What is Normal

[BadChoices4Me]

This is my first post. I'm 44yrs. Old and have been taking some form of Pain kilers for about 15yrs.  Vicodin, to Percocet, to Oxy and finale to Methodne, This episode started when I blew out a disk in my back working, They said at that time surgery was the only option, As everyone is probably well aware Pain Meds go hand in hand after surgery as many Doctors see it. (This is not a ding on Doctors we need them) But do we always need the Pain Killers?.Well to make a long story short My own ignorance and addictive personality was sold on the False great feeling of how they make you feel, No cares, Energetic, No Pains, Life is great!  BuTTTTT life was not so great, everyday I wanted off the drug, it was so much easier to just take more, and more, more..

On 12-31-2008@0001 I decided I QUIT 3 months 14 days ago, the first couple of days life was a living hell, I just knew I would not make it without some type of help. I found a doctor that prescribed Suboxine & Ambien the combination seemed to work, I had no cravings, no pains, Just felt Normal?  well five days ago I quit the Suboxine, again the first days were a living hell, I'm short tempered, Angry, Depressed and have cried so much I could fill a river not to mention I'm probably dehydrated  I wanted to go back to the Drugs so bad, Today I was ready to just get back on Pain killers and say screw it, whats normal anymore. My wife found this site for me and as I read the postings and I now know I'm not alone. All of you out there, although I may not know you personaly, I feel like I do. Your Pain is my pain in the world of addiction, And your strength is what keeps me looking forward to what is Normal.
Thank You,   And by the way I never took that Pain Killer.. Thanks Again. If anyone can realate to my story or  let me know WHAT IS NORMAL, Please let me know, And if I can be of any help to anyone just name it.
(I promise to get better at this posting or blogging I'm kinda Old school)

[mom_of_two136]

I was addicted to norco's for about five years. I remember after a few months clean waking up in the morning, sitting drinking a cup of coffee and having a cigarette and just feeling at peace. I mean, I numbed my self for so long that it was a novelty to have feelings. When people would ask me how I felt in the NA/AA meetings, I had a real hard time at first. My sponser gave me a list of feelings and I was to call her daily and tell her how I felt. It was tough at first because I could not even describe how I felt. I knew I felt something. I guess I was so out of touch with my feelings for so long. I do not know if any of this makes sense. For me, "normal" was being able to wake up and just feel (good, bad,whatever) and be able to identify it. Not to wake up and start the day with a handful of pills so that I did not have to feel.

[teeshenley]

I am sorry you and your wife are having to go through this.  I am on the your wife's side of the addiction and I might not be the best person to comment, but here ya go......what about going to an outpatient or inpatient facility to get some help?  I hear you wanting to do this on your own, but you don't have to.  I don't know if your wife is fearful of you or if you have kids, but going to a facility would show her you WANT the help!  It may take more than once from what I have read.  
My heart breaks for you and your wife.  I hope and PRAY you get some addiction relief soon, thank the good LORD you are wanting to~!
Please let me know your decision - I am trying to decide what to do about my husband mixing percocets with LARGE amounts of alcohol and I am fearful.  Facility, intervention, divorce.......not sure what to do.

[starfish1963]

I have yet to find out the meaning of normal, but to me it's a good thing :)
Hang tight your doing great!
Gods richests!

[worried878]

I think the "king" normal is a hard one to find...normal for u or for me?  it is all  different...my normal is having a bad day, having a great day, and having some just "DAY" days too..everyday is not great nor is everyday bad...some r just so so ,,i dont think the rest of the non-addict sector has great days everyday either?  do u ? if any r out there/non-addicts...do u always feel great every single day of ur life?  If u do theres a bunch a peeps gonna get all ov er u!  LOL

[Sithtiger]

Hi and welcome!  I can relate to you as well.  I'm addicted to Vicodin and was on them for 14 years myself. I stopped CT on December 8th I believe it was.

As you probably know Suboxone is very addictive too so unfortunately you'll have to go through w/d's all over again.  The bright side to this is that once you're done, your done completely.  Now as far as feeling normal...well this is what I was told.  The first week is hell and you know and then it will get better.  For me, I started seeing glimpses of light in the second week.  I still have cravings once in a while though and sometimes they're bad but nothing like it was the first month.

I was told that it takes about a year for your body chemistry to return to normal.  To complicate things even more I'm Bi-Polar so I'm probably not the best one to ask about being normal but you should start feeling noticeably better in around two weeks like I said before.

Something that will help is exercise!  When you work out your body releases endorphins, something that will help you out allot.  Another thing I did was to burn my bridges and by that I told the doctors that I was seeing that I was addicted to Vics and for them not to prescribe them to me anymore.  Sure, I could go out and doctor shop, but that's an extra step and it makes you think.

I think the most important thing is to keep busy as much as possible, especially the first few months.  You'll be so preoccupied with other things, that one day you'll wake up and say....hey, I don't crave the Sub anymore.  It's hard but if thousands of people can do it, we can do it!  Take care and the worst will be over pretty soon!

[Believer1179]

OH WOW!  How I can freakin relate! You are Not AT ALL ALONE! I was addicted to pain pills for years...and not from the dr.  I got mine off the street. Well...I take that back a little. I had a baby thru C-Section, which is a full blown surgery. So it really started when they gave me 7 refills for hydrocodone!

Then I ended up hooked. I have an extrememly addictive personality and once I was out I turned to who ever I knew that could get them. It lasted for several years. I ended up getting arrested for DWI and everything. That didn't even stop me.

NOTHING will stop you but YOU. I finally made my decision to quit before Christmas this past year and Christmas day 2008 was my last pill to put in my mouth.

Yes, it was pure and utter HELL for about a week. Now work. Couldn't do ANYTHING.

But once you are clean for several months of all pills you will start to feel i "GUESS" what "NORMAL" is supossed to feel like??????

I am still and probably always will be trying to figure out what NORMAL freakin is???? Maybe there's no such thing. Everyone may just feel completely different everyday. Ever thought about that? Who knows?

But I think you are amazing and so strong for getting this far and not using even when the tough gets tought! IT IS A HARD BATTLLE. No lie there. And it probably always will be.

You just have to make the decision of what kind of life you want to live, ya know.

You are doing great! STAY STRONG! FIGHT THE FIGHT! You definately have support here....you came to the right place!

Best Wishes......thank you to you wife for finding us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   ;)

Jen~

[10356]

I would also like to welcome you too the forum.. wow you jumped from your sub five days ago.. although I have never done sub.. wd is wd some more intense.. The crying is so normal.. our emotions are really out of wack as they have been deadened a long time.. mood swings normal.. what helped me the most in this department.. was knowing what was causing it.. your legs should be very restless.. hot baths /showers as long as you can and as many as you can.. You really do not want to become dehydrated gator aid you need to replace electrolytes and water... How much sub were you taking a day.. others will be on who are experienced in sub.. You can do this.. You can regain your Freedom.. this site is a wonderful place for support.. Hang in there.. lesa

[cathy5841]

welcome to the forum.  you can find a thread by our members inthe health pages to the right of this page....i dont have any first hand knowledge but lots of ppl here do...keep posting it helps