When you feel the world around you is crashing down....

So time goes by and I get some clean time-going on 130 days....As I have read I have already hit the wall, but i still feel like something is missing and a big part of something too....I am 26 weeks pregnant, the dad is no where in hell to be of help, living at home with the parents(that I truly am thankful for) nno job, no license or transportation to even think about getting a job.....ahhh I think I am loosing my ******* mind....excuse my language....I am starting to go stir crazy being in a house everyday all day long....no escape....every time I return to using it is because I feel bored and want to get out of my house and do something.....well now what?  I dont want to use again but damn it man I cant just sit around here feeling hopeless....I am on the type of lockdown with the parents that I have to ask to do something before I do it, and if they dont approve I dont do it...I am 22 shouldnt I have some say so??  Or did I give up all say so to my life when I became a drug addict??  I hate when I ask to do something because I have been sitting in the house all day long doing nothing and my parents worked all day and I feel guilty because I know they are tired...but if I ask to have someone take me somewhere its like I have no trust period....wtf ......maybe I am ranting but when will this all end....when will I finally feel at peace....oh my fav. is when i express how good of a mood I am in and then all of a sudden that good mood is shot to hell becuase my moms bad day or dads bad day rubs off on me...i hate that **** bad moods are ******* contagious...as well as mine is right now...im just so at a lost for good things to say other than I am truly grateful to be alive clean and sober today!!!!  Sorry if my bad mood rubs off but can anyone relate with me???  and does anyone have any advice.....god grant me the serenity to accept the t hings I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference: Just For Today!!!!  

[selfinduced]

Oh Honey, I know you are feeling deflated right now. Pregnancy is difficult in itself with all the hormones raging. Try very hard to focus on the good. As you said, you are so happy to be clean and sober.Do you know how HUGE that is!!!!!!!! Many on this board would kill to say those words. OK, OK, it doesn't erase or negate your feelings, nor should it. Just take one day at a time and know this phase is not forever. Take these low feelings and turn them around. Work on getting your license, go to a few meetings for support and socialization. Many at meetings are happy to come pick you up and bring you to meetings. Fantacise about your new life with that adorable baby and work toward what you want in the future. When your clean and sober the possibilities are endless. Peace to you and congrats on your pregnancy!

[Free2agoodhome]

Excellent reply.  Meetings are your ticket if you aren't already going. Find one you like..ive been to some that I didnt feel.....but thats ok...you go where you feel the most comfort.

being is that bad space in your head is dangerous..so be careful...protect your sobriety at all costs for you and your baby,.


Free~

[Enthalpy1]

I have been in AA for 4 years and sober for that entire time. I found that AA or NA meetings are very unique. I went to many until I found the ones that made me feel right. I have two I attend on a regular basis. They are out there, especially for younger people.  Most are ok with duel addiction. If you go to a different one everyday, you will make friends and find the meetings that will support you. 130 days is something to be proud of and there are many people, I am one, who are envious of your time clean. I am at 16 days off norco and people like you inspire me. Give to receive and get the support you need. People want to help, it feels good.

[Beany2215]

I feel for you... That's a tough situation I'm 128 days clean and for the first month while I was out of work my parents babysat me while my wife was at work... I'm. 27 and it felt like being a kid again ... But they did because they want me to be healthy and if I think back on it it probably was the best thing for me ...try to hit some meetings I live in providence and there are daily ones at noon maybe there are similar ones where you live... Good luck .. Read just for today online today's passage might help you

[aspire2befree]

Thank you for all the feed back, and bit of advice is needed and truly appreciated!!  Selfinduced thank you for your inspiring words!!!  I am going to take everything you said and try to focus on all the good things that have come my way and will be coming my way.  I just need to get out of my head, like Free2agoodhome said.  Its dangerous in there, and even though I know that I still have a hard time staying out of it.  To Enthalpy1 keep doing the next right thing and you too can get your clean time back up to four years!!  16 days is better than no days!!  :)  And also thank you for your inspiring words!!  Being on here you see people do care, and that feels good.  Just reading someone elses words really can help!!  Thank you to everyone I needed that and sorry if I was pulling anyone down with my bad mood....Beany2215 we kind of have the same sitituation going on....feel like a child all over again huh....but like you said they want whats best for us....and providence I know that place...my mom is the director of the womens program....even harder for me being a recovering addict with a mom who is a drug and alcohol abuse counselor...sometimes you feel you cant mess up or make a mistake because I def. do not want to dissappoint her or my family!!!  Thanks again to everyone you all really have helped me a lot just with what few words were said!!!  :)  Just for today- remember we didnt become addicted in one day, so easy does it!!!!  God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference!!  Just for TODAY!!!

[IBKleen]

Love your screen name aspire. You hang in here and things will get better as long as you don';t use. Our lives become unmanageable when we use drugs and if we give it time and work on ourselves (the real problem) then things do get better. Again, give it time.

And remember that a lot of what goes on around us and the lack of trust from our loved ones comes from our behavior when we are using. Many don't understand addiction and take it personal which at the time it probably is. WE see that we are making changes but others have to dig a little deeper. They have resentments and we have resentments as well. You will need to work on your end. Again, your actions will eventually prove themselves that if you are not using, you CAN be trusted. Be patient and try to understand. Also, it does not matter how old you are. If you living at home, then it is THEIR house and you may have to bend a bit and understand that. Be grateful that you have a place and know that they love you and it may not seem so but they are trying to help in their own way.

Keep those positive thoughts lady, just for today.........

[vicki595]

Hi there- I sure hope you're feeling better now...some special people have given you some sweet advice...

I was remembering those early days myself. The boredom can be awful and is a huge trigger. For me, when I was doing for someone else or for serval people, I felt really good so I began volunteering in the community. Of course, I'm not suggesting that for you right now but there are things you can do at home.   How about making a nice dinner for your parents to come home to? I can't tell you how wonderful that is. Set the table so it's pretty, maybe cut some flowers. In other words: fuss a little for them. You don't have to cook anything fancy, just the act itself will make them happy and in the process may make you happy and help you get out of your own head a little bit.

Let us know...  xo

[aspire2befree]

Thank you so much both of you for those words..I know I have to be patient that in time trust will come....thats the addict in me I want the good now...well hel I didnt get high in one day and mess everything up, so everything isnt going to be just peachy in one day....have to keep that in mind thats for sure!!!  And I have recently started volunteering and that feels really good...it just hard to get out and about and go do that stuff with no license and no car....but when i do get the chance I enjoy every bit of it...and normally I try to make dinner for my family every night and make sure they are coming home to a clean house....after a while though I get lost in my head and think what could I be doing....but anywho I guess being pregnant my hormones are up there and wishing I had that special someone here with me..haha....thats another thing I am trying to avoid is men atleast for the first year of being sober....and maybe a until my kid is 2 lol....ahhhhhh yea time to get up out my head and think about other pleasant things like going to my NA meetings and planning my baby shower!!!!!!  Thanks to everyones advice...I am living just for today....!!!!