When He's Ready

[dktj46]

My 20 year old son smokes weed and surely does other drugs.  We kicked him out and he has not lived with us in 4 months.  He is not welcome to due to prior behaviors. (All the worst ones listed on this site!)  I believe him headed for trouble, homelessness and/or worse.  He had a living arrangement that I think will expire at the end of this month.

I wonder and worry where can he go with no resources once he has burnt all his bridges?  Where can he go for help?  I believe he needs to get clean and then just start with a simple job or two.  How do people get get clean and on track when they have nothing to start with?

[VICourageous]

Hi..I also wanted to add some support..I was Born & Raised up in a Canyon from down there..I now live in N Idaho so I do know there are a couple of Treatment Centers in Lake Arrowhead..ActingBrandNew gave you some good info too.
I just wanted to add that not all hit rock bottom I have used off & on at a very young age & moved out at a young age.I had always paid my bills and I now own my property & trucks and so on. But what does happen just like Open Mind said you do get sick of being sick. You get tied and burned out on the vicious cycle of living for the drugs..So either way he does have to come to in own realization on this and to realize it just is not worth living this way. We all our different in some way but as addicts we are the same..So I do pray he will come to you and be ready to surrender this merry-go-round..Have him sign on here if he goes to a treatment and gets out..This site besides Meetings is very Supportive..OK
Bless

[ActingBrandNew]

Heres another solid place. They have many facilities and I was in the LA one however I will give you the adress to the one in Orange County. Please keep in mind that many of these place will accept your son for no cost however they will put him on General Relief and SNAP and will collect that as payment. Its very fair considering they feed you, house you, and have awesome recovery programs.

Phoenix House
1207 E Fruit St  
Santa Ana, CA 92701
[phone]

[ActingBrandNew]

"He lives in the Riverside County in Southern California.  I have looked online to try and find a place but have not seen any. "

Im not too far from you...in Los Angeles. I went to a mens home/ranch in 1997 in Riverside County. Great place but I wasnt serious then... I highly recommend the place. When I was there it was in the city of Menifee however I see its in Lake Perris now. Anyways, its ran by good people and I know them personally...even after all these years. There are some other good places I can give you too. I will list them below. Some will be an hour away from Riverside County but if hes using there...it may be better if he leaves. I know from personal experience that getting clean in your home town can be more challenging than if you take a small trip to unfamiliar ground.

If you have ANY questions send me a private message. Ive been clean 3 years 3 months and 17 days.

Free Indeed Mens Ranch

23751 Meadow Ln
Perris, CA 92570-7978
Phone [phone]

______________________________________________________
Tarzana Treatment Center (Los Angeles County)

http://www.tarzanatc.org/

St. John of God Health Care Services (San Bernadino County)

http://stjohnofgodhcs.org/

Hemet Valley Recovery Center (Riverside County)

http://www.hvrc.com/

[OpenMind24hours]

When he wants help with a treatment center do you plan to pay for that? Can he facilitate his own recovery process on his own? I think he would appreciate it much more if he was responsible for his own recovery, but that's only my opinion. I went to an AA meeting when i made the decision to get help. Everything I needed to know to participate in my own recovery immediately followed. I had my own questions, and found the answers myself. For me, everything really sunk in because I wanted to get clean for me, nobody else but me. All of that is important in recovery.

He can find his own meetings. He will learn everything he needs to know there. I know it's hard for you to relinquish that parental control, and I know how much you love your son... Been there. But he must be the one who really wants to stop. As parents we wish we could reach in their brains and turn some screws to fix them... but we can't and its so hard to let them go...

I know you'll google some treatment centers and you'll also learn how they work, how much they cost- I did too, but do your best to go along with the concept I just described. Think about it. Also google codependency. And go to al-anon or nar-anon as soon as you can.

[ariley13]

You should be able to look online under Narcotics Anonymous and find listings of when and where they have meetings in your area.

[dktj46]

Thank you all for the reinforcement.  I constantly wonder where he will go.

I keep thinking he is going to be calling at some point asking me for specifics on where he can go to get help.  I imagine it, like many parents, as a last resort call.  It seems like this desperate moment, if it occurs, will be important and I would like to be able to tell him, "You need to go ____ and do ____",  He lives in the Riverside County in Southern California.  I have looked online to try and find a place but have not seen any.

I'll keep looking.  Otherwise, I am concerned it could be a jail cell...

[OpenMind24hours]

As a parent you did the best that you can do. You didn't make using drugs comfortable for him.

With my daughter, I went through what you're going through now.  Divorced from her mom, I had been going to AA for many years when she was out using Crack. But here's where you're story and my story split: My Ex wife took her in and gave her old room back to her any time she needed it back. As a "thank you" our daughter would steal checks, forge them, and go out to the Crack house. It was never ending. Living at home enabled her to use for years. She was under my exe's insurance and she attended 3 treatment ctrs, 2 halfway houses--- all to no avail. All of us in both families were  thinking her funeral would be coming up soon. Then she moved in with a boyfriend, on her own. And one day, somehow, SHE decided to get clean on her own, 9 years ago, and she's been clean ever since. I think she got sick and tired of being sick and tired, just like me when I joined AA in 1982.

FYI: on this Addiction forum, we're all in recovery in one stage or the other and I think I can safely say, we're all here because WE choose to be here and want to get and remain clean.

I also went to Nar-Anon and Al-anon meetings (mentioned above) during those years to get MY life back. I was obsessed with her using, she's all I thought about. Those programs taught me quite a bit. I met other parents in the same exact situation. When you meet others at a fellowship like that, it's very therapeutic just knowing you're not alone. I suggest you go. And there is another forum on this site called "living with an addict" you might be interested in.

You did good! You're making it very hard for him to use. I wish you the best. You may private Message me on here any time you wish. -Robert

[BluCrystal]

People with drug addiction, paradoxically, NEED to come up from nothing, in fact, less than nothing.  They need to feel so badly that they can't take another breath without doing something to get treatment.  As parents of these kids, it is excruciating to not help, and to allow them to hit rock bottom, face first.  But know that doing so IS a loving act.  Your lack of help will help him hit botttom faster.  That's what needs to happen, unfortunately.  Try going to some N/A meetings: these are free, and for relatives of drug addicts.  Wonderful support.  And of course, we are here for you as well :)  Blessings and prayers for your son - Blu

[ariley13]

I am so sorry that you are in this situation. Unfortunately your son will really have to want this for himself and be willing to make a change for it to work. A lot of addicts must hit 'rock bottom' before they decide to get clean. Hopefully his problems with his living arrangement will make him see the light and make some changes in  his life. There is always inpatient rehab, NA/AA, and outpatient programs. All of these could potentially be beneficial if he is receptive to them. Good luck to you!