Vicodin Withdrawal and Suicide?

[themountains]

I have recently gotten addicted to pain pills... long story short i tried to quit while pregnant, miscarried, started back up, and now here i am trying to quit again.  I've been taking between 4-9 10mg hydrocodones per day for the past 3 months.  Yesterday i took 2 7.5's and today i took 3 7.5's and now i'm out.  I WANT to quit.

I can live with knowing i will physically detox 3-5 days... my question though- I have major crying spells and feel really really hopeless and depressed when detoxing, and this is the main reason i begin taking them again.  Will these feelings subside along with the few days of physically detoxing?

[TakingAction]

You are here, and you have decided to stop.  Otherwise you would be f*cked.

I will be honest with you.  The depression is a very difficult aspect of this.  However, you know that it will come and that in a way, it is an illusion.  

The physical withdrawl does not simply stop 3-5 days in, though that is the worst of it.  It takes a little time, but you will get there and be so happy that you did.  The depression and anxiety seemed to get worse for me about two weeks in.  Once the sickness of detox subsides, you will be wiped out.  The good news is that this is your body and brain's way of rebooting.  Try to accept it for what it is and keep yourself in check.  Ask for help if you need it.  Talk to your doctor if you think that you might become suicidal, in fact, talk to anyone.  I struggled with depression many times in my life, and it is a plain fact that it does get better.  But you have got to commit yourself to getting better and use all the resources available to you.  Diet, exercise, friends, this forum, maybe medication from your doc....  anything that makes you feel better except more drugs, which will only make you feel better for a very short time and ultimately cause you even greater misery.

I am on your side here.  I know it will be tough, but you are stronger than you think.  Come to this site when you are feeling really bad and I promise you that you will instantly get some relief from all of these wonderful people who share your story and are rooting for you.

Good luck and keep checking in!

Matt

[themountains]

Everyone talks so much about the physical detoxing... i have already gone through that several times (it usually lasts about 4 days for me). But by day 4 i am feeling so so depressed and that is why i start using again.  Its to the point of suicidal.  

I am already on medication for depression, so that is why i am feeling really hopeless about this.

[TakingAction]

It doesnt sound like you are ready for this fight.  The reason I joined this forum was not because of the physical withdrawl, but the wicked depression that I could not shake.  I know what it is to feel hopeless.  This forum has really helped with that.

There is not going to be a magic solution to this for you.  You will have to recognize it for what it is- caused by the pills, and it will go away.
I think you should call your doctor.  Have you talked to a professional?  You do not have to do this alone, there are many options for you if you do not think that you can handle this.  I would rather you continue taking the pills, in a responcible fashion, until you can put a good support system in place.  Your doctor can assist you in adjusting medication and perhaps adding something else.

Suicide is the most serious kind of talk, so I can only say that you should take a step back and get better prepared to handle this.  

Matt

[TakingAction]

But that said, I am not endorsing the continuation of your habit in order to stave off depression.  My main point is that your situation goes beyond the help that this site alone can offer.  You need to be under the care of a professional or in a program.

[dominosarah]

I dont recommend you continuing with the pills at all.  Talk with your doctor and tell him what you are doing.  There are other meds for depression out there.  Aftercare is very important in our recovery.  Have you thought about a therapist?  Depression is a big issue with detoxing but it does get better.  Check out the health pages here on the right hand side of the page.  You will find alot of good info on this.  Keep posting        sara

[Reality_Check]

Look, I am a 41 year old man, and have cried, just teared you name it. That being the 1st few days, keeping in mind i am only on day 3 but havent had a melt down, just yet. I know it is Very NORMAL as most here will tell you. I have read probably a thousand pages in last few days....and most tears will follow with detox process. It *****! but it is normal. Do yourself a favor for your family, and you and keep going, keep pushing. These people here REALLY TRULY KNOW what they are talking about, and now I am starting to know too, because I am, have experienced it all so far, I think - I hope. The mental part of staying off is another battle we will fight also, I will cross that bridge when i come to it though. I found watching something funny-movie or listening to music for hours on end helps a tad. Good luck and please dont give up, dont give up on you! We are a family here or tens of thousands I imagine. You cant get that anywhere else. Stay here ask questions and keep busy if possible.

[leeisgettingclean]

yeah i agree with Matt, nothing is worth killing yourself over. I however dont think taking pills anylonger is going to help. You are prob still depressed even when using, relapse normally IMO only makes you more depressed. My opinion is you dont take more pills, instead go to the E.R. and tell them you are thinking of killing yourself.

[broknbck]

depression is the worst!!
listen, i did not experience any depression and i was taking vicodins also for like 4 years. a slow tapper will help that. and my doctor put me on cymbalta 1 month before i quit. of course he thought he was perscribing me for just depression. i had planned it for while i was quitting. sometimes the doctors are not so cooperative about helping you quit.
i had no depression. you can do the sAME...
best to you. there is hope!!

[avisg]

Yes I would just stop and go see the doctor about some depression meds .I cried and cryed durning WD I was going to leave my husband it is temporary it does NOT last Going to the doctor will speed the process up .we are here for you .

[themountains]

Thanks again everyone for your comments.

I wanted to give you all more insight into my situation:

I have been on anti depressants for years now, and just switched to Savella (for fibromyalgia) 2 months ago.  I've found that it works much faster than the Cymbalta for the depression symptoms also.  

I worked as a case manager at a drug and alcohol for 3 years- back then I did not use, and now here i am going through what i saw a lot of our patients go through.

I have quit taking the pills many many times... the physical withdrawal from it i know ***** majorly- but have done it a dozen times.  But once day 4 hits, i have no energy, i have crying spells, and i feel like i just want to die.

The reason i posted this was to ask more about the mental issues that come along, and how those that are in recovery coped, dealt, what anti depressants worked...

'takingaction'- you say i am not ready.  NO ONE is ready.  Everyone goes through this differently.  I am well aware of what is going on, and how this is going to down spiral and i eventually will die from this disease if i don't stop.  But when you feel like i do- when i do stop, and i start to feel so depressed and weak and tired, and just want to die, or continue using and eventually die... i think "What's the point?".  

I just want to know how everyone deals with this part of it, and who went through this sickening, maddening depressive part and how long it lasted, and what they did to overcome this part of the detoxing and withdrawals?