What I do to stay clean/sober

Hey guys,

I know I've been absent for a while, life just got really busy lately! I've been reading a lot of posts over the last few days, and as always, we have a lot of people here struggling to get/stay clean. So here's my experience, strength, and hope.

I've been clean for 548 days now, a length of time I never would have thought possible while I was in the midst of my addiction. I was using over 400 mg of Oxycodone, half a bottle of Scotch, and large quantities of marijuana every day. Needless to say, I was destroying my life, my body, and all of my personal relationships. On May 5th, 2009, I decided once and for all to get clean.

This is how I did it. I had been to a few 12 step meetings before, but never wanted to admit I was an addict and wasn't willing to face the fact that I could never use again. This time I got into AA (even though drugs were my main problem) and went at it whole heartedly. I got a sponsor, worked the steps, and had a complete mental change. Through working the steps of AA, the obsession to use was removed from me. It didn't even take that long, somewhere around 2 months and it was gone. I was also able to clean up the wreckage of my past through working the steps. It was pretty much an all encompassing overhaul of my life. I'm not going to lie, it took some hard, introspective work, but in the end, my life today is more amazing than I ever thought possible. If someone in the program had told me life would be this good, I never would have believed them.

Still, I have to do certain things every day in order to stay clean. There are 5 things in particular.

1. Pray/Meditate
2. Call my sponsor
3. Help another addict/alcoholic
4. Read recovery/spiritually oriented literature
5. Go to a meeting

This is the recipe for staying sober for me. I don't do every one of these things every day, but these are the things that keep me in the best possible mindset. If your new to this, or if you've tried it before, save yourself the years of misery and jump into the program with all you have. It may be uncomfortable at first, but most growth starts out with a little growing pain. I wish the best for all of you!

Ross

[bmdad]

Congrats Ross on your clean time!! Excellent post. Most continue to relapse until they give it everything they've got and it all starts with aftercare. Everything you explained can be learned by everyone if they make that first important step of attending a meeting. Once that first meeting is attended many more are likely to follow. I see the saying on here all the time, "getting clean is the easy part, staying clean is the hard part".Staying clean can be made so much easier with aftercare. Addiction isn't a disease that can be cured but it can be put into remission. It's up to us if we want to have it remain in remission and most likely not possible without aftercare.
Keep up the good fight!!

Brian

[dominosarah]

Congrats Ross on your clean time!!  

Great post!!!       sara

[gnarly_1]

HEY Dude good to see you back congrats on 548 days....and thanks a million for laying out something that works there a lot more to this then detoxing.........Gnarly

[kimbo546]

Congrats on 548 days!! Great post also. Its nice to see people with some clean time still posting. Have a great day.  Kim

[el_em_en_oh]

PaRC Alumni rockin' the hizzy!!!

Congrats on 548-days, dude. 392 for me, and counting... one day at a time, and living life on life's terms.

See ya round' the PaRC.

Carl

[Lindsay_T]

awesome good stuff. thanks and keep on trucking!!!

[OIFMc09]

I like your posts Ross.  I've always followed them.  Your rule one on your list of 5 things though is something I don't think I will ever be able to wrap my head around.  Were you always religious/spiritual or did that coincide with the sobriety?  I think it might be one of my bigger flaws...I'm spiritually bankrupt.  I guess that's a problem with most addicts though no?  A reason why we turn to drugs and alcohol in the first place...

[bmdad]

Congrats Ross on your clean time!! Excellent post. Most continue to relapse until they give it everything they've got and it all starts with aftercare. Everything you explained can be learned by everyone if they make that first important step of attending a meeting. Once that first meeting is attended many more are likely to follow. I see the saying on here all the time, "getting clean is the easy part, staying clean is the hard part".Staying clean can be made so much easier with aftercare. Addiction isn't a disease that can be cured but it can be put into remission. It's up to us if we want to have it remain in remission and most likely not possible without aftercare.
Keep up the good fight!!

Brian

[el_em_en_oh]

I'm not certain about Ross, but my personal 'enlightenment' came when I started working Step-3. I'm not certain exactly why, but it just happened. I'm not saying that I suddenly changed from being an Atheist into a Christian or anything that severe, but I now have a universal-spiritual awareness about me that I never had before, and my sobriety combined with my Step-3 work helped make it possible.

The 'Big Book' of AA mentions have a "Higher Power" of some type... it doesn't say GOD, per say. Try not think about it in absolute terms or having that God that sits in the clouds and hurls lightning bolts at you when you've been bad!

Spiritual enlightenment was a bi-product of both step-work and sobriety for me, and I hope that you can share the same thing. It's not mandatory for extended sobriety, but it sure does help!

[laurel453]

you are doing much more than just staying clean, Ross :)  and this is the big difference that we can learn when you share your experience, you transpire peace of mind, spirit and soul. Congrats !!! :)

[Skidmore]

Way to go, and you put together a wonderful post.Trust god ,clean house,help others.And you my brother seem to be doing it ,working it, and living it.I go to a AA reflections meeting almost every day and we meet at 6 am ,There are 40-50 people there every day.And the message that I get from you is that when you work it,life gets so much beter and those promises that AA talks about are forfilled. thank you for sharing that.

[Htownnofrown]

Well I was most definitely spiritually bankrupt when I got clean, I think that was one of my biggest motivations, just realizing how dead I was inside. It took working through step 2 for me to get in touch with my spiritual side, which was "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." It says came to believe because most of us don't believe that there is one, or that it would help us even if there were some power out there. It is a process and it can seem daunting, but working the steps is the single most important thing I have ever done in my life. It has opened a door to this beautiful new life that I'm blessed to be living.

And yes, as skidmore said, the overview of AA and how I live today is just that simple; trust God, clean house, and help others. One of the biggest things I can convey though is that working the steps does so much more than just keep me sober, it has changed my life entirely. I was an active addict/alcoholic for 8 or 9 years, but I was a screw up, an underachiever, a liar, and many other bad things for much longer. AA and working the steps with a sponsor has given me the tools necessary to live life the way I wanted to live it, doing the right thing now instead of the wrong thing. I know I talk about AA a lot on this forum, but it is because I never thought I could be who and what I am today, I tried everything else, nothing worked. AA worked for me beyond anything I could have imagined. It truly does work if you work it!

[onthefence]

aa/na is GREAT for ppl that "want" to attend.......

[Htownnofrown]

AA is not for people who need it, not even for people who want it, but for people who do it. Plenty of people in the program don't want to be there, but they do it for whatever reasons, see that incredible changes it creates in their lives, and they stick with it because of those changes.

[udoschoices]

funny you say that Ross, i went to a meeting today (AA) even though alcohol not my DOC because i needed a group that was more like me (older, professional, etc.. not just a bunch of people punching their court-ordered cards)... and it was really good. A woman shared today saying that when she first started, she wasnt real spiritual or a big god believer, and she got a sponsor who told her to "just do it". Show up, and just do it. And she did, and been clean 13 months... just thought that was interesting...

so i personally, am "just doing it". I cant say i drink the total AA/NA kool-aid like its cultish, but my feeling is that its something different, my way clearly doesnt work, and if i gain ONE thing from each meeting then its a success. And just the caring people there that are so friendly and open and willing to accept someone with open arms. I was sort of a skeptic, since i consider myselt a drug addict not an alcoholic... but the message is the same and there are many addicts in there that may not have a acute alcohol problem to start with, but still benefit.. and really, a drug is a drug is a drug (which i know)

[CATUF]

"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path . . . ."


CATUF
1976

[slk750]

how do u get a sponser?

[Htownnofrown]

You go to a few meetings, find someone that has been there and has some significant clean time who has worked all the steps, and ask them to be your sponsor. Easy as that. In looking for a sponsor, I was told to find someone who has something I want in terms of they way they live their life. For me I found someone who was laid back, serious about sobriety, and had either a lot of the same things going on in his life or had been through what I was going through. It may take a few meetings to find a sponsor, but I'd recommend you get one as soon as possible. Let me know how it goes!

[Punkinhead75]

Hey Ross,  congrats on the clean time and thanks for an awesome post.  it is great to hear from folks that do the work and have the success.  The stuff that works for you is the same stuff that works for me.  Coincidence??   Hmmmmm!!!!  Looking at myself and seeing what stands in the way of being spiritually fit has paid dividends.  All I had to do was be willing to change.  I didn't believe in a Higher Power when I first came to AA.  People said pray for faith.  That's what I did and here I am.  Willingness cracks open the door.  Thanks again and its good to see you.  Take care.

[DayToTry]

I'm another one here that would have trouble ever attending any kind of AA/NA meeting.

My husband (estranged - I moved out in January) was a non practicing Jehovah's Witness when we married.  After 11 years of marriage he went back to the Witness'.  After listening to his family talk all these years and especially him after the last two I have really developed an anti-religion complex.  Its not that I don't believe in a God, but you believe this and she believes that and he believes something else.  And you all say you're 100% right (especially the JWs, you know they are the only true religion -- uh Ok).  So anyway I'd have a problem with that part.  I don't want any part of it.

Second I remember Joy said she has to say at AA meetings even though she is going for drug problem "I am an alcoholic".  Really?  I don't drink alcohol often.  I don't drink to excess.  I can have one drink and walk away without even thinking about it.  Alcohol is not a problem for me (which is why Joy was so unhappy about saying it too).  So you're going to make me stand here and say a lie?

[udoschoices]

Ok, here's the deal. You have to realize alcohol is a drug and just because you "can drink just one" doesn't make you a master or alcohol. You are an addict (like me), and take away your DOC and you have the same issues and thats all you have that's "allowed"- trust me.. Your one or 2 drinks will escalate. I'm the same way, never had a problem with drinking just pills... But I've been going to an AA meeting that is better than the NA meetings I tried- and plenty of people introduce themselves as an addict, not alcoholic. The point is the message and what you can get out of it... Dont get hung up on semantics, just have an open mine say that you are an addict if you introduce yoursel, plenty of people do

In th end though, a drug is a drug is a drug- alcohol included. Im like you, I felt the same way and still sort of do but just getting yourself to a meeting and getting the positive outcome you will is more important than "feeling liike you are lying"

Just do it.:what do you have to lose????

[Punkinhead75]

Some AA groups are more open to just "addicts" than other groups are. Sometimes you just have to shop around until you find one.  I know a lot of folks that prefer AA to NA even though alcohol wasn't their issue.   The thing we tend to get hung up on is the drug of choice when our true disease is a spiritual malady.  If you are doing ok without a program then continue to do what is working for you.  However if you start to struggle then I suggest being willing to do something different.  Something that has worked for many people.  I have found that the people who say AA doesn't work are the ones who weren't willing to change.  Isn't kind of funny that many of us will lie, cheat and steal to get our DOC but when it comes to getting sober all of a sudden we develope principles that keep us from getting better?  

[DayToTry]

I truly can appreciate what you're saying.  I've been exposed to alcohol my whole life.  There have been period where we went out to dinner once or twice a month and had a few drinks with our dinner each time.  Other times I went for three years without a drink simply because the opportunity never arose.  Neither of those periods affected me any different than the other.  I'm 49 years old and if it hasn't bothered me yet I just don't see it happening this year either.

I also don't think a drug is a drug is a drug.  Drugs affect different people differently.  I had a discussion on here recently with some people when I saw that people get addicted to Fioricet.  I was shocked because I threw away my prescription for Fioricet.  It did not help my headaches or give me any good feeling like the Vicodin does.  The Fioricet people responded back with "Yeah, I feel the same way about Hydrocodone".  Apparently Fioricet and Alcohol just don't attract me?

I'm really not trying to be argumentative.  Just expressing a different opinion.  

Its just like I suddenly woke up one day and went.  Wow these pills are screwing up my life.  I remind myself every day of the things I did while taking them that caused me problems.  I remind myself every day of the problems that could have happened and thank my lucky stars they didn't.  I try to keep a positive attitude as I think that is a big part of change.  I read this forum daily and try to encourage others because by encouraging them I encourage myself.

Right now I have no desire to go back to pills.  If I find it being a problem I'll certainly look into it.

[Htownnofrown]

Well, maybe you are one of the lucky ones who caught the problem before you truly became an addict.They tell you in the AA book (and just substitute drinkers for users) for some heavy drinkers who have not yet crossed over to alcoholism, they can stop when a significant enough reason comes about. For addicts and alcoholics like me, we couldn't just put it down and leave it without a spiritual program, which we found in AA. I hope for your sake this is the case, because without aftercare, the chances of staying clean are next to nil.

A lot of people who come on this forum seem to be like you. The very first time they recognize they might have a problem, they come here, and detox by themselves. After detox they forgo aftercare because they think they have it licked. They usually make it for a short period of time, only to come back in months, or in worse cases, years later, after the wreckage of their lives has become so devastating, they are willing to do what is necessary to recover. I was one of those people, too. Thinking I could do it on my own, and even worse, that I could just stop my drug of choice and use alcohol or other drugs, got me 6 months of pure hell before I was beat into a state of reasonableness by my addiction. I am not saying this will happen to you, on the contrary, I hope it doesn't.

For most of us, we did whatever it took to get our drugs and get high. Now, I do whatever it takes to stay sober, and my life is exponentially better due to the fact that I reached out for help in AA. Good luck to you!