. J.B.

by wildcat, Jun 24, 2001 12:00AM
To: Thomas

[Thomas], I also had the same experience with Ultram. It killed pain great at first and then lost it's effectiveness. I still take it though.

I also have seizures on a fairly regular basis although I take 10 MG of Klonopin a day which helps control the seizures most of the time. I can not take the heavy anti-convulsants like Tegretol and Depakote. Those make me feel too ill, worse than the stinkin seizures!

by jennyfla, Jun 24, 2001 12:00AM
To: Milo and Cindi
Hey guys!
Thank you Milo for your kind words.
Cindi, i would absoluately love to meet you, but with working full-time, and all these problems at home, it would be hard to get away long enough to make it over there.  You're a good 3 hours away, and although i would love it, it would be difficult.
Waaaa, i seem to miss out on everything in life these days, can't seem to do anything just for me!!!! :(
I hope you understand.
Of course, if you could make it over to this coast, i would absoluately love to meet you and you are more than welcome to come say here, we have plenty of room.
Thank you so much for the invite, it means a lot to me!!!! :)
Lv Jenny

by jennyfla, Jun 24, 2001 12:00AM
To: Milo
I just love when you say i write well, it just thrills me because i've never thought of myself as a 'good writer'.
In fact, it wasn't till the internet and email that my writing skills really improved.  I've always stumbled with finding the right words while composing letters, memos, etc. in my jobs.  I'm an administrative assistant, and good writing skills are definately a big requirement!
I think my feeling so strongly about my feelings in regards to addiction, and feeling the pain so strongly that everyone expresses here, really helps me get the right words out.  They are coming from my heart, and i just say what i feel; every single word is true and honest coming straight from my heart!
I wish i knew the answers, but, unfortuately, there are no easy answers.  Best we can do is be here for eachother and try to hold eachother up when we feel we just need a little push or a shoulder to cry on!
This board helps me so much because i no longer feel so alone.  My own battle is tough enough, but watching my husband go through this is ripping my heart to pieces.  I want to run away as fast as i can from him because he makes my life such a living hell, but my ripped up, torn up heart won't let me.
I feel he would be thrown out to the dogs if i weren't here, and i've spent so much of life with him, i don't know what live would be without him.  I was 18 when we first got together, and moved to florida when i was 20 (i'm now 38 -- that's large portion of my life).
I couldn't live with myself if i knew i left him in the dust and didn't support him and try everything in my power to help him find the strength to help himself.
It's just getting more and more difficult with each passing day, i feel like i am loosing my mind, and my soul in this battle.  I know i could live with these drugs if i were away from him, and that makes it even harder knowing this.  I numb and numb because i just can't handle the pain.   There has to be a way, it's just a matter of time now, because things are moving forward even as i try to stand still and keep things together.
I do have the loving support of family up north, and they provide me with the strength i need to keep battling this life.  Plus my kids are the best anyone could ever ask for, and they enable me to keep a grip on alittle bit of sanity anyway.  I know i could go full-board and get myself even deeper at any moment, but it's them that keeps me somewhat sane and focused!  PLus, i love myself, and i deserve every bit of hope that there is!  I will not let this destroy me, i refuse.
My mom says "i have character", that she has never known anyone as strong as i am.  I amaze her!!!  But if she only knew the truth about, i wonder how she would feel.  She fights her own battles; abused as a child, and with an alcoholic tendency herself.  Plus, awful back pain that she experiences is just getting worse and worse, but she refuses to go the drug-route because she knows she is far too addictive, and that it would only create more problems for herself.  I'm glad she realizes that, and if she only knew how true that statement really was, i love her to pieces and admire her strength and wisdom!!!!
Good luck to you, and you deserve a huge pat on the back, wow, day 5, you go Milo!!!!!!  We are very proud, and keep fighting, you are an inspiration to us all!!!!  You are worth every passing day of sobriety, and it will only get better and better.  
I'm always here for support, so keep on moving forward!!!!!!
Lv Jenny

by Wizard, Jun 25, 2001 12:00AM
To: Milo,Angelica,Cin,Thomas,J.B.§Friends
To all my "Angels" on the forum. I don't know whats going on today with me but the "Dragon" is Screaming at me and I don't know why...It's been 56 days and I've been wonderful for the last few weeks but this morning something is knawing at me. I keep telling everyone to hang in there and keep reaching for the light now I need to heed my own advice. Please pray for me. I feel like an overwhelming fog has enveloped me today for no apparent reason. I know these things happen and it's a fight for the rest of my life. Writing this out seems to help so please bear with me. I don't remember who it was that posted a long while ago about the possibility of post W.D.s anxiety setting in after a couple of months but could this be it? I realize the possibility is there. I also know that I will fight my "demons" the rest of my life but I refuse to give in. As I write this I am recalling those of you that are in much more daily chronic pain than I and it makes me feel like "Wimpy Wizard" so I apologize for whining. Kerrie, God bless you in your time of need. You too Angelica, Milo and all of you out there. There are so many names to name, forgive me for not doing so but you know who you are. Cin, girl I hope your trip is going well Godspeed be with you too. Sorry about this long downer post....I think I'll go take a walk and try to find one of my "flying monkeys"LOL
Power & Magick 2 U all,:-(,
Peace and Light be with you too,
Wiz

by cindi, Jun 25, 2001 12:00AM
To: Cheese Wiz
Hay you,,,,,listen to me......You are allowed to feel down, have a bad hair day YOU ARE HUMAN>>>>>This too shall pass.....your best bet is to do what you did,,,write, share, pray....and write share and pray some more.....I will be thinking of you as always,,,,you are in my prayers,,,,love to all   cin

by Wizard, Jun 25, 2001 12:00AM
To: Cin
Thanks for responding Cin as always!  I know you are right, I knew it as I was writing...Human we are and with that comes weaknesses. I've been hanging on the posts off and on all day rereading a lot of them. Even my own to refresh my batteries if you will. It always seems to work knowing that you all are out there. It just seems so strange today. It's almost as foreign feeling as it was after my first week of detox. The rational mind tells me "**** happens" and we deal with it. My creative irrational side say's "OH NO not again". Soooooooo, on my walk I kicked the snot out of my irrational side! LOL.....Again Cin, thanks for the reality check. We all need them from time to time.
So, now that I feel better, The Cheese Wiz wants to know where the dickens are you? Fla.? swamp? alligators stomach? just kidding. God bless you and you know YOU are in my thoughts and prayers also Cin. Say hello to Doug for me. Keeping you in my heart as always.
Power & Magick 2 U,
Luv,
Wiz

by J.B. to Brian and Vicky, Jun 25, 2001 12:00AM
To: Wizard
Hey Wiz, I get all screwed up too!  Just play the whole scenario out in your head and you'll end up back at "square one". Right?

Geez, I wish I could just be my own sponsor most of the time!

If nothing else, just do what I do and type out some real B.S. on this forum and read it back to yourself the next day. We really are the only ones that can heal ourselves in the end. Are you listening to yourself?  J.B.

by Milo, Jun 26, 2001 12:00AM
To: Wizard
Thinking about you, my friend, & am right behind you on your walk...Today was a weird, bad day for me, too -- depression + anxiety -- oh, what fun -- so we're not alone. Look for an e-mail, or maybe a "flying monkey message". Hang in there, & I will too -- Milo

by Angelica, Jun 26, 2001 12:00AM
To: Wizard
.....Feel free to email me anytime.  I am  here if you need someone to talk you through this trying time, or just listen.  I'm usually on very often, and if not....I'll email you as soon as I ck.  Hang in there pal, your to special to go back there again.  God bless you.
Love,
Angelica

by Angelica, Jun 26, 2001 12:00AM
To: CIN
.....Don't forget to give Brighty a big hug and a smooch for me ...K??  Tell, her I wish I could be there....gosh you have no idea..I wish we all could be there, and have one big family reunion.  I truly envy you, cin.  Take care, and be careful.
Love YA
ANgelica

by jennyfla, Jun 26, 2001 12:00AM
To: Wiz and Milo
Remember this one that someone posted a while back.  I keep it closeby so i can read it to get a wake up call!

I am your disease
I am cunning, baffling, powerful and slick.  You will never see me coming until i have you by the throat, grasping for your life.  I am a disease that has been around since the beginning of time, you are just a beginner.  You will think like all beginners think.  That you can handle me, you are not that bad, maybe once in a while or that you are different.  I will keep talking to you because you listen; after all i am a disease that tells you that you are not sick.  I hate when you go to treatment, go to those stupid meetings, obtain a higher power and attend counseling.  You fool!  I am a very patient disease and will wait until youi stop treating me and then i will destroy you.  Not only will i destroy you, i will also destroy your family and friends.  I promise to take away your dreams.  Your new dreams will be to stay high and wasted.  You will feed me alcohol, heroin, cocaine, pills, pot and speed.  I will teach you to lie, cheat and steal.  Slowly you will realize that i am your best friend, lover and higher power.  I will always be there when you are lonely and i will fill that empty feeling within.  I will consume every cell in your body and bring about many new sufferings such as aids, liver, heart, pancreas, reproductive, skin and brain diseases.  Most importantly, i will rule your mind; your every thought will be of me.  I promise to be there when you get out of the hospital; i promise to be there when you get out of prison.  I also promise to be there when you die.  For now, let us have fun.
Yours forever,
The Disease of Addiction


Hope this isn't upsetting, they are very strong words.  This is just a little reinforcement to help you know you two are on the right road.  Don't look back, it's ugly, and you never want to go back there.  Keep re-reading the posts, it will help a lot.  I've re-read my posts the next day, and can't believe it was me who wrote those words.  If i could only read and learn from what my healthy part of my brain is saying.  Stomp that darn dragon or demon on the other shoulder saying 'just a little won't do anything'.  I was starting to feel really good when i came back from vacation.  I hadn't beaten it yet, but was starting to 'feel' a little bit again.  Right now i feel like absoluate ****, and i could kick myself (if i could reach) for falling back and letting this dam disease gain some ground again.

Stay strong, and know that tomorrow is another day, and let this one pass and know that there is a brighter day ahead for your both tomorrow.  So many things to 'feel', you don't want to miss it!!!!!

Good luck and keep the faith you two!!!!
Love from your (still in the dark) friend, Jenny

by Wizard, Jun 26, 2001 12:00AM
To: angelica,Milo,J.B.§jennyfla
Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement. They mean so much to me at the dark moments that lurk from time to time in mind. Milo and angelica thanks for the personal mail :-) it's always nice to see the "you got mail" indicator flashing.LOL J.B. I know we have a lot in common as does Milo. I thank you for your words of wisdom to just come to the forum and write some B.S. It really does work :-) I reread and listened to myself. When I read what I wrote at a low point I DO wonder if it was really me or a manifistation that took over for a brief time just to test me and keep me honest. Bless you in your concern. Jenny, my friend, you may not know it, but just by your response to me and to others you are NOT in the dark. Darling you are standing on the threshold of the Light. I just found out that sometimes the lightbulb goes out and we just need to replace it, but the energy running it is eternal! I just replace my bulb again and so can you! Even in your current darkness you found a flicker of light to come to my aid. God Bless you for that. I'll keep you in my heart and prayers along with all my "angels" here. I think a better day is in store for me.
Power & Magick 2 U,
Peace & Light on us all,
Wizard

by skipper, Jun 26, 2001 12:00AM
To: Wizard § everyone
wizzard:
so sorry to hear your in the "bad" spot.
for what it's worth:
several years ago (before my neck problems) i read in the British
Journal of Addiction about a study 2 american reserchers were doing. if my memory serves me they (the researcher) were investigating what was labled as secondary  abstence syndrome. it seems the body at regular intervals of 60 to 80 days after detox
will start cravings for drugs, especially opiates. i know this probably doesn't help much. In the days before oxy, when i was
clean for a number of years this happened to me. it started with a
repetitous dream about using heroin. same dream nite after nite. i
remember waking up in cold sweats. each day after such dreams everything i looked reminded me of big old spoon of black tar being
cooked down! no **** i thought i was going to have to use to make it go away. the dreams and desire went away when i started talkig
about them with some oter people trying to find recovery.
hang in there!
skipper

by cindi, Jun 26, 2001 12:00AM
To: Cheese Wiz and Angelica
Hey my mystical surfer dude and my fellow angel.....I wll give Brighty a big smooch and hug  LOL   and angelcia,  just bcause you can't be there Physically,,I'm sure you know that we will be mentioning your name (fondly of course ) and you will be with us in our hearts.....Wiz,  I am in southwest Florida,,a place called caPE cORAL,,,HOT, SUNNY PALM TREES AND HOT DUDES  lol  (hI dOUG),,,,,lol I asked my dad if I caould saty a little bit longer   and doug in coming to get me,,,,,he has to get  me cuz i wimped out....can't do the mountains again  LOL   you hang in there and if you need me I can access my aol acct. from my dad's computer........i love you all      cin

by jennyfla, Jun 26, 2001 12:00AM
To: Cindi
I'm so glad you're having fun!!!!!  Hot dudes eh???  Ok, i'll be right there (lol!)
Are you getting the T-storms over on that side too, we had a whopper this afternoon, it was great!
You take care, and don't get sunburned!!!!
Lv Jenny

by jennyfla, Jun 26, 2001 12:00AM
To: Wiz
Thank you for your kind words, you are always so supportive of me and you give me encouragement.
I hope today was a better day for you, just take it one day at a time, the feelings will pass!
I'm glad that i was able to help you a little with my post, and at least, if i'm not doing very much for myself, hopefully, i am helping some of my friends here with their ongoing battle with addiction!
I will continue to help, i'm always here, and maybe i will begin to listen to my own words one of these days and get strong and beat this thing once and for all!
Thank you again, you made me smile tonight.  It's been a rough day, and i exhausted, so this was a nice ending to a long, hard day!
Lv Jenny

by skipper, Jun 27, 2001 12:00AM
To: wizard § everyone
Wizard;
More about what i was say in my post to you yesterday. it seems the 2 resechers who discovered secondary abstinence syndrome were funded by the hazelden foundation (you know the suposed  best treatment center in the world, that hazeden) this suprisese me because so much "bad science" in the field  of addiciction has been
associated with this foundation. anyway this praticular study also
discovered a suprisesing rise in endorphins right before a relapse.
i would have thought it would be the opposite. guess this whole pain/addiction issue is about striking some sort of balence. anyhow
hang in there,"trudge the road to happy destiny." My own detox expierment isn't going as well. My wife was quite unhappy with me
taking the hydro codone. she hates the way i act on it. to her (my
wife) i'm no where near as obnoxious as when i take oxy. figure that one out.(i thought i was a rearl sweatheart on either.) such a strange condition (disease) we are afflected with. i must end this post as my fingers feel as if they are made out of wood. the jones
on this oxy contin stuff is almost as bad morphine or heroine. i may have to take some oxy tomarrow as i have to go to the neuro surgeons office to have the progress of my spinal fussion checked. hope all the rest of you are doing well!

by cindi, Jun 27, 2001 12:00AM
To: Jenny
ep we had a helluva storm,,,a tornado in LeHiegh acres,,,or somewhere,,,,,but hey, I still feel like I'm over the rainbow..this place is awesome....and yep,,,the hot dudes.....but Hey jenny,,,,they are not half as hot as our guys right here,    Cheese Wiz, thomas, JB, Milo, skipper,and all the rest of these fine boys of ours  LOL   HI guys......

by Milo, Jun 27, 2001 12:00AM
To: Cindi
Hi Cindi! Glad to hear you're having a good time. So I'm a "hot dude" now, hm? Just another burden, but I struggle through somehow! :)

by jennyfla, Jun 28, 2001 12:00AM
To: Milo and Cindi
Baaahaaaa, you guys!!!!!!
Thanks for the giggle!
Lv Jenny

by cindi, Jun 28, 2001 12:00AM
To: HOt dud milo and cheese wiz
Yep....being HOT is a difficult job but somone has to do it.....LOL  Love ya   cin

by Wizard, Jun 28, 2001 12:00AM
To: Cin,Milo
Roflmao! ;-* 2 U Cin. Milo, what's a couple of "hot" dudes like us to do? LOL I think I remember what it was like!
Power & Magick 2U all,
Wiz

by Milo, Jun 28, 2001 12:00AM
To: Wiz § Cin
Hey, looking above, it looks like Cindi's demoted me from a "hot dude" to a "hot DUD." *Sigh* How quickly it all fades away... :) Milo

by Angelica, Jun 28, 2001 12:00AM
To: Cin
......CINDI LEW!!!eh hem!.....lmao  J.J.
What in the world are ya doing over there...???  Having a blast, I guess.  Have one on me, while your there.  I'm ready to get outta dodge.  Getting a little cabin fever.   How's the beaches?  Trying to get a pool right now, thats about as close to the water as im gonna get.  I'm going to Palm Beach in August, but I won't have access to a computer.....oh, man.  Wish we coulda been down there at the same time.  Did you meet w/ Brighty yet??  Well, keep us posted, and don't do anything I wouldn't do.....Be careful w/ those DUDS??? lmao

by Wizard, Jun 28, 2001 12:00AM
To: Milo, Cin
Milo my man, do you think it was the cheese? ROFLMAO.......Heeeee Heeeee. DUD errr, Dude, you crack me up!LOL
Power & Magick 2 U,
Peace & Light on Florida!
Cheese Wiz

by Angelica, Jun 29, 2001 12:00AM
To: Thomas
Re: june 16 post.....(doing some catching up,here)I noticed you have an anniversary coming up, and mine is right after yours on the 12th....Maybe we can give each other some ideas...What do you do after all these years, anyway?....:flowers, cards eat out??? ): We'll be married 14 years.....I was 19 at the time,and thought it would never last......LOL  Well, anyway Happy early anniversary, and happy 4th!!! Love ya!
Angelica

by Kerrie, Jul 02, 2001 12:00AM
To: Wizard
My dear friend and prayer partner. I have just went back into this thread and read the posts from the last few weeks. I can't tell you how brokenhearted I am right now. You have always been here for me and I have been so consumed with everything that I neglegted the very ones that have been here for me through it all. I am so sorry. I'm also grateful to everyone that was here for you. I know what your saying right now. Your going to say I had so much on my mind that you understand. That's the kind of person you are. You are kind and deserve to have someone lift you up when your down. But because you are that kind of person,I know you think I have nothing to be sorry for.But I do feel bad for not knowing you were in a hard place. It's not just addicts that get in that place. I was there because I was so tired of the tests and the pain. I wanted an easy answer. But God in His wisdom and love, revealed to me that there's always a reason for what we go through. You can relate to others about the reality of drug abuse and that joy does return.This trial you went through is for a purpose too. I feel with all my heart God has a place for you in helping others with this disease. I'm hoping my daughter will meet someone like you. Someone who really cares and knows what she's going through. You couldn't help someone else if you didn't know what you know now.
    To you and all my friends here, I may not get to read all the threads, but your all in my prayers everyday and night. You have been such a blessing to me. I have faith my daughter will be alright because there are people like yourselves, that will share your pain to help someone else with theirs. Thank you all.
     love, Kerrie

by Wizard, Jul 02, 2001 12:00AM
To: Kerrie
Sweet Kerrie, you knew that I'd get to you about your post to me. First off everything you said I was going to say to you is exactly right. Don't you ever think that I didn't know you were praying for me even though I didn't see a post from you. NOT TO WORRY! If you read my post above to every one, you know that I see the beauty of this forum. I believe GOD has put us all together here for each other and for newcomers alike. I feel very confident that when one of us is in need there is ALWAYS God to lead one of his "little angels" on this forum to the right place at the right time. If it is not you, it's Angelica or Cin or Milo Or Thomas or Susan and Jenny, so on and so forth. Kerrie my special friend, PLEASE for your sake and mine do not fret! I knew you were thinking of me as I do you! :-) All of us here are special. We come with our own strengths and weaknesses to share with each other. You ARE an "angel" on the board! Stay as you are, and I feel in time your daughter will "come home" to us and get well. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. God Bless you and yours. May God's Light always shine upon you.
As I wipe my tears of joy from my eyes right now Kerrie, I want to bid you a very good evening.
Power & Magick 2 U,
Peace & Light on us all,
luv, Wizard

by tdizlle, Sep 05, 2007 05:54PM
To: everyone
Hey , I'm new to this forum and ive been looking for an answer to my question. I am in very bad back pain and was put on vicodin 10's. I have been taking these + oxycotin for quite some time but recently overdose on oxy so i decided it was time to quit that. I am now just taking hydro as prescribed but doesnt seem to help to much. Would i be safe dosing 15-20mg of hydro at one time without having any problems or would there be some risks involved. Please let me know as soon as posible. Thanks

by Eddie44743, Aug 03, 2008 01:25AM
To: Ultram users
Ultram works like an anti depressant, only stopping some dopamine reuptake.  Since I had taken Wellburton for years I couldn't really feel much of anything of Ultram, If you want to cut down on any substance that might be addictive to you.  Sometimes substituting helps but the bottom line is you have to use in moderation.  Break your pills in half when ever you can.  After discovering I had Hep C I had to stop drinking and found myself taking Clozapam and Hydrocodone in moderation as a substitute.  I resent being a prisoner to a substance which impairs my ability to do the things I used to do.  One fault with gradually reducing an addictive med is you always find a crisis or pain to fit the need for it.  Soon you can't tell any of it is working, but have to maintain it's use to avoid withdrawl.  Lots of luck to all who at least try even if it is just smoking.
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