What do I Do, What Do I Say, or How Do I React?

[momluck]

My husband has this horrible disease of addiction. He is a smart man, and I love him very much. We have been together for 10 years. We have 5 children. They are young from 1 year-7 years old. Our oldest has Autism. Life is hard for both of us as is. We met eachother partying, for me it was a rebellious age, and lasted a short time, for him it secretly continued for years. He got hooked on these blue pills called roxys. I thought he was acting mean, inpatient, and nonparticipating because he was chemically inbalanced, but then he started falling asleep standing up, and while driving. Then I knew. When I told him I knew he cried. He was ashamed, but relieved, the secret was out. I convinced him to see a psychiatrist. She gave him abilify. Then he went to a new psychiatrist, and did not tell her about his addiction, and told her he was anxious from the abilify so she gave him klonipin(sp?) in addittion to the abilify. Meanwhile he was back to getting those roxys secretly. I was working. He was taking the kids to go get them with him. I had no idea. I recently has a kidney infection, and was prescribed vicodin. I took 3 pills out of 20, and when I looked two days later he had take 15 pills. I told him he was going to end up like Michael Jackson, and Anna Nicole Smith. He called the Dr. that day, and went in, and told her the truth. She stopped the klonipin, and prescribed him naltrexone. That was 5 days ago. Since then he has been having bad cravings. He did not smoke, but went and bought cigarettes, and smoked one, and has smoked them previously when having cravings. I feel our children are what we make of them, and what we teach them. I don't know what the hec to do. I am so worried. I don't want to tell him to go, I don't want him to be a bad influence to the kids, I don't want the extra stress. He is my husband for better or worse. I will not enable him, but how do I respond to him? Should I do something? I know I need to protect my kids. They come first, over his cravings to soccumb to drugs. Can you please offer advice?

[Kevin_Bacon]

It's late, so most of your replies will be coming in after 9am ...

Have you had a "sit-down" with him about this yet? That's the first step -- the cat's out of the bag, so you have to tell him he's gotta do the rehab thing, or some other approach to kicking the habit so your family can grow up in a "normal" environment. I'd call him out on the drug theft, too -- how can you trust someone who'd steal your drugs, drugs that you needed?

See how the rehab goes -- maybe he's got his head on straight here -- keep up with the shrink appointments. If he's not doing any drugs, he'll continue to be miserable for a while; that's normal for w/d's. If he starts feeling fine -- great, even, quite suddenly, that's not good.

Best of luck.

[notgoingdown]

Separate your finances. Start socking away as much money as you can. Lock away anything of value Get a plan formed in the case that you would need to leave or make him leave. After you have all that in place then you can give him all the support you want to help him get off of these. Remember that it is ultimately up to him to get off of them and stay off of them so you can not help him with that, only offer love and support thru it. Relapse is common but if he relapses it doesnt mean he doesnt love you & the kids and that he doesnt want to stop. Addiction has a life of it's own and it will do whatever to protect itself.

[Tallullah73]

Good luck...I hope & pray for you & your children's sake that your husband can come right.  I tried a number of rehabs before finding a solution for me that worked for me.  I also went to Narcotics Anonymous meetings & Alchoholics Anonymous meetings (NA & AA) - there should be a number in your telephone directory or on the internet for a meeting in your area.  I have been mostly clean since December last year and 100% clean for the last 90-odd days.  I am fortunate enough to have the support of my father, my one brother and my partner, who also used.  We cleaned up together.

My advice to you is to get as informed as you can about addiction and perhaps go to a few meetings if you can, just for information, and to be supportive, but to ask for honesty in return.  If you don't have trust between you and your partner you won't have anything.

He needs to find a method of quitting that works for him and needs to stick to it, he also needs to keep on trying no matter how many times he fails, he only needs to succeed once.

Good luck.

[avisg]

you can help him but only if he wants help.The smoking cigarettes is kind of a transfer. I cant have my drugs so I am going to smoke .Make it clear it is to be done NO WHERE NEAR YOUR KIDS You need to find a alnon meeting for you because this effects you to.He has to find some type of program whether it be aa,na church pastor,therapist someone to help with the mental part .Send him on here to we understand where is has been and there is a light at of the tunnel. Remember you need to take care of both you and your kids first.....We are here for the both of you.

[Shelwoy]

Get him into treatment ASAP!

[gypsygal76]

I am facing the same issue.A husband with an addiction.We have been married for 16 years and have 3 kids.This is been very hard on our marriage and I have done just what another poster suggested.
I withdrew all the money from our joint accounts and opened up my own..just my name.My husband has no access to any cash and I have taken all the debit cards and credit cards and locked them up.When he needs gas in his truck...I go with him and pay for it myself.He has no more then $20 cash on him at any time.
I sat down with him and told him that I love him more then anything in the world...but the toll his use was taking on me and the kids was too much.I told him that watching what he was doing to himself was hurting me.I worried all the time about him and I had to stop and focus on my kids.I told him to leave..I actually had his bag packed for him.He left our home and checked into detox.
He has since come home and is now in an outpatient treatment center.If he wants to remain with his family he has to continue with the outpatient care.He did a rehab center back in January but I believed him when he said he did not need to continue with aftercare.....I was wrong.IT IS A MUST!
We are going on the 3rd week with him clean.Its hard for me not to wonder or question him all the time...but I have learned not too.One lesson I have learned is he HAS to want to stop..Our first time through this he was convinced he didn't have a problem..that he could handle it.This time he knows he need help...he knows he has a problem and has vowed to do whatever he has to to stop.
Getting your husband into some form of drug addiction treatment is a must,I wish you the best and hope all works out for you,I know first hand how hard this can be on a marriage and how difficult it can be.All you can do is offer your support in kicking this addiction and hope he does whatever he can not to give into the cravings.