Well, Here I go!

[Want2bebetter]

So, I posted for the first time yesterday. Tomorrow will be my first day going CT! To be honest I've never really had to go a full 24 HRS without these evil pills and I am used to taking up to 25 5/500 or sometimes 20 10/750 or even 10/325. I became addicted about a year ago and have been buying them off the street since. I have officially hit my bottom. I came clean to my Husband, he was supportive but also very angry (Can you blame him?) I just can't do it anymore! I'm tired of living this way.. Being broke all the time when my Hubby makes $30 per Hr, constantly worrying about how many I have, Where I am going to get more etc. My bottom came just a couple of days ago when I came home and my PG&E was shut off. I have two small children and the fact that I had let my addiction get to the point where my Children could have been freezing cold with no electricity KILLED me, luckily I got it turned back on just 2 hrs after it was turned off. I think to myself "How did I get here?" How did this fun loving, kind, caring, emotional person become this.. Cold, Lying, manipulative heartless person? I am SO ASHAMED of myself, I keep telling myself that my kids and my husband deserve better than me. Then today I realized, My kids and my Husband deserve to have ME BACK! I am so scared of what Is ahead for me mostly the way of life- What is it going to be like for me to wake up in the morning and not think about chasing those darn things? Can I really change my whole way of living? I look at my kids I just want to cry. They have no idea but still, I know what I'm doing and even though they are small it is affecting them, I guess you could say they just don't really see it yet And I don't want to give them the chance to see it. I WANT/NEED/HAVE/ to quit! I don't want to risk what is ahead if I don't. I guess I'm just looking for some support while I start my journey to getting clean and staying sober. So any advice will greatly be appreciated and taken to heart =) I can't go away for any rehab. Basically doing it on my own is my only option. I feel so low and I can't stop thinking about how mush of a piece of crap I feel like. I am truly ashamed and there is so much guilt inside from all that I've done. I can't take any of it back, But I can start all over! I just have to do it while I have the chance. I hope everyone can find it in their heart to not think so low of me and reply to this post. Thanks

[GA_need_help]

Wow! That's something.  I am so glad you wrote tonight because I want to throw my support in the hat for you too.  I am currently tapering.  Gnarly --that wrote you earlier-- really knows the ins and out.  Ask him and this post all your questions.  I am headed for bed, but i would love to be friends, and write each other.  I have my support to offer.  I am not  "through my taper' yet, but pray to be soon.  So you will be helping me pull on through!  I can tell you more about me later.  Just know I am here, and will check on you in the am.  I am a mother of an 8-year-old so I know all those feelings.  WE CAN DO THIS.  I am starting to get hooked on this forum after about 2 months.  You will too.
Big Hugs
Marie

[Want2bebetter]

Well, I have to say that today was pretty good! I hope it continues to be this easy lol ive been praying alot and just keeping busy. I have had a headache though. Thanks for the support!

[gnarly_1]

Well first off congrats on wanting to take your life back your addiction has advanced to the point where it will kill you if you keep at it so there is no other option then to quit .....the no.1 thing you can bring to the table is a positive attitude your body and mind are going to fight you you have to fight back
get comfortable with tha saying.....'''you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile'' it will sever you well go to the lower right of the screen an look up the thomas resipe pick up as much of the stuff as you can it will ez your pain when all else fails a hot soak will realeve most of the symptoms you may need several a day for the first few days....this is no worst than a bad case of the flu with some added anxzity...rent some movies chance are your not going to sleep for a few days keep it light comadys are best...dont try to force yourself to sleep roll up on the couch in a blanket turn on some soft music and lay with your eyes closed and get lost in the music this may be as close to sleep as you get for the next few days....if you get hit with the restless legs they make some stuff call highlands restful legs you can get it at walmart its in with the herbal/vitamin dept other then that Pray if you believe in God he is all you got when it 3am and your up shaking post often for support we all want to see you get threw this good luck and God bless...........Gnarly

[littlebit667]

Smart woman!!!!!

I kept telling myself...YOU HAVE the FLU!  It will be over and I will feel so much better.  My brain seemed to get that and settled down a little.  It is hard, but doable!  The Thomas Recipe (bottom of the page under Health Pages will help.  I did not to the tranquilizers and had to cut back on the Ltryosine, but the rest really helped.  Imodium, Imodium, Imodium (liquid or pills if the liquid can't be found or you can't swallow it) will help.  I took double the dosage for a few days (personal choice) and it helped so much..even with the withdrawals in general and the opiate trots which sucked.  

Hydrate and eat!  Even if it is just a little every hour or so.  You have to eat something to keep your energy up as much as possible.  

If you have Restless legs..it is hit or miss what works.  Walking seemed to help me some.  Hot bath with epsom salts..a little.  I finally had to get my doctor to refill my restless legs meds (non addictive) to get some sleep.  If nothing works,your doctor might help.  

One hour at a time is all anyone can ask.  After 2 weeks it gets a little better and I started to say, One day at a time!  Your brain will do all sorts of things to get you to take a pill.  I found if I was hungry..the cravings got worse.  I would try to eat a banana, a few grapes or a few crackers to get that under control.

Good for you.  I hope all goes well.  You have made a good start coming here....this site has helped me so much!!!  Keep posting!!!!!

[Want2bebetter]

Thank you so much. Reading that brought tears to my eyes. There is nothing I want more than to get off of these pills and be the person, wife and mother I once was. I will definately be needing the support of this forum and i'm sure I will be posting alot. Thanks again your kind words went straight to my heart.

[redbull]

This is a great decision you've made for yourself and your family. Since you've told your husband already ask if he'll help you get the things you need to get through this (the items listed on thomas resipe at the bottom of this page) it will help big time. Do not under estimate the value of hot baths (and a lot of them) If you can call a doctor to get some clonidine and valium called in for you,do it. Tell the doc what your about to do. It will help with blood presure and a little with the w/d symptoms. It's gonna feel horrible but it will get better and better as the days pass. So many of us here have done this and so can you. Keep posting please. Believe it or not your post will help us and others just lurking. I'm 30 days free of 25 tabs a day or 10 -15 Oxys a day, whatever I could get my hands on to keep from being dope sick. I took 10 days off work and did it and so can you. Very cool people of this forum, and by the way...we're not pieces of crap, we're just people addicted to narcotics helping each other out. So feel bad, feel good that you're handling this. And keep your husband in the loop as to what to expect and how he can help, be honest to him. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

[lulu747]

first of all-good for you for admitting you have a problem and telling your husband.  This is the first step to getting your life back.  Know that you are going to be very sick for a good 5-7 days and check out the Thomas Recipe-it really helped me.  Second-try not to be so hard on yourself.  Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would show to anyone else who was sick...because that's what you are.  If you beat yourself up emotionally the detox will be ten times harder.  You can deal with what is underneath the addiction after you get the poison out of your body in some form of aftercare.  For now-keep it in the past and treat yourself with as much love and kindness as you would if it was your child who was hurting.  And keep posting-there is a lot of great support here....You have a bright and clean future ahead of you.  Just take it one moment at a time-you are only human after all.  Sending you support...LuLu