What stops you from getting recovrery care?

[avisg]

Whats stops you from geting recoverycare ? How long have you remaid sober the longest. How many relapses have you had?

[cirene]

Hey Vicki -

Thanks for the cheers.  That's really nice of you lol.  Let the truth be told - I have no plan to quit painkillers yet.  I don't know what I'm doing really.  Hate to sound like a broken record, but my goal is to get to where I take them legitimately for pain and not recreationally.  I compare my addiction to painkillers to my addiction to food (I have a binge eating disorder as well.)  I can't quit food altogether.  So I don't want to quit Percocets altogether.  But this could really be one huge big fat ugly excuse too.  I'm an addict.  I'm good with excuses.  :/

avisg - I am in therapy.  I go every Friday.  But I hide my addiction from her.  She works in the same office as my pdoc so they work closely together.  They're both aware of my history of addiction but they have no idea I'm currently using.  And no, she doesn't specialize in addiction therapy.

Only 2 people in this world, other than this board, know I'm abusing Percocets.  My pain mgmt doctor and my best friend who lives in Tennessee.  Other than that, it's an ugly secret.

*sigh*  It's exhausting to be truthful!!!

[fibrocentric]

I haven't gone to an na meeting because i am not sure if i have an addiction to tramadol or a physical dependence. They are two different types of addictions i think.

My dr put me on the trams because I refused narcotics since i had become physicaly dependent on them when I had bacterial meningitis. I was really sick, hospitalized for over a week. When I was released I was still in pretty bad residual pain for a few months and kept on oxy by my dr. Once off I went through horrible wd's and resolved to stay away from lt in the future.

When fibro showed it's ugly self the dr put me on these nasty tramadol things telling me that they were non addictive. What an effing joke! It *****, because I'm sure I have had days when I wouldn't needed pain meds if I wasn't on pain meds. I hope someone gets that!

I have never taken more than my therapeutic dose since I started taking them so I am not abusing them, but I am really sick of taking them. I have been doing a lot of research in the last few days and have decided to start tapering off starting this week. I went down from four pills a day to three today and I can literally feel the difference. My legs hurt and I can't sleep and I have a really weird head and face ache.

[catmagnet]

I finally decided to really take advantage of aftercare. I'm seeing an addiction counselor, going to meetings 3- 4 times a week, and I'm seeing a big improvement in my outlook on life. I did refuse the medications they wanted me to take, though. Just seems silly to replace drugs with other drugs, prescribed or not.

[gizzy32]

Well I stopped my Friday meetings a lil while ago and had excuses not to go, but i have managed to stay clean. I will never ever say im cured, addiction is a life long disease, but I got a lil lazy with meetings and that's probably why I had that BIG craving last week.

Aftercare is vital for me, even though lately I have only used this forum and it has helped so much, but I am now diving back into my Friday meetings cause it's good to talk face to face. I talk a lot there, lol. I am just over 8 months clean and even though life is good, I still have the odd bad day and will always need support. Using is not an option for me now, I have come to far.

I busted my *** off for years to support my drug use, and it only takes a quarter of that effort to stay clean and be happy so I have no excuse. It works, if you work it, so keep working it lol. That is a phrase from a friend here that used to post a lot, but it's so true. Work it work it work it:) I want my year clean so bad! Each day I wake up now is record clean time and I refuse to **** that up:)

[dominosarah]

I relapsed for about 30 yrs!!  Finally decided almost 2 yrs ago i couldnt do this alone so when i cleaned up i got into aftercare.  The best thing i ever did.........If you want your sobriety bad enough you will do whatever it takes to stay clean.  Protect your sobriety with your life....sara

[avisg]

Here is the thing addiction is the disease the substance  your using is the symptom of your disease u have been off of coke ten years thats great but you have still be actively addictive and or had  have relapased with pot and pain pills  that say's Pretty Loudly that there is a big need for recovery care. If you don't like aa or na try a addiction therapist .

[micheleTX]

oh, i didnt say how long i had been off=pot 4 yrs in may, coke-6 years cant remember the month-sometime in summer, alcohol-5 years in July, pills-110 days!  I guess I feel better than I ever have, but I still have some depression/lethargy without the pills.  I know sometimes it takes a long time to get all your energy back, and Im happy!!  
Congratulations to all of you!!

[vicki595]

Cirene~~   Wow!   10 years away from cocaine and almost 5 months from pot!  That's great!!
You just mentioned on another post that you take 20 Percocets a day.  Are you trying to taper down from that?  Have you tapered from a higher dosage?  Can you share your plan?
All the best~
Vicki

[freedom75]

Fear. Finally I began going to NA meetings recently and told my doc what was going on today. He's put me on a taper which I am going to stick to. This is it for me, I have to make sure this taper works because I don't want to end up on suboxone or methadone. I'm just worried when my taper is done I'll develop the severe depression that caused me to relapse after I quit cold turkey. I can't wait to have these effin things out of my life for good.

[cirene]

Completely clean off of everything - I'd say maybe a year, give or take.  But unfortunately, I've virtually always been on something since my teen years.  Herb, more so than anything else.  But I haven't touched pot since Halloween of last year and this is a record.  Really.  And I plan on not touching it again.  Truth is, I can't as they do drug tests at the pain management clinic.  If I test positive for anything that I'm not taking under a doctor's care, I'm out of the program.

And yes, I've definitely relapsed.  Many times.  I can remember at one point, I was discharged on a Saturday.  That very night, my bf and I used cocaine.  So stupid.  Just stupid.  But like I said, I haven't touched it in about 10 years.  And yeah, I'm proud of this if you couldn't tell lol.  It was extremely hard for me to quit.  

:)

Now if I can only get on track with painkillers.

[avisg]

how long have you been clean without aftercare. Have you relapsed .

[cirene]

Actually, if the thread was entitled 'what stops you from getting AFTERCARE,' then I'd have a different answer.

Through my billion bouts of treatment, both inpatient and outpatient, I've attempted aftercare but it never worked out.  One of the hospitals I had treatment in even provided free aftercare but I just never felt comfortable.  It was just a bunch of strangers sitting in a room, having a class similar to those in treatment but it was just weird.  Awkward for me.  So I never went back.  

Meetings.  Ugh... meetings.  I've honestly given them a chance.  I've tried different locations, different types of meetings (CA, NA, EA, etc.) but nothing clicked.  It disappoints me because I know so many people do well with meetings but they just never worked for me.  I dunno.

If maybe this should be a new thread, someone let me know and I'll be more than happy to make one.  But the bottom line is I just never had success with aftercare.  Bummer :/.

[avisg]

narla pls get aftercare i went 6 months no problem then i relapsed

[Skidmore]

Hi avisa I was clean and sober for 13+ years.heroin cocain alcohol all substances.picked up vicoden for pain and medicinal purposes .relapsed for 3 years on pain meds only never stopped going to aa finaly got honest with myself.now 64 days clean and sober I am working the 12 step programs aa-na harder than ever

[AJRC323]

For me, you can call it pride, arrogance, or whatever. For some reason I have this "it's my problem, let me deal with it" mentality. Either that, or it's the social anxiety disorder =X

[Htownnofrown]

Pride kept me from going for a long time.. the whole compllex of "I can quit if i really want to". I finally went to treatment in May of '09 and gave myself to NA and AA (I was a 300+ mg oxy/day) and I've been sober for 10 and a half months with no relapses. Thanks to the 12step programs and fellowship amongst recovering addicts my life is awesome now.

[narla]

199 days clean,alcohol and codeine,stopped C/T.I just use medhelp,my counselling is finished.So far so good,No relapse,but I'm always on guard.

Denise

[tellit2her]

It seemed to me that after all my relapses that I always had reservations for aftercare. In all honesty during those times, I thought that I could do do it all on my own without aftercare, and with aftercare is that what I really wanted was to give up a long long love affair with prescription drugs. 104 days now and going strong with a very sound aftercare program, I am learning that in the past that it was all selfishness and being cocky with myself and others. It does take some real hard work on my part on a daily basis, and also a constant reminder of all that damage that I did to myself and others. This lifestyle of being clean does have something good to offer, and I am seeking it with all intent both mentally and spiritually. God bless, clean in nc

[micheleTX]

Me too!  I could have typed that myself...the main reason I have not gotten any aftercare is because my husband and I travel all over Texas for his work.  We are not "living" any given place for more than a month...may be a lousy excuse, but we only have the one vehicle and it would be a pain in the neckaroo to drive him to work and go to aftercare.  sux really.  I find this forum a great place for help.  Havent been here in awhile, but glad to be back and know that im not alone being alone lol....
Much luck to everyone here.  I only wish the best for everybody,,,

[troubleinohio]

glad you brought this up avis...my excuse always is " i dont have enough TIME" for the most part... which to a degree is true as I have a hard time finding a babysitter and working around my oldest son's school schedule... but when i look back at the TIME i spent GETTING MY EFFING PILLS, OMG i can barely stand to think about it. I spent god awful amounts of TIME waiting in doctors offices to get my stupid pills. I spent HOURS of my day THINKING about when and where i was gonna get my next batch of pills when my regular RX ran out. I spent so much TIME driving 20+ miles several times a week to get my stupid pills from different places! oh the irony of it all...thanks for asking this and helping me put that into perspective..

[WannaBeFree79]

I put off aftercare for 9 years!!!  I always thought, its a small habit I can do it on my own.  I just need to keep my mind occupied and do other things.  Again trying to "fix" myself like I tried to with the pills wasn't working obviously.  I was also scared of my family finding out, hubby always knew but no one else.  To my suprise when I finally told my aunts, my brother, my dad etc things seemed different.  No one was angry, everyone was supportive, and it held me more accountable for my actions since everyone knows now.   That is helping me now.  Believe it or not the 17 days I have now is the longest I have gotten in about 7 years.  This time I am attending NA meetings, seeing an addiction specialist, and have my whole family rooting for me.  Aftercare is so important, I see that now.  We can not fix this alone, if we could there would be a lot less of us here looking for help.  I also encourage anyone scared to tell their family members to give it a try.  The secrets will keep you down.  It feels so good to have no secrets and have their support instead of always wondering what they will think.

Good Luck to everyone on their journey!

WannaBeFree

[Ogz]

What has stopped me in the past from getting aftercare was a few reasons..  mainly I was so worried about what other people would think about me once they knew my secret that I had kept hidden for 2 years.  It's amazing when people hear the word "addict" where their minds go..  that and a part of me in the past never really wanted to stop, the only reason I would go through withdrawals is because I ran out early and couldn't find anywhere to get anymore pills.  I have always relapsed by the 4th day of withdrawals.

Well, last month I finally decided I didn't want to live this life anymore.  I was done with the secrets, the lying, the obsession of when/where was I going to get my next pill from, seeing that my relationships were starting to crumble because that pill was priority #1, not to mention the money I have wasted.  Ugh, don't even wanna think about that.  So 32 days ago (which is the longest I have ever remained sober) I flushed what I had left and went c/t, found an NA meeting I could attend not far from where I live (I've gone to about 20 of them so far).  Without that in place I wouldn't still be clean now.  Everyday is a struggle but without this site, the meetings, and an amazing supportive family who I can call/visit whenever I'm feeling "ify", I would be right back where I was.

*~* Danielle *~*

[SophieShine]

Recovery care is one of the smartest move I made ever...
I was hooked on benzos, prescribed at a very high dosage. I realized when I decide to stop that there was no way for me to do that by myself. I needed a tapering plan and some kinda support. I started to see an addiction specialist and after a while she told me I was ready for therapy...
2 years later, I'm still in therapy, a work in progress as sara would say! lol and I'm finishing my tapering plan for tranxene, I'm already 265 days free of oxazepam, the short acting one.
There's NO way I would have been able to do all this by myself, the relapse would have been most certain.

[cirene]

Well I've been clean of coke for about 10 years now, which is the longest I've been clean of any drug.  I quit keeping day counts long ago.  The best part is I have absolutely no desire to do it anymore.  I can finally say, if I had a fat rail cut in front of me, I would honestly walk away from it with no regrets.  Yay for me lol.  I haven't been clean of all substances over the past 10'ish years though - herb and pain killers mainly.  And a drink here and there.  But I digress!

To sort of get back on topic, what stops me from enrolling in a treatment center is fear.  Fear that I'll have to quit Percocet altogether and I'll have to live with pain for the rest of my life.  As I mentioned in a couple other threads, I want to be able to take the pills for the pain only and not for fun like I have been.  And once you're in rehab, there is no 'decreasing the amount one takes.'  It's all or nothing.

As far as the number of relapses, I haven't kept track.  But I've been hospitalized 7 times since '93 for both drugs and MI (dual diagnosis.)  And there have been lots of times I've quit on my own without treatment, only to relapse and start over again.  I plan to never go back to the hospital though.  I honestly feel I have tools necessary to succeed and I'm pretty sure I've learned some killer coping skills.  I just need to put them into play!  Hopefully this forum will help me.  I do feel good so far, even though it's only been a couple days lol.  So we'll see!