Well I caved!

[bigalspal]

Oh man. I just couldn't stand it. I so wish I could've been strong. I've usually WD'd from Hydro's not Fentanyl.
I've even WD'd lots of times from Darvocet. I never did a taper. Always CT.
This is much worse. I only took a half of a Darvocet about 5 mins ago.
Lord help me if it does prolong my recovery.
I was taking 16 a day and my Pharmicist gave me a taper schedule (because I still have a script at the pharmacy)
& I said NO! I'll do it CT. She said because of the Fentanyl I should not come off so fast. She scared me &
I had a few Darvocets left at the house & I cut them in half.
I did good until today.  I thought I had more, but now I have one Darvocet left, cut in half.
I kid you not. This Fentanyl & Darvocet **** has kicked my butt.
Makes me wish I would have stuck to Hydro's. WD's were never this bad.
I'm pretty ashamed right now.

[CleanUpTime]

Hey don't feel bad...you're human and this is a TOUGH thing to go through...

you can look @ this in a positive light; instead of all that Fentanyl and tons of Darvocet daily, you've only taken 1/2 Darvocet in DAYS!!!!

So, dont beat yourself up...I ALMOST caved in, but luckily, somehow, i made it.

Never been through Fentanyl, but I've heard it's pretty rough...

It's ok...I doubt this will pro-long your recovery. Try flushin the rest of those puppies down the toilet...

Good luck; we're here for ya!

[TysonRed]

Darvocet are one of the weaker opiates on the market, but as you know they are still addictive. At this point in your detox the one thing I would be worried about is that taking one will lead to taking another one and so on. It wont make your w/d's last longer or anything, its just for most addicts coming off a strong narcotic like fentanyl, using short acting opiates to ease w/d's often times being addicts we will abuse them. I know you said that today was just a bad day, so dont beat yourself up too much about taking the darvocet, just dont continue it on a daily basis. In fact if I were you I would get rid of any remaining opiates you have in the house. I know for me when I would quit I couldnt have any pills around me because the temptation wreaked havoc on my mental state. The hard part of your w/ds are coming from the fentanyl, what dose were you at when you quit? I know my mom tapered down from 100mcg to 25mcg and was scheduled to go to the 12mcg the next month, but she just decided to go for it off the 25's. Like I told you before she said she started feeling better after day 9-11 and really felt like all of the physical symptoms were gone by 14days, so hopefully thats good news for you. Well I hope you feel a little better, Im here if you need anything, you can get though this, its tough but its a battle that is worth winning, so hang in there.

[bigalspal]

I was lucky. I was on the 25mcg patch for ONE month & the 50mcg patch for ONE month.
They really did a number on me! I lost 19 pounds. I'm a walking (really can't walk!) scarcrow. I was also taking 16 Darvocet a day waaay before I started the Fentanyl.
I took the Darvocet for a year I guess. My mind is not at full speed, so pardon if I get my dates wrong. I never tapered from the Fentanyl. I just didn't think I could do it.
Something about the Fentanyl & my system didn't jive. I really feel if I didn't get off it would have killed me!

[bigalspal]

Hey man,
thanks for not judging me! Especially since YOU did the right thing & I did not!
I'm jealous! LOL! If it's any consolation, the Darvocet is really not helping much at all.

[outotown]

IF anyone was to judge you on send them to me i have a whole driveway full of rocks too chunk at them, but i dont belive anyone on here will, we all know where you are at we have been there just keep on keeping on OK, we are all beside you!!!

[kimmieb]

nope, i've caved too on more than one occasion.....and i truly don't think that one darvocet will prolong you're recovery....funniest thing though....i was just getting online to say HELP, I WANT TO TAKE A DARVOCET and will it be bad to do that....then i get on this site and saw your post!  i feel for you.....i want to do the same thing....and i'm only on day 4 off of hydros....i know you said wd'ing off of hydros was a piece of cake for you.....but not for me!!!!  although i have heard that fentanyl is MUCH worse, so i do understand what you're saying.....still, i feel like i want to cave too, even though darvocets dont' do a darned thing for me!   dont' beat yourself up....no big deal....just get back on track....no one is here to judge....definitely not me!   i'm sending all the strength, support, and encouragment your way.....let's get back on track! :-)   kim

[bigalspal]

Thanks for defending me outotown! That's cool what you said about the rocks in your driveway! I need a hero!
And to kimmieb. Isn't funny how things work? I'm glad you didn't take that Darvocet! Good for you! Listen, WD's from Hydro's are no joke! I felt terrible when I did that. I did it more than a few times CT. What I ment to say was that the FENTANYL WD is MUCH worse than the Hydro's. But I KNOW you are going through hell right now.
I remember that WD too. All I can say is we'll see what the 1/2 darvocet did to me tomorrow!

[imanaddict]

Like the others said, DON'T let this get you down. Just keep truckin along and forget about it. There are other things you can try to ease W/D's, so don't feel like you have to take an opiate. Try taking a HOT HOT HOT bath, and an over the counter sleep aid. Amino acids, immodium, lots of water, exercise and vitamins will all ease it some. At my worst withdrawal, I did the hot bath for over 2 hours. I just sat in the tub and kept filling it back up with as hot of water as I could take. I couldn't believe how much it helped! Exercise (although you may not feel like doing it) helps tremendously because it releases endorphins (happiness!). You'll be amazed at how much better you feel. I wish you all the luck and sobriety in the world. Hang in there and let us know if you need anything :)

[bigalspal]

Thanks for the support!
Maybe the half Darvocet won't set me back too far.
Boy, I know what you mean about the hot baths! We have a jacuzzi tub in one of our bathrooms & I have been in that thing all the time.
I'm gonna have to do something about my hair tomorrow! I just have not had the energy to wash it. Body yes, hair no. I'm a woman, so we all know the men are luckier when it comes to that! LOL!
I'm day 9 off Fentanyl & exercise is out of the question today. I hope I can tomorow.
I REALLY need to get to the store. One thing that came back almost imediatly was my
appitite. It always does. I think the receptors in my brain like food as much as opiates although i've never had a weight problem.
I don't have anyone to get supplies in the house for me.
But, it'll do me good to get out, i guess. I know I'll look like the living dead cause I lost 19 lbs & NONE of my clothes fit.

[southerngurl2]

well your not alone. I was gonna go ct today. so that way I would have the weekend off and I could feel like **** at home. But I caved and took two hydro's. I feel bad for doing it, but I'll just pick myself up and start tomorrow ct. wish me luck.

[bigalspal]

Hey girl!
I don't know about you, but this is my personal hell!
I've always told my husband that I know I'm going to heaven because I've already been through hell on earth!
We'll just have to pick ourselves up & try again. And Again. And Again.
We'll get it! Good luck to you & I will pray for you (if you don't mind) and ask GOD to help you to get through this.
Bigalspal

[corey411]

Sorry that you took a pill but congratulations on the time clean. Try not to let it discourage you. This is tough. I was addicted to Hydros but went on a fentanyl binge for about 3 weeks once. I hear you. The wd from h@ll. If you detoxed from hydros you know what to expect. It will just take a bit longer with the mental stuff. Godspeed in your recovery. Corey

[bigalspal]

Corey,
I sure wish it was Hydro's I was WD from! I'm an expert at that!
Fentanyl, not so much.
How different was your WD's from Fentanyl than the Hydro's???
Are you OK now? How long before you could walk?
I'm having trouble doing that.
Bigalspal

[corey411]

Do you mean walk...like across the room or going out for a walk? I was able to walk. I didn't want to though. I remember it was when we invaded Iraq because that was all that was on tv. I stayed in bed for about 3 days. The biggest difference was the rls was worse and it was longer before I could sleep. I'm almost 6 months off of Hydros now and things are really coming together. You can do this. If you ever need to talk of if I can help in anyway let me know. Corey

[addicthiding]

You are not alone! I was on day 2 but caved and took two hydros, back to square one tommorow. I was really hating on myself before I got on here, I really hate to hear that you took it but it makes me feel like less of a failure! This **** is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and I cant tell you how many times I have actually failed. I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever beat this, but good luck to you!

[bigalspal]

i mean like walk from the bathroom to the computer room, lol!
What you've described is pretty much what I'm going through.
Good job on getting off the Hydro's!
Bigalspal

[bigalspal]

It does feel good to get honest & know that other people have just done the same thing!
There are so many successful people on this forum that I really was ashamed of my weakness.
BUT, EVERYONE of them did NOT jude me.
How cool is that??
Out in the "real" world, we would be considered criminals & weaklings by a lot of people.
WE can do this addictinhiding!

[theeagle]

I like your attitude.... the "real" world could not handle us. A weak person couldnt do it either.

[worried878]

shake it off..keep moving forward..1/2 of a darvacet is not going to ruin ur recovery..keep fighting for what u want and let it go...good luck to u..tomorrow is another day