Well I went to the Dr. today and told him everything....

[squirrel1970]

it went better than I thought it would. Told him I have been addicted to hydrocodone for the last 18 months. Basically spilled my guts, told him I wanted my life back and I wanted to quit, and asked him for help.
I had been taking about 15 Vicodin ES a day. He agreed to put me on a "weaning" program; 10 a day for 3 days, then drop it down, etc etc.
So they called me in a script for 65 Vicodin ES to the Walgreens in the same strip mall they are in. Boy can I tell you it took EVERYTHING I had to go back to their office and hand over all those pills instead of just going home with them! But I did it; I gave them to the nurse at the Dr. office. He's also put me on "Serax" 15mg 3 times a day. I've never heard of this one, so I'll do a little research.
Trying to quit cold turkey was NOT fun (as I am sure most of you here know). I felt like I was crawling out of my freakin' skin all the time! I was a miserable ******* to my 3 month pregnant wife. I am hoping and praying that this time I can stay clean. The Dr. and the nurse are both being very understanding; she told me to NOT try to be Superman, and call them if I had ANY problems or needed ANYTHING. Thank God for them. I just took 5 of my 10, and I am already starting to feel better! (Lol, go figure).
Thank you so much, all of you here for your kindness and support. I will keep you updated. And God bless America, and all of our men and women overseas.
Thanks
-Squirrel

[dancinginthedark]

CONGRATS!  I am thrilled you "came clean" with your doc, mainly because I've found doing so with my GP, neuro & specialist who My specialist, treating me for hypotension has another specialty which ironically,is pharmacology, explaining why he was always ragging on me about DRUGS, but in a kind, understanding way.  Once I told them I was an addict, everything changed dramatically & for the better.  In BC, I don't think we can Dr. shop as all goes into a central computer with a govt./pharmacare ID # which you have to show at pharmacy. While I rec'd my fiorinal from just 1 doc only & ever, I was still....bad, bad girl. I was also taking some prescribed T3's & HEAPS of OTC codeine. I'd always been about 95% honest with them all but would never say the word addict, OTC codeine, or admit I had a problem.  

The day I said, hey, I'm an addict, they went from being very wonderful to over-the-top divine.  In fact, I have an appt. today & I'm going to tell my GP that I abused the OTC codeine, using about 250 mg. a day for about 3-4 wks. & stopped Fri.  (Hey, not a pretty wknd people from only that!).  I don't need to tell him but I'm going to because we always discuss addiction.

To me, the really great docs in this fight are the ones who treat it as a medical problem, not a character flaw.  I recall too well, the sarcasm & condescension a few yrs. ago which did nothing except make me defensive & more steadfast in my refusal to admit I had a prob.  I don't know how much time docs spend in med school learning about addiction but I suspect it's not much, or they skip class to  either go to the library or the pub.  

It takes a lot of courage to tell your doc & I suspect you feel a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders. As to getting off it, he sounds like he's got a plan & knows what he's doing.  Of course you'll have some discomfort but I suspect it will be minimal & you've got him on your side.  

I can't add much to Dr. B's brilliant post but in all Doctor's defense, I wonder if sometimes they get fed up & frustrated trying to talk to a brick wall.  Think of facing that in work.  As a writer, I've worked with editors who dig their heels in the sand over a story angle & though the research doesn't entirely bear out their desire, they won't listen to where the research is leading, which is susually to a better pc.  Upon submission, they try the million re-writes until they come back around to what you were saying all along...The editors who listen, tweak & essentially let you run with it, wind up the happiest.

Maybe it's the same for docs.  Dunno.  But here we sit, denying, denying, whining that we need more because uh, the cat had a migraine & we won't listen to nuthin'.  I think they know an addict when they see one but we shroud ourselves in a wall of denial.
Maybe the wise ones know they can't do anything for us until we run ourselves into the concrete wall & come to them for help.

OK, maybe they did go to class....:-)

Good luck, hang in there & post often.  We're all here for you.

Best,

Dancin'

[hippy]

hey there,
you post was really good to read, it is wonderful that the
doctor was so understanding. i think it something all doctors
need to understand, tho there are so many addicts trying to con doctors, enevn when we try to do the right thing we often
relaps and that opens another can of worms,
in any event  it is really great that you are on the right track
and now have a plan of action, to help you whith tapering.
keep posting
peace!!!!!!!!!!!hippy

[earlygrayce]

Way to go. It was great to see that your Dr. was so understanding. You are doing this the right way, just don't forget to follow up with some therapy - possibly N.A. or another 12-step. You will learn, if you already haven't, that getting clean is the easy part. Staying clean is what is so difficult. You will most definately need some kind of support group to help you. But the steps you have made so far are great. Keep up the good work and stay strong. You will make it through this and props to your Doctor for being undersatnding and compassionate. Mistakes will always be made, and it seems obvious that he understands the way you react to those mistakes - or in his case, his patients' mistakes - makes such a tremendous difference. Again, congratulations.

[Forum-M.D.-rcb]

Dear Info:

You have been given good advice. The danger of dehydration is real when withdrawing but the lhanging loose of the skin of your husband is not dehydration-it is  severe malnutrition and this is further indication for the need of your getting solid professional help, and I would think in-house treatment. Plant yourself at the door of your physician and tell him that you ahve been advised that his life is endangered.

In the interim, give him rich chicken or meat broth of the variety containing real meat , not the vegetable containing ones. In addition to bananas and meat, the richest source of potassium and other minerals is whole pottoes, particularly with the skin if he can handle it. Tomato juice is easier than the orange juice on the stomach.

[Jones052]

Way to go Squirel. Today is day 13 for me, clean and sober. In two days, I tell me doc as well, who has historically, been great. While my usage was not at great levels, it was nonetheless, usage. I am so committed to living life to its fullest and enjoying all that I have around me, that I have taken this mulitfaceted approach to my recovery....AA, NA, PA...therapy, nutrition and exercise. Just in case, I figure to cover those aspects of me that are user/abuser, just plain goofy, or possibly depression while I'm in the process.
I have found that it has been a very very long time that I have self medicated. I can't tell you how great it felt to sleep last night without a chemical aid.....

Hang In All......

[powderhunter]

I came down from 4000 mg of Hydrocone (for at least a year)a day to 750 mg, 1 350 Soma..in about 6 weeks
I told the Doc early this month, and she gave me 1mg of Ativan to help me sleep.
Everyone says wow, you did great, but now seems like the hardest part.  I am trying (and was told by the Doc) to first reduce the Vics then the Soma and then the Ativan which all scare me.

One counsler told me that the Ativan is not so bad, but I know it is addictive too.

This week I am on about 560 mg of Vicodin, and having troubl;e sleeping.,. but doesn't it have to be done sooner or later?

I am kinda of confused about how fast I should go???

Except for the sleep, the worst physical symptoms are over.
Constipated, diarrea (diarrhea), some anxiety..but the sleep lack is horrible to me.


I guess my question is....is it ok to use 1.25mg of Ativan while I get off the Vicodin and the Soma asap????


My first time on this board....God bless

[PsychologyStudent]

OTC Codeine?  I'm confused about this, what in the world is that?  Please tell me it's not real because I'll pull all my hair out if it's F-ing over the counter... *cries mournfully*
7 Days and counting....
Laura

[rodewc]

"over the counter codeine" is legal in some countries foreign to the US.. like Canada and the UK.

Good for you for Not desiring to "go there." I go to the UK a good bit (2-4  times a month).. and my adult fellow travelers usually pick up a truckload of "cocadamol." I hate having it around.. but so far... so good.. w/ abstinence.

[PsychologyStudent]

Thank you for answering my question and I must say thank God I don't live in one of the above mentioned countries because that temptation would never let me quit the habit.  Anyway, thank you again for the information.
Laura

[babyboomer]

I would like to get off methadone. I take 40mgs. a day. I have gone through withdrawl. I CAN'T DO IT AGAIN. (THREE TIMES) But my doctor freezes up or changes the subject, if I talk about the subject of withdrawl.I take it for fibromyalgia. And I wouldn't have a problem if I wasn't such a hog.I take too much and they won'y fill it untill a certain date. And two days later, I am in the hospital emergency room. I think I would like to go off of it-at home. How fast or slow do I taper??I am tired of the roller coaster and yet I hate living with pain.Wish I had an understanding doctor.I am needing some advice.Withdrawl almost killed me.
                                              THANKS-BOOMER

[babyboomer]

One more thing for a doctor. Can methadone(or any narcotic) cause skin sores? I have developed skin sores the past several years(I'VE BEEN ON NARCOTIC FOR 12 YRS.)They are deep abcesses.
Just curious.   Thanks,Boomer

[willowgirl]

hi, i am new here.  I read about coming clean with the dr.  I did this on Monday. I bore my soul and I actually feel really good.  I have been abusing vicodin for about 8 years.  I used to just teat myself after work but as you all know it progressivly got worse and i was eventually using all day and night, up to sometimes 20 a day ( on a bad day) I would say a normal day for me would be about 10.  I went to my doc, told him what I had done and that i needed help. The day I saw my doc I took the last vic i had.  He called a doc that prescribes buprenorphine but they are out of the office until the 29th, so he gave me a script for 56vics and I am supposed to wean until the 29th.  I didnt think i could do it at first but I am down to 8 a day. I put them in baggies labeled the days and gave them to my mom and told her to hide them and dont give them to me noooo matter what. well she hasnt given me anymore then my days ration ( and i do admit to searching her apt) but i feel better.  i hope i make it through  this.

[Lostgirl]

You are so LUCKY to have a mom that will help you like that!  I know my mom would help sometimes but she really doesn't get it.  For her it is always " just set your mind to it and it will get down"  like there is nothing in between. Like a Nike commercial "JUst Do it!" I know that she would dole them out to me, but I can't depend on her to be around.  The first time she came over on day 2 and saw me jonesing badly and said can I get you anything?  Your DAd and I will be back in a week!  I hope you are okay."  What are you supposed to say?  I just couldn't ask her to stay, it would be too much.  Then I would feel like I owed her big time.  Plus, she would just try to make me get out bed and do "something" to make the time go fast.  "Do something that doesn't take brain power like clean the house."  Like I could clean going cold turkey after a 3 yr habit of 140 mg a day!  I could barely make it to the bathroom for the runs and believe me there were times I didn't make it.  

Keep up with the tapering.  I am trying that so that I wont had the WD so bad. Hopefully!  But, to tell you the truth, I am not sure that I can do it.  I am looking at the bottle now and wishing for the high. Yeah I can still get the high and I love it.  But I also no what my life is turning into.  I am about to loose my Job.  Did I say I also work for my Mom.  She always gets through things and comes out on top.  Can you tell that I am whining.

But we are all here if you need us!  Keep posting!

[willowgirl]

my mom doesnt know the depth of my problem, but she is still very supportive.  I am going to the dr. for the buprenorphine on tues and I am  sooo scared, I almost want to just wean down  to 6 vics a day and live like that but as an addict I know that is impossible.  I dont feel any high right now I just feel like I am maintaining and it sucks!!! Does anyone know what to expect from the buprenorphine, will I feel sick from the withdrawls from the vicodin??? will the buprenorphine help and what should I expect?

[Thomas050]

Hi Willowgirl,
As a recovering addict from a few things in my past, one thing I will say is that it sounds as if you still like the pills. It is very hard to quit something you like. It is hard enough to quit when you dislike [the addictive thing] and want out. If you can think about the bad part of it and focus on that I think that will help alot. In my past, the only way I was able to quit something was only after I truely hated it. Combine that with hard work, support and dragging yourself through the days, you eventually get to the point where you look back and say, "wow I can't believe I needed that stuff". That point does exist, getting there is no picinic though.
Hugs and prayers,
Thomas050

[willowgirl]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR KIND WORDS, ( I HAVE SEEN YOU BE A LIL HARDER ON OTHERS  LOL )  YES YOU ARE RIGHT I DO STILL LIKE THE PILLS BUT I DO KNOW I HAVE TO STOP.  YOU ARE SO RIGHT ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS TO STOP SOMETHING YOU LIKE.  ITS LIKE BREAKING UP WITH A BOYFRIEND  BECAUSE YOUR PARENTS SAY IT IS WRONG OR HE IS BAD ( AND THEY ARE RIGHT)  BUT YOU LOVE HIM.  IT IS JUST LIKE LOSING A BOYFRIEND.  I KNOW THAT SOUNDS KIND OF SICK BUT THAT IS HOW I FEEL WHEN MY LITTLE FRIENDS ARENT AROUND.  BUT ON THE OTHER HAND I HATE THAT I AM SOOOO DEPENDENT AND THAT I REVOLVE MY LIVE AROUND THEM. I USED TO BE ABLE TO CONTROL MYSELF NOW I FEEL I HAVE NO CONTROL AND I AM A CONTROL FREAK . AND IT KILLS ME THAT I CANT CONTROL THIS.  AS FOR THE DR I CALLED THE DR WITH THE BUPRENORPHINE AND HE IS STILL ON VACATION FOR ANOTHER WEEK AND I WAS TOLD HE CAN BY LAW ONLY TAKE 30 PATIENTS AT A TIME.  I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. I JUST WANT SOME NORMALCY IN MY LIFE WITHOUT DRUGS. AND NOT TO MENTION I COULD TAKE ABOUT 5 IN ONE SHOT AND STILL FEEL NOTHING<  I JUST DONT FEEL SICK.  IT SUCKS. I MISS FEELING AND TASTING AND SMELLING AND ALL MY SENSES THAT SEEM SO DULL NOW. WELL SORRY TO GO ON AND ON.
I AM GOING TO KEEP TRYING BUT THIS WHOLE DRUG ADDICTION THING SUCKS REALLY REALLY BAD.

[Thomas050]

Willowgirl,
yea, i have been taking them on and off and it is becoming more on than off. I like the feeling, it is definitely helping my depression when nothing else would. The tollerance factor with them is REAL bad though, I know what you mean, seem to need more to get the same feeling. sux. Funny also, after taking them for a while I get to the point where I go to bed not liking them and vow not to take them anymore, but the next day that feeling gradually disapears. The epitome of addiction I guess. I am trying to keep it in check, hopefully I will be able to.

You sound a bit further into it than I am. Definitely let us know how you make out with the doc & bup. I would stay away from Methadone though if you have a choice. My ex girlfriend went on it to end her pain pill addiction, but she unwittingly ended up just picking up a different, more severe addiction. It's one hefty ball and chain, take it from me. I remember taking her to the clinic in the early am and she would wait on line for her fix (side by side with some pretty shady characters). I was OK with it when it was a detox program. When it became a maintenance program, unfortunately I could not get myself to be OK with it. I am very interested in the bup because I want to know it it is something you can eventually get off of.

Keep us posted on your progress :)
Best,
Thomas050

[willowgirl]

oh god, everything you said sounded just like me, the whole waking up in the am and vowing to stop etc. and the depression part.  I am on celexa for depression but the vic's
were what used to really help.  In the fifties they used to use opiates to treat depression. Someone would get really rich if they could figure out an opiate drug that could help depression but not require you to take more and more for the same result, because i think most of us  here on this forum take "pain" meds not for the physical pain but more for the emotional pain I am not I am not speaking for everyone but alot of people I know use the pills to hide the pain of everyday life  just like me.  Maybe the buprenorphine will be the thing but until then I guess all I can do is maintain and man it sucks! I miss my old friends that used to hang out with me in abundance, just seeing a few of them a day to keep the sick away doesnt make all the other **** in my head go away.  God I just want to be normal but what is that??