Addiction: Substance Abuse Community

, Sep 11, 2009 07:59PM

Enjoy your success while you have it. Your tolerance will go up and the scripts will run out sooner and soon you will do things you thought you wouldnt ever do. I am not saying this to be mean......just stating the facts. Pain meds are not for energy or promotions. Please really take a look at what is going on. Pills give you a false sense of security. I at one time thought i was superwoman too. Until you have had enough and realize your life is spiraling out of control there is nothing we can say to you to change your mind.........sara

by leeisgettingclean, Sep 11, 2009 08:00PM

you quit. THEY WILL STOP WORKING I promise you that, and guess what when they do, your refusal to go out on street to buy, you will,. You will need more and more to get same effect and you will buy em. I use to be able to clean, work, talk, and be full of energy and after a few years i was nazy, house dirty, ill to all that spoke to me. THIS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU. That "big" job tittle.....well lets just say "if you do not stop your ADDICTION now, you will loss it. I am speaking from experaince, you will see. I wish you luck, and call it what it is, ADDICTION

by lisacolombo, Sep 11, 2009 08:07PM

To: all

And please my posting is not to say that I am a better drug addict than someone else, but I am scared of sobriety as crazy as that may sound! I have been taken the pain meds for four years so I do not know anything else. I have been reading about suboxone and was wondering if it really works. I want to quit so bad because I am finding that I will come up short again and the withdrawal is just too much. How long does it last for, when will I feel normal, etc….

by leeisgettingclean, Sep 11, 2009 08:12PM

does not last long. physicall is about a week, and really after 3 or 4 days you start to feel better. for the mentall part you prob need aftercare. w/ds are bad, but you have to get them over with. you just fell bad, maybe like flu or something but heck look at all the peps right now going through the flu, kids and everything, you can do it. you can look into the sub, theres a web site about it, just google it.

by Ga Guy, Sep 11, 2009 08:12PM

Go back and read the posts from the last couple of days. You'll see all your answers there. You'll also see differing opinions on Suboxone as well as withdrawals. What dose are you taking a day and of what?

by 10356, Sep 11, 2009 08:14PM

running out every month takes a toll on the spirit also counting to make sure you have enough to get you through.. most of us felt this way on our doc but then the running out early counting and the maintenance it takes us to control our addiction gets weary.. I hope you come to the conclusion that pain meds are not meant for the purposes you mentioned above.. it seems your old injury is but a after thought.. maybe you do not need them for this purpose anymore ? I hope you make the right decision for when we run out early.. we are abusing.. I wish you well lesa

, Sep 11, 2009 08:14PM

We all know what you are saying and yes sobriety is scary for you as it was for all of us but i have to tell you sobriety is amazing. It takes strength and determination and alot of work but it is so worth it. How many do you take a day?

by leeisgettingclean, Sep 11, 2009 08:17PM

lord and that horrible feeling of knowing you are about out, calling everyone you know, dreading the morning cause you got to get up and go to work and you have not found any pills yet...THANK YOU GOD FOR THE FREEDOM YOU HAVE GIVEN ME TODAY...man do we all know your pain, we all have been in your shoes and one pill from being back in them.

by mr.lucky66, Sep 11, 2009 08:19PM

This post sounds familiar, did you post a similar queation a few weeks ago? I'll say what I said then , Who's telling you ya have to stop? It sounds like you are trying to convince yourself that taking dope everyday in a controlled way is ok and it sounds like it is ok, for now. I functioned well on dope, especially methadone in the early years but then it turned on me. This takes longer for some people and who knows how long dope could work for you. Sooner or later oxy or whatever dope you take won't work well and that's when you really need to re-evaluate. all best

by lisacolombo, Sep 11, 2009 08:25PM

To: All

The first three years it was one 325mg percocet a day, than it went to 3 a day than after the pain would not subside he gave me the a 215 blue pill which I think is 30 mg, in the beginning of the month I will take two in the morning, three at lunch and one in the evening. The stupid part is that in the middle of the month when I get low, I can get away with a half in the morning and one in the evening. The thing that helps me threw it is knowing that I am only a few days away from my next refill. That also helps mentally, there was one time he went on vacation and I did not know when he was coming back and it was the worst because I did not know when I was getting my next script I think that was worse the withdrawal. I really do want to stop and have a doctors appt in the morning to help me through this but again I am afraid that more of me does not want to stop, but I know I have two. I have a good life and have been very fortunate so why wait to hit rock bottom to realize there is an issue!

, Sep 11, 2009 08:28PM

If you want to keep your good life you need to get off these pills now. If you dont you will go down and it is a lonely road. These pills can and do kill people. Have you thought about talking with a counselor or therapist?

by leeisgettingclean, Sep 11, 2009 08:34PM

hummm. kinda of scary to watch one drop to bottom. you never know how far your bottom might be, some times its death, other times it jail, loss of job, wife/husband, who knows, not fun to find out! ...IMO you have to be ready or you will not make it. some have to hit bottom or they will not quit.

by lisacolombo, Sep 11, 2009 08:34PM

dominosarah, you know what is funny, is that I was just thinking that I found this site for the first time today and maybe the problem is that I need someone to talk too!!! But that is the part I do not understand, from a mental stand point I just take the pills because I like the way I feel on them, so I do not know what consoling will help. Bottom line is that I have lost control and I need to get it back.

Also, I really want to thank everyone for their feed back, I do not feel like I am alone anymore!

, Sep 11, 2009 08:43PM

You arent alone here at all. If you still like the way you feel on these pills then you are right as noone will be able to tell you different. Just please take everything we have said and really think about it all. You are on the verge of really losing control. We are only telling you all of this becuz we have been there done that.

by 10356, Sep 11, 2009 08:47PM

You are definitely not alone !! I was glad to read you will be talking with a Dr. I think with the right care it is entirely possible to get clean without hitting bottom.. If you read the forum or journals you would find that many have.. I hit bottom many times through my addiction.. Keep reaching out for support.. You can do this. You have not got them off the street this is a good thing. Your Dr. can prescribe meds to help you through the process. the high is not worth the payment in the end.. even though you feel good now outgoing and all this. You will be amazed at the clarity of mind when off the drugs.. it is shocking how much the opiates cloud our thinking and emotions.. the Freedom of body I have no words for except spontaneity is wonderful.. Hard to be spontaneous when we have to count our pills...

by TakingAction, Sep 11, 2009 08:47PM

I lived in your current state of mind for many months.  I had endless energy, improved social interactions and subsequent success at work and in my writing.

Fast forward to the time when I my doctor cut me off and I visited an elderly aunt and washed the red stamp of TYLENOL off and switched all of her vicodin to simple acetaminaphine because I knew she would never catch on.

This will swallow you whole.  You will innevitably end up becoming someone who is living for the drug rather than on it.  Just a word of caution... addiction does not discriminate and will destroy every success and relationship.

I hope that you are able to recognize this before you have to hit bottom, but too often, that is what it takes.  Plan ahead and get a good support system in place.  Then leave the pills behind and you will find that after a hard fight, there is an authentic quality to life that can never be found while dependent on pills.

I wish you all the best.

Matt

by lisacolombo, Sep 11, 2009 08:48PM

No there is a reason why I am here, my only fear is the withdrawal pain, but I guess if you want to play you have to pay. This is why I am going to the doctors, I can get over not being high all the time, it is the not being able to function from withdrawal. I went to FL and did not take any pills for about four days, there was a part of me that started coming back, I think it was reasoning instead of that impulsive behavior you get. I have to stop, I will stop.

by Ga Guy, Sep 11, 2009 08:51PM

So, on average, you're taking 180mg a day of Oxycodone. That's a moderate habit. If you're ready to quit (which it seems like you're not), then I'd try a taper first. Reduce half a pill a day every 5 days or so. If you're an addict like me, then you'll never be able to taper. I had to go cold turkey. There's lots of info on the site if you want to go that route. Suboxone is an option, but I'd reserve it for a last chance effort. Look into aftercare as well. It's the key to staying clean.

by lisacolombo, Sep 11, 2009 08:52PM

Is it safe to go cold turkey?

by leeisgettingclean, Sep 11, 2009 08:52PM

i think you will do good when you decide to quit, sounds like you already know its a problem, you know you are losing controll, and you are reaching out for help, so because all of that i do feel that all you need to do is relize that we have been right were you are today, it was fun at one time, if that did not end i would not be here today, i prob still be getting high, the prob was i no longer got high, this bugged the pi*s out of me, so i would take more and more and eventaully it did not matter, i could take untill i got sick, and still rarely got high and when i did it would last 20 or 30 mins

by missy812, Sep 11, 2009 09:04PM

I quit cold turkey recently. It is usually safe and not life threatening, but you should still talk to your Doctor about it. There are things they can give you to help through the really bad parts. My doc gave me Xanax and it worked wonders for me. My last full day of taking norco's was last Friday. Doc won't give me any more Xanax now that I'm over the 3-4 day heavy WD, and I feel like ****. Probably will feel like **** for another month or so, but the freedom is most rewarding. I CAN FUNCTION without having to take a pill. That feels good.
Do some research on quitting CT, on tapering (TAKES DISIPLINE) and other things like suboxone. Then talk to your doc about your options and start moving forward. If you try one thing and it doesn't work, try it again or try something else. Come here for support... =)
Good luck.

by Ella789, Sep 11, 2009 09:07PM

Your story is much like others on here, you are not unique to any of us, we all have a common thread. I hope that you will make the commitment to do this for yourself. The road you are traveling will come to an end anyway, sooner or later. I do think that you know this deep down. We know what it is like to be afraid of the withdrawl but let me tell you that it is worth the week or less of the withdrawl than to go on with the addiction. Your Dr. will be able to help you with the withdrawl, some like me get Clonidine and a few tranzene to help for a few days. Some don't take anything. We all live through the W/D even tho it is unpleasant. You can do this too. We know abt. the pill counting, running out before refil time. It just does not get any better ! Each day is a bother, wanting more than we needed a few years ago.

I wish you well on your journey and do keep posting. We are here for people who are in a fight for sobriety, each month it gets better, with time, determination, and grit. You can do more than you ever thought possible. Your body will thank you for it when it is healed. Things start to work better esp when they aren't stressed.

Best wishes
Ella

by peaceinknowing, Sep 11, 2009 09:08PM

Get your life back, honey!

by Rupp86, Sep 11, 2009 09:15PM

sorry to say this but alot of us here had to hit "rock bottom" before we wanted to get better. Trust me, dont let it go that far. Im 23 and lost a REALLY good job ended up blowing off an enagement and loosing my house and my dogs (they were like my kids) and now im at home with mom and dad only 10 days clean and finally realizing what ive done........i can honestly say i quit c/t and yea it was 3-4 days of physical hell but everyday after that that im clean is absolutely gorgeous! Quit while your still ahead!!!

, Sep 11, 2009 09:21PM

We will be right beside you thru this.......

by Rupp86, Sep 11, 2009 09:29PM

and personally id choose c/t over tapering/suboxone..........again just a personal choice. The physical part is ovr in 72-96 hours. Most of it anyways.

, Sep 11, 2009 09:31PM

I agree Rupp.......i went ct and was glad to just get it over with. I am an all or nothing type person too so tapering was not an option. sara

by sid3, Sep 11, 2009 09:35PM

I remember when I was at the 4 year mark thinking I'd better get my using under control before it got worse. Well here I am 8 years later. Don't get me wrong, there have been several attempts at tapering, a few cold turkeys, and even two atempts to quit using with the aid of suboxone. Hopefully by now you've realised that the amount you need to take to get the same good feelings continues to increase. There comes a point when the addicts ability to self taper completely disappears, self control becomes nonexsistent and the energy the pills use to give you becomes a thing of the past. I'm now back on sub, and although it does help with the physical wds, the cravings are something that takes time to truly eliminate. I hope this is the one that works for me and I can stay clean. Hopefully you won't have to spend four more years getting to the point I was at.

by avisg

, Sep 11, 2009 09:39PM

The amount you have to take is just going to get higher and higher and sooner or later it will start effecting your life negatively .I understand the fear of be sober and have to feel again but I would never give it up for the world now .

by Rupp86, Sep 11, 2009 09:45PM

put it this way......yes tapering may work for some people, but for the majority of us.......if we could contol it would we even be here??? just quit and get it over with. We'll help ya get thru it. Just think, the worst will be over by Mon-Tues.

by lisacolombo, Sep 11, 2009 09:57PM

I think one of the reasons why I want to quit is becuase I know it can only get worse. When looking back to one perc a day to 5 oxy'es somthing is wrong. My fear is what will my work be impacted and will I have the playful attitude with the kids. I lost my brother to cancer and I was under the attitude that I will live evryday like it was my last and I will do what I want. I am going to do this with a doctors help, I have a list to call in the morning that traet with suboxone.

Hey Rupp what kind of dog is that!

, Sep 11, 2009 10:00PM

Is it a Boston Terrier?

by lisacolombo, Sep 11, 2009 10:03PM

Kewl, cute dog, I posted my Old English for my profile. I wake up evey morning wishing to switch places with her, I will stay and lay on the bed and she can go to work!

by North2South, Sep 11, 2009 10:05PM

To: all

Now thats a beautiful thing..... seeing so many of ya'll jump in and help this girl.

by lisacolombo, Sep 11, 2009 10:06PM

is there anything like a home remedy (ie: natrual herbs) to help with the withdrawl? I can not be non functioning for a long time, You are all awesome and will try the CT treatment with help from this group.

by Ella789, Sep 11, 2009 10:09PM

Yes, I think I started useing more and more since the death of my youngest brother and then my Dad a year and ahalf ago. They both died of cancer and in 03 I was dxed with SLE so, I think stress made a hugh impact on my over medicating and of course tolorance builds the more we used. Also alcohol plays a major role in my immediate family and I am still struggling with trying to deal with loved ones who drink. They think it isn't a problem but I know addiction when I see it !!!

Best wishes to you and I am sure your Dr. will do all that he can to help you.
E

by Rupp86, Sep 11, 2009 10:17PM

BOSTON TERRIER! i miss her

by lisacolombo, Sep 11, 2009 10:17PM

Same here and not be disrespectful towards anyones illness, alcoholism is something I could never understand. The main reason why, is I do not understand how people can put up with a hang over every day! That is why the OC was so easy to take, I feel perfectly fine in the morning, if there are days that I am tired I just take an extra pill and I am set for the day.

I am very excited about tomorrows doctors appt to get put on the right path.....

by lisacolombo, Sep 11, 2009 10:20PM

To: Rupp86

What was you party favor of choice and intake? If you do not mind, I just want to know what I am in for at 6 OC's a day

by Rupp86, Sep 11, 2009 10:26PM

i was doin anywhere from 4-8 30 mg A over 215's a day

by lisacolombo, Sep 11, 2009 10:28PM

Same here, I am wondering if I switched it up to the 325mg percs if it would make it easier to go CT as the OC is some strong stuff.

by mr.lucky66, Sep 11, 2009 10:29PM

Be carefull if you see a sub doc. Some are okay but a lot of them just took a weekend course and don't know much or care about addiction. The problem is many of them give you sub instead of oxy or other dope for as long as you want it with no real plan to get you off and you are no better off and maybe worse than if you were still taking oxy. I have seen this happen so often and hope it doesn't happen to you.

by Rupp86, Sep 11, 2009 10:44PM

hoestly.....if u cut down from what u are taking to a few percs a day u might as well go c/t. I'm not a doctor that is just my opinion.......from personal experience. Your gonna put ur body thru hell cuttin out that many opiates......your better off not draggin it out and just gettin it over with. Again just a persoal reccomendation. Its all a mind game, you just gotta convice urself u have a real bad flu. You can get through it. I thought i ever would make it but here i am 10 days into a lifelong journey......i dunno you but im sure youve been thru more than the 3 days to come. The physical part really isnt that bad.

by lisacolombo, Sep 11, 2009 10:47PM

When I first started taking the oc, I asked myself why not just make it an over the counter drug. It only becomes a problem when you do not have them. Well 4 yrs later and I ask myself why do they even make the drug as more then half of the users find themselves addicted to it!

by Rupp86, Sep 11, 2009 10:56PM

i agree with sickofthepills. Ive never hoestly tried to taper. But i know if someone told me.......well just buy what you eed to start cutting back........yeah right!!!I I KNOW i dont have the willpower to do that. And it just drags out the W/D's and feeling like ****. Again......if we had the willpower to cut back ourselves we wouldnt be here in the first place. That goes for us that dont have legitemit (sp) pain. I had a knee surgery but was addicted to oxys well before that. I just used that as an excuse.

by mr.lucky66, Sep 12, 2009 08:32AM

Most people or more than half can take a drug like OC and not get addicted because it's not pleasureable to them at all. The rest like it and can get addicted. Now we have a whole new cottage industry like methadone clinics and subdocs. They may help some but in many cases it's just "replacement " or harm reduction" therapy. Be careful when considering treatment options

by TakingAction, Sep 12, 2009 09:35AM

This thread is THE hot topic round here!

I too was unable to taper.  I bought 30 oxys with the intention of tapering off over the course of a week.  I swalled all of them in a single day.  The next day I began this journey.  My actions probably made the detox significantly more difficult.  But I knew after that that I could not live this way, and I am lucky to be alive much less sober.

Good luck.

Matt

by lisacolombo, Sep 12, 2009 10:07AM

THIS IS A TRUE STORY, I went to the Suboxone doctor today, we started getting into small talk and he did his normal checks. As we were talking I told him the story of how I was getting prescribed . I informed him that the doctor that was treating me for the back injury just keep raising my dosage. I was joking around with him and said I know I did this to myself but can you sue a doctor for turning you into a drug addict as I was laughing. He immediately stopped what he was doing and said I do not want you in my practice, I demanded my co-pay back and walked out. I took my normal two OC’s in the morning and you know how you get chatty. I mean really what an *******, even if it was in poor taste, f them if they cant take a joke. I mean even if I was wrong, I was reaching out for help and he turned me away. Well anyway I was able to make an appointment with another doctor on Monday, and will be sure to keep my mouth shut!

by lisacolombo, Sep 12, 2009 10:10AM

To: TakingAction,

Matt, how long have you been on them and yes I tried that and purchsed for maintain until my next script, I think the more you had in your system the harder it is. About a month ago I went to FL and knew I did not have enough to hold me over, so I desolved a half under my tongue every morning and was able to make it with out getting sick but the craving was still there. The hardest part was sleeping

by TakingAction, Sep 12, 2009 10:14AM

I feel you here. Most of us addicts have a particular sense of humor. Probably a defense mechanism when we are feeling uncomforatable or nervous. Doctors are notoriously lacking in the humor department.

When I saw my doctor after my arm sugery he asked how I was feeling. I replied that I "could string myself up in the shower with a guitar string." lol, I do not know where that came from. He certainly did not get it, and called me the next day to make sure I was still alive. Oops. I told him not to worry, because "I do not even own a guitar."

LOL, I love that story. Just thought I would share.

Matt

, Sep 12, 2009 10:24AM

What are your plans with the sub? Short term or long term?? Sub is not a magic pill and you will have to come off it at some point. Any aftercare?

by lisacolombo, Sep 12, 2009 11:16AM

To: dominosarah

Well I guess I have to see, I came up short one month and went through WD for one day and did not like what it did to me. I hope to be able to make it through my 30 day script window with the sub. I have no poblem with not getting high off the pills anymore but I do have a problem with getting sick. I am looking to use the sub to keep me functioning while not taking the OC anymore. Again I refuse to spend my hard earned money on pills. I have another appt for Monday to we will see how it goes.

by sid3, Sep 12, 2009 11:52AM

Wow you must have been out of your mind to say that to a sub dr, taking any oxy before going to find help is not a good idea. When you go to the next appnt you should be in mild to moderate wds. No dr will prescribe sub so you'll be able to get through the month with your prescription. In fact, you'll need to return within a week for a check up. Expect a urine test for the first three or four visists at the minimum. What you'll find is that because of the long half life of sub, you'll need to refrain from taking any oxy for at least a day and then some for the effects of any oxy to be felt. Then once you run out of oxy, you'll need to be feeling pretty bad in order fo the sub to stop the pains of wd. So there is no avoiding getting sick when using sub to get through the days you won't have your doc. If you are going to get on the sub to totally stop using oxy, good for you. It has helped a lot of people. And don't pay too much attention to all the negative veiws about sub that you'll come across here. Everybody reacts differently to it. Hope your next appointment goes better for you on monday. Ask a lot of questions so your able to make the best choice with what is best for you.

by mr.lucky66, Sep 12, 2009 12:47PM

Again I say sub is like methadone in that it puts your addiction in a "holding pattern" and is "replacement therapy" and not real treatment to end opiate addiction. These sub docs aren't very impressive and I seen many of them give way to much sub to pill addicts and make them sick and then just give them as much as they want for as long as they want it making them often times more addicted than before. Be very carefull and think about this. It is a big step

by sid3, Sep 12, 2009 01:02PM

That's a very good point. Not to mention the money that it brings in to the drs. most seem to over prescribe. I personally have more faith in the drs that use it as a short term medication to help an addict get both feet on the road to recovery

by RoxiMan2009, Sep 14, 2009 04:02PM

Lisa, Im 23 years old and I had been using 30 mg A 215's for 4 years. It all started off in good fun as a recreational user i would do 1 at a time every few days. Well ****, I loved the way it made me feel and I started taking them on a regular basis. You may think that you can take the same dosage everyday and feel the same effects, but this is sooo wrong. I started taking them everyday and continued this for 4 years through college. I felt like I was superman and was able to get up for class everyday and party and get good grades and girls everything. By the 2nd year I was using 10 pills per day and started to really become sucked in. I realized I had a problem and tried to quit numerous times using suboxone, c/t, and it never worked. I always had access to pills and I couldn't be that person I was without them. So I continued my usage and by my senior year I was taking 15-25 30mg pills per day. Yes, I am not kidding. I am 5,9 160 pounds and thats what it took to keep me "normal" By normal I mean not in w/d and hardly even high. I had to start selling them just to support my habit and was able to get my self into a major debt ($10,000 within a year). I began giving up on all the things that once mattered to me such as hobbies, going out, my family and esp. my personal well-being and health. I worked out everyday for 7 years and I gave up on that like it was nothing. It was my senior year that I hit rock bottom. I lost my girlfriend who was everything in the world to me and had helped me for so long with my addiction. I lost so many friends that I once had that were sick of my "addict" ways and always being either high or w/d. I began to do bad in school and stopped attending classes. I could no longer afford to take my pills even with making hundreds of dollars a day. I even resorted to using IV Heroin becuz it was cheaper and gave me the fix I needed to be me. Understand that I thought i would NEVER touch such a thing and I took to it like it was bubblebum. And to be honest what really gave me a wake-up call was just seeing how quickly the people were changing that were starting them around me. And it was at that point I realized everything I had accomplished, everything i had felt, everything that was so great to me was all an illusion. Yes it happen, but it wasn't me. You may feel like your normal but you dont realize how much these change the chemistry of your brain. Well I ended up making it thru the year barely and graduated. I moved 600 miles away and escaped the world that was once my home. I had no options left, I lost so much lisa you have no idea. I come from a good family and I am a good kid that just got taken away by the drug. I went c/t from a 600mg a day habit w/ the help on my family who for the first time in 4 years i came clean with. I must say that that was the best feeling Ive ever had and I regret to this day I waited so long to do so. Anyways, I am now 18 days clean sober. I did not use suboxone but used a recipe called the "thomas recipe" which contains many diff vitamins. I found that this helped me a great deal. The first few days are going to be hell I wont lie to you. Those little blue devils are the worst of there kind. The absolute most important part for people like me and you is aftercare. Yea I got through withdrawals near killed me and I feel like Id rather shoot myself then ever go thru that again however once your clean for so long you forget and you use. Or if you have a really bad day or someone dies or whatever we arent able to handle it without them because of how our brains have adjusted. You need to attend NA's meetings, you need to be active on this site or others, and you need to have a professional help you. I was never a depressed person. I have become a walking zombie. I dont know where or what I am doing anymore. I dont wake up and blow a pill that puts a smile on my face anymore. I don't have superman powers and I have realized just how bad it all was. You will not realize it fully until your head is clear of those ******* things. If there is anything in this world I love more than being high on those pills but I will NEVER go back. It does not matter who you are, what your tolerence is, why you think you need them. We all will end up in the same exact place. If I had used this website before and realized how many people have these problems and how much of a problem it really is, I would have quit earlier. Use the fact that you came to this site as a grace of god and take it as a sign. I would love to live a life of taking pills everyday and feeling great but it is not POSSIBLE. YOU WILL HIT BOTTOM. Your family, your job, your friends, your money, your soul. I have never in my life felt so clear headed and disgusted with what I had done to myself. I have cravings everyday and depression is just downright awful. But at the end of the day, I look at myself in the mirror (pupils scarying me at normal size) ha, I realize that its me again. And waking up in the morning and not having to take a artificial drug just to start my ******* day is the BEST feeling, high, you will ever feel. I am lucky to be here today and I had so many close calls with OD's and at with my habit I should be dead. I may have lost all that I did but I am back and I am sober. I am ready to start life as a regular 23 year old and take some ******* responsibilities in this world. Your gunna have to get that monkey off your back sooner or later lisa and we are all here to help you. Please please listen to me and don't follow the rest of our paths. We aren't on this website for ***** and giggles its part of our every therapy. We all need each other and we all use each others experiences to guide our own. I hope that you take this serious I am not trying to scare you but only promise you that youve got to much going for u to lose it all. You are going to need to take some time off work. Don't even try to go to work on a day 1 or 2 w/d or youll just relapse. Take the time, the effort and have a positive attitude that you will overcome this. This to shall pass they say. Remember that everyday will be better than the last. Good luck to you and if you decide on subo, be very careful with it and make sure you do LOTS of research before you start it.

by RoxiMan2009, Sep 14, 2009 05:38PM

DOWN WITH THE PILLS, DOWN WITH THE PILLSsss

by whitie, Sep 14, 2009 06:05PM

dude, good job and keep up the fight. in a while you are going to wake up in the morning and say damn............I FORGOT WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE NORMAL !!!

you should paste that, adjust it and put it in one of your journals on your profile. I can relate to alot of it, so can many others here.

lisa, take mr.lucky's advise, IMO.

by RoxiMan2009, Sep 14, 2009 08:17PM

Yea i feel like i could write a ******* book of my experiences on opiates the past 4 years. Ha ive calculated that I have done about 30,000 roxicet 30s over my time. Theres something wrong with that seeing im 23 years old. I am lucky to be here today. And I am very thankful.

by lisacolombo, Sep 16, 2009 10:01AM

Can you send me a link or any info in the "thomas recipe", I have not kicked it entirely but I have lowered my intake from 10 a day to 2 a day so that the WD is not as bad,I have filled my habit with Excedrin as I do suffer from some post surgery pain and I told the Doctor who did the surgery what I was doing. He is helping me thru this (not the same doc who was writing my other script). My biggest fear is that I have some VERY high level meetings for a project I just picked up at my investment firm and I am afraid that the energy I had that got me to where I am will expose me at work. To prove a point that drugs can impact anyone I hold a very high level position, very respectful six figure salary and I worked too hard to get where I am to have a dime come out of my pocket to pay for a pill, everything I have gotten my hands on was from doctors and the current doc I have is very easy to trick in getting more pills.

Being a little more sober I realized that the one of the major contributors to a bad WD is the anxiety of not being able to get your hand on the pills with x amount of days between scripts. I have comforted myself in that this next script is not that far away but you are not going to pick it up, but it is there if I need it to sustain myself in the weaning process. The doctor who is giving me my advise is telling me it is very hard to stop at 10 pills a day, take it down to 2 where I would take a pill replace it with Excedrin as the pain will not remind me that I want to take a pill and it has helped a lot as I do not have any craving and the opiate is only wanted when I start WD. So there is one in the morning to get rid of the cold sweats which have gotten better day over day and will probably take it to a half tomorrow. I will probably be on pain meds for the rest of my life with the arthritis getting worse (especially damp days). I think I am heading in the right direction in recognizing I have a problem and dealing with it, my plans are to start Monday with one pill every other day and take it from there. I mean really how long does it take for the opiates to get out of your system?

, Sep 16, 2009 10:06AM

Here is a link to the Thomas Recipe.........

http://www.medhelp.org/health_pages/Addiction/Thomas-Recipe-and-How-to-Detox-off-of-Opiates/show/547?cid=66

by peaceinknowing, Sep 16, 2009 10:28AM

I just read the post from top to bottom and was just wondering if you'd come up with a plan of action yet for all of this?

by lisacolombo, Sep 16, 2009 05:18PM

To: peaceinknowing

Just taking it day by day, been able to lower my in take to two perc’s a day since this past Saturday and supplement my habit taking with Excedrin. The second I sense the slightest tinkling of pain I use the Excedrin. Morning is the worst, do not have that burst of energy anymore but the one pill keeps me from WD like symptoms. Think I would like to sustain this for the next couple of days and starting Monday start to skip a day.

by RoxiMan2009, Sep 16, 2009 05:38PM

Lisa, Very glad to here your progress. If we died today and went to hell, we'd be in the exact same spot. Its hell. But your doing good tapering and soon youll be able to drop them all together. It takes time and pain but youll pull thru. And don't forget the damn aftercare because of how busy you are your going to have cravings like a mf. But if you can handle them mentally youll be fine. And keep us updated on here and let us know how ya feel. Try ibuprofen too for the pain that helps the most esp. if you take a few. And start the thomas recipe as soon as you can get it that was a huge part of my detox. Im day 20 today and im telling you I feel normal again. I have cravings, some anxiety, and a little depression but I can take that over the option of taking synthetic heroin everyday. Its plain disgusting once you are clear and sit back and look at it. Youll be twice the person in no time. Do NOT give in. ;)

by lisacolombo, Sep 17, 2009 08:28AM

Well I know I suffer from OCD and that is how I found myself in this predicament. I have engulfed myself in my work and I am currently developing another sw app so that is where all my focus has been. As long as I keep myself busy I am fine, the fear I have is suffering from WD like symptoms in the near term as I will be presenting my scope of work to the president of our firm mid-week of next and I need to be on my game. The good part is that all the meds have been coming from one doctor so once I feel I am well enough I will inform him of my abuse and cut me off, I just need to keep that option open for now as it helps with the anxiety, I would have no idea how to get my hands on the drug after that, like buying from the streets. At my firm we have EASE program which helps employees with additions, mental issues, etc…., however how confidential it maybe, it is not but, I am thinking of walking into the office telling them I have a problem and they will keep me on the books and send me away to get clean. But I am high on the food chain in the organization and do not want to be labeled, I made a good name for myself and have been with the firm for over 20 yrs (hired me as a mail clerk right out of high school) and have worked myself all the way to VP of Performance Planning and at 38yrs old, I am gunning for EVP my the time I am forty. Next to my family my career is all I have and I will not jeopardize either one. I have got to be honest, when I found this web site I thought it was bull$hit but it really has helped me, the advise I have received has helped me get this far, and the support from everyone (ie: peaceinknowing, dominosarah, rupp and all theothers) else is really nice. My significant other has been very supportive as well, I just feel so bad between the opiates, being in bad mode and taking it out on them.

The best advise was from peaceinknowing with her saying “nothing bad can come from getting off the pill” as crazy as that may sound it is a big motivator! Thank you for that one!

by RoxiMan2009, Sep 17, 2009 08:34AM

To: lisa

Take your time if you have goals you need to accomplish this week then do it. But stay on track and youll be fine. You sound like a totally different person from last week and im proud youve stepped up. Nothing bad can come from doing this. Only good. And you will succeed. OCD isnt such a bad thing when it comes to getting clean. However, please do think about aftercare and getting some professional help too. I know your a strong person but mentally it is going to be a killer after. I have no problem detoxing from 600 mg roxy a day but man am I struggling mentally. Everyday is a challenge and youve got to be strong. Goodluck

by lisacolombo, Sep 17, 2009 04:15PM

Wow 21 days, must feel nice, stay the path, I will look to start posting my days clean Monday after next, planned a week of vacation, will just shut down next Friday night and suck it up. I will have my significant with pocketing some for me, again it just helps with the anxiety. Having them at your disposal has its pros and cons, right now I have been stretching the hours in between, telling myself I can wait it out and I have. My mind set is that I do not want to get high I just do not want to get sick!

by sobermommy, Sep 17, 2009 08:53PM

Lisa...wow what an amazing group of supporters you have here. This is a very intense post but you have received great advice, support and encouragement. I wish you all the best. I hope for your sake that you are able to set yourself free from the pills. I couldn't help noticing thoughout this post you mentioned several times that you have a great job and didn't want to spend your hard earned money on pills when you ran out at the end of the month. Just a random thought....haven't you already been spending your hard earned money on the scripts and doctor bills...etc???? I hope the day comes soon when you truly don't have to spend another single dime of your money on pills. Your life will be so much better. Best of luck to you...God bless...Lynn

by lisacolombo, Sep 18, 2009 03:29PM

To: sobermommy

I think the activity is because we all asked ourselves that question as to why should I quit, it is still a decision I am struggling with, I have more focus and more energy on than how I am now. Right now it is a $15 cost for a month supply, I have been reading where people have been paying upwards to 20 a pill from the street right know I pay for my health coverage which covers pretty much all of it.

It is like the commercial with the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other. The devil is saying as long as you can sustain your inventory of pills until the next doctor visit why stop? The angel is saying that you are starting to lose control, you have a great family, awesome job and why even jeopardize it.

Now that I have more control with lowering my daily dosage, I am seeing that this is something I can do with stopping, but I see that big hurdle in front of me which is WD and it is scary. Right now I am taking it day by day and I am just not ready to make that jump, I know this shows weakness but I lowered my daily dosage by 80% in a 24hr period and it has been sustained for almost a week, I think a couple of more weeks like this will help me build up the confidence. Really I am in maintenance mode, I do not want to get high I just do not want to get sick.

by sobermommy, Sep 18, 2009 07:31PM

I hope that you are able to make the decision for yourself. The others are right when they say you have to be ready or it will never work. It is one of the truest things ever. So when you are ready...you will know. You have a great support system here when the time is right for you. Best of luck you you.

by Avallonmist, Sep 22, 2009 05:30AM

To: lisacolumbo

I know reading this is hard and you're probably desperately searching for one of us to give you an answer that will let you keep the pills and live sober...I know... I looked for that answer too, about 3 years ago.
Now you're coming up short every month; and let me guess, your ran out faster this time than last time..mm?  You have choices; they aren't fun choices, but they are available. 1. You can go to your Dr. and let her/him help you come off. Most Dr.s will help their patients through withdrawal.
2. You can check into rehab and probably have the most success via that route.  3. You can quit cold turkey...(disclaimer, I'm not a Dr.so, if you go this route, tell someone, don't do it alone !!!)
But if you stay on this road eventually you'll find yourself doing things you never thought you would.  After you have exhausted all of your resources, you will go where ever you have to to get the drugs.  I promise you I'm not being condescending; scholastically you're smarter  than I am; but, I'm speaking from experience.  That's another thing, the pills will begin to affect your memory and your intellect.
Please get help now.  It sounds to me like you were reaching out and a lot of people on this site care about you because we have all been down this road ourselves.  It is a hard, hard road;but, you will be the better for it when you get clean.  I wish you luck,  and hope everything works out wonderfully for you.
)O( Avallon )O(

by Rupp86, Sep 22, 2009 07:29PM

whats up lisa? glad to hear your doin good. I'm at 21 days now feelin better than ever. Excedrin actually works wonders. The only non-narcotic ive found that helped with pains and RLS. Anyways keep it up! Best of luck

by TysonRed, Sep 22, 2009 08:40PM

Just wanted to stop by say it sounds like your doing a good job with the tapering, if Im correct you've gone from about 100-140mgs of oxy to about 20mgs daily which I know from experience isnt easy to do for most people. I myself have always been a tapering person, sometimes its a struggle to not give in but I found that I do possess the will power to sustain a tapering schedule. Most of my drug use was with oxycontin which led to methadone(big mistake for me), got clean a few times but it never lasted. The last go around I went the suboxone route rather than tapering down off 140mgs of methadone. Theres so many posts to your question that I got a little confused about whether you were going the suboxone route or getting ready to quit at the 2 perc's/day. If your really at that low of a dose then honestly I would just go for it, for me the physical part of w/d's from oxy really only lasted anywhere from about 4-7days, which when you look back it really is the easiet part about getting clean, the staying clean dealing with cravings, no energy, lack of motivation has always been the hardest part but with time is really does get better. Like I said I got a little lost about exactly where your at but I basicly I just wanted you to know that you can do this, try to stay positive and realize that this will only benefit you down the road, because if you keep taking the pills they will eventually turn on you and ruin everything that youve worked so hard for. Its been a major adjustment for me being sober, but Ive found with living a healthier lifestyle, excercising, eating healthy meals, drinking lots of water, I can honestly say that my body and mind have never felt better. I have more energy now than pills ever gave me, the hard part is having the patience to allow our bodies to fully heal themselves. I wish you all the best, its sounds like your doing well. Best of luck to you, keep up the good work, stay positive and determined and you can get through this. Take Care!

by lisacolombo, Oct 09, 2009 05:23PM

To: EVERYONE

Hey all, hope this finds you all well, happy and clean, it has been a while. Since my last post I am down to one OC (1x30MG) at 9AM everyday no more no less. I will be at one for a while I do not see a clean life in the near future but do not read my failure as uninspiring to those who are trying to get clean.

by mm27, Oct 09, 2009 06:55PM

your story is somewhat like mine without the promotions and what not. But the energy level and openess with others was great. I am on day 13 of CT. I do miss the extra pep and pleasure i felt but i enjoy not worrying about getting vicodin at a high cost and the felling that i am taking control of my life again without drugs. I was taking 20-30 most days closer to 30 and some days almost 40 vicodin 750 ES. At $3-$4 per pill you do the math. It will ruin your life because all you can think about is where am i going to get my next pills and how will i pay for them. not only will you experiance terrible withdrawals you will eventually start spending money on drugs that should go to family things, house payments, you name it you will eventually get there. I was to the point that i had to take 4-5 right when I woke up or I could not function. If i were to sleep in past 9-10 am I would wake up in sweats and shivering until I took my pills. Its no way to live. No matter what you think It WILL GET WORSE. Please try to stop now before it gets too late. Good Luck.

by MO811, Oct 10, 2009 01:01AM

I'm in a similar situation w/my husband. Unfortunately, I don't know how far it's gotten.. how many he takes a day... We had an argument in May about him buying vicodin from his friend (which took almost 3 wks of investigating because he wouldn't fess up). I recently found a bottle of morphine 4 mg and a label for a rx refill under his mom's name who has many medical issues. I spoke to my mother-in-law and she called her pharmacy who sure enough said she just filled Vicodin on 10/7 when she really hadn't. I'm so upset because he promised me in May that for our family (we have a 1 yr old) he was going to stop. I saw him go through physical withdrawals then, but I can't believe he's going back to it now. What do I do? I don't want to be babysitting the rest our lives. I'm so concerned. I'm waiting for him to come home from work to confront him... =/

by P&SAF, Oct 12, 2009 08:26AM