Were you able to hide your addiction

[gizzy32]

During my use i was so ashamed, but that wasn't enough to stop me. Although my close friends and family knew that i had started doing coke, they had no clue how bad i was at the time. I told them that i had stopped using, but after about my 50th relapse i gave up and let on i was clean for quite some time. My family and my friends still questioned me cause i looked like ****, and i was not the same person, but i stuck to my story that i was clean. I was curious how well you hid your addiction and how? Did family and friends know what you were doing? Could people tell if you were high on pills

[worried878]

only people i told...and those were my 2 friends who also used..one was a nurse at work whom i befriended..funny how u can spot a fellow addict a mile away!  snyway..we shared pills..helped each other out..ended up quitting together altho she did not make it and is now hooked on trams..i dot hear from her much anymore...my other friend also shared...had a connection..i told her i quit and we will always be friends but that subject is not brought up...dne deal...i guess she still uses but i really do not know....when i quit i told my best friend and my mom...also told my best guy friend who i think loss respect for me and we are no longer friends..slow process but i think that was the wrench in the friendship..so it goes to show u...not all understand..everyone else did,,not him and he saw it as a flaw in my character i think

i live alone, and other than isolating i really dont think anyone really knew..maybe that i was a bit distant but with the pain i have i dont think it was a big red flag....now after detox i had a wave of fatigue and friends began to notice i had dropped out of the loop...i told 2 more friends/not in gory detail/about it...turned out one had a klonopin addiction/i sometimes wonder if everyone has a bad habit somewhere..seems so if u know them well enuf..maybe sex, food, ciggs, benzos, adderall (adderrall), alchol being a biggy...nd my friends do but do not worry about it too much like i did..or perhaps have better control..or perhaps not

[enufisenuf]

No one knew I was taking them...and I think would be shocked.  The pills came from a prescription...nothing in my life changed from outside appearances...went to work, worked around house, etc. Even when I stopped...the last time 65 days ago...I stopped on a Monday and never missed even an hour of work...partly to punish myself into not doing it again...I felt like hell of course, but suffered through it.  My prescription was for 120 10/325 p/month for two years or so and I rarely got through the month...the last full script went in two weeks.  Everyone is different...we all have addict brains, but at different levels I think, so react differently to stimuli and some can hide things better than others.  I know I miss the feeling...particularly right now going to work in the morning...I still have 13.5 in the car...but will not touch them...will flush them one of these days.  But to follow up on your question, if I did take one this morning or not, people at work would not know the difference.

[merrymaria]

yes i was...i had legal scripts for almost 3 years...but no one knew i bought extras on the side.....i think my husband knew but never said anything to me..he would give me extras of his own script...( i feel terrible about that now) ...but for the most part i was a sad sad addict all by myself....maria

[sway1]

it was scary how you could have this whole other life going on w/o even those closest to you having a clue. i started to get off on the secret life part as well as the pills. still struggling with both in a major way.   sway

[LIZZIE LOU]

interesting what you stated:  "i started to get off on the secret life part as well as the pills. still struggling with both in a major way"

i remember an active member we had here over a year ago.  she struggled soooo bad with her addiction.  something she said, i'll never forget  "giving up my drugs is like a death in the family...i always mourn the life i'm leaving behind".  

[starfish1963]

I agree, people who abuse pain meds can be spotted a mile away.  Yesterday a receptionists was white in the face, couldn't sit still, scratched her nose (dead give away) and it made me sick to think back....but for me my immediate family knew I took meds for two medical conditions but never knew I abused them.  It wasn't until I went ct they asked if I did drugs LOL!  
The bottom line is you can't run from yourself and eventualy it will take control over everything and the dark road and dead end wall will smack you in the face.

[Ronnie152]

No one new I was on them. I was able to do everything on vics.  

[tarnabee]

My mother would know right away when I had no more pills because I was so irritable.  She knew I took the pills, prescribed for me, for my back pain, and when I ran out, I am (was) miserable.   There would be times I would take too much and then appear very very sleepy.  My family/friends/co-workers would comment on it, but I just would say I was very tired.  I still hide the fact that I take so much and that I get more from other sources.

[road2recovery]

I did hide my addiction...My immediate family knew i took them for medical reasons, but had no idea how many, or that i got more ...I ended up telling my husband, but never to the extent it really was....sometimes, I do think that everyone knew, but just never said...I do think now, looking back that i look like ****, so they knew something was up!!!

[liscamdave]

No one ever knew of my addiction or my husbands until he died, he over dosed so they obviously found out he used, but only thought it was that one time. I didn't have the heart to tell them he was an I, nor did I want to expose myself. No one to this day knows of my previous active addiction, and I mean no one. You could never tell I was on them. I never itched and never had transparant effects that mostly everyone else did. My husband on the other hand, as soon as he took one I could tell. His pupils were pinpoints, this also never happened to me, he would get dark circles around his eyes and he would nod out all the time. Our DOC was Oxy Contin and I begged him to not take any at our wedding as he usually always nodding out, but he did anyway, he took Oxy's and xanax and literally nodded out at the alter while the priest said our vows, my hand to god I have it on DVD. No one behind us could see it because we were only facing the priest, but he could see it and at one point cleared his throat to wake David up. I was mortified. When we got the DVD back and all watched it together, his Mom, Dad and sisters all questioned him as to why he was falling asleep and he said he was reading the pamphlet that the priest was holding and not sleeping. It was a nightmare. I could have killed him. My best friends father, whom is extremely close to me, told me that on the trolly ride over to the wedding, David kept nodding out and asked me why. At that point, people were all talking about his possible drug use. David was also given xanax by his dr.for possible bi-polar disorder. WHich I thought was ridicules because it was the oxy's making him depressed. But he didn't want to listen and wanted more pills.

[10356]

My husband and kids knew I was addicted to my pain pills.. Hubby never realized the amount I was taking till a couple of months before I quit this last time. I have had some major past addictions and never had kept them secret as addiction was/is so much a part of my life......

[wildwoodone]

No one ever knew I was addicted to pills until I told them.  I think with the pills it is easy to hide unless you run out.

[jdawne1899]

That's actually how everything surfaced for me about 2 months ago. My husband and I had been out of town for Thanksgiving snowboarding.  While on the trip I ran out of pills, and completely broke down. I made up this huge story about how I was sick, etc, and that we had to go home early. I made a huge scene at my parents house when we were picking up our dogs, and freaked on everyone.  Then, when we got home my husband went up to my best friends to get our mail and she told him that she thought I was still using, that previous week I had gone up to her house to hang out with her and another friend who is a nurse. The second I walked in she asked if I was High, and that by looking at my pupils it looked like I had overdosed, everything surfaced a week later.

[kes68]

No one knows I still use.  I think this is one of the reasons I have such a hard time admitting the addiction to my self.
I lead these 2 seperate lives - and no one knows the one that is scrounging around for pain meds, going through friends medicine cabinets, ordering on line.
Because this has been going on for so long - some things are starting to change that people are noticing.
No matter how many I take my energy level and mood are still low, my concentration is shot, and I do not get really excited or happy about anything anymore.  A few close to me are concerned it is depression - I think they all would be shocked to find out.

[gizzy32]

How are things in our nations capitol? I remember skating on that canal there, it was so cool. I just wanted to ask you if you are interested in quitting or trying? I know it's so hard, but if you put your mind to it, it can be done with a bit of help. Good luck.

[heather_r]

My family and friends knew I had them for pain but not that I took them everyday, at that time I did not abuse them that was for 1 year but I know I was dependant on them. When my baby was 4 weeks old I started using them for more than pain. I had lots of energy to stay awake during the day after being up at night, I could run my older kids around no problem. I took 8-10 10mg Lortab a day. No one knew I took them at that time until 8 weeks later when I went through w/d and I came clean about it. My husband was completely shocked, he thought he should have known.
Worried- your friend that is a nurse better be careful if someone turns her in she could loose her license. One of the hardest things for me was to self report to the nursing board. I am in a program for 5 years with them. I take weekly UA, attend meeting, counseling, group meetings. Had to tell my boss. It is hard but it helps keep me clean.

[Flutterby111]

I think people caught on when I would pass out at the dinner table.

[Sunnyd210]

Well people knew I took them now and again for pain. No one knew the extent of the problem. Its funny we had a post like this awhile ago and someone said they used to hide their empty pill bottles and it turned out thats what almost everyone did lol it was pretty funny =)

[catmagnet]

I wonder if anyone took the time out to peel the labels off of those mountains of bottles...

[Sunnyd210]

LOL I was cleaning out my closet around xmas time and still found a stash of empty bottles unbelievable =)

[dominosarah]

I hid it pretty good for quite some time.  

Catmagnet......every bottle had a removed label!!!!

[avisg]

Yup I hid it completely

[kim715]

I thought I hid it well.When I finally came clean with those around me turns out I wasn't hiding it well at all.Most everyone I told said they already knew or at least suspected I was abusing the pain meds.Not many people ever called me out on it though.My husband did a couple of times,but I just denied it.When I was using I would have denied it to anyone who questioned me though.Until I said the words 'I'm an addict' out loud I was denying it to myself everyday.

My bottles always had partially torn off labels.I would tear off the parts that had the fill date and the amount.

[LateAugust]

An observation from the mom of an addict.      My daughter was a "high functioning" addict,  or so she thought, for a while.  Soon she was unable to work due to her anxiety of not being able to use every few hours and quit a great job with fabulous benefits, she dropped out of college, as she was too busy trying to figure out how to get more oxy, and her concentration and motivation for anything other than oxy did not exist.   She has lost all of her long time friends due to her erratic moods and disregard for what true friendship means any more, all she needed was oxy.  She is estranged from most of her family due to irrational behaviour and constant lies about using, her choice as she is too ashamed to be honest with anyone....    She is underweight,   her appearance no longer matters, her eyes are blank and her soul is empty.        And all kinds of things end up missing: money, checkbooks, debit cards, laptops, jewelry....

Do we know........gosh,  even her 85 yr old grandma knows! (altho we all wished she didn't)   because oxy took this extremely intelligent, compassionate, loving and beautiful girl and she has become someone that is not even remotely close to the child her friends and family love and cherish.    

You are so right, all addictions are different  and impact all to different degrees.  Thank God you got help before you lost everything.  Most importantly it is never too late to take your life back, with honesty and commitment, and for some, your family will be there with unconditional love, and to support you on your journey to sobriety.

[HelpinUtah]

My family did not know I was addicted to my pain meds - but I wasn't really aware of my addiction (at least on a conscious level) until around May 2008, when I started to wonder about it.  It was then that I told my hubby I was concerned.  He told me he was starting to wonder as well right around the same time I did.  My mother lives with us (she's disabled) and she started wondering because I was getting Lortab from her when I was running out of my script early.  They were the first two people I really told that I thought I had an addiction and they were very supportive.  I think I had myself fooled.  When I first came here in September, I was convinced I had only been taking the Lortab regularly for a few months, but when I look back now I can see that I was taking them regularly for much longer - probably over a year or so!  We can really fool ourselves, can't we?  

[HelpinUtah]

Also, I had a friend who was always asking me for some of my Lortab and I was giving her many regularly.  My mother mentioned to me just after I suspected I was addicted that she thought my friend was addicted as well - because she would also get Lortab from my mother as well as from me even on same visits (which I did not know about at the time)!  My mother hardly touches it - maybe once or twice a month if that!  So, she was a great source for me and my friend.  I don't know if my friend is addicted, but she and I have gone our separate ways.  Once she realized I was detoxing and no longer had Lortab - she said, "I know you are in a lot of pain right now and I know you don't want to hear this, but perhaps you should get more Lortab to get out of pain."  I wondered if she was trying to get her "supplier" back.  Does that make sense?

[newgirl286]

I just came out to my mom who I live with last night.  Last week I gave her my bottle of vic 750's with one refill and asked her to hold it until I needed them.  Today 7 days clean I don't need & don't want them!  I've had them for 4-5 years daily for back pain.  After telling her it has been years since I went this long without them she said she suspected something because of my depression, I've been unemployed for about 6 months since my grandmother passed and it's been hard for me to be positive without a pill.  She had no idea had bad or how long I've been taking them and how hard these w/d are.  But today is her birthday and she said me quitting is the best gift I can get her which is good cause I have no money anyways.  Last night she said she's excited to get the old sara back and that's when I realized how much I've changed by these pills.  
My best friend is also addicted but I think she's into oxy's or anything in excess.  She's been nodding out nightly for at least the last year and it drives me crazy.  I know I've missed the old her but always felt guilty cause I'm a user too even though I have a script and condition which is where I'd get my pills.  Now I'm hoping to change my life and maybe that'll inspire her to make the change.  I'm thinking about going to meetings just in case someday she'll meet me there.  Her mom o.d. on heroine when she was 15 after being sober for over 8 years.  Her mom broke her sobriety about a week before she o.d. so you can understand my concern for my friend.  
I think people change even if it's just a little from every single pill you take.  No one really knew about my addiction till I told them but that doesn't mean I was hiding it.  

[worried878]

I think if i had been married..he woulda known..my boyfriend who i dated for 6 months..didnt know but i think toward the end he sensed my mood swings...i do not blame the failure of that relationship on pills tho as it was a relationshiip i woulda never attempted had i been sober..too many red flags..he didnt drink or do pills..but that still dont make u no saint!

[coldsweats]

I hide it from everyone!! It wasn't until I could no longer get the meds did I have to tell my boyfriend! I tried quitting cold turkey but only got to day 5 which is hump day for most but I was a basket case! I had to come clean with him so he would stop feeding me full of cold and flu meds! Bless his heart for thinking I was clean! I had to go back to work and had a big company function that I had put on and I knew or at least I thought I knew I wouldn't be able to function... So I took some norcs! I pulled off the perfect day! So my bf thinks Ive been sober since before thanksgiving:( I knew I had to do something so I talked my doctor into giving me a script for vics for a made up pain  and began my taper! I had my mom with me at the docs office but she thought it was for my fake dx! I waited until she flew home to tell her because I was too embarrassed to tell her I was an addict! I was addicted to meth 12 years ago and she was by my side through the wd from that! I didn't want to break her heart! She was so understanding! Dissapointed but by my side once again! I had her tell my dad and he has alwaysss been there for me!  I chose to completely stop after my taper the weekend before Xmas because I knew I would be around my family and have time off work from the people who knew the happy bubbly me! Proud to say I'm still that person but naturally! long story mom and dad know my acutal soberity date but the boyfriend doesn't! I'm ashamed but I think in do time I will share it with him! One day at a time! I'm only looking forward now!!!

[Florida_Guy737]

Well my wife was cool; she picked up my scripts for me.  At work...no, never let anyone know and didn't discuss the issue with friends or family.  I mean I was on them for medical reasons :-). I do remember nodding off in a few meetings lol....just blamed it on working all the time which wasn't far from the truth.  The people I meet nowadays, say the gym, tell me about their injuries and I almost bet that some of the are taking something - one guy told me he was taking percs without the tyl or asa (I didn't know you could get the med like that) because he said the tylenol upset his stomach...he was about 60 yo.  Everyone is different but Gizzy...sometimes I worry about the 'shame' element...your an individual, you experienced something you didn't like that affected others, etc...you're still a great guy...don't forget that!

[bobby139]

I was able to keep mine a secret, most knew i took them once in awhile for medical reasons but had no idea really how out of control i was. If i would of taken way to many and couldnt control myself to good on walking or talking i would just say i had to take a pain pill today so they all thought one made me that way. Came up with every excuse as u all know, they fell down the sink, left them in motel when i went out of town, until u find someone to buy them off the streets. The doctors and pharmacy were the only one's that really knew i had a bad problem. Even after quitting still no one knows how bad it was. I look back on pics and family videos and wonder how they didnt know with the sweating, itching, slurring and all that the pale pasty face and dark circles guess they thought it was from the medical problems? Or they just never wanted to let on they knew. who knows

[Robin6298]

Yes,  I was able to hide it.  I used for over 10 years, and no one in my family/friends had a clue.  They still don't to this day.  When I detoxed, I used the old 'got a horrible case of the flu' excuse.  So glad that's all well behind me.