WebMaster? Dr. Steve? Thanks for deleting my 2 posts!

[Toms Wife]

Can't understand why?....I've seen worse on here.  Guess you can't tell it like it is in "real" life?  Or is it all just pretend here?  I was looking for help, support and chat....Thanks for nothing.

[cindi]

Hi   I know how you feel about having posts deleted,,,it happens to many of us....if you can remember what they were about could you re-post?    i don't know if you remeber or not but the entire thread about the Spook/Ginette thing was not deleted for quite awhile     cin

[Mystery_01]

My question and all the post under it was deleted also. Came back here ...poof! Gone...

[Toms Wife]

I can't be bothered.  I could register under different names and different email addys all day long and they can delete my posts all day long too.  There are too many OTHER Medical sites on the Internet that I can get help, support and answers to my questions.  Too bad it can't be this one.

Adios!

Lynda

[MED HELP INTERNATIONAL]

RE:  DELETED POSTINGS IN THE ADDICTION MEDICINE FORUM

Dear Friends,

The ONLY postings we delete are those that:

1) Threaten or contain abusive or inappropriate comments about a person or organization

2) Contain obscene material or references

3) Contain inaccurate medical information that could be deemed harmful or dangerous

4) Contain private contact information about a person or organization that could be harmful or dangerous

All questions and answers are archived on a monthly basis.  When this occurs, the Q&A are removed from the forum.  We do this to conserve space and speed up forum download time.

Dr. Steve reserves the right and has the ability to remove any questions or comments he deems inappropriate for this forum.

This forum was created as a safe place for people to post their personal "Addiction" questions and receive answers from Dr. Steve Adelman, a highly qualified Addiction Medicine specialist.

We truly appreciate the care and concern shown by people who support each other by posting comments in this forum.  At no time do we want to prohibit or impede the incredible support system that many of you have created in the Addiction Medicine Forum!

We hope this answers your questions and concerns.  If not, please feel free to e-mail me directly.

Cindy Thompson
MED HELP INTERNATIONAL
Email: ***@****

[cindi]

c-ya   cindi

[Francoise]

Hmmm.

What about all the Ibogaine posts? I don't notice they qualify under ANY of the deletion policies.

Francois

[wildcat]

Cindi,

Yah, I wondered where all my posts went. I thought you people didn't like talking about typhoons, or something. Now I realize it's about the pharmacist example I used even though I did not mention locations or names. Oh Well. I'll keep writing and those that don't like my comments just scroll away......

[Jimenez]

I know where your friend will be in a little over 11 days - either in a hospital, or shaking and wishing he was dead on the floor somewhere. NO inbetween. That much morphine, that's what's going to happen. Sounds like someone isn't giving someone the whole story. This is cruel and unusual punishment if what you say is 100% accurate. But, mark my words my friend, he will be in SHEER AGONY. He can take 25 Vicodin and still feel bad...Best thing to do is hit the local county hospital and FAST. Relate the story and/or get a lawyer and get some kind of legal action against the docs for malpractice. Because if this is ALL the facts (guys on a gram of morphine and now they're cutting him off cold turkey) then it IS malpractice of some sort. Good luck to all of us, but especially for him.

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

About your friend, he's on a gram of MS Contin per day?  That's a lot of morphine...1000 mgs per day, and for two years. I can see why the red flags have gone up with the VA. My father and I are patients in the VA Healthcare System and I'll do some checking for you and your friend.  I know there is a patient advocate at every hospital who can be very helpful at times.  In this situation though, it might be pretty tough.  In dealing with the VA, it pretty much is "my way or the highway".  I know they will cut you off of pain meds if you abuse them and want a refill early.

Hopefully, someone here may have better advice about dealing with the VA.  Luckily, I've had no problems in the past other than having to wait 90 days for anything to happen.  Typical military stuff!  J.B.

[wildcat]

First, Cindi, The weather channel person, I was talking to you because you mentioned hating bad storms but in earlier posts taked about you go to bed and could not make it without the Weather Channel. I talked about chasing tornadoes and typhoons and in one post you mentioned your aunt dying in a cat-5 tornado. I said in another post I was sorry to hear about that and went on to answer your question about my land in Punta Gorda Florida. Remember you asked a little more about that in a post. All of those posts were zapped and it was right after a post where I talked about a pharmicist on the Ultram Line and I mentioned a pharmacist that held out my bottle of Ultram as far as he could reach and yelled across the pharmacy waiting area in front of a bunch of people, "Do you know this is addictive, and do you think you are addicted to it?" and me being in a mood after having had a seizure earier that day, I said "no, but I am addicted to Codiene and Klonopin" LOFL.

Then I mentioned the strict confidentiality thing because I was responding to a comment about a pharmacy that was being sued.

I mentioned that guy got fired and maybe because of the confidentiality thing and that maybe the other pharmacy was something like that and not because they sold too much class-2 drugs.

I don't know if anyone remembers any of this but shortly after this was when I noticed so many entries of many people dissappearing. This was last Thursday and Friday. The confidentiality issue is a very touchy subject for doctors and clinics and probably why it was deleted.

And here I thought you all just hated my posts, how paranoid of me!!!!LOL

Cindi, from MEDHELP, is this a possibility of why the posts and some entire threads went bye-bye?

[cindi]

Wildcat,  I love your posts and you are right about them  but i do remember them....to all of you,,,,8 hours and I'm gone.....I will keep in touch    I love you all.......gotta run  5 am comes early      love cin

[jennyfla]

Have a safe and happy trip Cindi girl!!!!
Our lovely state of Florida will be all the better with you here visiting!!!!  :)
Lv Jenny

[cindi]

I want you to realize that I am not the same Cindy that runs the medhelp...I am just a poster like the rest...I, myself have had several posts disappear...only after a day or so of them being here....and I have made some comments about pharmacies but thoses posts were never deleted...like I said some stay and others go   actually,  I do enjoy talking about typhoons....so I think maybe your post was directed to the wrong cindi,,,since you made reference to "you people" and I am not one of them.      love to all  cin

[Toms Wife]

Ho Hum Cindy from Med Help....My post was less than a week old and I still see posts from April.  It doesn't matter anymore as all it takes is a search engine to come up with other major medical sites that don't dump you.  Maybe you should check into these and instead of archiving what YOU deem to be archived or deleted and add a program that allows you to have pages? screen? so that the oldest posts get pushed to the bottom, but don't get archived/deleted and are still accessible to new people who visit your site and just  too read.  You know the Lurkers???  Ones that are too shy to post but are looking for help?  Kinda stupid to only allow so many questions and replys on one page, when just maybe? another post will help someone who is really in dire need of help but is afraid to come forwards.  As they say...JMHO

[MED HELP INTERNATIONAL]

After reading all your comments, we are baffled as to why your posts are disappearing - especially if they didn't fall into the categories mentioned in our previous posting.

That said, we now look to you for some help with this.  The next time one of your postings "disappears", please let us know ASAP! Here comes the tough part.... in order for us to track this, we need to know the date and subject ("title") of your original posting.  

We're not in the business of censorship.  This may be as simple as a bug in our software and we'll need a little help from our friends to find it!

Cindy Thompson
Med Help International

[Moses]

God bless you all, and good luck with life. Down to 30mg a day. wish I could hold off in the morning, but am soooo sick. Took my 30mg. an hour ago and feel a little better. Have to go downtown and get my drivers license renued, yipee!! They say excersize helps get the natural endorphens going. Sure don`t feel like doing that, but will if it truly helps. I`m kind of limited because of my pain. Would appreciate your opinions on excersize. Thanks so much.... Moses

[cindi]

Yes,  they say exercise is the best for the W/D's  Thomas swears by it...I remember when I was in treatment they made sure that we had an hour of "gym"  at first I was in no condition to even attempt exercise for about a week, but after that they made me go....****,  after I was done in detox I started to really gain some weight...I looked like a meatball by the time I got out of treatment..ok Good luck and hang in there,  you can do this,...you can beat the "dragon" as wiz says.... off to the pool for awhile..we are looking at record temps for us today   95...I am pretty much packed and ready to go....for those handfull of you that I have not made crazy with my countdown....18 more hours till I leave    LOL     love to all cin

[Moses]

Thank you Cindi for your encouragement. Although I don`t like it I accept I have to get off the narcs for a time to make them more affective if I have to get on them again. I have ran out of options. But this is not about me, but a friend of mine who has ankolosis spondilitis (spelling??). He has been on a very high dose of M.S.contin, over a gram a day for two years. Althogh I can see where his doc would like to lower this dose, I don`t understand the attitude that they, the V.A. has. He was told, out of the blue, that he will be going off all narcotics in ten days. And he will not be going on any narcotics of any kind. They told him, " It`s our way, or the highway, that`s it." I know he has ran out of his meds. early a few times, and I may not know all the paticulars, but this seems grossly unfair to me. I know I`m in a lot of pain, but his is much worse than mine. He can barely get out of bed in the morning, and a lot of the time he stays in bed all day. He is locked into the V.A., nowhere else to go. I mentioned this before, but does anyone know where he might turn for help and support. Of course a lawyer is the obvious thing, but money might be a problem. Would like to hear from anyone who might have heard of an org. that might be of help... Thanks so much, Moses

[Milo]

Any good thoughts, words, prayers, etc. would be welcome as I'm suffering having gone through my Fioricet script too fast (once again.) Intense anxiety, panic, insomnia -- I know I'll be better in a few days, but right now I could use some encouragement from the "angels' on the forum! Thanks -- Milo

[Beth]

Milo ~ the only things I know to tell you, you already know- God is looking out for you and you <i>will be OK</i>.

[Milo]

Thank you -- I do know it, yet it helps just to hear it!

[Wizard]

Milo my brother, I KNOW that you KNOW that I KNOW. KNOW what I mean?  Read your e-mail that I'm gonna send after I post this. Bless you dude, Reach for the Light!
Power & Magick 2 u,
Peace & Light on you tonight,
Be aware that you are in my prayers,
Wiz

[wildcat]

Milo, you are in my prayers also. I may seem like a hypocrit at times because I take addictive drugs but I have to take the Klonopin for the seizures. I tried the other anti-convulsants and they affected me terribly. I also take the Codiene although I really need it for the pain I always feel guilty about that one. I take Ultram instead sometimes, but I hear that Ultram is really almost the same thing. I take the pain meds for Lupus and the pain caused by the break through seizures. I know If you take pain meds for a legitimate reason you should not feel quilty if even if you need them for the rest of your life. We want to live as high a quality of life as possible, I don't mean [HIGH], I mean as good as life as we can and be as functional in our daily lives as we can. If it takes addictive type drugs, than so be it. That's just my opinion. Since you have a goal though, I will pray for you to achieve it and that you can get through the pain with little or no problems.

wildcat

[cindi]

Milo. You have already read my e-mails...Be well...but be careful with the meds...and get your refill as soon as you can..Listen guys,,,,I am leaving in ONE HOUR>>>>>All of you,,,be well,  Behave,,hee hee  Wiz,  I leaving this up to you to throw some of your wizard dust out to me going through them mountains   EW   I'll get with you later I love all my friends  love cin

[Thomas]

wrap yourself in our love and support to stay warm and have a wonderful time, Cin, my fine friend, knowing you have your "second family" out on-line sending you the purist of wizardly "zoom, zoom, zoom ..."

Thomas

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

This too shall pass! What you are going through is the price we pay for all of the "good days". This is how we learn to appreciate them. You've only got a few days to go! Hang in there with us...we understand!  J.B.

P.S.  I don't know much about Fioricet other than it has a barbituate in it and maybe codiene. Tom listed some symtoms of going into seizures a while back from withdrawls. Hope you read his post?

[skipper]

moses:
i can't stress the importence of exercise to recovery from
drud (esp. opiates). the first time i was in recovery i swam
every day. worked my way up to several miles nonstop every day.
when i swam it was the only time i didn't think about dope. also
slept like a log.
about your friend at the VA. He should go the patient advocate
route, but not expect much. gather ever bit of paper work the VA
has ever sent him. then get copy of all medical records (he will
have to sign a form of release). the VA will probabally be reluctant to make copys of his medical records, but they have to
so long as your friend signs the release. this step can be very
time consuming. with all this information in hand then find a lawyer.
all of this reminds of an expierence i had at a university hospital. i had just had ent. surgery. i was sitting in an exam
room with bloody gause hanging out of my nose (i'm not pretty any
way but i looked really disgusting). the good resident MD sat lookining through file. I asked for pain pills (i really needed
them). the doctor said i guess i could give you a couple t-3. now
right there in my chart it said i was allergic to codiene. Befor
that it (my chart) said i was allergic to codiene. my responce
was - - - - your codiene give me some Dilaudid! i said that dirty d word. i then told to read the rest of my chart. he just stopped at the former opiate addidct part.
medical rights are  some of the most diffucult rights to recieve.
your friend and his real advocates should be ready for an
exasperating expierence.

         good luck & you & your friend will be in my thoughts

                           skipper

[Milo]

Thank you all for your words of support & comfort. Believe me, I am paying attention to everyone's advice. Right now, literally the worst part is fear itself. That's where prayer & the support of my forum friends really helps. I've been through this before but always on my own -- this is the first time I've felt safe to ask for help. Thank you all for that!
J.B. -- I have Donnatal, so I'm keeping a small amount of phenobarbital in my system until this passes. You're exactly right -- these days are the price we pay for the "good" days -- and I've decided the price is too high!
So here I am on "day 2" of a pretty predictable 5 -- please keep the good thoughts coming! --Milo

[jennyfla]

I'm here for you, i'm sorry you are hurting so bad!  :(
Just be strong and you can make it, we're here for you.
My husband was in bad withdrawals last night and just requested xanax, FAST!!!!!  He was mean and nasty, but i know he was hurting.
Let us know how you're doing!
Lv Jenny

[Milo]

Hi, thanks for thinking about me! I tried sending you a message but it was "returned with permanent fatal errors." (That always sounds like it ought to be the title of a horror movie --"permanent fatal errors"!) Did I get your address wrong? Can you tell me what it is again? I'll check back in a while. -- Milo

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

I vividly remember the times of being caught short and still, dread the thought!  Sad to say it, but I may be sitting exactly where you are today at any time in the future. It's the nature of the beast! If you stick around this type of life long enough, you don't have to hit the bottom anymore. It kind of zooms up to hit you in full stride in the middle of the month. Know what I mean?  It's hard for us to find any sympathy with our problem "out there".  After all, we are mental defectives and deserve everything we get from this way of life.  Hah!  Walk a mile in our shoes!  J.B.

[cindi]

Ok  a quick note to say hi and I am here in NC  finally,  I did get to send some mail to Milo....I had a horrible trip     LOL   figures....I barely made it through th blueridge mountains..Could not go over 40 miles an hour...I just couldn't do it    I had to pull over..have blisters from my death grip on the wheel,,,,,that is the truth...finally after the last mountain  called Fancy's Gap, I made it..only for my car to break down about 20 miles out of Charlotte...95.00 for a tow truck..something about a hose and a censor map ????   anyway  my brother in law said he can fix it  :)  Thank God dad is coming for us on friday  I don't want to drive to florida and I am thinking about flying home and screw the car....can't do the mountains again...people were so mad at me    I am no mountain mama....i may ask my husband to fly down  and drive me home....one good thing...my tow kids were sooooo good....even my son..they knew how scared I was......God love them   anyway  it has been a day...I will get in touch with Brighty soon I plan on meeting her for lucnh  :)     I'll keep in touch    I love you all and thank you for your support.....(sounds like the old Bartles and James commercials   LOL )   love to all cin

[Milo]

Cindi -- bless your heart, I was hoping you would sail through those mountains with ease...I'm sorry it was such an ordeal. I hope the rest of your trip is *perfect* to make up for it.
J.B. -- you said it, man! The stuff I've heard about "those addicts" all my life was a *big* factor in my denial of this problem for so long...I'm sure it is for others too. I have learned so much from you all & continue to learn.
Wildcat -- were you the one with the obnoxious pharmacist? I'm glad you said what you did! You should have the best treatment possible for your condition, and dependance may be an inevitable part of it. Same with me -- I just have to honestly separate the issues of dependence vs. abuse, & needing vs. wanting meds. With everyone's help I'm taking those first steps now.
Anyway, it's "day 2," and I'm doing OK! Still a rough couple of days ahead, but I know with everyone's support I'll make it. Thank you all so much...an appreciative Milo

[jennyfla]

Oh, i hate that, email drives me nuts sometimes.  My personal email is pretty reliable, my work email is the pits.
Personal email is:  ***@****
I may have left the 1004 out, i apologize.
Glad to hear you are making it through, good luck to you!
My hub is having a rough time right now, has a drs appt tomorrow morning, so he'll be good to go soon.  He takes methadone also, and has those, but doesn't get him high like the oxys, so he's a beast!  Nasty, mean man he is!!!  I'm getting very tired of being unappreciated and being the one that seems to be 'blamed' for everything that goes wrong in his life.  I don't even try to fight him on anything anymore, but he still seems to target me as the 'bad guy'.  I'm getting very tired of all this!
Lv Jenny

[Thomas]

good idea, keeping some barbiturate in the form of phenobarbital in your system. I've never expeienced barbiturate withdrawal but I seem to remember it being a bit like benzos, so 'best to keep the phenobarb in your system til you can get your fioricet refilled.  Good thinking, Milo, and good luck to you, my friend. Easy, easy does it til your ship comes in. Don't take on anything stressful if you don't have to.

Thomas

[Milo]

Thanks, Thomas, you've always been a voice of reason I've respected even before I began posting here myself. Thank you also for helping me see the seriousness of these meds I'm dealing with. When I was started on benzo's many years ago, no one even indicated the potential for dependance, much less hinted at the dangers of any abrupt withdrawal. Now I read every word in the PDR or RxList for anything I take. And yes, I now understand better the "easy does it" concept...definitely!
To all who've responded so kindly: Thank you, each & every post & e-mail has been a godsend to me. Here I am on "Day 3" and doing OK. I have anxiety/panic disorder in the first place, and so the rebound anxiety after stopping the med. was always horrendous. Also the fear that I might have taken too much Tylenol & caused liver damage -- definitely enough to trigger massive panic. But I slept well last night & am carefully using my available meds & my forum "angels" to get through this. And I'll repeat, each of you has my cyber-ear/shoulder whenever you need it! -- Milo

[jennyfla]

Wow, day 3, good going!!!!
Keep up the good work, we're rooting for you.  It won't get any worse from hereonin!
Your cyber buddy, Jenny

[Milo]

Thank you, thank you...I am amazed to be doing fine. I read a while this afternoon & actually dozed off a while! You have all been in my thoughts & prayers and have helped me more than you know! Still hangin' in there -- Milo

[Wizard]

Day 3 almost over, YOUR LOOKING at 4!!!!!! YOU GO BRO!
Wiz

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

Your being able to sleep at all is a great sign!  It's all but over but what's next is up to you.  

With me, I get to feeling better and actually believe that I'm better off without these drugs.  Everything seems to start getting better.  Then my next script shows up in the mail and it's off to the races again.  It's called addiction!

Have you thought about a plan of recovery?  My first step was to admit to myself that I was powerless over the drug.  Many of us can't ever get past this first step.  Just wondering.  J.B.

[Milo]

Wizard, I'm heading down that highway! I'll keep you posted, definitely!
J.B. -- You are absolutely right. 100% right. This is the first time I've admitted to anyone (including myself, I guess) that I cannot take Fioricet responsibly -- I am powerless, and I know what will happen if I ask for another script. I hope I'm developing some resources to help me deal with the temptation which I know will come...along with making some deeper changes in my life. I think a part of me knew this couldn't go on forever.

[Thomas]

How are they treating you at work? Still fighting the "rep" we discussed? I've learned to keep my pill taking secret just so no rumors get started at my new job. When it's time to take my Valium, I go to the men's room and do it there. Since I have to deal with benzo seizures, I keep several day's worth in a small bottle that fits nicely in my front pocket. I even made a "plug" of toilet paper to stop the pills from rattling when I walk. Like you, I know what it's like to fight that "druggie" image. Hope they're treating you with the respect you deserve. Will anyone ever judge us on the merits of our work, Milo, instead of our haircuts, or clothing or how many IT buzzwords we come up with in meetings? Oh well, I can dream, can't I?

[Milo]

I appreciate your asking. Everything was speculation; the talks I had w/my supervisor around that time didn't touch on drugs at all, just on health, attendance, & finally my problems with anxiety & depression (and particularly the fact that I was being treated for them). This man is a truly good guy; my attendance improved & my successful return to form was noted in writing. Unfortunately there have been some major administrative changes over the last two years, meaning that I will now be supervised by one of the folks who suspected (but never confronted me about) my problem. Oh, ****! What do I do? A while back I asked another colleague, a great & loyal woman, if she had heard "the rumors." She said something to the effect that, "Yes, I heard those rumors, then people decided, well, that was a nice theory, but I guess it's something else." Something else being an all but paralyzing depression that I'm still struggling to emerge from. So -- my problems w/anxiety & depression are pretty out in the open, & I've even participated in professional presentations about these issues. Attendance has not been a problem for going on 3 years now, and from all signs, I don't *think* I'm going to have problems with the new supervisor. But don't think I even so much as mention taking an aspirin around that place anymore!
So how are you doing being off the pain meds & switched over to Valium? Is it OK, or is it just crappy sometimes?

[Thomas]

You got it right in both questions. There are times that I feel great and times when life sucks. But that info you found about Valium -- my friend, and I'm proud to call you that, how do I emphasize this enough? -- I owe you big time for that one! Your research and sharing of it with me literally saved my ass. I can't thank you enough -- truly, I cannot.

I'm taking 10 mg three times a day (but you know me, I can't keep my hands off them after work and wind up using more like 4, 5 even 6 per day.) I've got a long way to go. But at least I'm totally stabilized (I sound like a Valley Girl now) on Valium. The long half-life of this drug has made a dramatic difference in my state of mind. For the first time since this benzo nightmare started, I'm not afraid. I'm no longer living under the shadow of another (uninsured) seizure and ride to the hospital.

My doc has already told me to expect to spend the summer on benzos. The only question is how much. You've read enough of my posts to know that I'm a drug fiend. I love drugs. (Why call it anything else?) The Valium makes me feel mildly high and I count on that every day as I get into the elevator at work in the morning. I know I have to find the strength and intelligence to start reducing my dosage. But I'll tell you, Milo, from one writer to another, the new job can be a pressure cooker (impossible deadlines, etc. -- you know the drill). The Valium has been my deliverance in respect to coping with the new job and making a success of it. It really hasn't been the right time to start reducing my anxiety relief, to say the least.

My intention (and we'll see how I do) is to start reducing my dosage slowly in August. I'm assuming I will be comfortable and secure enough with the job so as to not need as much anxiety relief as I do today. Thank god my doctor is a real human being and genuine friend (I call him Alex, as opposed to doctor. It shocked me when he asked me to call him by his name - imagine, a doctor who wants to be my personal friend(!)

The one thing I am seriously committed to doing, really for the first time in my life, is giving him total honesty. I have built a haven of trust with this good man and I really see it as my one chance at salvation. I will die before I will allow that trust to be broken. My doctor, my friend. I still can't believe it. Somebody up there likes me, of that I am sure.

And, in a way, you started the whole thing when you shared your research with me in an effort to help me. Well, Milo, you succeeded. You helped another human being find peace and hope. I see God at the Karma ATM making a huge deposit in your account, Milo the Karmic millionaire.

In the end, what can I say but thank you, Milo, my most excellent friend.


Thomas

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

You deserve a pat on the back from not only Thomas but me,too!  After we realize that we are powerless, we can go back and see how our lives have become unmanagable.  

In my case, I think that my job performance went to hell right away.  Next my family life and so on.  Some folks thought that I had lost my mind!  But I had an agenda, after all, that was more important than life itself.  My drug and syringe replaced just about everything in life for me that was supposed to be dear.

My story is no different than millions of others.  But there is a way to salvation that we cannot manage on our own.  I'm sure you know what the next step is?  Somehow, Milo, I think you are going to make it.  Your mind is right!  J.B.

[cindi]

Hi guys....I finally have the time to sit and read through all the posts....What a disease,,I feel so sad thnking about the vicious circle of addiction,,,drugs, run-out early, withdrawal, refill over and over again..I am watching my sister W/D now   (not too bad)she ran out of her script and refuses to get to get it filled she is not an addict but is beginning to feel like one...this is the difference between her and I,She won't get hers refilled and I would go to the ends of the earth for them...her back is very bad and they told her that she may using a cane or wheelchair within the next few years but she is so physically fit and small built that may not happen for a long time...but she said she will  just go to a pain doc rather than go through this cycle....and the norco and vics are not even helping her anymore...I know that someday,,,,we, all of us will be ok,,,even if it's just for today..it will happen...hang in there,  all of you..I have no words of wisdom,  no advice,,just plain old fashioned love to throw your way and alot of good luck wishes for you all.....Love to all     cin

[Angelica]

I can definately say I've been where your sister is.  I thought I was so tough, and that I could handle what had happend to me w/ no help.  Well, needless to say, when I discovered that I couldn't, and found some longterm help....guess what??? I found out that I wasn't so tough after-all.  Let me explain.  Once I started on my medication, my husband made a confession to me that I was starting be very withdrawn, and he didn't even want to ask me to go anywhere, or do anything......and my children felt the same way...I always had an excuse.  I didn't even realize that it had gotten this bad.  He said I was turning into a recluse(the pain had started to slowly interfere w/life), but once I started the medication....I was cleaning my house again, asking where they wanted to go, or what they wanted to do........then he told me, that I had made an about face!....My point is.  It will eventually tear her down.  Maybe not right away, but eventually.  Chronic pain is a torture..like a slow death.  I look at addiction as a side effect of the medication I am on, now.  Tell her to speak to a professional...Good luck
Angelica

[cindi]

Thanks hon,,,You are always one for giving and sharing...I do know how chronic pain can be....from my own experience with it...plus the chronic constant tiredness..when will it all stop?  How have you been feeling lately?  Like I always say,,,it does get better and someday we will all be fine...and like you always say   "chin up"   hey, I'm meeting Brighty for lunch next nweek,,I wish you could be there,,,,Hey...do you fly..? I wish you could fly up and be with us....charlie's angels..LOL  together again...hey,,,,thanks again  love to all   cin

[Milo]

Cindi -- Lots of love back to you! Hope the vacation is going great. Sorry to hear that about your sister. But I know with you there she has the best support she could have in this whole, wide world.
Thomas -- Your post made my day! I mean it -- this has been A Day from Hell, and returning home to read your message made me realize, yeah, all of this *is* worthwhile. I'll share more about my own benzo experience later, too.
J.B. -- Thanks to you as well. If you ever need/want to talk about anything, remember I'm here!
If either of you wants to e-mail me too, you can:
***@****
Bless you all! Milo

[cindi]

You, my dear friend are God's newest blessing to this forum love to all            cin

[Angelica]

lmao..This is one Angelica that does'nt fly.  I know, I'm bizarre, but here is my philosophy:  We are a very incompetant nation, and I shall not put my life in the hands of man.  I know more people get killed on the highways and biways, and I am living proof of that(get it, LOL), but Can you think of any vehicle that houses hundreds of people staring into the face of death for minutes on end?????..just waiting, and plummeting  right to your death....UH, I think I'll pass.  
However(there is a but), I have actually considered it since I've met all of you.  I was kinda hoping that one day we could all meet. lol  Meanwhile, you and Brighty have a great lunch....I'll be down that way in August, shucks!  Give Brighty my love!
Angelica

[Thomas]

anytime I can make your day, my friend, hell, just try and stop me!

[jennyfla]

Yay for You!!!!!  I just wanted to congratulate you on how well you are doing, and i understand the fears you have at work.
One thing i've found since i've been an addict and also before that watching my husband suffer so much and having to admit her was going to rehab to his boss back 2.5 years ago.  It is amazing how many people in this world actually suffer from some sort of addiction or another.  You are far from alone, and you would probably be very surprized at exactly how many people around you (co-workers, etc.) suffer from some sort of disease.  It is very easy, for some, to keep it a big, huge secret.
My co-workers (i work in a small office, but in other jobs too), never would look at me and say 'she's a drug addict', so you might be very surprised at what secrets others have right under your own nose.
We are all human, and this is a very difficult world to live in.  It is very easy to get caught up in addiction, and it can attack anyone in a short amount of time, and boom, you're an addict.
I just wanted you to know that you are in very good company, and far from alone.
Keep fighting, you will become even more of a wonderful person through this experience, and you'll be amazed how understanding you will become (you're already there i believe) of people with addictions.  Everyone should experience addiction (not really, but you know what i mean), so they can understand it, and realize that it is a disease, and so easy to grab hold and not want to let go.  Addiction never ever makes you less of a person, it doesn't work like that!  You don't get less points here on earth because you have a disease (just like cancer or heart problems), it's the people who intentially hurt others that are the bad guys in this world.  Addiction just means you have a disease, and that you need as much support and kindness from people as they can possibly give.  I just wish everyone realized that, it would make it so much easier for addicts if this were true.
Good luck and keep being strong!!!!!!!  We're all rooting for you!!!
:)
Lv Jenny

[Milo]

Jennyfla, you couldn't have said it better. As I told Wiz, you've all made me feel a sense of peace in my heart I haven't felt for a long, long time. I can't emphasize this enough... I was branded a "druggie" during a terrible depression several years ago. Since then I have lived under a cloud, feeling bad about myself and doing everything I could to make the "druggie" label a self-fulfilling prophecy. YOU ALL ARE HELPING CHANGE THAT RIGHT NOW! I am not only feeling better but learning more about myself & others every day. No, there's not one critical or judgmental bone left in my body re drugs/addiction, there hasn't been for some time, but through your kindness, support, and mutual respect, I am finally starting to learn how to forgive myself ...and others...and that truly is the start of a new day for me.
Here it is, "Day 5," the day my "release papers" come through and my major symptoms subside. But you know, this time, instead of just welcome relief from the terror, I feel like a different person than a week ago -- I feel good, OK, at once proud and humble to call you my friends.
Bless Each &Every One of Your Hearts -- Milo

[Wizard]

Congrats on another day towards the light! You will find each day brings another win to you even if the discomfort  isn't going away as fast as you like. Milo, I found myself finally excited to wake up knowing that I had less drugs in my system than the day before! That would make me look forward to the next day! As each day brightens you will notice the wonderful evenings aren't so dark and gloomy! Just full of wonder and magic! Your senses will heighten so that every sensation will feel new again. Milo, it's like being reborn and given another chance to blossom into all that you can be! Stay strong! Keep on the path to the light and you WILL prevail. No matter how many times anyone tries and maybe fails as long as you KEEP TRYING you will SUCCEED! My prayers are with you my brother. God Bless an d keep you.
Power & Magick 2 U always,
Peace and Light on us all,
Wizard

[Milo]

Just exactly what I needed to hear, Wiz -- today has been kinda rough, panic creeping around the edges, trying to break in -- but you know what? I'm glad there's no Fioricet waiting for me. I don't wish I had it. Now, if I had some, would I take it? Yep -- in a heartbeat. But it isn't going to come knocking on my door. If I don't ask for it, I won't have it & won't take it, simple as that. And difficult as that. But I won't give up seeking better alternatives for pain management and better ways to handle my life.
So how are *you* doing today? How's everybody? None of you have been out of my thoughts & prayers!
Milo

[cindi]

Hey,,,just wanted to let you all know i made it to florida....NO MOUNTAINS..nice ride with my dad.....and Angelica...this chickie here doesn;t fly either...one time   that did me in...this is why i have to suffer through the mountains....doug is coming to get me.....anyway,,it's been a long day so love to everyone and I'll catch up with you later   love cin

[Milo]

You are indeed a kind and thoughtful person. I'm keeping you in my prayers as you have your tests, and I hope that you soon have the peace of mind and comfort you deserve! Milo

[Kerrie]

I tried to mention you guys by name because I wanted to tell you from a womans view how great it is that you are constanly here to help others.You probley know it isn't typical of most men to share their true feelings with others. I think most men think if they share their weaknesses it makes them weak. I just want to tell you, I think it takes a strong and compassionate man to lift others up the way you do. You are awsom.
  My lady friends, I was reading about the pain we all have in common. As I've told you,my pain is really bad lately and I think I'll have to increase (have the doc increase)my meds in some way. I hate to do this, but like Angelica was saying,the quality of life is whats important here. I can't function the way my pain is right now. It's been worse though. It wasn't that long ago I was having to manage on two pain pills a day. So I'm greatful I have more than that now. But I haven't had a nights sleep in so long I wouldn't know what it's like. What are you on Angelica? I couldn't remember. I'm glad you have decided to treat your pain with some meds so you can get your life back. I'm rambling again, so I'll go for now. Your all in my prayers.
   God Bless Us All,
        Kerrie