What to do

[suziq246]

I have a 28 year old son who has been in and out of Rehab and Jail....Has a wife in a comma from a overdose, and  a 3 year old son... We just discovered he is back to using. What do I do to help him i have tried meetings, counceling, reality and he still goes back to it.....Please someone what do I do? This is been going on for years always been their for him but can't take it anymore....How can I get him back on the right track?

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

I usually agree with Jules on Posts it seems.......cant do that 100% on this one.  The part about letting someone go to jail. "He will be safe and have no drugs" = never been in jail, have you Jules?  Plenty of drugs and no safety, from my experience........people in jail still get meds - and as long as some people can obtain meds, they will sell those meds.... And as long as some people are determined, they will find the drugs that they seek.  I spent three years in a Federal Prison for a bad dope deal. I was high every day for the last two years of that time. And for about 2/3 of the days the first year.  And I had to defend my life against improvised knife carrying maniacs more than once. You might say that there are Guards there, correct?  Even those Guards will tell you that they are not there to protect prisoners - - they are an early warning speed bump 15 seconds in front of a full scale riot.  And I also come from a very good family - I am just the Black Sheep!!

[Jules1866]

hello suziqu,

I agree with salinator and i will take it a step further, sometimes is is not what you do for your children but what you DONT do for your children. he is not ready for the help yet. you will need to let him completely run out of money, have no place you live and basically no where to go. When he is ready to come home, then you will have rules...weekly drug testing, a job is mandatory, weekly NA meetings and see how it goes from there.

and if during the time he is out on his own hitting rock bottom and gets in trouble with the law....let him go to jail....he will be safe and have no drugs (hopefully) in jail.....this should be a wake up call to him.

i come from a very good family and we lost my brother in law to herion 3 years ago, no one would listen to me and my husband and put him in jail.....and 3 months later he was found dead of an overdose.

hope at least one part of this will help you. Jules god bless you

[salsinator]

Hi Suzi,  I am so sorry to hear about your son and his wife.  Addiction is a horrible disease and one can only do something about it when they are ready.  Unfortunately, many people must hit rock bottom before they finally realize that they have no other choice but to get clean.  This is not something that you can make your son do.  Sometimes it takes tough love to get their attention, you can only give so much support, but if he is not willing to take it, then it only hurts you more.  Have you tried Alanon or Naranon?  These are great support groups for loved ones of addicts.  The only thing that you can do is to continue loving your son and offer help if he is willing to take it, but getting clean is going to be his choice no matter how much it hurts.  Take Care and keep posting, there are lots of people here who can help and support you.