What to do

I'm a mother of a 19 year old son, I believe he is addicted to oxy's. He has borrowed a great deal of money off family members and even stole my debit card and withdrew money. He denies being addicted, he tells me he can go without it but it's ok to do once in a while. How should I handle this, do I kick him out of my house because he keeps using, do I give him drug test? How do I help him?

[lonelyinCA]

It's a very tough decision.  However, when I was going through outpaitent (as a 16/17 year old) over 13 years ago - the counselors were very clear on telling the parents. "You can not continue to enable your addict child.  If they will not stop using, you need to kick them out or do something that is going to cause them great pain".  

I'm not sure it works in every situation - but you can not allow your son to continue to use on your dime.  They will either try and clean up or they will go in a bad direction.

I hope you find a solution.  This is a very dangerous addiction for someone that is so young. In the end, it will have to be his decision to quit. All you are responsible for is not to enable him and to get help with your emotions of dealing with an addict.

[s10sittnondubs]

I am 20 and i didn't want help that was given to me until I hit my bottom.  Like said everyone's bottom is different.  When my parents cut me off it hurt so bad I used in spite of it but after a while it just became to futile and realized what I had been doing was just crazy and not worth it.  Try getting him into seeing a suboxone detox program but make sure that the program last no longer than 3 months or quicker and that it is a rapid detox instead of drawn out.  From what I can gather and see my generation looks for the quick fix and not the long run so most of us don't want to go through the pains of with drawing from not having our drugs or choice, so we don't want to face being sober.  This might be the best thing for him at this point in time although now that I have detoxe'd from high milagram doses 200 mg daily or more and from suboxone low doses and the oxy withdraw was easier cold turkey.  In my opinion though I can say going cold turkey worked for me best and I have seen more positive results through just quitting completely, and I feel better than still being dependent on someone.  Tell him there are people that want to help and know how they feel.  I'll even talk to him if he feels like it, I know where he is at.  Hope this helps...

[lonelyinCA]

great post by s10sittnondubs.

Give your son a link to this site. Let him know people are here to help.  At his age, I found it hard to relate to the long timers at AA/NA. So that didn't do much for me. He needs to find a common ground with other sober kids his age. When I went through rehab, I made the most amazing friends and we were all in the same boat. We had to find fun without getting high.

I also dropped every one of my friends.  He will need to be prepared to leave every using friend behind if he wants to get clean. The kids in my rehab that relapsed - all went back to hanging out with old friends.    

[corey411]

How to help an addict by a recovering addict

Let them know you know,
Don't hide it.
Let them know you care'
But do not enable.
Say"I know what's going on"
Give them the books and literature.
Show them where they can get help.
But hardly can you ever force someone to get well.
Don't enable but support.
Be open, Refer as openly to heroin as you might to a glass of wine.
Don't nag or reprimand, But don't approve or collaborate.
Don't throw them out of the home immediatly, but if you have to save the rest of the family you may have to ask them to go.
Sometime there is a moment when they are ready
There was someone who tried to get clean for 16 years, the moment came, she did it
Spirituality can help. But it is not available to everyone.
If they arent ready, their not ready.
If their not ready maybe they have to go back out until they are ready. Maybe they will die before they are ready
Accept this is a risk you take.
Accept that when you've done your best, there is nothing more you can do.
Noone believes addiction is going to happen to them.
Everyone thinks at first they can control it.
The drug always ends up controling the person.
Understand their powerlessness
Be kind, suggest new options in life.
Let them know you know, let them know you care.
Be open Be strong. Do not cover up for them.
Do not tell lies for them, phoning in with false excuses for missed appointments.
Love them, Respect them, but do not enable.


This helped me understand how to approach some things with my son when he was activly addicted. Hope it does for you as well. My son was addicted to herion for 3 years and has been in recovery for 3 as well. If you ever feel like you need xtra support or someone to talk to you can PM me anytime. Corey