Whats Missing INside You?

[Wilted Rose]

Do you ever wonder what it is that is missing inside of you that you feel the need to fill that void with drugs and getting high? Ive been thinking about it alot lately, trying to figure out what is missing in my life... and Im not quite sure what it is. I have a good husband, wonderful children, I love being a mom, and we have a nice home. Why cant I be happy with that? Why cant I be like normal people? Why do i think I need to get high to cope with normal daily issues? Does anyone else ever wonder this, and what have you discovered about yourself? I know one thing that struck me tonight as i was driving in my car: MUSIC. Some old radio show was playing old songs that I grew up on (80's metal, lol) and wow, I had forgotten how much music used to be a part of my life, and the adrenalin flow I would get from certain songs that I loved. I definitely am going to listen to more music again in my life, maybe that will help me at least a little in the things I lack... sorry for rambling here...

[avisg]

I am with ya on the exersize I have already started walking and lifting .I think is is partly why I feel as good as I do 4 days out .It sucked the first two day now its like a break for me .
Avis

[mominstress]

Hey Hunter.  I love the disco too.
My husband is 10 years my junior and I always say he loves it and I remember it. !!!

[avisg]

I have been asking myself alot of the same questions .I tended to use not to feel, you dont get hurt that  way. see but life is full of feeling things and even some hurt and pain ,it lets you know you are alive so by dulling feeling maybe we are dulling life as well . Just a thought have a great night
Avis

[Hunter123]

Wow - I feel like I can now talk about this.  Thank you for bringing this up. I, like Avis, also took my pills not to feel pain.  My whole marraige has flown by and I haven't felt anything, which is sad.  I always felt that nothing could ever hurt me as long as I had my pills.  I am now at two sides right now - I want to go back to being safe BUT at the same time, my urge to really live life is now trying to be stronger.  I am only clean a couple of days, messed up and started all over but there has to be a reason we are trying. I really think we want to live life clean and strong, I have to believe that.

And on a lighter note - my music of choice is 80's also, but disco.  I know - now I will never live that down :)  

Best wishes to everyone and have a safe night.

[mominstress]

You post made me think.  I Actually remember thinking that I can't live in OKC unless they get an alternative radio station that I like.  Funny huh.  I got happiness from the music just like you.  I didn't take pills then. I don't listen much anymore.  Just to contemporary christian or veggietales, but every once in awhile, I have to grunge out with some 90's and some heavy 80s.I am going to try to enjoy it all more again.  Thanks for reminding me.    I am sort of insecure about some things.  I have a lot to do everyday (just like everyone else)  I think I have strayed away from God in the past year.  I am very active at church, but not active in my study.  The pills gave me the energy I needed for every day.  But they also pulled me away from my center.  The guilt and the shame.  And the fear of someone being able to tell I was taking something - made me inward, which is very different for me. I think what is missing in me is confidence in my ability to do it all well.  People tell me all the time how great I do this or that, but I think without the pills it might not be as good.  So I will not feel special.  Don't get me wrong, I am not an attention hog, just always looking for approval.  Does this make any sense.  
I am studying my bible ( the Recovery Bible).  It follows the 12 steps and is easy to read.  I am on my way back to my center.  Not a real pretty trip, but worth it I think.  Then when people know the real me again, maybe I will trust me too.

[Hunter123]

Whew - I am so happy I didn't get creamed on that one!!  My husband loves Rock N Roll and hates when we are in the car.  Yes - I am controlling of the music LOL.  I think I am going to put some on right now and "get down tonight" WOO!  I am so much happier right now :)

[hellc@mst]

i love music.it is one of the few things that come close to giving me a natural hi.roots reggae.bands like the black seeds,rhombus,fat freddys drop(these r New Zealand groups so u probably dont know who they are).velvet underground,lou reed,pink floyd always gets me hanging 4 heroin so i avoid these tunes.repetitive beats hav me craving stims and i dont even really like stims.pop music is generally upbeat and cheery,not my preference tho.stevie wonder is cool.his tunes always makes me smile.wikkid beats.
J

[Kmom777]

Really good question.  I think if all the doctors/scientists could figure it out we'd be out of harm's way. I don't know if this will help you, but I've been through 40 years of off and on "addiction" (always kept it under control to others).  Turn off the addictive TV - get physical (it's really hard, but the brain's endorphins do kick in and replace the drugs (whichever) we've been using).  You have kids - (so do I, but older) - MOTIVATE - give it (for me) 2 weeks to start to feel diffference (yes, it will be a lifetime, but not the really hard part now).
Watch out for others that bring you down - I LOVE my husband, BUT the straighter I get (yeah, I miss the buzz), them more I see how miserable and messed up he is.  You have to protect yourself and your kids!  Love ya, K

[creek]

I have been struggling today.  I thank you for sharing that.  I am not much use to be helpful to you. but by sharing your words-it made a differnce for me today.

Peace~