Aa
When do you know?
When do you know your not just "hanging on" and when you are in recovery? How does this change? What happens in the brain? Is there a switch? Is there a change in your mental viewpoint? how do we get there?
Overeasy-
starting day 14
Overeasy-
starting day 14
There is a major change in you mental view point. Most of us know we need to quit but are afraid of the withdrawal or, the pain or, how we will be perceived by others etc.
Can’t tell you what happens in the brain, but, one day you realize you are happy in your own skin, you have a greater calmness and confidence than you had before. Your desire for the pills has diminished to the point that you do not think of them 24 hours per day. This is not to say you have won nor should you drop your guard,….you always have to keep your guard up, it is to say you are progressing in the right direction. You are getting better. That was how it worked for me, anyway.
I think this is when the “switch” went on for me. I would suggest finding an OTC, or non-narcotic pain reliever now before that “I really need this, just this on time” thinking gets the best of you.
You seem to be doing well……you’ll make it!!
Can’t tell you what happens in the brain, but, one day you realize you are happy in your own skin, you have a greater calmness and confidence than you had before. Your desire for the pills has diminished to the point that you do not think of them 24 hours per day. This is not to say you have won nor should you drop your guard,….you always have to keep your guard up, it is to say you are progressing in the right direction. You are getting better. That was how it worked for me, anyway.
I think this is when the “switch” went on for me. I would suggest finding an OTC, or non-narcotic pain reliever now before that “I really need this, just this on time” thinking gets the best of you.
You seem to be doing well……you’ll make it!!
Glad to here you went to the meeting overeasy, I think the more you go with time the easier things will get. The longer you leave 'square one' behind, the more pride you are filled with along with confidence :)
Thanks i'mdone and vickie. It has been now something like 34 days. I think the mental aspect of stopping is different for everyone, but also the physical side as it depends on your dose and time using. But for the last 8 years I always knew abusing substances was not the right thing, but I did not care and was ignorant. Now I really have no intention and I hope we all come to a point where that thought is instilled.
Keep it up overeasy :)
Thanks i'mdone and vickie. It has been now something like 34 days. I think the mental aspect of stopping is different for everyone, but also the physical side as it depends on your dose and time using. But for the last 8 years I always knew abusing substances was not the right thing, but I did not care and was ignorant. Now I really have no intention and I hope we all come to a point where that thought is instilled.
Keep it up overeasy :)
The mental part IS hard but it does get easier and eventually you don't really think about it!
A little bit on what Catuf wrote to you: If you can learn how to stay in the moment...that's huge! It's always about today and right now! Nothing else. It builds from that point...
Energy and sleep are the big issues and the last to return to "normal". Exercise will help both. You really are doing great! You're thinking great,too!
A little bit on what Catuf wrote to you: If you can learn how to stay in the moment...that's huge! It's always about today and right now! Nothing else. It builds from that point...
Energy and sleep are the big issues and the last to return to "normal". Exercise will help both. You really are doing great! You're thinking great,too!
well I went to my second meeting. It was much better than my first but still did not feel very comfortable but I do need something when the thoughts and pain get bad so still not sure what to do. I have come to realization that I can only change what is happening now, today. I am a big planner so that was a mighty big switch for me. I don't know if I can do this forever but I know I can do this for today. So on to day 15 and heres hoping my energy comes back soon and maybe a little more sleep:)
Overeasy-
6 hours and day 14 is in the bag.
Thanks everyone for the support. This mental part is much harder than I thought it was going to be:)
Overeasy-
6 hours and day 14 is in the bag.
Thanks everyone for the support. This mental part is much harder than I thought it was going to be:)
Tingtong- When I say three months I'm referring to a documented standard by which many experts have agreed upon. Of course,it may be different for everyone...no doubt.
How long have you been clean from the Valium etc...? Good job with that!
How long have you been clean from the Valium etc...? Good job with that!
@vickie, I had this change of thought after my seizure and bad experience that nearly killed me. That took 1 day, sure I had physical withdraws and anxiety, but I only had one slight temptation after that, and easily said no to myself. I think this is down to personal experience, so if you say 3 months, someone else may say one year or one day.
@overeasy, self exploration is one of the most important things to being happy, understanding how the mind works and the world around you. Without at least realizing a part of these things, you will probably live an ignorant existence bumping in and out of suffering.
@overeasy, self exploration is one of the most important things to being happy, understanding how the mind works and the world around you. Without at least realizing a part of these things, you will probably live an ignorant existence bumping in and out of suffering.
From my personal experience, you know when you are not just hanging in there when you no longer see the drug of choice as the best way to deal with your issues. You break the weak and easy way out mode of thinking and no longer look at life with such a dark and twisted view.
You may come to this point by hitting a rock bottom, having a pretty major health issue to the pills or not related to them, see a friend or loved one seriously ill from drugs or even die or a variety of reasons.
Once you start to think like this, you will with each day relish the fresh smell of pride and life. You will not look back at the drugs and think, 'I would really want a pill right now'' Sure you can quit a substance and still fight temptation each day, but for me at least I view drugs now as something I do not care for in the slightest. I have spent too many years taking and abusing a wide range of drugs that I really have had enough and have not looked back. Good luck to anybody who is going through this process,
Tom
You may come to this point by hitting a rock bottom, having a pretty major health issue to the pills or not related to them, see a friend or loved one seriously ill from drugs or even die or a variety of reasons.
Once you start to think like this, you will with each day relish the fresh smell of pride and life. You will not look back at the drugs and think, 'I would really want a pill right now'' Sure you can quit a substance and still fight temptation each day, but for me at least I view drugs now as something I do not care for in the slightest. I have spent too many years taking and abusing a wide range of drugs that I really have had enough and have not looked back. Good luck to anybody who is going through this process,
Tom
I think there is a switch. I felt mine "flip" right at 90 days. It was actually quite dramatic for me . . . my perception of everything was suddenly different than it had been the day before . . . the way my brain was procesing thought was different
I can't explain it any better than that, it was all DIFFERENT.
But I knew. I knew to a certaintly and I whispered out loud to myself "oh my god, THIS is how I need to be if I'm going to stay clean and sober." I was really excited, because I had been trying to get and stay clean for a long time . . . 5+ years . . . and I had just seen the first real light at the end of my tunell. I was 3 months in to what turned out to be a 4 month rehab. It was a safe place that allowed me to get well enough to really start working on my recovery.
I read about what I had experienced in Time after I got home:
"One important discovery: evidence is building to support the 90-day rehabilitation model, which was stumbled upon by AA (new members are advised to attend a meeting a day for the first 90 days) and is the duration of a typical stint in a drug-treatment program. It turns out that this is just about how long it takes for the brain to reset itself and shake off the immediate influence of a drug. Researchers at Yale University have documented what they call the sleeper effect--a gradual re-engaging of proper decision making and analytical functions in the brain's prefrontal cortex--after an addict has abstained for at least 90 days."
See page 3 of http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1640436-1,00.html
But I think it's dangerous to look at recovery as a thing you achieved or a place to which you've made it. I firmly believe what it says in the Big Book: "It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for [addiction] is a subtle foe. We are not cured of [addiction]. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities."
It took me a few weeks into my 2nd rehab to actually grab the concept of "ONE DAY AT A TIME." That was a big moment for me too . . . until then I thought ODAT was a stupid mental trick (far beneath me) intended to make me ignore the fact that I had to stop FOREVER and I had grave doubts about my ability to do that . . . indeed, I KNEW that I was a relapse waiting to happen, but I was determined to avoid that as long as possible . . . maybe even all together (somehow).
I counselor in recover forcefully explained to me that I seemed to be confused . . . that it just DID NOT MATTER what I might (or even would) do tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year. All that counted in recovery was TODAY . . . don't use or drink TODAY. If I did that, then I was doing everything I could do, I was doing all that was asked of me. I was a success in recovery.
What a difference for me. Suddenly instead of a secret failure waiting to happen, I was a success. I didn't use or drink ODAT for a lot of days . . . in the early days it was often one hour, sometime a few minutes, at a time . . . the point is to STAY IN THE NOW. That's all I've got NOW. That's all I've ever had, it's all I'll ever have. I can't not-use tomorrow, I can only not-use today, now.
There were a lot of days when it was all I could do to make it to the end. But if I could get to bed clean, I'd say a prayer of thanks. The next morning I'd ask for help when I woke up, and away I'd go. I was probably touch and go the first 4 months after that 2nd rehab . . .
I had been removed from the safe place, far from my haunts, and put back in the town of my active addiction. For a while, everything I did and everywhere I went seemed like waking up in a using-dream, where I was on my way to get what I needed. All roads lead to Rome, so to speak. But I avoided, absolutely avoided, all people, places and things associated with my addiction, I worked on my recovery, and I didn't use during the day I was in . . . I often said F-It, I'm gonna use tomorrow, I gotta use tomorrow, but I refused to let go of TODAY.
When I had cravings (which I had through the day, every day) I told someone (I told on my disease) as soon as possible. It helped that I went to a lot of meetings (10 a week, since I wasn't working), as I could always tell there. Can't keep that stuff hidden . . . our secrets keep us sick.
I had to struggle with wanting to kill myself every morning. I would go through this 20 minute spell, just like clockwork, where it just seemed like killing myself was the only reasonable thing to do, the best thing for all concerned . . . it would pass and I'd get on with my recovery and not using.
Slowly the strong desires to use came less frequently. I wish I had written down the first day when I made it all day without feeling like I NEEDED to use. That was a good day . . . it had to be close to a year in to the deal. I do remember talking to my 1st real Sponser (from rehab 2) on the phone and him telling me "you won't be out of the woods until you're about 18 months." I remember that that seemed a long way, but not forever, away . . . later I recalled thinking that he was just about right.
At some point I no longer really needed to not-use. Not-using didn't require any effort and I was free to work on my recovery one day at a time. I have no delusion that I am immune from using . . . my addict-brain comes up with pre-hatched schemes all the time where using (just a little mind you) is a perfectly justified and necessary thing. I KNOW that if I slid on my recovery work that my daily reprieve will be vacated and just-like-that, I'll be worse than I ever was.
I have no doubt about that at all. Get my train started and I'll be on down the track!!
Sorry to ramble so long, didn't plan on that.
Don't change your clean date, no matter what!
CATUF
2215
I can't explain it any better than that, it was all DIFFERENT.
But I knew. I knew to a certaintly and I whispered out loud to myself "oh my god, THIS is how I need to be if I'm going to stay clean and sober." I was really excited, because I had been trying to get and stay clean for a long time . . . 5+ years . . . and I had just seen the first real light at the end of my tunell. I was 3 months in to what turned out to be a 4 month rehab. It was a safe place that allowed me to get well enough to really start working on my recovery.
I read about what I had experienced in Time after I got home:
"One important discovery: evidence is building to support the 90-day rehabilitation model, which was stumbled upon by AA (new members are advised to attend a meeting a day for the first 90 days) and is the duration of a typical stint in a drug-treatment program. It turns out that this is just about how long it takes for the brain to reset itself and shake off the immediate influence of a drug. Researchers at Yale University have documented what they call the sleeper effect--a gradual re-engaging of proper decision making and analytical functions in the brain's prefrontal cortex--after an addict has abstained for at least 90 days."
See page 3 of http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1640436-1,00.html
But I think it's dangerous to look at recovery as a thing you achieved or a place to which you've made it. I firmly believe what it says in the Big Book: "It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for [addiction] is a subtle foe. We are not cured of [addiction]. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities."
It took me a few weeks into my 2nd rehab to actually grab the concept of "ONE DAY AT A TIME." That was a big moment for me too . . . until then I thought ODAT was a stupid mental trick (far beneath me) intended to make me ignore the fact that I had to stop FOREVER and I had grave doubts about my ability to do that . . . indeed, I KNEW that I was a relapse waiting to happen, but I was determined to avoid that as long as possible . . . maybe even all together (somehow).
I counselor in recover forcefully explained to me that I seemed to be confused . . . that it just DID NOT MATTER what I might (or even would) do tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year. All that counted in recovery was TODAY . . . don't use or drink TODAY. If I did that, then I was doing everything I could do, I was doing all that was asked of me. I was a success in recovery.
What a difference for me. Suddenly instead of a secret failure waiting to happen, I was a success. I didn't use or drink ODAT for a lot of days . . . in the early days it was often one hour, sometime a few minutes, at a time . . . the point is to STAY IN THE NOW. That's all I've got NOW. That's all I've ever had, it's all I'll ever have. I can't not-use tomorrow, I can only not-use today, now.
There were a lot of days when it was all I could do to make it to the end. But if I could get to bed clean, I'd say a prayer of thanks. The next morning I'd ask for help when I woke up, and away I'd go. I was probably touch and go the first 4 months after that 2nd rehab . . .
I had been removed from the safe place, far from my haunts, and put back in the town of my active addiction. For a while, everything I did and everywhere I went seemed like waking up in a using-dream, where I was on my way to get what I needed. All roads lead to Rome, so to speak. But I avoided, absolutely avoided, all people, places and things associated with my addiction, I worked on my recovery, and I didn't use during the day I was in . . . I often said F-It, I'm gonna use tomorrow, I gotta use tomorrow, but I refused to let go of TODAY.
When I had cravings (which I had through the day, every day) I told someone (I told on my disease) as soon as possible. It helped that I went to a lot of meetings (10 a week, since I wasn't working), as I could always tell there. Can't keep that stuff hidden . . . our secrets keep us sick.
I had to struggle with wanting to kill myself every morning. I would go through this 20 minute spell, just like clockwork, where it just seemed like killing myself was the only reasonable thing to do, the best thing for all concerned . . . it would pass and I'd get on with my recovery and not using.
Slowly the strong desires to use came less frequently. I wish I had written down the first day when I made it all day without feeling like I NEEDED to use. That was a good day . . . it had to be close to a year in to the deal. I do remember talking to my 1st real Sponser (from rehab 2) on the phone and him telling me "you won't be out of the woods until you're about 18 months." I remember that that seemed a long way, but not forever, away . . . later I recalled thinking that he was just about right.
At some point I no longer really needed to not-use. Not-using didn't require any effort and I was free to work on my recovery one day at a time. I have no delusion that I am immune from using . . . my addict-brain comes up with pre-hatched schemes all the time where using (just a little mind you) is a perfectly justified and necessary thing. I KNOW that if I slid on my recovery work that my daily reprieve will be vacated and just-like-that, I'll be worse than I ever was.
I have no doubt about that at all. Get my train started and I'll be on down the track!!
Sorry to ramble so long, didn't plan on that.
Don't change your clean date, no matter what!
CATUF
2215
I went on day 5 and it was a weird scene but with IBKLEEN's help and advice (thanks hon) I plan on going tonight. I have a babysitter for the kids and I am going to try again. I realize now there is no easy fix and that little voice in my brain saying well... maybe sometimes I could take one if the pain is bad, maybe when I am clean for awhile I would be able to control it and take when needed- its just not going to happen that way for me. I have pain but the pills are worse for me. I can not, can not, take as prescribed. I am an addict and today I think I finally got it. I was lost in that world where I think I am above it all and today that fantasyland came crashing down. I would not have gotten to this point without IBKLEEN who gave me some tough love to make me realize I am not special, I am an addict.
Thanks guys, its a sad realization but one I definitely needed to hear and learn.
Overeasy-
day 14
Thanks guys, its a sad realization but one I definitely needed to hear and learn.
Overeasy-
day 14
HI YOUR doing good congrats on 2 weeks the first month is the hardest your brain is going threw a chemical mess theres no longer endless supply's of endorphins poring in your seratoin is up one day and your hapy go luky then down the next and your depressed and down in the dumps your dopamine and noraprnefrine are out of wack preventing sleep it is all rather complex when you detox so as I always say '''youjust got to be ok without being ok for a wile as time goes by things will start to level out your right about the stage where you get real emotional about everything even a sad song will bring you to tears this part was hard for me im a mans man and couldn't deal with the crying but you go threw stages each one brings on new challenges it is why I say this is 2/3 mental prepar for the mind screw ....now is the time to hook up with some form of aftercare it may make the difference of you making it our not to many people try to skip this critical step you need to learn how to be strait as addictis we need to change the very way we think and reason to overcome or addiction ....hang in there what your feeling is normal you will get threw it good luck and God bless......Gnarly
Yes...think more positive. Are you sick or well? Half dead or half alive? It's also good to get out of your own head once in awhile.
Two weeks is pretty damn good! I know a lot of people who would love to be two weeks clean right about now! You'll get there so put a smile on your face and don't worry!
Two weeks is pretty damn good! I know a lot of people who would love to be two weeks clean right about now! You'll get there so put a smile on your face and don't worry!
COMMUNITY LEADER
You are strong as you are clean today!! Coming to the realization you have no power over this is a huge step in the right direction....It really is a good thing.
I now understand what all of you old timers mean by the mental part:) Crimey- coming to the realization that I have no power over this is a blow. Thinking that I was strong and finding I am not. Wow- what a day this has been:)
COMMUNITY LEADER
At times it does but is very necessary to self explore. It frees us of the chains that have bound us for so long......Really living sure the he!! beats just existing. Stay positive easy, you can get thru this.......sara
COMMUNITY LEADER
Dont worry about the destination, pay attention to the journey~~
No, there is no switch. You get there by being clean for a period of time longer than 3 months,at least. You begin to know you're "there" when you stop thinking about it and are more relaxed and content thinking about other things. What happens in the brain is that the brain heals and begins to produce it's own chemicals again.
The change in feeling and outlook is very subtle at first and then it just hits you and you know you're good. It will happen...it takes a little time. Don't dwell on the process; just work on staying clean and taking better care o yourself.
The change in feeling and outlook is very subtle at first and then it just hits you and you know you're good. It will happen...it takes a little time. Don't dwell on the process; just work on staying clean and taking better care o yourself.
The other night I at work was having a good time with some co workers and it hit me "this is me!" completely and totally me- no drugs. I liked it and I knew I would never go back at that point.
Hi pancres, could you start a new post with that question. That way we are not interrupting the original poster. If you need help, let someone know.
Can you tell me what you mean by" just one". I am down to 1 at night and 1 in morning.Where should i go from here. Thanks pancres
When you surrender to the fact that there is no such thing as "just one", you will feel the switch go off. It's a humbling experience and it took me a long time to get it through my thick brain.
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