What to do?

[ChoosingLife]

So I have VERY recently gotten clean from opiates. I have been seeing this guy for a couple of months now..and he is incredible. Super sweet and giving..the whole 9. Problem is he was suffering from the same addiction as me. When I decided to quit..he was totally supportive and said he would quit with me. As far as I know he did...but he hasn't talked to me about any struggles he has had staying clean or anything..which makes me think he is still using. After struggling so much with this myself..I just don't understand how it could be so easy for him. And as an addict myself, I know how sneaky we can be. I can't help but think he is hiding it from me..but I'm really not sure. But honestly thats not even the main reason I'm having second thoughts about him. I really just feel like the focus should be on me right now. Even though he is supportive, I just feel like all my energy should be going into getting my life together right now. For me, that is hard to do with the stress of a relationship (even a good one). I'm still getting my energy back and just don't have enough left over to be a good, giving girlfriend. Am I crazy for thinking about letting go the only person who knows my secret and is supporting me? Thoughts? Anyone else felt this way after getting clean?

[ChoosingLife]

I just started going to NA meetings and I think they are great. Everyone there is understanding and many of them have a lot of clean time and have great advice. Plus its a daily reminder to stay clean...just for today! I'm trying to go to as many as I can right now..I need as much support as I can get throughout these early days of recovery

[ChoosingLife]

Thank you all for your responses. I guess I just needed to hear that its okay to be selfish right now. I hate hurting other people..but at this point I have to do whatever is necessary so that I don't hurt myself. This journey has been really emotional for me..and I'm still figuring out how to put my life back together. I know that the focus needs to be on staying clean and getting my life back. I also know that the chances of two people getting and staying clean at the same time are slim. And if he relapsed..I would be sure to do the same. I broke things off with him last night..and I already feel such a sense of relief. I hate being alone because I don't have much family or support in my life. But I have decided I'm going to try and be on my own for a while. I want to get stable and become the person I want to be before worrying about a relationship.

[therealmattj]

@choosinglife.... (the following is my opinion)... Timing is so unpredictable in life. But unfortunetly timing truly is everything. Whatever you do in this situation always remember one thing. The faster you accept and seek truth, the faster you will overcome and recover from this disease. (my opinion). I believe that getting clean from this addiction is a wonderful experience in the long run. It allows you to re ivent yourself and to evolve into the person you want to be. I think that you should be in a relationship with yourself right now. The fact that you are posting uncertainty in regards to your partner using or not is soo not fair to you. It is a subject and a concern that does not beling in your life right now. Your skeptism about him is taking up space in your recovery. Just the simple thought alone. I have been in your shoes many times with this and what I have learned is two things. 1. If your partner is using and keeping it a secret then one way or another at some point I am going out and getting loaded regardless. It never fails. I will go out and get loaded just because I was dissapointed. And 2. is I have to be selfish in the begining stage of my recovery and work only on myself. It does and will change for you, but I truly hope that you find a way not to waste anymore time stressed out with these questions. You can go year after year after year but in the end you will realize that truth is the ultimate love. You can totally disagree with me, you can totally  think I am way off with this comment but when you lay your head down tonight to sleep and you are thinking about your day you had, just remember simply this from a random stranger.... You do not deserve anything other situtation while you are in your recovery. This is your time now. Become you. And take as much time in the world that you need until you know. Because when you do, you wont ever need advice about your situation, you will know and have it handled right then and there. Much respect to you and as always this is (just my opinion).. xo

[Sonrissa]

Hi Choosing, congrats on getting clean! It sounds like you are doing well! I do agree that you need to focus on yourself right now! You need to stay strong and continue to work on your recovery. Are you involved in any type of aftercare, meetings, therapy, etc? Maybe you don't have to fully let go of this relationship. Perhaps you could just slow down and take things very casually for a while! Think about that, but definately make yourself and your recovery top priority!

Take care and keep moving forward step by step!

[buddycrunch]

There's a treatment center not far from here, Ms Kansas, you've probably heard of 'Valley Hope' there are several in colorado too.  They teach and preach the very thing.  If you are married, bring the spouse in for the final week, if you are not involed do not get involved for a whole year.  It takes a long time for your emotions to become clear, and relationships in 'Valley Hope's' opinion are a high risk for relapses.  They make it very clear.

Of course you could, as a celabration for you both getting clean, go to a clinic for a blood test just so you have black and white satisfaction of all the hard effort you guys put into beating this nasty illness.  

or is that just loopy thinking

[Brightfutureahead]

Seems like you may already know the answer my friend :) I'm sure you'll do what's best for you

[clean_in_ks]

Sounds WISE to me.  Your thinking is good!

I know I couldn't have maintained a new relationship and been able to give away something I didn't have in me yet.  You're spot on, IMO.

Because I have been married so many years......my relationship works while I'm getting well.  It has been thru the "test of time" more than once and it will survive thru this, too.
I am able to do what needs doing inside of me without offending the man who has been to hell and back with me.  He was so worried about me before I got off the opiates, he said he would do ANYTHING required, put up with just about anything if I would just get off the lortabs!  
Our friendship and relationship already had a foundation before I ever started taking pain pills.

I don't think you sound crazy at all.  And if he's still using secretively, his support may not be genuine.  We can't give away something we don't have and you know yourself better than anyone for sure.
Also, there are lots of places you can share your secret and be understood and supported.....not just one man.  In fact, it would bless you BIG TIME to do just that.  

Bless you and hope you will continue to put yourself and addiction first!