Why can't i just stop? I want to really bad...

Hello there i am new to this site.  Right now i'm very desprate to talk to someone that understands me.  Everyone is like all you have to do is quit.   But it is not that easy.  I'm an addict of more then one drug.  I have been an addict since i was about fourteen.  It started off with a few pain pills, then weed, then adderall (adderrall) then some medidate then some rittlin then adderall (adderrall) for ever and ever and ever, then i started some hard stuff...doin a little coke here and there...well for like a couple months strait till i was broke.. i cut that habit though :) then some exstasy and meth and others......I'm eighteen and i've done almost every drug you can think of.  I thought it was going to be something to be proud of. Its not all fun and games anymore at all.  I hate  myself i hate my life every second of the day. i really really want to stop but when i do it's awful, i know it's not supposed to be easy but i can't control my body or my mind anymore.  I'm such a stupid person i know.. i should just quit! I can't and I'm miserable.  My friends who do these same things are still going strong...but not me i'm the weak one.  I'm embarrassed sort of.  I ruined my life...I used to be a great dancer with a promising future... yeah not anymore i barley go to class. usually because i'm too sick to go.  The adderall (adderrall) i think is ruining my stomach i throw up alot of the stuff that i eat.  Not on purpose any more.  I thought it was great not wanting to eat now i want to and i cant.. unless i smoke the ganja of course. weed is my fuzzy teddy bear it comforts me makes me feel better. thats bad too though. I FEEL SOOOOOOOOOOO sad... it's sadness i can't explain...or make go away unless i'm really messed up.. I stopped for a few weeks because my parents got me help. but i was so ****** up i didnt want to do it... NOW I DO. but i do not want my family involved. I'm sick of this so very sick of it.  When i come down i sit in the shower and cry and cry.. sometimes its so painful i can't breath and i dont want to get out of bed in the morning i cut myself... i know pathetic... i used to do it and i just started AGAIN. it's dumb and i hate it but i feel like there is nothing more i can do to take this pain away.  It subsides it for a while.. please i just wanna chat with a real person someone that understands what i'm going through....... please and thank you,

RastaP

[gizzy32]

Awwww hun, you are not a stupid person, a stupid person would not have come for help and realized they have a problem. The good news is your 18 and can fix this unlike some of us idiots that waited till we were older, lol.  Sounds like you like the uppers as do I and coke was a major problem for me. These drugs change us, it`s hard to see at the time. We understand how you feel, and i am going to give you a good piece of advice and please listen to me. Get some help now at your age, don`t just say i am going to quit cause that is not enough.

You are still a great dancer, but these drugs are selfish, they don`t want you to be happy, they steal your life and make you miserable. If you are hanging around with that type of crowd this behaviour will continue. Geez there is so much i want to say, but for now i am proud of you for coming on here like this. You just took the first step. What do you think you need to do to stop these drugs and get back to your life.

[RastaP]

I need to stop hanging out with my friends and my boyfriend... but then i willl be ALL alone.  I know thats what needs to happen. but i'm soo close to them all. We have been there for eachother since elemetry school...but we never talk about stopping drugs.. it's out of the question.. W have this image of being the craziest girls the ones that can party like rockstars.. there is expectations.  I'm the weak one because i wnt to stop.  I'm really going to do it this time

[gizzy32]

Well that is partly your age talking, cause by the time your 20 at this rate you will be all washed up and look like 30, i do not mean that to be mean, but these drugs will make you old fast. I had to cut ties with so many friends, it sucked, it still ***** cause now i just have those select few where i know i won`t get in trouble. There are many people your age out having fun without drugs. I am going to make you a promise so i hope you remember this, if you do continue using these drugs, coke extasy and others your life will get even worse, you will lose your friends anyway and life will be unbearable. I sound like an old man now, but i don`t want to see another life lost to drugs and your going down fast. Yes your going to do it this time so stick around and realize what we tell you is not mean, it is because we care. Good luck to you:)

[RastaP]

I cannot bear being alone.  My family is giving up on me now...How could i do it.  I just dont  fit in with these clean people.  Is there fun on the outside.. What do you do? I don't know how to act.  I can't go places if i'm not high anymore.  I feel so selfconsious like i'm getting stared at.  It's dumb.  I'm dumb. The world does suck  i think.  I dunooo whhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyy i have to suck so much.  

[gizzy32]

Are you on something right now.

[stilltrying1965]

You are not alone. I am 43 and have done drugs my whole life, every drug possible i have took. It started with weed then moved slowly but surely to my worst demon HEROIN. I cant get off this drug and  I dont know why Ive been trying for years to get off it. My family have gave up now I think but, it still doesnt stop me taking it. Dont listen to the so-called know-it-alls who just say :just stop it: easier said than done. I cant preach to you about getting off it but, dont blame yourself and you are not a bad person just because you take drugs. Its an illness. Although I would say as for cutting yourself please dont do that it doesnt help Ive tried that too but it just makes it worse. SO TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS AND PLEASE STOP THAT YOU ARE JUST GOING INTO ANOTHER ADDICTION. iTS HARD ENOUGH WITH THE DRUGS. iF YOU NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE AND IM HERE i WILL SPEAK TO YOU BUT STOP THINKING YOUR A BAD PERSON YOUR NOT You feel different because you think you are different but your not there 10000s of people addicted to drugs. You are not alone there is always someone to talk to. I hope you feel a bit better soon as you sound really down but thats drugs for you. One minute your up the next your down BUT NEVER OUT

[CR_ST_NA]

wow to be eighteen and have figured out so young that i needed to stop self medicating. you have an advantage over us old fogies who have worn out out bodies, wait and wait to get clean, it gets harder and harder with age. so proud of you for coming to this realization. the first step is admitting you have a problem, so you are on your way. i tell ya i have tried many things to get and stay clean, in and out of rehabs, methadone, white knuckling, and the only thing that really works is one addict relating to another, you know NA!! have you ever been to an NA meeting before? it's a great place to start, you will find so many people there with your same story, so many you relate to, there is something magical about a room full of addicts spilling their guts. you should give it a try!!

christina

[stilltrying1965]

you are so young how did you get in this mess try and cheer up we all feel down sometimes im 43 and beleve me it gets harder to stop taking drugs the older you get iv been trying for 13 years to stop taking smack drugs are drugs and affect everyone difrently there is no easy answers stilltrying1965 ps its good to talk to someone in the same boat

[newgirl286]

Girl please don't come down on yourself that hard...  It's not you, it's your addiction and your in the perfect position to change your life.  Have you ever tried inpatient detox therapy???  Everyone's parents are different but most hate to see their children suffer and would do anything, spend any amount of money to make them better.  I would recommend not trying to detox on your own but find some therapy wether out patient, weekends, whatever but they will teach you that you are not alone and how to through this tough time.  You are lucky you are so young, when I was 14-17 I used to be a meth head, smoking it was the greatest but I ended up alienating my family and hit my own bottom, luckily I worked for a holistic doctor and also have to take nasal spray so the combo for me worked to kill the cravings...  I was lucky cause now if I had a meth problem, there is no telling where I would be.  I am now on day 16 battling my vicodin addiction but it sounds you've got so many things going on that you may need a dr. to help you get happy again.  It's okay to be powerless over your addictions and in rehab you can make new friends who will be friends for life.  In reality I only have 1 friend from high school I keep in contact with, it's the friends after high school who are better influences on me.  Keep coming back here and reading and you'll see your not alone....

[troubleinohio]

dont be scared of being alone- you need to cut your ties with those friends if you want to succeed in quitting. Just think of it this way - you can "be alone" by distancing yourself from your friends, or you can "be alone" dead in a casket from drugs instead.

Also, you can make new friends you know, ones who dont do drugs, and you will also make lots of friends here that can help you with your recovery.  I wish you the best of luck. I hope you keep coming bck to this site...

[stilltrying1965]

drugs love or hate them they will always be there why do we do drugs peir presure or frends  none of them we all can choose some people make the rite decisons others dont no one made me take drugs they were there all the time iv lost a lot of friends  and family that dont speak to me anymore coz am a junkie if you can define the word junkie they cant ie my bro gets valium but my family and friends say he is not a junkie i just want to stop but its hard when you got no help im on my own no one to help me so i see no way forward

[luppygirl]

You call yourself the weak one for wanting to stop.  I see it as you are the strongest on for wanting to stop.  Your friends are the weak ones thinking that they can keep going on like this forever.  You are the smartest and the most mature out of all of them.  Keep trying to get help.  Off drugs you have so many dreams you can fulfill on drugs all you have to probably look forward to is the streets, i'm sorry to sound harsh but I don't see many dancers living out there dreams on the street.  Please you are so young and you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders please keep fighting the good fight and win your life back no matter what.  You might think you will be alone if you stop drugs but at your age friends are easy to meet and good clean ones at that.  They are everywhere.  Maybe first try going to a NA meeting see what that is like nothing wrong with just checking out and hearing what other people have to say.  None of your druggie friends need to even know.  But it just might be a step in a new direction of being clean then once you are clean next thing you know you will start meeting straight friends.  You might even get to go to college or even dance school if that is your dream.  I am certain you could make clean friends there.  If the friends you have now want you to keep using they really aren't friends, friends want what is best for you not what will eventually kill you.  Best of luck to you and I wish you all the best with all my heart

[troubleinohio]

also honey i just wanted to add a few things about your friends-
the sad truth is, they arent really your friends if they wont accept you if you quit the drugs.....also you are all at the age when lives start changing ALOT and people start going their separate ways. Some will maybe go to college, some to work. Some will have babies, some will move away, some will slowly fade out of your life a little at a time, some will die. Its just the way of life. These people will not likely be your friends still in 10 years anyways except maybe 1 or 2 is my guess.  Is it really worth ruining your health, body and life to stick with them for drugs?

as for not being able to have fun  sober.......you have to relearn things. Just like a severe head injury patient has to re-learn how to walk or talk. You have to dig deep inside yourself and find the reasons you feel the need to be high in order to deal with life. Address those issues. Face them, fix them and adjust...
Sorry if I seem like Im preaching to you or rambling on...I just dont want to see a young girl with her whole future ahead of her throw it away. You have the power to still save yourself before its too late...dont make the wrong choice..

[troubleinohio]

bumping back up........

are you still here with us? I hope so...

[RastaP]

I am trying.  It's so tough because i get so down i won't have my friends to cheer me up.. or make me laugh... or get high with... What am i going to do now? I have not been a good girl lately at all..