What can I do?

[zkcnmom]

My boyfriend was in an accident several years ago and his back and leg were injured.  When we first met (about 2 1/2 years ago) he was taking naproxen and tramadol.  Around May of 2010 his doctor put him on oxycodone.  That helped for a little while.  The pain has become increasingly worse ever since.  He is now prescribed 90 mg of morphine, 40 mg of oxycodone, and 900 mg of gabapentin daily.  I think hes been on morphine since February. He knows he is addicted physically, but refuses to believe it's also a mental addiction.  He is so different than he used to be.  It's like his whole personality changed, and I've tried to talk to him about it, but he just gets defensive and says its me.  I've also brought up that if he truly does not want to be on these meds forever maybe he should only use them when the pain is really bad.  He says the pain is always really bad and that I don't believe him about how bad it is.  Right now I'm not sure what to believe.  Also, he told me the other day that he thinks about killing himself daily. He didn't want to tell me because he didn't want to hurt me.  But he wants me to tell him everything's going to be okay. He needs me to be the strong one.  
I guess I'm asking for direction on what to do.  How do I help both of us?  

[zkcnmom]

Thank you for responding.  
He takes 300 mg 3X a day.  And the bottle is empty today.  He told me he wasn't sure if it was going to be refilled today or not.  
You must have read my mind.  I do feel like I would be going behind his back by calling & not telling him first.  He would see it as a betrayal of trust instead of help. And since I'm the only one he's told, he would definately know I called if she asked him about it.  And he is paranoid.  I guess I know the next step is to tell him I'm going to call, then call the nurse.  And if he gets mad, well, I can handle that. I would rather have him yell at me or even move out if it would help him.  
Any suggestions on where I can post to get some help for me?  I'm a mess trying to keep everything as normal as possible in the house.  

[zkcnmom]

I can't understand why he's on all of this at the same time either.  It doesn't work.  He's still in pain.  I'm not sure if a doc will even talk to me because of privacy issues.  He's going through the VA and doesn't deal with a specific doctor.  The nurse practitioner keeps calling in the refills.  Not really sure who to call.  Maybe she would listen.  Is paranoia a side effect? And any ideas on how I can keep him talking to me?

[snakejones]

Hi, welcome to the forum. I am so sorry that you and your boyfriend are having a hard time. I am writing to tell you PLEASE take his suicidal comment very seriously. Has he said how he would do it? Does he have guns, knives, crossbows, anything that he can get to harm himself? You may even have to get rid of all your kitchen knives except one that only you know about. Please talk to his doctor IMMEDIATELY! You need every bit as much help as he does for you to stay strong and be able to function and enjoy your life. Please keep us posted on what's going on. I'll be looking for your posts. Take care, and please call the doctor right away.