WTF

Just received a call and was told they put my grandmother in ICU and she is not doing well. She is the only Grandmother I know and the only grandparent and I can't say I feel real bad about this. I don't feel good but not like I am about to lose a loved one. WTF is happening to me. I guess my heart is hardened anymore. All I can say is she is older than my sis and she lived a full life not my sis. I think I am harboring anger so damn much over all of this. SHe will go naturally not like my sister went. Wat a d ck I am acting like. I had to act sad on the phone with my mom for her sake and feelings. I did have a relationship with my grandmother so it is not like I did not know her. Oh wel it'll work out.....

[confused456]

Sorry to hear about your Grandma.

[Jacqui805]

Your brain is being bombarded with lots of things right now and you're probably overwhelmed to some degree.  Things may not even have fully hit you yet.  Either way, I'm sorry about your Grandmother, and I don't think you're a ****.

[Mikeinthesouth]

Thanks I guess I will feel it later. I  hope.

[newmanagment]

mike, right now you are not in your usual state of mind, due to the detox your mind is going thru. and like you stated, sometimes at the end of a long and natural life, we are more prepared for thier passing. my gma is in the same boat, and i love her with all my heart, but she has been suffering, and it is time that He calls her home. dont feel like a **** , thas my job.... sorry for your Gma, and i hope that all turns out well. as for the anger, i have been angry at God a long time for the things that i have done, and the people i have lost. but one day i finally sat down and made my peace with Him. not sure if ya are a believer, but if ya are, maybe its time ya set down and have a talk about how you feel with God. just a suggestion, and if ya dont like it i hope it wont offend ya. i have much love n respect for ya!!

[Mikeinthesouth]

I think maybe I know what is wrong though I remember at the services for my sis she just kinda walked around talkin like all is well and jokin a lil. I acted like all would be okay for my daughter my sis's only godchild. I think I pulled it off bad though. My grandmother didn't seem to sweat it much until later. I am just being critical of her I guess.

[Mikeinthesouth]

Yeah I am full of anger as I see after reading this post again. Should not have posted pressed post to fast.

[worried878]

Sorry about ur grandma....i was very close to mine and lost her several years ago...she suffered for a year before she dies so i was not sad at her dying bit i miss her...part of liviing is dying and i am around it so much with my job..still when it is someone close to me, it hurts...good luck and thinking of u

[corey411]

Sorry about your gram. I know that the emotions I have have hardened from dru use. We need for them to bloom agian like before we used. Sometimes it works the other way for me and I ball my eyes out about a stranger on TV. Your starting wds and you just had a shock. You might feel different in a few hrs or days or minutes. Glad your hangin in there. Corey