Aa
Well I made it (whatever "it" means)
Well last night was indescribable and nearly unbearable.
Every molecule of my body was writhing and twitching.
No sleep whatsoever. I wanted to die.
And worse, as I'm trying to taper now, that became c/t because I'd eaten my last half pill and was not sure when the next shipment would arrive.
Terrifying night.
But somehow I managed to get through another 24 hours with no pills -and- no alcohol! Even though my new pills were here at 10am!
I did take another half at 4:30 which is my 24hr mark (4 days total now and I've had 2.5 pills, 10/325's which I was taking 5-8 of a day as recent as Sunday).
The w/d has been brutal but somehow I find a way to cope.
I hope that reading this, and maybe seeing some of my other whiney posts LOL ROFL that someone who's thinking they CAN'T will think they CAN instead.
I've only been here 2 days, and only fighting this fight for 4.
But already I find myself feeling like part of an intentional family here.
We all have our up days and our down days - we ALL slip - we ALL run back to the pill bottle in fear and in pain needing relief - but hopefully when we slip or when we are afraid we can come here and find comfort in the words of our family.
Hopefully we find inspiration and courage when we need it most.
Peace
/D
Every molecule of my body was writhing and twitching.
No sleep whatsoever. I wanted to die.
And worse, as I'm trying to taper now, that became c/t because I'd eaten my last half pill and was not sure when the next shipment would arrive.
Terrifying night.
But somehow I managed to get through another 24 hours with no pills -and- no alcohol! Even though my new pills were here at 10am!
I did take another half at 4:30 which is my 24hr mark (4 days total now and I've had 2.5 pills, 10/325's which I was taking 5-8 of a day as recent as Sunday).
The w/d has been brutal but somehow I find a way to cope.
I hope that reading this, and maybe seeing some of my other whiney posts LOL ROFL that someone who's thinking they CAN'T will think they CAN instead.
I've only been here 2 days, and only fighting this fight for 4.
But already I find myself feeling like part of an intentional family here.
We all have our up days and our down days - we ALL slip - we ALL run back to the pill bottle in fear and in pain needing relief - but hopefully when we slip or when we are afraid we can come here and find comfort in the words of our family.
Hopefully we find inspiration and courage when we need it most.
Peace
/D
Amen to that!
Congrats to you first off. I decided to go c/t last Sat even though I had pills because I am an all or nothing person and I would rather feel like total **** for a few days than half **** for a month or so and I have taken a few here and there (I was taking 16-20 7.5 vics a day for about 6 months without stop) for pain but not anything like I was taking and I can honestly say I wanted to die too and I thought I was dying.
There was something int he air that night (God I'm sure) that allowed me to obstain and I kept saying to myself that I would not take one and I would get through this hard part to see the light eventually.
Everyone here saved my life... the oldies, the newcomers, EVERYONE, especially at 3am when I thought I wa sthe only one awake.
Hang in there.
Congrats to you first off. I decided to go c/t last Sat even though I had pills because I am an all or nothing person and I would rather feel like total **** for a few days than half **** for a month or so and I have taken a few here and there (I was taking 16-20 7.5 vics a day for about 6 months without stop) for pain but not anything like I was taking and I can honestly say I wanted to die too and I thought I was dying.
There was something int he air that night (God I'm sure) that allowed me to obstain and I kept saying to myself that I would not take one and I would get through this hard part to see the light eventually.
Everyone here saved my life... the oldies, the newcomers, EVERYONE, especially at 3am when I thought I wa sthe only one awake.
Hang in there.
yeah congrats, my ride was similar to yours and today is day 6 for me and i was mostly cold turkey except for taking as little as possible at night to get soem rest, so i guess thats more of a taper.
but tonight will be hard, I feel the mental craving now, where as before i was too wigged out by the physical withdraws.
But i have a plan to just drop myself into reading books all night and try to make it all night without taking anything. Since its friday I dont have to worry if i get enough sleep to stay focused at work.
reading seems to have a nice calming effect on me. But it always has, ever since childhood.
but tonight will be hard, I feel the mental craving now, where as before i was too wigged out by the physical withdraws.
But i have a plan to just drop myself into reading books all night and try to make it all night without taking anything. Since its friday I dont have to worry if i get enough sleep to stay focused at work.
reading seems to have a nice calming effect on me. But it always has, ever since childhood.
Hey awesome story - congrats to you as well!
I almost came to the site at 3am last night!
The sleeping issue is the worst for me.
We keep taking steps one by one until we reach our goal.
I'll be watching for progress updates from you! :-)
Peace
/D
I almost came to the site at 3am last night!
The sleeping issue is the worst for me.
We keep taking steps one by one until we reach our goal.
I'll be watching for progress updates from you! :-)
Peace
/D
Your path to getting there is not important...just the fact that you guys are all doing this is so monumental! You sound strong and are doing a great job...You know how much of a godsend this forum has been...so many newcomers/oldtimers/those who pop in every once in a while...it really is like a family of sorts! You guys are an inspiration to all and hopefully you will remain focused on recovery!! We can all do it!!!
Peace,
Marcie
Peace,
Marcie
Oh how I wish I could focus enough to read a book!
I'm really missing it, but all I can do is lay there twitching and watching twilight zone trying NOT to think about beer or pills!
And please do post progress reports k? I really does inspire those of us on day 3 or 4 to read about day 6 from you or day 10 from someone else who's made it where we are only dreaming to be!
You guys are the best - my love to you all
Peace
/D
I'm really missing it, but all I can do is lay there twitching and watching twilight zone trying NOT to think about beer or pills!
And please do post progress reports k? I really does inspire those of us on day 3 or 4 to read about day 6 from you or day 10 from someone else who's made it where we are only dreaming to be!
You guys are the best - my love to you all
Peace
/D
I have a 6 month old daughter who was staying with me at my mother's as I detaoxed under the guise that I had the "flu".
Now we're home so it's harder to some on and talk but I'll be around.
In a weird way the pain I felt withdrawing reminded me of the tihng I forgot the most when I was taking the pills and that is that I'm alive!!
Now we're home so it's harder to some on and talk but I'll be around.
In a weird way the pain I felt withdrawing reminded me of the tihng I forgot the most when I was taking the pills and that is that I'm alive!!
Thank YOu so much!
I've read your earlier posts and your latest ones and it's a complete transformation...
You should be very proud of you......
I've read your earlier posts and your latest ones and it's a complete transformation...
You should be very proud of you......
Yes the pain makes you feel alive and empowered. I've felt like that since i started this detox journey. Its horrid pain but give you the strength to fight through it.
sometimes pain is good. I learned that back in the day by getting my heart broken hehe.
sometimes pain is good. I learned that back in the day by getting my heart broken hehe.
Absolutely - this placed really helped - I needed to focus on something other than giving in. And two days ago when I found this I was really thankful (since that was my first day and I was still c/t so I was really nuts!).
One of my goals is to keep participating here long after I've overcome the first couple hurdles so that I can help people who don't believe they can do it by telling them YES YOU CAN because I did and if I can YOU can! And of course maybe planting a few ideas/suggestions for them to try like distraction/postponing. Anyway, I just want to help some others at some point. But for now I have to make sure I don't touch the bottle just a few inches from my keyboard :-)
Peace
/D
One of my goals is to keep participating here long after I've overcome the first couple hurdles so that I can help people who don't believe they can do it by telling them YES YOU CAN because I did and if I can YOU can! And of course maybe planting a few ideas/suggestions for them to try like distraction/postponing. Anyway, I just want to help some others at some point. But for now I have to make sure I don't touch the bottle just a few inches from my keyboard :-)
Peace
/D
hey there, you are doing so good, i'm proud of you. and you have become a valuable contributor to this site. we are all fortunate that you have joined us.
we're you part of the "dreamcatcher" thread w/ oxybliss yesterday? i think thats an awesome idea.
anyways just checking in with you.
luv ya, boy...LOL
tink
we're you part of the "dreamcatcher" thread w/ oxybliss yesterday? i think thats an awesome idea.
anyways just checking in with you.
luv ya, boy...LOL
tink
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