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726928 tn?1231253178

When will I feel normal again?

Me and my husband are both addicted to Roxycodone. We have both decided to quit cold turkey. He has a legitimate script but since we both abuse them..(he takes about 10 a day and I take about 4-5 a day) his script always runs out early and then we are left calling people to find them or any kind of opiate for that matter..vicodin, norco, lortab, percs, oxy's..anything. We have 3 children at home also. We both feel like we can not function without them. The first thing we do when we wake up is pop pills so that we can function. I feel worthless without them. Well... we decided to quit together and be each others support system, this is not easy for 2 pill junkies. We took our last pills on Friday morning when we woke up..which was Jan. 2nd. The withdrawal symptoms had already started to set in by Friday evening. The worst part is the leg pain, which is unbearable. One thing that did help the leg pain is icy hot and ben gay. The next unbearable symptom is insomnia. We both have jobs and can not function without sleep. Today is day 3 for us. Day 2 was the worst so far. I cried all day with the feeling of hopelessness. Again, the leg pain and insomnia are horrible. I have a friend that brought over a xanax and that helped me sleep. Today is day 3, its almost 10am and my hubby finally fell asleep for the first time in 3 days at 7am. I sat and rubbed his feet which put him to sleep. Im sorry this is so long, but I just want to know.. when will I feel like myself again, when will I have energy again( I feel like it takes everything out of me just to walk to the bathroom). I WANT to do this. I can get pills anytime and I DONT want them, I just want this horrible pain and depression and fatigue to go away. Like I said, this is day 3 1/2 for us.. are we starting to get over the worst of it yet? When will we have our own energy back, when will we be able to sleep? I'm starting to lose hope.
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Avatar universal
Wow is day three really not fun.  I tossed and turned all night last night.  Sweating one hour and freezing the next.  Just going to this website seemed like too much work.  I'm at the point now that I can't imagine feeling better without the pills.  I know it's just the withdrawals talking.  I remember feeling like myself again after a week last time.  It just seems so far away at this point.  Man, I can't wait.  I know this will all be worth it.  Well, hopless1976, I hope you and your hubby are doing alright.  Hang in there!  I'll stop in here tomorrow to whine some more.
Helpful - 0
726928 tn?1231253178
Nope, I don't even have a legit script, my hubby does. I just have a general family doctor who I have seen since I was literally a baby. So yes I trust him but he knows me well, and I feel ashamed to tell him the truth. I mean I know some street dealers that I could get xanax from but that would just tempt me too much into getting my opiates..so I think calling the doc and just being honest is what I'm gonna have to do. I've been lying to myself and others long enough, ya know. I hope tomorrow is easier, it will be day 5 :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
is it the same doctor who was prescribing the opiates?  do you trust them?  there is an old saying out there, one that addicts usually have a tough time with (myself included)...Honesty is the best policy...good luck.
Helpful - 0
726928 tn?1231253178
I was thinking about calling my doctor for the anxiety but I dont know if I should be honest and let him know that I am having w/d's from opiates. Or if i should just tell him that all of a sudden I'm having major anxiety and panic attacks. hmmmmm.
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401095 tn?1351391770
well...i do know focusing on it makes it worse...get busy..there are plenty of things to be doing in life other than wishing u could take some roxies..life is very very short in the scheme of things..dont mis any more of it if u can help it
Helpful - 0
726928 tn?1231253178
I'm really trying so hard. I don't think anything has ever been this hard in my life. I have a lot of will power, but it doesnt stand up to this evil addiction. I despise doctors for prescribing these pills to people, I despise the trillion dollar a year pharmaceutical industry for making these pills, I despise myself for ever putting even one of these into my body. I think right now I've slipped into a self loathing state of depression and I can't find anything to get me out of it. I cry all day and all night, I can't handle this ****. I've gotten up today and done a few loads of laundry, it felt like it took a years worth of energy just to do that. My body still hurts and my head is so clouded. WHY? WHY? WHY? Why am I so weak, why are there others out there with a far worse habit that did it and all I can think of is that I want my roxy's. And I WANT to quit..I REALLY want to quit.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Please don't!  I'm on day two myself and have been where you are before.  This is my second time quitting cold turkey and absolutely hate myself for getting wrapped back up in this garbage all over again after being off them.  So stupid!
Reading this column and about your situation has inspired me and made me realize that I am not alone in this struggle.  I'm right there with you sweating and shaking - not wanting to get out of bed.
I own a small business and have blown so much money over the last two years on roxys that I just can't take it any more.  It's hard enough keeping our heads above water with the current state of the economy.  I've been shooting myself in the foot and making life so much more difficult than it needed to be.  I'm done and pissed off enough to get off pills for good.
Your story and daily updates have helped encourage me to follow you and your husband down the path you're on.  Going through this a second time is just as bad as the first time I went through it.  I hate these pills!
The withdrawals do continue to get better!  Your energy will come back.  Day 5 is so much better than day 4!  Please realize that tomorrow will be better.  I'm just as scared as you are but I know that it will all be worth it.  You've got people here that don't even know you that are rooting for you.  Keep your chin up and let us know how you're doing.
Helpful - 0
726928 tn?1231253178
Yes, I'm feeling massive anxiety, it's driving me nuts. I know how badly I really want a pill, but I wont do it. I would let myself down and my hubby and kids too much. It's crazy, his addiction was worse than mine, and he seems to be doing better than me..how is that?? Well, it could be that I also got my period today which always gives me a horrible backache and irritability. I know I can do this, the temptation is just killing me, but I'm hanging in there. I read some stories that it takes months to have energy and that horrifies me.. I want my energy back, I miss that way more than the high.
Helpful - 0
539841 tn?1235394722
Hang in there! Are you feeling anxiety? I seriously would consider going to your Dr and telling him about this.  Even if he prescribes something for you , he will keep it temporary - and whatever it is that he prescribes ( Xanax, Klonopin, Lorazapam etc) it is better to take that for a short while than putting yourself at risk of going back to the opiates!
Try it.  What could it possibly hurt?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You have come too far.  You are where I wish I was right now.  You are days away from turning the corner.  Please stay strong and do not get more pills.  You will not even feel that good about the high from pills as you will be guilty.  Think about how great you will feel on day 7, 10 etc.  You can do this.  Do not let the mind tricks play with you.
Helpful - 0
401095 tn?1351391770
know the feeling..melting into the couch is an awful feeling as i am an on the go type person...i would have to do rocket shots to get to work everyday..i even thought about if i got fired i wouldnt care cos i was soooooo tired..but i made it and kept my job..sometimes i dont know how i did it!  now i totally have no desire for caffeine anymore which is strange..not that i was ever a huge coffee drinker but now i dont even drink it at all...just lost my taste for it but still have a diet coke every now and then

moving helps..getting up and moving i mean...walking, working out, yoga, whatever activity i could do..even cleaning out a closet would help me...it was hard to get up but once i did i felt so much better....

i had the opposite problem as many have insomnia during wds and after..i had some sorta sleeping sickness..slept like 12 hours a day..it was ridiculous and i started feeling like i didnt have a life..my friends missed me and other than work and things i had to do..i did nothing it seemed...one day..at about 2 months clean i studied the thomas recipe and took everything as directed in the recommended amounts and started going to the gym daily..i have always worked out but i had let it slide due to lack of energy....i had all the aminos and stuff but did not take near as much as the recipe calls for...and that is when i discovered i must be dopamine deficient cos the tyrosine helped me so much..i know some people say that the recipe is a pile of poop but i swear it helped me...do everything u can to make it thru this phase as it will pass..but it took a while for me..good luck to u and keep posting
Helpful - 0
726928 tn?1231253178
Well, day 4 1/2 and I'm going insane. I want that feeling back. I want to pick up that phone and just get some pills. I have no energy, this is just making me miserable. I know if I get pills, I will have to start all over. I've made it this far, I know I can do this... but there is that little demon inside me telling me I need my roxy's to function. I am getting really scared.
Helpful - 0
214607 tn?1287677559
Did I read that right, did you say above that Oxy Contin are an "Amateur" opiate???
Helpful - 0
539841 tn?1235394722
Hey Hopeless1976,
Jesus, I get chills reading what you are saying....I too have a habit that is so big I am embarrassed to say- I really am! I salute you for your clean days- I dont know how you are doing it but you are. Have you considered reaching out to a program or anything?
I really do feel for you and believe me when I say this - I can honestly say that even though I dont know who you are- you or your husband- but I can honestly say that I care about you both. I care about you because I KNOW what you are feeling- atleast in the capacity of withdrawing.
Have you considered what you would do if your husband fell back and did it? Would you? I dont know if getting clean with your spouse makes it easier or harder- but eventually the day that he can  get another refill will come-= What if he does refill it? Please dont think that I am trying to be negative or cruel. I am just asking this because it could happen and getting clean is an individual thing - But the cool thing of marriage is being able to share your problems and help each other with them and thru them. But that still doesnt take away from the fact that getting clean is individual- I wish you luck and strength- I also dont think that there is anything wrong (in my opinion) with taking something for anxiety- atleast for a short time. But it would be advisable to do it legitamately from a Dr even though its easier to self medicate. I am just throwing these things out there to keep in mind and not to judge or to bring you down at all!
Good luck and God bless!
Helpful - 0
726928 tn?1231253178
Yeah, I picked some of that up, those are the ones that you disolve under your tongue right? I tried that last night..I dont know if I have RLS or just actual leg pain or a combination. I know that my legs ache terribly and it seems that I can't stretch them enough. But I took 3 of those last night and rubbed extra strength ben gay all over my legs( its mainly the front of my thighs and back of my calves) and took a few sleeping pills and I actually got 9 hours of sleep. I think sleep is a huge healer in the w/d's, it's just so hard to sleep without taking some kind of sleeping pill. I'm over the worst physical pain now..at least I hope I am, it seems that I feel much better today. I just want this anxiety to go away. Think it's time to go make some chamomile tea, thats the only thing that has helped with the anxiety.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Wal Mart and many drug stores carry a product called Hylands Restful Legs that has gotten good reviews for RLS symptoms.........those symptoms can hang around a while...
Helpful - 0
726928 tn?1231253178
I am kinda outta sorts because of the sleeping pills, they have me in this weird daze right now..but I can handle that compared to no sleep, ya know. I've also quit drinking soda while going through the w/d's and only been drinking 100% juice. It has lots of vitamins and potassium, which I think is helping with my leg pain. And a friend came over yesterday and did my dishes and made me some chamomile tea, which really helped with the anxiety feeling. There are lots of little things that I think are helping. I'm also taking lots of vitamins, drinking lots of liquids, and trying just to walk around the house here and there. I'll tell you, just laying around in bed made me feel much worse. Even if you just get up and sit in a chair it will make you feel better. I'm ALMOST over the w/d's..thank god...and I have the will power to stay clean. Because I'll tell you what, there is no way in hell that I will use again and have to go through these w/d's ever again in my life, the high just simply is not worth the pain.
Helpful - 0
401095 tn?1351391770
congrats on ur clean time..3 days is great!  the fatigue was my worst enemy but i was at twice ur dose..it was close to 3 months by the time my energy had returned to normal on a daily basis..2 months for sure..exercise and the amino acids helped me/tyrosine especially..at this point i was willing to try anything and it worked for me...it take 3 months for the brain to heal enuf to help battle the depression and fatigue for many..not all and we are all different...hence the AAs motto of 90 meetings in 90 days...and after that it is still work to do to stay clean...hang tight as the intense part is almost over for u
Helpful - 0
726928 tn?1231253178
Well, it's day 4 for me and I have to say, I feel MUCH better today. I did have to take some over the counter sleeping pills to sleep but I went to bed at about 10 and did not wake up til 7. My leg pain seems to be gone. I did wake up with a killer headache but thats probably normal considering what I am putting my body through. I was ready to give up yesterday because of the leg pain but I stuck it out. I feel like I might be able to do a few things around the house today. Thank god the kids go back to school today..lol  I called into work again though but I think I might go back to work tomorrow. THANK YOU to EVERYONE on here, you all have given me support and hope that I can do this.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
A couple of years ago I would have laughed at anyone getting hooked on "amateur" opiates like oxyc, dhc, etc but having a bit more experience of hell in a strip I realise addiction is all relative and hell is hell whichever way you look at it.
I should explain Ive been a heroin addict for about 10 years ish on and off and at my worst ive gone 20 days without sleep and probably gone coldt. 20 - 30 times.
All I really wanted to say was be carefull around day 4 - 5 when you will start to feel better ( honestly you will ), its easy to slip back into it, I know your thinking theres no way thats going to happen after all youve been through but its all to easy to be determined 23.75 hours of the day and slip for a few min when your feeling a bit better.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Well I know when I was going through WD's the whole 2 year comment would have drove me over the edge. I can assure you really it is going to get better! At day 39 of course I still think about it, and there have been a few times where I thought about getting some. But I didnt and I wont. Really it hasnt been that hard to stay clean for me. I work and have two kids at home so I am busy. That helps im sure. Just focus on one day at a time and remember you are so close to the WDs being over. Just keep moving forward and take your life back........ life is so much better once the WDs are over. Good luck and God bless!
Helpful - 0
726928 tn?1231253178
Yeah, the whole 2 years thing made me gasp for air for a minute..lol. I know if i can beat these withdrawals, then I can beat anything. This has truely been one of the toughest things I've ever done. And just to think, I gave birth to 2 kids with no drugs..talk about pain..lol. Me and my hubby have our minds set not to let this demon run our lives anymore. I'm proud of both of us for even making it this far. I won't lie, on day one of withdrawals, I called my connection to get "just a few to get by" but luckily she was not home and never called me back. Hubby called and cancelled his doc appt for the 12th. and I called my 2 street connections early this morning and left voice mails telling them to please not call us because we getting clean. WE CAN DO THIS!!!  I want to thank you guys and this forum, it gives me so much hope for the future.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Dont focus on the fact it can take two years for your mind to heal. As every addict deals with you will have moments that you will have cravings, but im at day 39 and life is good. You sound very head strong and determined. You can get through this. Just take it one day at a time! Dont focus on the whole 2 year thing!
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726928 tn?1231253178
Thank you for your response. Yes, this forum gives me so much hope. I don't feel so alone in this evil battle. I can't wait for day 5, then 10, then 20, then forever!! I just want the normal clean me to be back. I think back to 5 years ago when I was clean..well, I smoked a joint here and there with friends..but clean from pills, I had never touched them in my life at that point, and I remember I really liked myself, I was happy, I was able to enjoy things. I am excited for the future for me and my hubby( i worry a little more about him, his habit is higher than mine and will power weaker than mine, but I'm helping him and he's helping me) And if I can ask you..How long have you been clean?
Helpful - 0
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