Will I Ever Be A Grown-Up?

A bit of a "down" day. I'm just so fed up of people making decisions for me!! But then, when I was on the pills, I let them - it was easier than havng to think. But now that I'm clean I guess I'm getting my personality back. However - instead of raising my objections and discussing the matter in an adult matter - I burst into tears. Well done me. I read once that your maturity level stops evolving whilst your using. Taking into account my sober years - the ones not on painkillers, I'm not almost 31, I'm barely 21. And boy do I act it. And feel it. (No offence to 21 year olds - I'm more jealous of your youth than anything else! - I just feel that I should me more sorted by now. In life. No longer depending on approval from Mommy and Daddy) Which I am. Desperately. But now, I feel that I need to be me. But I have no clue how to go about it...

[bama88]

When you stop taking opiates your brain wakes up. all the emotions we suppress and numb up to forget to feel good escape....well you know...none of your emotions are covered by drugs. and your brain is adjusting to life without opiates. our bodies and mines are still getting used to no drugs. and with everything going on..the stress of withdraws. the mental stress. the emotions we are dealing with. the realization addiction is real. its all common. we all have felt it. i still have days. even recovering addicts with a year of sobriety....every human on the planet has bad days.

And a bad day compounded by detoxing....it ain't pretty..its hard. but just kind to yourself. go easy does it today .....sending ya a hug...sometimes a short nap helps change your mood

[bama88]

When you stop taking opiates your brain wakes up. all the emotions we suppress and numb up to forget to feel good escape....well you know...none of your emotions are covered by drugs. and your brain is adjusting to life without opiates. our bodies and mines are still getting used to no drugs. and with everything going on..the stress of withdraws. the mental stress. the emotions we are dealing with. the realization addiction is real. its all common. we all have felt it. i still have days. even recovering addicts with a year of sobriety....every human on the planet has bad days.

And a bad day compounded by detoxing....it ain't pretty..its hard. but just kind to yourself. go easy does it today .....sending ya a hug...sometimes a short nap helps change your mood

[Teri9498]

    Hi hon, I think u need to just give it time, your emotions r all over the place right now, which is normal.  Right now everything feels much worse than it really is!  Try to take deep breaths and just take it one day at a time.  Things will get better!  Promise!  :)

[littlebit667]

Sometimes the drugs take the place of emotional development.  How can one grow emotionally when the drugs keep our emotions dulled and dead??  Give yourself time for that growth to get there.  I promise it will, just be patient and enjoy being drugfree and healthy!

[Littlelegs2003]

Thank you all! I was soooo close to trying to get my hands back on pills. For about 10 minutes. But - I went for a 2 mile walk & now I'm going to have that nap!! You're all bang on - my emotions are all over the place, and they're crying out to be numbed!! But - going for distraction instead. Of course I was gonna have a bad ay. I doubt it'll be the last. I just need to stop my mind from leaping to wanting pills whenever I get stressed. But - as for today, I am not crumbling & giving in. Numbing my emotions only makes things worse, not better. Plus - as an addict, like every other addict, I have a tendency to overreact & blow things out of proportion. Nothing's too bad for me to handle - as long as I stay clean. Thanks so much for the hugs & support. It really helps!!

[lulu747]

Hi there,

I can absolutely relate to your feelings.  It's a journey to self-discovery, and it doesn't happen over night.  It's life long.  If you make choices based from self love, from empowerment, you will grow in leaps and bounds every day.  I keep a journal that I write in each morning.  It helps for me to see how far I've come.  Give it a shot!  Growing can be painful, we have to face a lot of truths that we were avoiding by numbing out.  Keep moving forward!  
Proud of you..
Lu

[Littlelegs2003]

That is a fantastic idea! I'll try & start tomorrow. I have been keeping up the journal on here... so, hopefully it shouldn't be too hard. Thanks!

[dominosarah]

Sounds like you did a grown up thing by working thru your craving and going for that walk!  That was very responsible!  You did good~~sara

[ImDONENoMore]

I agree.  The walk was a good idea and so was posting here.  Seems like you're becoming more mature already. :) (and don't let the emotions you're feeling now freak you out - it's normal and it will stabilize with time - I remember how freaked out my husband was to see me "awake" again.. so to speak... LOL.. seriously though, he still says to this day he'd rather have a wife who actually HAS an opinion than one so drugged up she rather let others decide things for her.  So it's all good!)

[minn66]

You did do the grownup thing. I enjoy walking too and do 2 to 4 miles a day. I admit that when I first saw the title I thought, "Who wants to be a Grownup? " I know we can't run away from our problems or unpleasant situations but I would love a break from them.

Great job of making a decision that I believe is the first of many excellent, lifechanging ones.

[minn66]

Actually, your first lifechanging decision was stopping :) Very proud of you.

[Littlelegs2003]

Thanks :-) Have to admit, the walk did help. I'll get used to my feelings resurfacing. And, eventually, I'll be able to express my opinions without it being an ordeal! For now I'll focus on staying clean & sober - that's my #1 priority! The rest will come - I'm just too impatient! (Always an instant gratification kinda girl...)

[gnarly_1]

HI you need to hook up with some form of aftercare they will teach you the skills of how to live a clean and sober lifestyle this shouldent be optional it is the next step to recovery you will get past all of this but not without work good luck and God bless........Gnarly