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Avatar universal

Who am I fooling?

I am glad I found this community, if anything, just so I can vent.  I’m being hard on myself right now, which is OK.  We all have a story—here’s mine.  I went through alcohol rehab at a young age about 20 years ago.  Did well—took an occasional Darvocet for migraines, maybe got 30 tabs every 6 months.  Then I was introduced to hydrocodone.  Wow, it made me feel good.  I thought I could handle it and used for about 5 years now.  However, things are getting out of hand in a hurry.  I have detoxed many times over the past year.  I am using about ten 5 mg tabs per day.  Not a whole lot, but enough where it is not normal.  I am using them for other things than pain of course.  Now, I am seeing that I need them more and more.  I use all day long now.  I am a single dad and my kids are suffering from the mood swings now too.  In my distorted senses I think that I am happy, outgoing, fun loving, productive and a great person to be around when I am using.  When I am not high I think that I am a jerk.  My extended family and co-workers also notice the difference in my moods.  I detoxed over the weekend, got the diarrhea and stomach cramps big time, was depressed, was drooling like an old dog (is that normal?), and had hip pain like never before.  But, today was day 5, was feeling pretty darn good and was in a good mood.  Thought I was over the hump of w/d.  Put on an old jacket this morning to go to work, found 2 vicodin in the pockets and NOW am right back where I started.  I am so disappointed in myself.  Logically, I need to quit.  I need to get this monkey off my back.  But I just enjoy being high, or least think I do.  Anyway, my main question is has anyone tried antidepressants to help with the mood swings?  Would they help me get the stable, enjoyable moods I am looking for?  I know I am looking for the magic solution, but I am just so at a loss right now on how to beat this.  Just thinking about going through w/d again makes me cringe! Also, please remind me I am not fooling anyone!  I think that no one knows that I am high at work, but please, I am sure everyone notices that I am a little too happy, laugh too much and slur the words.  Right?  I get strange looks every once in awhile.  Duh!  Wonder why.  I am so in denial.  This old drunk should know better.  Thanks for listening!  Just writing this all out has helped.  I will be back.  God bless.
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449236 tn?1220566714
p
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464044 tn?1343702043
For two years, I only took a couple pills a day too, and yeah, it is hard to quit. I guess my big problem was that eventually it wasnt enough to keep me going. I started using coke to get more energy. Anyway, the point is, right now, it might not seem like a huge problem, but it will grow. You will either work up to higher doses or other drugs. Its best to try to stop now before it gets totally out of control. Good luck, and stick around. THere really is  a ton of support here.
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Avatar universal
Welcome to the forum. You're in the perfect spot for your situation. It's late and most are all turned in. You will find more help and suggestions tomorrow. I don't know about antidepresents, maybe I should, but I don't. Many on here do, they're just not around tonight.
I'm the same like you, except my monkey can drive, make coffee and dinner and when I'm not looking he runs to the grocery...that's how good my monkey is. Been on and off that wagon so much myself. sometimes that monkey holds the reigns and sometime I do. You are not alone. I am superwoman when I'm on the pills. No one knows. It's been years. Like candy said, some don't know. I didn't have mood swings, pretty steady. So...that's why they're wonderful for me. Hard to quit.
Especially if they're in a coat pocket.
Keep posting, watch for more tomorrow.
Again, welcome,
Newgirl



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449236 tn?1220566714
13 days today off hydro they do take over your life!!!!! i was up to 20 or 30 pills sometimes more a day yes people noticed I also thought these things give me energy and I thought made me more of a happy person boy was I wrong I was a B**** all the time snapped constantly withdrew from ppl and family. Please stop before you get as bad as i did you have kids as do i when you are taking as many as i was it depresses your breathing there were nights I would stay up all night because i was afraid of dieing in my sleep and my child finding me it can get that bad real quick!! I take antidepresents do they help? I guess if I didnt take them it would be alot worse. all the best to you I will pray for you, YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!
God Bless and much Strength God can help where nohting else can!!!!
Geri-Rose
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Avatar universal
Comments in brackets are my thoughts.[ ]

[Warning. If you are on anti-Depressants, use medical supervision on L-Tyrosine, SamE and all mood enhancers. There can be a risk if taking L-Tyrosine, 5 HTP  if you are on a tricyclic  or a MAIO antidepressant's ...It can cause a spike in blood pressure.]
Thomas Detox Recipe
PLEASE NOTE: I am not a doctor, simply a long-time Rx opiate junkie who has had many opportunities to develop a way to detox. This is a recipe for at-home self-detox from opiates based on my experience as well as that of many other addicts. It is not intended as professional medical advice. It is always wise to make sure none of the recipe ingredients or procedures conflict with medications you may be taking. Likewise, if you have any medical condition, disease, allergy or any other health issue, consult your doctor before using the recipe. Thanks, Thomas

This recipe is designed for cold turkey opiate detox. It assumes that you can get about 5 to 7 days away from your job or household responsibilities during which you can sleep, veg and act as miserable as you feel. Opiate WD mimics the symptoms of the common flu, so, if you need a smokescreen, hide behind a bad case of the flu.

If you can't take time off to detox, I recommend you follow a taper regimen using your drug of choice or suitable alternate -- the slower the taper, the better.
For the Recipe, You'll need
Valium (or another benzodiazepine such as Klonopin, Librium, Ativan or Xanax). Of these, Valium and Klonopin are best suited for tapering since they come in tablet form. Librium is also an excellent detox benzo, but comes in capsules, making it hard to taper the dose. Ativan or Xanax should only be used if you can't get one of the others.
Imodium (over the counter, any drug or grocery store). [generic brand anti-diarrheal is fine. Don't take it unless really uncomfortable]
L-Tyrosine* (500 mg caps) from the health food store.* [See Warning]
Strong wide-spectrum mineral supplement with at least 100% RDA of Zinc, Phosphorus, Copper and Magnesium.
Vitamin B6 caps. [or stress B-complex?]
Access to hot baths or a Jacuzzi (or hot showers if that's all that's available). [many gyms offer free trials]
How to use the recipe
Begin your detox with regular doses of Valium (or alternate benzo). Start with a dose high enough to produce sleep. Before you use any benzo, make sure you're aware of how often it can be safely taken. Different benzos have different dosing schedules. Taper your Valium dosage down after each day. The goal is to get through day 4, after which the worst W/D symptoms will subside. You shouldn't need the Valium after day 4 or 5. [melatonin worked well after day 4 for me. Sleeplessness sometimes hangs on awhile]

During detox, hit the hot bath or Jacuzzi as often as you need to for muscle aches. Don't underestimate the effectiveness of hot soaks. Spend the entire time, if necessary, in a hot bath. This simple method will alleviate what is for many the worst opiate W/D symptom. [I like Epsom salts in the tub. Forces Magnesium into the muscles]

Use the Imodium aggressively to stop the runs. Take as much as you need, as often as you need it. DON'T TAKE IT, however, if you don't need it.[Diarrhea is the bodies way to aid in the detox so take Immodium or generic for the comfort factor, if needed]

At the end of the fourth day, you should be waking up from the Valium and experiencing the beginnings of the opiate W/D malaise. Upon rising (empty stomach), take the L-Tyrosine*. Try 2000 mg, and scale up or down, depending on how you feel. You can take up to 4,000 mg. Take the L-Tyrosine* with B6 to help absorption. Wait about one hour before eating breakfast. The L-Tyrosine* will give you a surge of physical and mental energy that will help counteract the malaise. You may continue to take it each morning for as long as it helps. If you find it gives you the "coffee jitters," consider lowering the dosage or discontinuing it altogether. Occasionally, L-Tyrosine* can cause the runs. Unlike the runs from opiate W/D, however, this effect of L-Tyrosine* is mild and normally does not return after the first hour. Lowering the dosage may help. [*Read the Warning first! *L-Tyrosine* is great. *SamE 400* mg works for mood too]

With breakfast, take the mineral supplement.

As soon as you can force yourself to, get some mild exercise such as walking, cycling, swimming, etc. This will be hard at first, but will make you feel considerably better. [Walking gets the blood and lymph systems working, helping you detox better.]

PLEASE NOTE: If you have any medical complications, first check with your doctor before detoxing to verify that this regimen is safe for you. [Very important note]

[WARNING If you are on anti-Depressants, use medical supervision on L-Tyrosine, SamE and all mood enhancers. There can be a risk if taking L-Tyrosine, 5 HTP  if you are on a tricyclic  or a MAIO antidepressant's ...It can cause a spike in blood pressure.]

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Avatar universal
Here  is that amino list. There is great info. to help with mood, energy, everything.

Most of this program is from the book END YOUR ADDICTION NOW.. the doctor who wrote it ran a treatment facility in UPstate New york where they gave patients amino acids and vitamin via IV during treatment.. He also counsels patients individually.. All of these things are meant to rebuild activity in the major neuro transmitters.. as addicts our neurotransmitters have been disrupted by our use of drugs.. even stuff like cigarettes and eating alot of sugar can disrupt them.. with drugs however it can be more damaging.. I will list the aminos maily used for addiction, their dosages etc.. everything should be taken on a empty stomach... an hour b4 meals.. Take all of them together with lots of water... I have added stuff as I have done more research on this...
**Please check with your doctor or pharmacist for any interactions with any meds you may be taking.


B- vitamin Complex  100mgs, needed for absorption of aminos, rebuilding of the liver, reducing stress,  If you can get injections from your doctor that is even better.. I would buy the sublingual for best absorption

Multi mineral vitamin high potency formula , just good to take all around, addicts are using lacking many of the right vitamins and minerals, and alot of prescription drugs rob our bodies of nutrients.

5HTP-- this is what tryptophan gets turned into prior to being turned into serotonin in our brains. Serotonin is what is usually depleted if we are depressed and anxious.. Taking this will help with PAWS ( post accute withdrawl syndrome) or eliminate you suffering from them all together      DO NOT TAKE IF YOU ARE TAKING A SSRI OR TRICYLIC ANTI DEPRESSANT
Dosage-- up to 300mgs a day 3x DAILY ( I take 100mgs 3x per day, start with the lower dose and move up if needed)

L-glutamine--amino acid required for GABA production, that is the relaxing part of our brain.    up to 2000mgs 3x per day.. ( I take 1000 mgs 3x day, again start lower and work up if needed)

L-Taurine-- another "relaxing" amino  up to 1000mgs 3x daily

DLPA-- helps restore the function to the pain receptors working with the enporphins/enkephalins, can also help with pain if you are someone that suffers with some kind of legitamate pain. DO NOT TAKE IF YOU ARE TAKING A SSRI OR TRICYLIC ANTIDEPRESSANT or if you have DIABETES or HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE
Dose-- up to 2000mgs 3x per day (again you can start lower like 1000mgs 3x daily)

Sam-e-- aids in stress relief, depression,eases pain, and produces antioxidant effect that can improve the health of the liver 200-400mgs per day

Vitamin C-- use Ester c buffered form, detoxifies the system, and lessens cravings for drugs. Supports many body systems. Take 2,000mgs every 3 hours. Start with 1,000mgs and work your way up. Can cause loose stools, body will adjust.

Calcium 1,000mgs at bedtime Magnesium 1,000mgs at bedtime  nourishes the central nervous system and helps control tremors like RLS and other muscle spasms calms and relaxes the body, helps sleep.

If you find yourself really struggling with energy after being on the aminos you can add L-tyrosine to the mix in the early part of the day.. up to 1,500mgs..  This is not usually used in the treatment of pain pill addiction and can over stimulate some people I would say only take it if you are still struggling with energy after starting everything else..

If you find yourself having some anxiety the amino L-theanine is like natural valium.. It has helped me so much I no longer need to take xanax at all for my panic attacks

As far as sleep.. in my early days off of pills I took a sleep blend from GNC with a L-theanine and calcium magnesium liquid everynight and slept like a baby.

I suggest GNC to purchase this stuff they are pretty cheap (some stuff is only 4.99 a bottle)  they were also super helpful and knew alot.. I got a gold card to save some bucks in the future..

After a few months if you are feeling good you can taper the aminos back to once a day... then a few months after that a few times a week.. the best part about taking aminos instead of drugs is you don't have to take them forever to get the benefit.. the FIX the problem not put a band aid on it.

Protein shakes can be of great benefit.. protein is needed for rebuilding of nearly everything in the body.

If you have any questions I am always around.. FLaddict

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Avatar universal
Actually this forum has more pill poppers than anything else from what I've observed--so you're definitely in the right place. I think you'll find there are a lot of people in the same boat as you. I know I am.  As far as hydrocodone being hard to kick...this in one of the hardest things I've ever done. You definitely shouldn't continue to use, you want to end this destructive cycle before you hit rock bottom. One thing is certain, it will catch up to you in one form or another. Besides you know you're not really "happy"---thats just a fallacy. You're right...it's not the substance---it could be anything painkillers, cocaine, food. Addiction is addiction.
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Avatar universal
Also, some ppl here take anti-depressants and others don't. There is a list of amino acids and there is a lot of great info for helping moods naturally in there. It is in the Health pages as well. If you would like, I can get it for you and post it here.
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Avatar universal
I am sorry that you feel that way. I was on Lortab, and took 6 per day. This is for anyone who needs to be here!! Please stick around.
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Avatar universal
I was wondering about the anti depressants not for the withdrawls, but to assist in replacing the mood enhancing properties of the hydrocodone once I stop taking the hydrocodone.  Just wondering if anyone else had any luck with them in that respect.
As far as hydrocodone not being hard to kick, well, I guess I am having difficulty with it.  Didn't realize that this forum was for only the hardened heroin addicts.  I apologize for using this forum inappropriately.  My past experience with addiction counseling has been that it is not the substance, the amount (mg's or ounces) or the length of time but rather what it is doing to your life. Anyway, my goal here was to vent, not to try and "outdo" someone else's addiction :)  
If I had an addiction to anything--even M&M's-- that was disrupting my life, I shouldn't have to quantify or justify my need to stop.
I am starting to feel that maybe I should just continue being high and happy?   My few pills a day isn't enough to worry about?  Is that the take home message?  
I hope not!  Thanks for directing me to the recipe, I may give it a try, I appreciate that.
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Avatar universal
Of course that doesn't mean people wont find out eventually. I think at some point whether you end up sick, dead, penniless or in prison...people will find out. So you're definitely smart to quit now. I'm 3 days clean (been tapering since Feb. 25) & as hard as its been...its the best thing I've ever done for myself. GOOD LUCK!
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Avatar universal
I did the same thing...started taking lortabs for migraines & came to like them a bit too much. I'm not sure about the anti-depressants, never tried them. I do know that depression is a common symptom of w/d's & in most cases should go away on its own in time. I've been going through some depression as well, but just don't want to take anymore pills (besides vitamins). That's not to say you shouldn't do it...if it helps you get through w/d's maybe its worth looking into.
As far as fooling people...I'm not sure. I think we all react a little differently. I know a lady who abuses pain pills & she always looks glossy eyed & out of it. But I've hidden my addiction for years & am pretty certain nobody knows. I've always been highly productive at work & very involved with my kids activities. None of my friends or family are aware I have a problem...and I'm pretty sure I wasn't fooling myself. I think there's a lot of people out there with drug abuse problems that we'd be pretty shocked to find out.
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228936 tn?1249094248
Antidepressants aren't really for mood swings. If your depressed they may help you stay sober but they won't help you detox. Hydrocodone isn't too hard to kick like heroin but it's no fun either. all the best
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Avatar universal
Everyone does notice!! There is the Thomas Recipe in the Health Pages at the top right corner of your screen. Lots of info. to help minimize withdrawal symptoms. Welcome to the forum. There is tons of support here.
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