Why am I addicted to everything I like?

[lifeisbetter]

I was heavily addicted to opiates for 6 years.  I've been clean for a year and very grateful. The problem is now when I find something I like its like I'm addicted to that. Like a certain food,downloading songs on the internet, or when I have any extra money I spend it on something "I have to have" but of course really don't. I used to be able to balance and control these things. Once you cross that imaginary line into addiction,does it apply to everything? Is is mental or physiological?

[madeline]

Hey vicojen,

From your post I gather you are taking
vicoden.  I have had those before but
I am now on percocet (which I feel is
alot stronger).  Anyway you say you are
useing again.  For real pain or addiction.
My knee pain is over from my surgery and
I now take the percocet for an addiction.
Are you tapering down or going off
your vicoden.  I want to start tapering
as I as scaird to death of cold turkey.
I am looking for someone who may be trying
to do the same thing as I am.   All you
guys seem to know oneanother real good,
and I am relatively new to this group.
Help...........and I hope I can be of
help

Madeline

[NEW ORLEANS LADY]

AS OF 1:20 P.M. TODAY I HAVE MADE 21 DAYS OUT OF HYDRO-HELL--I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW IMPORTANT YOUR POSTS AND WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT HAVE BEEN--I WOULD HAVE NEVER MADE IT WITHOUT THIS FORUM--MOST PEOPLE DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE STRUGGLE AND WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A "LITTLE PILL" CONTROL EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE--
THANK YOU--ALL OF YOU--IT CAN BE DONE--YOU CAN COME OUT THE OTHER SIDE ONE MINUTE-ONE HOUR-ONE DAY AT A TIME--PEACE AND PRAYERS

[suzieneedshelp]

No problem.. just be sure u dont use this as an excuse to keep on using.  Your mind will want u to feel so down and angry and discouraged so that u will continute using.  Remember its part of the disease that keep s you addicted!
Dont be tricked or fooled into continuing it ok hon?
Suzie has faith in you!

[Jennibean]

Nope I am also on percocet. Actually I am on oxydose which is percocet without the tylenol. My liver enzymes were getting pretty high from taking too much of the tylenol so my Dr switched me not knowing how much I take just knowing I needed less tylenol. Percocet is deffinately stronger as Vicodin, norco none of that even touches my pain nor gives me a buzz. I am taking these for "real" pain. I have had several surgeries this year and one that destroyed my insides as the surgeon made alot of mistakes. However I take alot more than somebody who is just treating pain, so even though I truly need them for pain I have decided that since I am an addict and can never seem to take the right amount that I must get off and deal with the pain and try other things like acupuncture etc. The medications are causing too many of theri own problems rather than helping me as they are meant to. because I am irresponsible with them. I just got oxycontin which is just percocet that lasts 12 hours, you don't get a real good buzz unless you crush them which I will not be doing. I am hoping to use them to taper, I cannot seem to taper off the short acting meds I have said for a month that I will start tomorrow. You arew correct that tapering will be alot easier on you than cold turkey unfortunately not too many addicts are able to stick to a taper. If you keep it in your mind that you are tapering to prevent cold turkey later you may have some luck but most addicts are all about teh instant gratification and use the I'll start after this one last dose and it never happens. If you can do it you deffinately should! Be strong none of thsi is easy but one thing I know is cold turkey is HELL! I have done it and never want to do it again. I have severe symptoms when in withdrawal no sleeping for sure, restless legs and arms, sweating, yawning, stomach cramps etc. I just cannot go through it ever again I get too depressed. So I am trying the oxycontin way and praying that I don't abuse it because if I do oxycontin is a hell of alot harder to withdrawal from than percocet, the withdrawal lasts forever! I have done both too many times. Good Luck to you, You should talk to your Dr they actually can help if they know what they are doing. Even if tehy don't if you can get the right meds to help alot of peopel here can tell you how to use them and taper.
Jen

[Pinkit]

Could someone please post the Thomas Recipe for me.  I have a close friend who wants to try it for percocet withdrawal.  I saw the recipe way down in the forum, but it doesn't tell the amounts of each that you're suppost to take.  Please post this as soon as possible.  This person is scared and really stuggling for help.  She wants to try the recipe.  I know what it says to take, but I don't know the mg. of each item.  I could'nt find it.  Thank you to anyone who can help with this.

[Pinkit]

Hello Rex, I'm doing okay.  Thank you for asking. Still recovering, but I'm going to make it.  Wasn't able to stop completely yet, but I'm getting closer. I've been on the 2 vics a day for about 3 weeks now. I just can't seem to go lower yet. I havent posted in awhile as you know. We've had alot of emergency's going on in our family lately. Thanks for asking about me though. How about you. How's everything been going for you?  Have you found a way to help with your back without using narcotics?  I remember last time we spoke you were having alot of pain. I'm praying for you and everyone else that we will all soon be free of these demons (pain Pills)  god bless everyone.

[essentia]

Just curious, where is everyone geting there "meds" from?..... Is it really that easy to go to the doctor these days... tell a small lie and "bam" ..he/she justs writes the prescription? Personally... my use started with them being given to me from friends who had them left over and dont abuse. Now i can buy right online and shipped to my door.

Just Curious
E

[needhelp1]

Thomas Detox Recipe

PLEASE NOTE: I am not a doctor, simply a long-time Rx opiate junkie who has had many opportunities to develop a way to detox. This is a recipe for at-home self-detox from opiates based on my experience as well as that of many other addicts. It is not intended as professional medical advice. It is always wise to make sure none of the recipe ingredients or procedures conflict with medications you may be taking. Likewise, if you have any medical condition, disease, allergy or any other health issue, consult your doctor before using the recipe. Thanks, Thomas

This recipe is designed for cold turkey opiate detox. It assumes that you can get about 5 to 7 days away from your job or household responsibilities during which you can sleep, veg and act as miserable as you feel. Opiate WD mimics the symptoms of the common flu, so, if you need a smokescreen, hide behind a bad case of the flu.

If you can't take time off to detox, I recommend you follow a taper regimen using your drug of choice or suitable alternate -- the slower the taper, the better.

For the Recipe, You'll need:

1. Valium (or another benzodiazepine such as Klonopin, Librium, Ativan or Xanax). Of these, Valium and Klonopin are best suited for tapering since they come in tablet form. Librium is also an excellent detox benzo, but comes in capsules, making it hard to taper the dose. Ativan or Xanax should only be used if you can't get one of the others.

2. Imodium (immodium) (over the counter, any drug or grocery store).

3. L-Tyrosine (500 mg caps) from the health food store.

4. Strong wide-spectrum mineral supplement with at least 100% RDA of Zinc, Phosphorus, Copper and Magnesium.

5. Vitamin B6 caps.

6. Access to hot baths or a Jacuzzi (or hot showers if that's all that's available).

How to use the recipe:

Begin your detox with regular doses of Valium (or alternate benzo). Start with a dose high enough to produce sleep. Before you use any benzo, make sure you're aware of how often it can be safely taken. Different benzos have different dosing schedules. Taper your Valium dosage down after each day. The goal is to get through day 4, after which the worst WD symptoms will subside. You shouldn't need the Valium after day 4 or 5.

During detox, hit the hot bath or Jacuzzi as often as you need to for muscle aches. Don't underestimate the effectiveness of hot soaks. Spend the entire time, if necessary, in a hot bath. This simple method will alleviate what is for many the worst opiate WD symptom.

Use the Imodium (immodium) aggressively to stop the runs. Take as much as you need, as often as you need it. Don't take it, however, if you don't need it.

At the end of the fourth day, you should be waking up from the Valium and experiencing the beginnings of the opiate WD malaise. Upon rising (empty stomach), take the L-Tyrosine. Try 2000 mgs, and scale up or down, depending on how you feel. You can take up to 4,000 mgs. Take the L-Tyrosine with B6 to help absorption. Wait about one hour before eating breakfast. The L-Tyrosine will give you a surge of physical and mental energy that will help counteract the malaise. You may continue to take it each morning for as long as it helps. If you find it gives you the "coffee jitters," consider lowering the dosage or discontinuing it altogether. Occasionally, L-Tyrosine can cause the runs. Unlike the runs from opiate WD, however, this effect of L-Tyrosine is mild and normally does not return after the first hour. Lowering the dosage may help.

With breakfast, take the mineral supplement.

As soon as you can force yourself to, get some mild exercise such as walking, cycling, swimming, etc. This will be hard at first, but will make you feel considerably better.

PLEASE NOTE: If you have any medical complications, first check with your doctor before detoxing to verify that this regimen is safe for you.

[pon]

Keb...12 days is hard to make...don't kid yourself, after the physical w/d is gone, the pills sing louder each day for a while...when the physical w/d is over, you feel better...so why can't you handle the med if you're in pain?  The addiction will trick you, it will do everything that it can to make you take the pills agian...most of us have been there.

Thing is, it doesn't matter that you gave in.  It doesn't matter that you did not make it all the way this time.  You have nothing to be ashamed of or to feel bad about.  You are a person just like everyone else and you are worth evrything in the world.  Don't let the pills feed into the bad feeling you have for your fall.  They will, they will try to make you hate yourself, and take them to stop the feeling.

You did well, 12 days is hard...getting through the first 5 days IS hard.  Don't beat yourself up.  Get back on the horse and try agian.  YOU ARE WORTH IT.  You are worth more ythan the pills.  Accept what happened for what it is.  A step backwards on a very hard road to walk...nothing more.  Get back on the road and put one foot in front of the other...making it down the road counts...how you get there is not so important.

prayers,

pon

[lisabet]

What a great post to kebby - THIS is why I love this forum !  
Love/Peace, Lisabet

[kebby]

Thank you guys for all of the encouragement. I have a lot of thinking to do. I think I'm going to be O.K. One big plus is that I was not able to get percocets (my drug of choice), just these lousey Darvacets. I was suprised to catch a buzz since in the past they have done nothing for me. I did go to see an addictionologist today. Are any of you familiar w/ the Jamie Kennedy Show? Well, it is this hidden camera show, and things seemed so wacky at my visit, that I was half waiting for the door to pop open and for the camera men to pop out. I told him my whole story straight up; he then told me that he didn't think that I had an addiction problem, because addicts don't go to their doctors and say that they have a problem, and asked to be weened. (that was one thing), then he took a book off his shelf and showed me how they grow and harvest the opium plant, and asked me if I knew that Hitler was on Oxyicontin!? Here's the best part... he said I was a "fun" girl, and need to have "fun", and that was O.K.!!! He did go on to say in other ways... and to start nurturing myself. I'm going back next wk. I don't know why.
O.K., Lifeisbetter wanted me to clear her name. In this mornings post, I excluded her. It was only because she is one of my mentors, and best friend, and I was embarressed for her to see it.
Thanks again for all the comments and prayers.
School starts back tomorrow, things can only get better ;)

[Pinkit]

Thank you for the Thomas Recipe details.  I agree that was a great response to Kebby, Pon.  Very nicely said!!!

[Rex1]

Way to go. WOW - that's awesome. I too am at what 43 days now.

Feels good, although I have my ups and downs. Glad you are doing better - don't be a stranger. We have new people here all the time, and can use all the support we can get!

Rex

[sharonver]

You have an addictive personality, like most of us do. I do the same thing.  Shopping, eating, I could go on and on.  When I see it coming I try to stop it before it gets out of hand, but its not always easy. At least there is no physical withdrawals!!!
Thank God for that!

Sharon

[WifeofAddict]

I love your question...and think it is a good one for the doctor.  Can't wait to hear his response.  My husband gets out of rehab tomorrow (can't wait), and i am wondering the same thing.  Is he going to get addicted to NA meetings?  Is he going to drink?  Is he going to become absorbed with his job?  Hopefully he becomes addicted to me....that wouldn't be so bad :) Congrats on the one year opiate free!  What an accomplishment!  How do you feel?  Are the urges still strong?  How often do you crave it?  
~~~shaking your hand~~~~
Way to go!
Catherine

[kebby]

I relapsed yesterday on day 12 of no pills! I real great and very ashamed! I have my appointment w/ an addictionologist this afternoon. I have strep throat and just couldn't take the pain! Sorry to myself and all those who were inspired by me. Kebby

[Rex1]

Strep throat is no picnic! The sickest I have ever been in my life was when I had Strep about 6 years ago - pain like you wouldn't believe!

Now here's the kicker - if you were on painkillers for some time, and then had been going CT, this incredible pain would be magnified by 5x or maybe even 10x!!!

I am not saying this to make you feel better - it is the truth! I do not know whether I could take that kind of pain. I might take a very low dose of Norcos just to get through it, and then quickly taper to zero when I was well.

My point is, painkillers are for pain, and you likey have an oversensitized pain threshold because of your addiction. Don't beat yourself up - feel better and get well.

In fact, I am not sure I would call this a relapse.

On a side note, for all us here, this is the very reason I think we need to be off Painkillers, especially the strong ones like Hydro, Oxy, Ms Contin, ect. We may legitimately need them one day, plus all of our endorphins in full working order.

Kebby, I think that if you had say 6mo or a year of no painkillers, the pain from Strep would be much less because your bodies natural defenses would have stepped up and been operational.

Good luck and feel better!

Rex

[Pinkit]

Hang in there Kebby.  Congrats on the 12 day mark.  It's great that you got that far.  The first time you tried to ride a bike, did you fall?  I'm sure you did, but I bet you got right back on that bike and rode it again until you didn't fall.  Think of it that way.  So what if you relapsed.  Just get right back up, brush yourself off, and start riding again on your rode to recovery.  You can do it!  Don't spend alot of time feeling ashamed that you relapsed.  Just spend that energy on getting clean.  Good luck to you and god bless.

[Rex1]

How the Buprenex going?

Rex

[Rex1]

Hey how have you been - what's up with you lately?

Rex

[Jennibean]

Ok here is the deal like Rex said. You have been filling your body with opiates and when you do that your body stops making it's own endorphins which is our natural pain killers. It can take 6-18 months for our bodies to get back to normal as far as that goes so everybody who has abused opiates will go through some pain during their detox and after. I will tell you what my addictionologist told me. An alcoholic NEVER has an excuse to drink again, it just isn't necessary however opiate addicts may have to use their drug of choice sevral times in their lifetime because of real pain. That makes it hard, we just have to remmember that we are addicts and they suggest that you don't self medicate again, meaning someone else has your bottle of pills and gives them to you, to lower the temptation to abuse them. Now it really sucks that you had to use just 12 days into your detox when clearly you don't have a good run of sobriety that you would be terrified to mess up. I think if we need them several months or even years after our detox we are more likely to give the control of pills to someone else as we have come so far and don't want to start over. And like I told Rex it has alot to do with knowing you have done this to you body and expecting some pain, possibly alot of pain as most of us have real pain issues which is why we started taking these things. We will have to make choices, now when I was clean I made it through a pulled tooth and dry socket with no opiates now dry socket is known to be one of the most painful things that a person can have but my sobriety meant too much to me then and I pulled through it with nothing more than a bunch of ibuprofen because I didn't want to give it all up knowing I was taking a chance of being sucked back in. Now here I am using again and using alot and about to start withdrawal all over again. I just pray it is the last time. I have real horrible pain and have just been told that nobody can cure me or make it better so my detox is going to be horrible as far as pain goes. And I am just telling myself that I have to get through it until my body learns how to handle some pain by itself again. Now you had a sore throat and you used pain medication so forgive yourself immediately! Get over it because guess what the guilt can make us say "screw it I messed up I am not worthy and I will just keep taking these pills". Forgive yoruself!!!!!! Get right back on your program, whatever you program is and continue to get clean don't let this ruin everything you have done! You are worthy but you are also human and you were in pain. I will tell you also what I told Rex though and I worked as a Medical assistant for a long time. Most people do not take Opiates for strept throat yes it hurts but the rest of the world does not reach so easily for opiates, we do and now that we have messed up our bodies it probably did hurt you 10 times more than it would have hurt an opiate naive person. Good Luck to you, I hope that you are feeling better and I hope that you are able to continue on yoru path to freedom from these awful drugs!

Jen

[Rex1]

Catherine,

You said "I'm so glad he's home".  Does he know that? You should tell him -- often, even though he may not deserve it!

I was the addict and my wife was so good to me.  But the best thing that she ever did for me, was to stand behind me and let me know that she loves me that she would help me.

I cannot tell you how much positive energy this gave me, because there was a time when she had the opposite attitude -- you know the hands on the hips thing.  For me anyway, this just made me use more and more.

I think that it is an awesome thing that you are there for him, and if he is like me he will tell you that he will be there for you. Your unrelenting support will be a powerful medicine for him in my humble opinion, and a byproduct of all of this is you may find a strengthened marriage, although I don't know that for sure.  That's just what happened to us...

Thanks for being there for us...

Rex

[lifeisbetter]

The truth is kebby saved my life. She knew for years that I had a problem but since we live in different states she didn't know how bad it had gotten. When she came down to visit family, we got together and she realized how bad it really was. She then worried herself sick for a week until she came up with a way to get me into rehab and find care for my kids. I can absolutely say that I owe her my life. Although I have to say, Now that I think about that visit, I think I gave her some pills. Yeah... yeah... I did! Wait a minute! I know I was pretty messed up so I could be wrong but, kebby, if your reading this, you really have to fess up! Did I give you some? Maybe you've been having a "secret affair" with the pills longer than you realize or want to admit.
Anyway, I hope that is the last time you will ever say your embarassed to admit anything to me. I so understand the call of the pills and would never ever condemn you for a "slip" or...anything I love you I just don't want you to go down the same road I did. As far as what happened yesterday I don't think you relapsed the only bad part was the sneaking and that you wanted it to be more than Darvocet. That's the part you should worry about what would you be doing right now if it had been percocet? Feeling good but sick again next week with no excuse why.
It's never gonna be like it was in the begining, it was never as fun for me once I admitted I had the problem. When I was in rehab they gave me something I think would be great for you to read. I'll look for it and post it so everyone can see it, I think it sums the whole thing up. You are doing great! You've passed up the pills twice in 12 days and said no to the hydro cough medicine try to focus on the positive and just keep going.

[mikey the addict]

First off this is my first answer to a comment on the board. I've been watching it for several weeks and I must say there are some good people with good responses. Iam a recovering addict know for over 1 year, my choice was opiates of any kind, I feel i have learned enough to give an answer to your question on your husband coming home from rehab. first off pat yourself on the back for being supportive, meaning, i hope you hadn't or wont threaten to leave him if he does slip and chances that he will or better put statistics show that it happens more then not. Just keep beening supportive. And yes he will be different, I dont know how long his use and on what but from experince you come home from rehab feeling like you been hit by a truck. He might sit on the couch for days not wanting to do anything, he will be submerge into all the rehab stuff that was giving to him, and hopefully he was in a good rehab center that got him educated about his addiction, his reasons, his feelings, the people he hurt. basically its all text book. And yes hopefully he will have a new NA family, you might feel left out from meetings, new friends, and new ageandas, remember this is all good, over time he could spend more time at work, find time to excirse, which i recomend. he will hopefully find as what we call are " Higher power " remember he is going to feel out of it for awhile, but in a matter of time he's going to change EVERYTHING. I hope this helps?

Mikey the Addict email: ***@****

[lifeisbetter]

Hello, I am your Disease
  
   I Hate meetings...I Hate higher powers...I Hate anyone who has a program. To all who come in contact with me, I wish you death and I wish you suffering. Allow me to introduce myself, I am the disease of addiction. I Am cunning, baffling, and powerful. That's Me. I have killed millions and I am pleased.
  I love to catch you with the element of suprise. I love pretending I am your friend and lover. I have given you comfort, haven't I? Wasn't I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn't you call on me? I was there, I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I Love to make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry. When you can't feel anything at all. This is true gratification. And all that I ask from you is long term suffering. I've been there for you always.

  When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn't deserve these good things, and I was the only one who would agree with you. Together we were able to destroy all the good things in your life. People don't take me seriously. They take strokes seriously, heart attacks, even diabetes, they take seriously. Fools. Without my help these things would not be possible. I am such a hated disease, and yet I do not come uninvited. You choose to have me. So many have chosen me over reality and peace.

  More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a 12 step program. Your program, Your meeting, Your higher power. All of these things weaken me, and I can't function in the manner I am accustomed to. Now I must lie here quietly. You don't see me but I am growing bigger than ever. When you only exist, I may live. When you live I may only exist. But I am here...

And until we meet again, If we meet again, I wish you death and suffering.

[mikey the addict]

Hi new guy here, and just read your post. Iam a recovering addict and now work at my local church to reach out to kids using alcohol and drugs. Anyway what your feeling is a brain reaction. whatever you like doing one side of your brain rewards the other side with the good feeling chemicals and once you teach your brain what you like your brain will continue to reward you with that nice feeling, hence this is one way of becoming addicted. Nobody knows why some can't control it or as you say cross over that imaginary line. There are so many factors why we can't control it. If you have the means to talk to a therapist ( if you believe in them ) than talk to one. Their are addiction groups for everything! talk to people with the addiction you become addicted to and find out how fimilar you are them. Its really about talking to others. Good-luck

Mikey the addict e-mail: ***@****

[mikey the addict]

I AND MY HIGHER POWER, YES THE PERSON OR DOOR KNOB I TURN MY ADDICTION OVER TOO HAVE YOU LICKED!

I LAUGH AT YOU " QUIT CHASING YOU WAY LONG AGO, YOU R DEFEATED"

LIFE IS SO GOOD!

MIKEY THE ADDICT, E-MAIL: ***@****

[socalgirl]

To any or all I need some feedback on this Thomas Recipe.

Does it really help?  Can I use some  vicoden or daracets with xanax and ibr.800 to hepl avoid most or all the pain???
  So far I have gathered a little of the above plus anxiety pills and flexeral..all these to not feel the pain of black tar/cheva withdrawl...
but when I start the process it still doesn't seem to work.  Still get hot and cold ...bad sweats..aches..kickey legs and no energy...can barely move to open the bottle and take some pills.....
any sugestions at all????!!!


help..and thanks

[Bodymechanic]

I do not hate 12 step meets nor the people who attend them.  I do strongly object to the 12 step fanatics who use this board to push AA or NA on those who are trying find their way through recovery.  You are disseminating misinformation.  By far most people recover without the help of a 12 step group or any outside intervention. There are many ways to recover with and without a 12 step group.  The truth of the matter is that 12 step recovery have a notoriously poor success rate.  

Your promotion of AA/NA is a clear violation of the 12 step traditions.  Please do us all a favor and knock it off.

[southernbelle]

right on!  thanks so much (as always) for your honesty.  i agree with you.  people mean well, they really do (no offence, lifeisbetter, really) but i agree with you 100%!  thanks, i smiled because of your comment, and i needed to smile this morning!

[lifeisbetter]

Wow! I really offended you. I actually don't know the 12 traditions so I didn't know I broke one.  If you've read any of my other posts I don't think I have really pushed NA/AA at all. I don't even go to meetings except when I really feel like I should. I do think the 12 steps work for some people, but I haven't done them. I also think people who have done them, seem to be more comfortable living clean and sober. I stay clean because I hated where I was, and as you can tell by my original post I haven't gotten a complete grasp on my life yet.  The post your talking about was something I got in rehab.  I didn't really even pay attention to the 12 step part it was more about how easy it was for me to relate to the ugliness of addiction. Again, I also believe people stop using drugs in many different wyas and I do not find it my place to tell anyone how to stay clean. I share a unique bond with the moms on here because I know how it feels to want so badly to be a good mom. Its is the worst feeling to think your behavior is harming your kids yet not knowing how to stop taking the pills. Just trying to share a litttle hope. Sorry to offend anyone, again.

[lifeisbetter]

Wow! I really offended you. I actually don't know the 12 traditions so I didn't know I broke one.  If you've read any of my other posts I don't think I have really pushed NA/AA at all. I don't even go to meetings except when I really feel like I should. I do think the 12 steps work for some people, but I haven't done them. I also think people who have done them, seem to be more comfortable living clean and sober. I stay clean because I hated where I was, and as you can tell by my original post I haven't gotten a complete grasp on my life yet.  The post your talking about was something I got in rehab.  I didn't really even pay attention to the 12 step part it was more about how easy it was for me to relate to the ugliness of addiction. Again, I also believe people stop using drugs in many different wyas and I do not find it my place to tell anyone how to stay clean. I share a unique bond with the moms on here because I know how it feels to want so badly to be a good mom. Its is the worst feeling to think your behavior is harming your kids yet not knowing how to stop taking the pills. Just trying to share a litttle hope. Sorry to offend anyone, again.

[southernbelle]

you didn't offend anybody, this is what it's all about-- voicing our opinions and having a sounding board.  your opinions are respected here....always keep putting in your two cents' worth! i say whatever it takes is what a person needs to do --- no matter what program, agenda or goals a person uses.  we just all need to get off these drugs (and I don't particulary care for those 12 step meetings/programs -- nothing but propoganda and self-gratification in my book).  LOVE and PEACE to you, really!!

[percsnomas]

I felt the sharing of hope your post was trying to convey.
I think it was a harsh response(s) to it, and knowing us addicts have a fragile ego/self esteem as it is; definately a "pass over" post.
Percs No More

[WifeofAddict]

Thanks Mike for the post....he actually got home this morning...with a fever of 103!  So...i put him to bed with some cold water and facecloth.  Anyways, thanks for the advice.  Hope you keep posting here.  Good luck to you.  Congrats on one year sober for you too!

Lifeisbetter...i thought your post was hilarious!  I don't know if you intended it to be funny...but i got a kick out of it.  I could just picture a pill in front of me with devil horns and all!  i agree AA/NA shouldn't be pushed...nothing ever should.  I don't think you pushed it though....i agree with percs...overlook that post, and carry on writing great posts to the rest of us.  By the way, i asked you a couple of questions in the third post of this thread....just in case you overlooked them...or maybe you just don't want to answer...which is fine too.
Thanks a bunch
Catherine

[WifeofAddict]

I feel compelled to clarify something...only because of the sensitivity factor here.  I found the post funny because it was clever and dead on in my opinion.  As much as it was interesting, true(in my opinion), and clever, it was humorous TO ME.  
Thanks,
Catherine

[lifeisbetter]

Catherine,
    I'm sorry I didn't answer your questions. I did read your post but sometimes my kids distract me and then I forget to answer. (I still forget things even though I'm off the pills, course it could be that I'm aging since I'm 37...nah I'd rather blame the pills)
Anyway you asked if your husband would be different, if he's gonna drink, or get more absorbed in his job. Also how I feel now, and if the cravings are strong.
     I too am the wife of an addict although he "only" smokes pot and sometimes drinks. It seems harmless compared to my drugs but the behavior is still the same. I tend to be in whatever mood my husband is in. Now that I'm aware of it, I try really hard not to let his moodiness get to me. Sometimes I can do it but mostly I can't. Whatever your husband decides to do, if at all possible, for now just be really flexible. When I came home from rehab, life was shocking, everything made me so nervous. Rehab was in a sheltered peaceful environment so when I got out I not only found myself back in this hectic world but I had to face it without my pills. It was tough. They made us go to meetings everyday in rehab and I'm glad for that because I would never have gone on my own, and as you've read I still don't. I think it did contribute alot to my early recovery just being with people who understood me. As far as drinking, all I know is they told me in rehab not to. I don't like to be drunk so that hasn't been a problem. I do work too much and I'm sure that has some significance like, I'm still avoiding my problems and not facing life.  Whatever, I'm not using drugs so its a better choice anyway. My husband can rely on me now. If I say I'll do something he knows I'll do it. The cravings got less and farther apart each time I made it through one.  I did relapse for 6 weeks about 8 monthes after treatment. In hindsight I am glad I did because it really showed me that I can never control my use. After all the sacrifices my family and friends made for me, I still got hooked after "just one" pill. That memory along with my lst detox has kept me clean now for over a year. The best advise I can give you is to treat your husband like he's 9 monthes pregnant. He'll be irrational at times, blame you for things, then turn right around and me very needy and loving. Give him time and take care of yourself. Concentrate on changing only what you can change about you to be a better spouse. He has to go through this himself. Hope this helps. Is it nice to have him home?

[lifeisbetter]

I have to admit my fragile ego/self esteem did get hurt. Not only am I an addict I'm a people-pleaser to! Oh no!

oh and I just got your name perc no mas. You'd think me being from So. Fla that I'd get the Spanish part. I kept thinking it was percs-n-somas. I use to combine them as well.

[lifeisbetter]

I have to admit my fragile ego/self esteem did get hurt. Not only am I an addict I'm a people-pleaser to! Oh no!

oh and I just got your name perc no mas. You'd think me being from So. Fla that I'd get the Spanish part. I kept thinking it was percs-n-somas. I use to combine them as well.

[Bungee7]

saw your post....said you were in S.Florida, where at? I am in Melbourne(which I guess is more central FL). It's always nice to chat with local people.

-Anthony

[Rex1]

I am a native South Floridian, born and raised in Miami.

I dressed like Don Johnson before he made the scene, and was on South Beach before South Beach was cool!

Where are you guys in So Fl?

Rex

[WifeofAddict]

Thanks for not only answering my question...but for giving me some peace of mind.  I am sooo glad he is home.  He does have a temp of 103 but i am taking care of him....and it is slowly going down.  I can imagine how difficult coming from rehab will be...so i am going to give him time to adjust.  I am not going to push him....until he feels he can push himself without using.  Thanks again.  It is so good to hear from someone who has done it for this long....it helps to get a grasp on what kinds of things he will be dealing with to come.  I am in school full-time at the moment....so i have no choice but to concentrate on my studies...it is my last semester before i graduate.  
And usually addicts are people pleasers....sometimes that is how they get themselves into this mess.  
Take care of yourself
Catherine

[theGolden1]

I didn't agree that people "choose" to be addicted. They may take it for pain or to get high and feel good. At some point it all goes bad .... but addiction was not the original motive for taking it.

[leadchest]

hey you, out there in the cold...

i send you strength and love.

yesterday i talked to a friend about my heroin/coke experiences.
and the cravings hit me strong. been off the dirty street powder for just a few months and it scared me, this rush i got only from imagining and picturing how it'd be to... and how much i would feel now that my tolerance is down again...

i will not let myself down now. nope, no dope for me for now.
(even didnt smoke herb for a week)

you know its getting better after some weeks, the feeling comes back and the energy. i enjoy to feel myself again,
centered almost within myself.
i think of it less even.
but now that my memories of the bad sides fade so quickly i get weaker of will.
i forget, i wouldnt have thought that i'd forget this soon,
the cramps, the diarrhea, the sweat, the shaking, the big black hole inside of me... do i really want this again ???
just one more fix, right ? one more time for the last time,
one more time for release ?
NO, sucker, lets live a little !

I read your posts and i am glad you are there.
there is a place in my heart that is filling up to spill with so much love for my friends out there that dont know me but do too.

i send you strength and trust to all corners of the earth.

let the sun shine in, god is blessing me each day just like he blesses you as he watches us all with unconditional love.

thank you for helping me stay strong. thanks.

>>>oh, does anybody know of a drug-related-but-serious-chatroom ? i'd like to talk to you.

cheers from berlin.
rob: out.

[socalgirl]

I too would like to know of a drug related chat room.  My email is ***@**** and I think I am on the buddy/messenger system.  I am new to the website.  I have been and well still am for the next few days addicted to herion.  I am going to try the Thomas recipe witha few add in like vico,darvocet, and flexeral(i don't ahndle pain too well) but I just bought all the vitams and such tonite.  I'm scared though.  I've been thru it before and I know how much it sucks.  I promised myself I would never  ever get my self in this situation and after like 6 or 7 years I started again.  Fitsrt with Vicidens and then decided with the anount of $$ these cost in TJ I could be getting really high adn doing dope for half the price.   But it isn't cheaper and it is way worse.  I have horrrible veins so some nite I sit in the bathroon digging and searghing for hours for a vein.   So now I have some nice tract marks on my hands feet and arms.   My hands are practically purple sometimes.  

Well I hope this Thomas recipe works...it's reaally just the time,  Time is not on your side for the first week.  You hate seeing the sun come up and no you have a whole nother day to kill laying on the couch wanting to sleep but can't and nothing is good or fun.  Movies suck, favorite foods suck..the telephone is a most dreaded sound.  and all you can do is wait and hope.  

And the worst part is that you brought it on yourself..you have no $$ and usually owe a ton of $$ ..bills are all overdue and by the tiem you get a job and get that first check it will still seeem like forever.  so here you sit just going over and over this until your anxiety is at it's highest and you just need something to take your mind off of all this.  

Wow I can't believe I am venting or whining so much.  I hope I can drag myself to the computer and have some emails or some comments or anything to keep my mind off the pain.  

Well I hope to hear from some of you and would love to find a chat room...maybe this web site could set one up??

Thanks for your time and for reading my rambling
socalgirl

[DubeMechanic]

Dont worry about the venting, I understood every word. Its morning here on the east coast and day 6 for me. I just called work to say I wouldnt be in again (3 days now). I definately have to go in tommorow though. Should be interesting..

I actually feel better then yesterday, hopefully the worst is over. But I still feel as you do, dreading this day of lying around again.  As you said, everything sucks.. I have hardly eaten for several days. I do force myself to eat though, but its a chore, like everything else.

I must say it wasnt (and still isnt) as bad as I though it would be.

Prayer helps a LOT.

Anyway, enough rambling from me..

God bless

DM

[socalgirl]

Did you try the Thomas Recipe?

[socalgirl]

Oops also are you on white H or tar....and may I ask if you are in Richmond cause that is where I got into alot of   the white H...it seemed to be everywhere...although there were methadone clinics there and I tell ya out here in San Diego no one knows if any methadone clinics and you must have to know some special people to find one ...not that I think that is a good way to go but it is an option anyway
We do have one good thing..there is this guy who must be funded by some guy who used to have an opiate problem and now is very wealthy he offers free utensils and I mean everything...cottons,alcohol swabs..rigs by the hundred..proper conatiner(the biohazard ones), cookers, tornicut, and an OD kit with something you shoot into the persons muscle and they come around and go into withdrawal but it saves the police from getting invloved etc.    The guy is an angel.  he even comes to your home...I think it's great cause there is no reusing and bleaching of rigs and less chance of infections and disease.....
there I go again rambling..just nice to talk with someone as I sit here and dread the future days...
socalgirl

[sharonver]

I am surprised that there is not many meth clinics in your area. I thought they were in all big cities. Anyways, it is probable a godsend because if i had known back then how hard it was to come off meth, I would have never gotten on! I think it should be a last resort for someone.  I know it has saved many lives, but it needs to be a very last resort.  If you only go on for a short period like a meth detox program that is ok.  But if you choose to go on maintenance then choose to only be on for a year or two.If that! The longer you are on it the harder it is to get it out of your system. My opinion only ( from expereience).

Sharon

[FINISHED!!]

TJ? $7.00 a pill the last time I heard. There are meth clinics up my way in Long Beach CA. but I believe like previously posted, it should be the LAST RESORT. Substituting one drug for another can be very dangerous. I wont lie & say I know what you're feeling because my drug of choice has always been the VICODIN ES. I've never gone near H or anything illegal. My philosiphy is you need to do whatever it takes to get clean & be COMPLETELY honest with yourself at all times. If you're REALLY ready to be clean then you'll get clean...however you need to. If it requires methadone, just be prepared because in my opinion, you're prolonging the inevitable...withdrawls. I've read a lot of horror stories here about methadone withdrawls & they seem just as bad if not worse than the heroin stories. But please do what you need to do to get clean. I am in no way condeming methadone clinics. I think if you go in being honest with yourself the entire time, it probably works great. But being an addict, I know that being honest is extremely hard to do. Just the other side of the coin; I've also read a lot of GREAT success stories regarding methadone. A great deal of strength is needed for any path we choose to get clean & I applaude all of those jumping head first into the world of sobriety.

[DubeMechanic]

No I never have done herion although I understand that Fentanyl (duragesic) is practically the same as heroin. I was on a 100 microgram patch for a year.

I didnt do the Thomas Recipe, just took a multi vitamin each day as I wasnt eating much.

This is day 6 and Im feeling better but still lethargic. It was easier than I thought though. No runs or sweats, just felt lousy and had trouble sleeping.

Hang in there, you can do this.

God Bless

DM

[Rex1]

Hey, where ya been?

Rex

[FINISHED!!]

You had said that you were on Fentanyl & it was close to the same as heroin. What exactly is this patch. My Mother just went to a pain management doctor last week after her orthopedic surgeon recomended that she needs a stronger pain med than the Vicodin ES that she had taken...responisibly (3 to 4 pills a day for about 9 years...isn't THAT amazing?) I believe that the Fentanyl was one of the meds the doc recomended but I was unable to find any info on this. (I may have been spelling it wrong) He also mentioned oxy, methadone & a slew of others.

My Mom has digentitive disc disease in her back, carpul tunnel in both hands, two rebuilt hips & a bunch of other problems. To top all of this off, she has had numerous pulminary embalisms & 3 strokes so she can NEVER have surgery again due to the fact that she must take blood thinners to keep any more blood clots from happening or the existing ones from causing blockages or strokes.

Any info you have on this or the others would be GREATLY appreciated.

Thanks,
FINISHED...

[Bungee7]

I think i'm going to go to a NA meeting tonight. I'm going to call after work and see if there even is one tonight. Does anybody have any "NA Advice" for me? I've never been to a meeting before, what should I expect? Wish me luck....

-Anthony

[WifeofAddict]

Bungee7,
At NA meetings, you don't have to speak.  There is usually a speaker...who goes through the steps and the traditions.  Then they ask someone (preselected usually) to get up and tell their story.  After that...people who have been sober for 24 hours, 1 month, 3 months etc...have the opportunity to get up and get a medallion in recognition of their success.  Just sit and listen to what others are saying.  I personally feel uplifted when i leave.  It helps to know that we are not alone in this battle.  If nothing else...knowing this makes my life a whole lot easier.  
Good Luck!
Let us know how it goes.
Catherine

[WifeofAddict]

Bungee7,
At NA meetings, you don't have to speak.  There is usually a speaker...who goes through the steps and the traditions.  Then they ask someone (preselected usually) to get up and tell their story.  After that...people who have been sober for 24 hours, 1 month, 3 months etc...have the opportunity to get up and get a medallion in recognition of their success.  Just sit and listen to what others are saying.  I personally feel uplifted when i leave.  It helps to know that we are not alone in this battle.  If nothing else...knowing this makes my life a whole lot easier.  
Good Luck!
Let us know how it goes.
Catherine

Rex,
Thanks for the personal insights.  I have learned a lot from your posts, and look forward to more.  I love him soo much more now than i ever did...which scares me...because i wonder...if i didn't love him this much before....why did i marry him?  Don't get me wrong i am soo glad i did...but looking back...he was on pills, and wasn't there for me at all....and yet something still told me to do it...and i am glad i listened.  He is completely different in the way he treats and reacts to me.  Even his kiss feels different...like he is actually kissing me...not just going through the motions.  Hard to explain.  Just know that i am happy.  I am glad you and your wife are happy too.
Thanks again
Catherine

[Bungee7]

Hey,

Thanks for the info. I called and I am going to my first meeting tomorrow. I will let you all know how it goes...


-Anthony

[Rex1]

Kinda lends creedence to the saying "All things happen for a reason".

My unbelievably kind and loving spouse is just amazing to me now. She was amazing before, but you really start to look upon the heart of a person who is there helping you despite the fact that you don't deserve it.

More views from the addicts point of view for you, if you can stomach it...

I take full responsibility for getting into Vicodin hell. I mean, let's face it, when you're taking 4 at a time, you know your are not doing it for pain!

Having said that, I will say that once you are in a little, your reasoning and common sense are affected a little. Then your are in deeper, and your reasoning is affected more deeply. Once your are in "full", the very thing that can get you out - a clear mind and strong will - is fully affected by the drugs, and at least for me, was damaged and unable to "win" the battle of addiction. I would have never in my wildest dreams thought I would end up in the state that I did.

The main thing that I lost while on the painkillers was the happiness that was always part of me, and that I am still searching for at 46 days out! I hate depression more than anything and I have found a new appreciation for folks who battle this monster daily - he's strong!

But, having had drug problems as a kid in Miami, and alcohol problems later, one great thing that came out of this experience is this - I will explain in full detail to all three of my boys (13, 11, and 7) what a catastrophic mistake drug and alcohol use is. You must see this from the underside to understand it, I think. One guy I like - Bill Oreilly - puts it this way "When a child does drugs for the first time, something inside the child dies, he is never the same again". In my experience, this is absolutely true.

And so it comes down to this. Although I have the greatest God in the world, and my life is more or less awesome, I can;t have a really good time unless I am wasted on something! This is a habit I know I learned while hanging with my friends in Miami as a young adult. What I wouldn't pay to have an UNDO command for certain parts of my life! But then I wouldn't be here, learning all I am and hopefully growing in some way.

I want an ice cold Heineken. I want a tall Barcardi and coke - double. I want 4.5 Norcos. I want a Samuel Adams Octoberfest in the dark bottle with a frosted mug and a cheeseburger.

I am learning that all of the above are nothing but lies of life, promising short term happiness but delivering a lengthy bout with hell!

I want to be a good dad. A good husband. A good Christian. A good employee. A good person.

If I skip the first group, God will give me the second. That seems fair. No one said I have to like it. I am just praying that one day soon I will...

Thanks for being the other side of the coin for us chemical kids!

Rex

[lisabet]

Just read your above post; thanks for speaking from the heart, as you always do.  I'm so glad you have a supportive spouse, and your great kids, and I feel like you are grateful for them, too!  It's a lesson I'm trying to learn, to be grateful; but it isn't easy, you know?  You are "da man", Mr. Rex.  A work in progress, yes?  My wish and prayer for you is that you'll get that natural state of happiness back you miss so much. Somehow I think you'll achieve it.  Love/Peace, Lisabet

[Rex1]

Thanks. I am praying and so it is in God's hands...

Thanks for your support. Im having a few down days here - I picked up that "crud" cold that everyone has out here and its knocking me out...

Tomorrow is another day....where I am not running on the Vicodin treadmill!

Freedom feels good!

Lisabet, as always thanks and let me know if I can help in any way.

REx

[suzieneedshelp]

Rex..awesome post man!  Your honesty is inspiring!  You know it is this battle and the growth it has fostered in your soul that makes u who u are today!
Lizbet..Your kind remarks and thoughts and feedback are wut this board is all about!  
Love,
Suzie

[FINISHED!!]

GREAT posts man...You gave me the goosebumps. You now have me in your corner praying as well for your natural happiness. That's the VERY LEAST I could do for you my friend. We have Bible Study tonight & I'll be sure to include you in the prayer group.

FINISHED!!

[DubeMechanic]

Fentanyle (try looking for "duragesic," same thing) is a patch that lasts for 72 hours. It provides a steady dose of painkiller.  Its nice in that you dont have to worry about missing a dose, although they may cause skin iritation and have a habit of coming lose when doing heavy work. I liked it, you even woke up with no pain.

However.. according to the chart MrMicheal sent me

http://www.globalrph.com/narcotic.htm

my 100 microgram patch was the same as five (or 10? how long does an  Oxycontin 40 last, anyway) OC 40s a day, or 600 milligrams of oral morphine a day (if Im reading it right). Heh. Well, I did ask for it :)

Check the chart out, see if it jibes with what your doc says. They come in 25, 50 and 100 microgram sizes. They are POTENT, trust me.

Its now day 7 and Im feeling pretty good, went to work. I did cheat, copped some klonopine 1 mg and Somas to relax me and help me sleep. Klonopin is a benzo (like valium I believe) and Soma is a muscle relaxer that knocks me right out. Probably helps with RLS too, as mine has subsuded.

If youre in cronic pain, the patch may be a good idea, only have to worry about it every 3 days.. as long as it stays on.

If you want more info, let me know.

Good luck and God Bless
DM

[DubeMechanic]

This is somethings Ive not really seen in preparations for WDing from whatever.. besides the Thomas Recipe (if you so choose) another thing to make sure you have is stuff like paper plates and cups, instant soup (the kind you heat and serve out of the same comtainer), microwaveable breakfasts and suppers (same thing, heat and serve in the same container).. anything to lesson the work load.. you will NOT want to cook or wash dishes.. Maybe get a load or two of laundy ahead.

The less you have to do, the happier (well.. less miserable) you will be if youre anything like me.

Just a thought.

Good luck everyone!
DM

[lifeisbetter]

Hi guys. I live in Ft. Lauderdale but I know Melbourne and Miami well. My mom lives in Vero and I went to rehab at South Miami hospital. Rex have you heard of Calvery Chapel in Ft. Lauderdale?
That's my church.

[Rex1]

South Miami hospital if I recall used to be Children's Hospital right? Right near the UM. I was born in that hospital, after which they shut it down ;-)

Small world.

Rex

[MrsRat]

I spent the best 12 years of my life in S. Florida.  I still have family down there near Pompano Beach.  I lived last, out in Sunshine Ranches, in Davie.  Ohhh, how I miss home.  My dream to is one day live in the Ft. Lauderdale area again and to go dancing at the Davie Junction one more time. I'm friends with the owners of that club and miss going there. (Of course I'd have to drag my hubby there kicking and screaming, he hates country music. LOL.)

You guys are making me tear up here just thinking of home and how much I miss it.  There is just no comparison between Florida and Phoenix, even though I have heard many say they are similar.  I don't find that to be true at all.  It's way too dry out here, I miss that humidity that warms you and the salt air that is so healing.

If ya get up to Pompano Beach and walk along it one day soon Lifeisbetter, think of me and find a pretty shell and take it home. That was always one of my favorite beaches (except for the best of all being Sanibel Island, of course) to go shell hunting.  I think I still have some Sanibel stoop in me even to this day. Heh.

[rainman]

Good morning everyone! At least it is morning here in Michigan and the freshly fallen snow looks beautiful although I will be cursing it later when I have to drive in it! I am now in day #6 of cold turkey W/D frim MS Contin (morphine). I am hanging in there although my sleep is quite broken up. I am usually able to make it through the day with help from a few Darvocets to ease the body aches. I hope I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel(I just hope it's not a train!). My confidence level is high because I have no choice. I cannot relapse back onto the meds because I have no more. I will make it!

I have a question maybe some of you could answer. I have been using Darvocet to ease my muscle pain during the day and it seems to help. When those are gone I also have a supply of sample Ultracets that were given to my wife for headaches. Are Darvocet and Ultracet similar? Is one stronger than the other? I also take Paxil on a daily basis although a very small amount. I started off at 20mg and then dropped to 10mg and have now only been taking half of a 10mg for several months. To tell you the truth I don't know if the small amount of Paxil even does anything for me now since I have missed doses on several ocassions without even noticing. I guess one of my questions is: Is it OK to take Ultracet with Paxil? If it is similar to Darvocet I should have no problems I would think. Any advice would be great! Thanks all for the help and keep the faith. God Bless.

[Rex1]

I am glad you have fond memories of So Florida - I do too. Of course that was when it was South Florida. For me personally, you could not drag me back to south florida to live with a million dollar a year job! I mean that.

It is way to hot
There are too many bugs that can stand flat footed and look out the window
Too much volient crime
Traffic is a nightmare - almost as bad as Atlanta


Great beaches though and lots of fishing and snorkeling!

My vote for best place I have ever been

1. Kanaapali shores - Maui
2. Cancun
3. San Diego/Temecula- where I live now, only by God's grace ;-)

Love those memories though. I must remind myself that going back to a place does not mean going back to a time...

Sanibel ISland is very cool though!

Rex

[rainman]

Can anyone help me with the question that I asked two posts above? The basic question is how do Darvocet and Ultracet compare? I appreciate any information. Thanks and God Bless.

[MrsRat]

O.K., you did it, you mentioned the bugs of Florida.  I just HAVE to tell you this story.  One of the places I lived when I was there, was in an older house in Hollywood, near Sheridan and I-95. (The area wasn't too bad back then, like it is now.)

I was single, so when I was home I was online in IRC chatting with my friends. (If you aren't aware of it I own an IRC network.) I had this one palmetto bug that would come out daily near where I had my  'puter set up.  Little critter would just dare me to chase him, which I did, but never could catch him like I did the others that got in on occasion.  He got bolder and bolder, till he finally would crawl up the table I had my computer on, walk across it, and plop himself next to my keyboard and wait there till I would stop typing and pet him. Now bugs don't bother me, but I never thought in my life I'd end up making friends with a palmetto bug! (For those who have never seen one, they look like a BIG roach about an inch to two inches in length.)

When I knew I was moving out of that place, the night before, when he came out to get his loving, I told him I wouldn't be there any more and he couldn't come out to play like we had done.  I was afraid the new occupants would kill him.  I knew whoever moved in wouldn't make friends with him like I had, nor save a tiny bit of food for him to eat every day and leave it out in one spot.  All I can do is believe that my prayers were answered after I left there and God made that little guy understand what I told him and he was able to live out the rest of his life in no danger.

Darn, I'm sitting here getting tears in my eyes just thinging of my little friend I had to leave.  I was moving north at that point and knew I couldn't try to catch him and take him with me. The cold would have killed him. Heck, it almost killed me.  That is when my first bad Crohn's flare kicked in, but no docs would believe me.  Took me 3 more years of suffering before I finally moved to a place (Phoenix) where I found a doc good enough to run tests to find the cause of my pain.

I'm not really crazy, but for some odd reason while I had no qualms about killing any other bugs that got inside when I lived down there, that one certain bug really got to my heart. LOL.

If ya want to hear any more of my crazy stories of those days or pass on some of yours, feel free to email me.  I also took some new pics of myself and my daughter yesterday for those who know me and want a copy.  Drop me a line and ask, I will send.  ***@**** is my addy.  Since I'm homebound for the most part, if I'm awake, I'm online somewhere doing something, so I get back to email right away most of the time.

Hope my bug story didn't gross anyone out, I just thought Rex might get a kick out of it.  I'm sure he dealt with many of those bugs over the years he lived there.

Oh one thing I agree with Rex, I won't go below the Broward county line. Every time I had to go into Miami, I'd get lost badly!  Sheesh, and most people who live down in that area do not know how to drive, scared me to death at times.

[Rex1]

Miami is truly like another country for the most part, which in and of iteslef isn't that bad. But it was a rough area to grow up.

Atlanta is no better.

San Diego, in spanish, means "place where you want to move if you can afford it". ;-)

I love it here, so much to do. Wanna here something funny. I live about 20 miles south of Norco. I was driving on the 15 freeway one day about two months ago, thinking of what else Norco, when I relaized I was in Norco! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sometimes I wonder is someone on Satan's staff has my number!

[MrsRat]

I lived in El Cajon in the mid 70's for about a year.  I got into San Diego quite often.  It was a great place back then I know to live.  Beautiful there, almost as pretty as Florida to me.

I have a friend who is a truck driver and I sometimes hitch rides with him when he gets loads to L.A. or San Diego area and back thru Phoenix.  Who knows, maybe he will get a load that way soon and we can do lunch.  I love meeting internet friends and have met many of them in person over the years.

That is just too funny about Narco.  I didn't know there was a town by that name in that area. LOL.
------
Off-topic

Rex, my hubby runs a theology forum, we are Calvinists, and I thought you might enjoy reading it or even posting there sometime. If you'd like info on it, feel free to drop me an email and I'll send you the details. I've seen by your posts how much you love God. ***@****

[lifeisbetter]

You two are so funny! I live off Commercial Blvd and I had to drive from there all the way to So. Miami for 6 weeks to complete my Outpatient rehab. I don't know what it is about Miami but your so right, I get lost every time. I remember once very early in my recovery I still had some major cravings and the thought actually ran through my mind that I could find Heroin in overtown. I didn't do Heroin mind you, I did the pill thing to but at the time Heroin sounded like a good idea! Anyway, I would have to drive by The Overtown exit every day. Once the craving was so bad I literally had to force myself to keep looking straight ahead while I was driving. I thought if I looked to my right, as I passed by overtown, I would actually see a drug deal happening right in front of me and not be able to resist the desire to stop. I tried stare straight ahead, but my eyes would keep looking for that dumb imaginary dealer. I kept praying "just let me make it past the exit, please! I can not control myself I can't even control my eyes, please just help me!" The second I said that prayer, I glanced over, still looking for this drug deal but instead of seeing what I thought I might see, I saw a big delivery truck parked on the side road facing I-95. When I read the message on the truck I was so stunned it took me a few seconds to really get the true message!. It said "Are your eyes on Jesus?" Can you believe that? I never did think about stopping in overtown again.
   I love Pompano beach to! Around that same time I would try to go to meetings but it was really hard because I have 3 kids. Until I found out they had a Beach meeting every Thursday night at 7:00. It's just north of the 45 th Street bridge, the beach exit near The Pompano Fashion Square. Anyway, talk about serenity! I learned alot about gratitude as I listened to the stories of all those addicts trying to get their lives together and listening to their stories of hope, while watching a glorious sunset and looking off into the horizon. I really felt God's presence there! Oh yeah, I too am a Calvanist. Did you ever go to Calvary Chapel? Pastor Bob? Thats my church. And Mrs. Rat do you remember DoDa's? Davie Junction rings a bell put I can't remember where it was...I don't think it's around anymore.
How long ago did you live here? Did you ever go to Skyline Chili? We were just there tonight. And Rex if your ever homesick for some good old Cuban food I could always send you some Pailla or those Cuban pies with cheese inside! Course Miami does still have a dense population of Santarians so if your ever in the mood for some BBQ goat just let me know. :0) teasing!

[Rex1]

Bisteaka Noche - that's what I miss.

Bird road and 92nd avenue, this little cuban place had a cuban steak sandwich covered with fries, fried planattions on the side and the best blackbeans and rice you ever tastes.

About 5000 carbs in one serving.

Alas in 1983 it was tough to live these with speaking spanish.

I still miss the beach though and that warm clear water.

San Diego though is more scenic and has a more moderate temperature. Expensive though...

My pick of the two - Maui! ;-)

Rex

I love this rag tag bunch....

LIFE IS BETTER - NO DOUBT!

[lifeisbetter]

Sure...give me something ELSE to get addicted to. That description of the  cuban steak sandwhich will now have me obsessing until I take a drive down there. I will have to let you know. Now where is it exactly? :0) You know I need exact directions, you wouldn't want me to end up in Overtown now would you?

[Elvis27]

Hi all....I just found this sight last night.  I am so glad to find you guys.  I started on Vic. ES in October of 2001 due to a chronic back condition.  My life has never been the same since.  I fell in love with the med. immediately.  It kept me pain free but also made me feel so happy and carefree.  I realized that I was hooked by the early part of 2002, but I figured that I would get clean later.  I finally admitted to my Doc. that I had a problem in June of '02 (on my 4th wedding anniversary!) and he put me on Clonidine and a certain number of Vics. a day.  It was hell for me for several days, and then I started to feel better.  My cravings came back though and I started calling the rx refill line at my local pharmacy, and my Doctor started filling them again!  I was surprised but ectsatic at the same time.  My wife knows that I am an addict.  She has been very supportive, but I don't think she realizes what a nightmare this is.  I too am fixated on how many I have left and when I can call to get more w/out raising any suspicions, etc.  I am still with the same Doc. and I am thinking about finding someone new to help me.  When I got back on, I was quickly back to the level I had been at for months (around 10 a day and I crushed every one of them).  Eventually the Doc. would not fill anything, and I told him that he was going to kill me.  My wife went up to see him and said that she would take control of the pills.  He sent her home with V's as well as MS Contin.  I was supposed to start on 2 MS Contin's a day when the V's ran out.  It actually worked for a little while, but now I am afraid to say that I am hooked on both big time and I am at wit's end with this entire thing.  I am more up and down than a roller coaster and I hate myself for what has happened.  I know I am rambling, but I am trying to tell everyone what things have been like for me.  Sometimes I think I will never be free of these.  What happened to me?   Where will I go from here?  The thing I can't take is the leg cramps.  When I withdraw (usually because I run out and want to wait before I call the Doc. again), my legs hurt so bad that I just want to cut them off.  My back pain comes back and I can't sleep.  Most of the time I take some Nytol and do some other things to try and fall asleep, but nothing works.  I need help and I am hoping that this forum will help me, and then hopefully I can help others.  I have two beautiful little girls and 2 thriving businesses, but I cannot seem to find any happiness in anything unless I am opiated up.  I hate to admit it, but today for example, I have had 6 V's (regular ones) and 1 MS and I still feel terrible.  I think I will try the recipe, but I don't know where I will get Valium from. I guess I will ask my Doc. for some, but then again, maybe I should break free of this man for once and for all.  I wish he had never prescribed anything for me.  I have to go now but I will write back later.  I feel better writing what I have thus far.  I am doing this because I need to get these feelings out of my head and also because starting tomorrow A.M. I am going to begin another tapering schedule.  I hope I can finally get through this.  If I had one wish in the world it would be that I never wanted another painkiller again as long as I live.  

Talk with you soon.  I will let everyone know how tomorrow is going when it comes.

Elvis27

[lifeisbetter]

Yep, sounds like you've been inducted to the halls of opiate hell! Welcome you'll fit right in. When you post try to post up at the top, some people only get a few minutes online and can get to just the top few questions.
I would try to find an independant addictionologist. Don't use your insurance (if you have any) and ask him to help wean you off. You don't even have to tell the Dr. your seeing now. (although it would probably be best to tell him everything since he knows you, he may surprise you)You really aren't as bad as you think if you've been getting everything from one Dr. even if it seems like a lot. Some people have several Dr.s they see to get scripts. I did that and bought them on the street, so its good your stopping now.  It sounds like your wife is supportive so I would be honest with her and tell her you think your addicted and need help. Its so much harder to go through this nightmare in secret. Ask the addictionologist or your present Dr. for some Quinine sulfate, its an antimalarial med that helps with the legs pains. I thought it felt like 1000's of bugs nibbling my bones, you can also try some mild pain relieving gel to rub on your legs, not extra strength too much would actually hurt me more. Your legs feel like they are cramping and they jerk in a sudden spasm. Thats why the call it kicking. Do try the Quinine it helped me. Good luck and keep posting.

[MrsRat]

I remember DoDa's.  I danced there on quite a few occasions.  I didn't go there a lot, as I was teaching dance at Club Elvis and felt there might be a conflict of interest.  I met the owners of Davie Junction at Club Elvis and they are a wonderful couple. Their club/restaurant, the Junction, is near the corner of Davie Road and Orange.  It's right across a little road that runs next to Grif's Western Store and on the same side of Orange. (Well, the only side of the street, the other side is the canal. LOL.)

If you are ever in that area, take a peek and let me know if the Juction is still in business.  I sure hope it is, they really had fixed the place up nice. I used to love to sit up on the 2nd floor and look over the railing to watch the dancers on the dancefloor. A most unique place they made.

Also stop by Juicy Lucy's that is on Davie Road near I-595 and have a burger for me.  I hope they are still there too!  They made the best burgers I've ever had and at a great price.  I wish they had those restaurants out here.  My next favorite burger joint would be Checkers.  They don't have those out here either. :(  We have Carl's Jr., which is similar, but not nearly as good as Juicy Lucy's or Checkers.

I think I know the church you attend.  If we moved back I know we'd start attending the Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church where Dr. James D. Kennedy is.  We LOVE listening to him on the radio and on his website. I can still picture in my mind the beautiful stained glass window that church has as I used to drive by it. We are 5 pointers, as is Dr. Kennedy.

P.S. Yes, I still have and wear my Club Elvis jacket.  They went out of business a short time after the owner got robbed and badly beaten in the Liquor Store side of the Club.  I had already moved away by then, if I remember right, but I really miss that little club. I guess that neighborhood went downhill since I was there. The club had a great bunch of regulars I'd meet there every night and we'd dance for 6 to 8 hours straight.  Very few of us drank alcohol, hard to dance good when drinking, so we'd order food and sodas to last us the night.

[Rex1]

Sounds like a lot of fun in So Fla.

It has its own atmosphere, so fla does.

Did you ever go to SHorty's bbq on so dixie hgwhy?

Rex

[MrsRat]

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you Rex.  The day you did this post, we got notified within the timespan of about 6 to 8 hours, of the deaths of 2 friends.  It's been a very sad week around my house.

I ate at Shorty's, but the one on University Drive in Davie.  I lived in Davie, so that one was close to the house.  There was a really neat steak house up in Pompano Beach too that I went to with my mom.  It was unique in that while you waited for your meal to cook, they gave you a basket of salted peanuts in the shell. After you ate the peanuts, you were *supposed* to toss the shells on the floor. I wish I could remember the name of it, but I can't.  I do know it was near the Coral Square Mall.  I had the most fun when we went there.  Just wondered if you remembered it or ever ate there.

[J. E. W.]

Theres a place here in WA. state that does the same thing. Its from the south. Only been up here a couple of years. Its called Jimmy Macs. Has great food too!!!   J.E.W.

[MrsRat]

I did a cross country trip from Fort Lauderdale to Vancouver, Canada and back quite a few years back and met a lot of my internet friends in person.  Yes, I kept track, I drove 8780 miles and it took me 5 weeks.  I had the time of my life.

When I was in Seattle visiting one of my friends, he took me to a restaurant that was on the bay there.  We had the most wonderful meal of fresh red salmon.  It was the BEST I've ever had.  I wish there was a place like there here in Phoenix, but it's a little hard to get fresh fish in the middle of the desert. :(  If I ever get up to Seattle again, you can bet I'll be going back to that place for more salmon!  I can't remember the name of it now, it's been too many years ago. (7 years to be exact, I'm now starting into my 10th year online, so guess you could say I'm an oldtimer in here.)

Not sure if I'll be checking in here for the next day or so.  I'm gonna try to, but tomorrow I have to get with my daughter and we have to decide what to wear to the funeral of her boyfriend, who passed away and make sure the clothes are freshly washed.  Then the funeral will be on Saturday morning.  I'm giving her the majority of my time right now, this has hurt her badly.  The young man that passed on, she had just started dating 2 weeks before.  Too much to ask a 16 year old to go thru. :(

[J. E. W.]

Im sorry to hear about your daughter.. My prayers are with both of you.. I live in Renton. Its about 10 miles from Seattle. It rains alot but is very beautiful. Ive only been online for a week now!! Since I started my detox. It really helps to talk to people who understand what your going through on here. Yor both in my prayers.             J.E.W.

[RobynBanks]

Sometimes its ridiculous to expect someone to DO. If they don't have a WHY.

[lisabet]

I just want to post and let you know how sorry I am to hear about your daughter's friend passing away.  So young to go through such sorrow; thank God she has you to help her through this. Please pass on my heartfelt condolencses to her. Will have you both in my thoughts and prayers. Love, Lisabet

[J. E. W.]

To post a ? to the Dr. Go to top and push post a ? I dont think the Dr. corrispondes after one is asked for first time.            J.E.W.

[Rex1]

Sorry to hear about your loss. Stay close to her.

We'll pray.

Rex

[RobynBanks]

LOL....When i'm withdrawing, I get addicted to e-bay ....just click click click....I'll take this and that and this. NO IMPULSE CONTROL WHAT SO EVER!!!!
Robyn.

[J. E. W.]

Hope you and your daughter are doing okay in your time of grief. Just wanted to let you know Im thinking of both of you.  Take care and my prayers are with you.                           God Bless...        J.E.W.

[MrsRat]

Thank you so much for your prayers in this sad time of our lives. We are hanging in there and starting to be able to laugh again.

A few times thru the past week when I felt especially lonely and sad, I logged in here and read thru the previous posts again.  Something about 'home' always helps cheer me up.  Just wanna thank you guys for getting me started on this thread, so it was here when I needed it.

My online hours are still kinda erratic, as I work to get my messed up sleeping schedule back to something resembling normal.  Feel free to email me if you don't catch me online.  ***@****

[J. E. W.]

Welcome back.. Glad to here your both able to laugh again. Time heals all.Take care ..        God Bless..      J.E.W.

[sharonver]

Me and Suz were worried about you... We haven't heard from you in awhile,  I hope you and your daughter are coping through such a tramatic time.  I just wanted you to know that we were thinking about you and praying for you and your family.


Sharon