What life feels like sober....

so here i am.  today was 7 days.  and with out going into the gorry details from the hospital visit....i feel sober.  i really do.  i don't know if i like it or not.  i started taking abilify and had read that it can makes your insides shake at first....but its almost like an energy.  i dont know hard to explain.  i find like not my heart racing....just an electrical feeling all thru me.  told u...hard to explain ;)

anyway....i still can't eat, and dont sleep well, but the achiness in my legs is managemable and the physical restlessness seems to be under control.  i will be talking with my shrinkn and couselor this week  about the ativan.  i would never want to be addicted to something else and dont plan on it.  but i am a definite chronic extreme anxiety sufferer.  and that i am off opitaes...i really see it.  i have felt this all my adult life.  hence the reason i started using.  so i will talk about the options there.  and the root.  bladdity blah bllah :)

sorry i havent had much time too post, but thanks again to all u have supported me.  for those of u just starting out....just hang in there.  or go to the psych ward rehab (lol) like i did.  if anything...getting to the other side is a whole new world.  kinda like a new "high" for the first time.  

~Nikki

[Ballgame]

Better with husband? Looking back was getting caught a good thing?
Good luck. Stay stronger and hope the wd weren't too bad

[atthebeach]

it is so great to hear from you!!!!!    a really big congratulations on your 7 clean days. so happy for you. please be patient. everything will get better day by day. i hope and pray all is settling down with your husband and your family.
hugs and prayers
debbie

[NikkiB78]

Kinda better with husband. He literally keeps the bottle in his pant pocket at all times. And thebeattling drives me nuts!!!  Tomorrow I'm gonna tell him to put cotton balls in the bottle so I can't hear it!  

I wish this all could have happen differently but honestly if this is what it took than who I am to so?  I have put him and our families thru alot and the guilt from that *****, but I gotta worry about me right now. I have aplogized and thats all I can do. And somehow they still love me.

Thanks for checkin on me ballgame :)

[NikkiB78]

Deb I'm gonna call u tomorrow I'm ready to talk about this.  My family hasn't been too probing about the hospital thing...and I haven't offered much.  Is there a good time?  I could tonight but undone know if you'll be up by the time my 5 yr old goes to bed.  Lol. I'm in Ohio btw. Lmk :)

[atthebeach]

i am ready. east coast, 10:29pm are you 2 hrs behind me? anytime late morning or early afternoon would be ok. am looking forward to it.  :)

[NikkiB78]

Same time zone silly. I'll shoot for tomorrow.  Night :)

[atthebeach]

of course, i knew that.